brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Hi, its my first time here and i need advice from someone or Im afraid Im going to lose my mind...literally I dont even know how to start....its absolutely a movie scenario and we are both heartbroken.... Im in love with a man...15 years younger than me...he loves me back...more than anything ...Im married, in an abusive 11 year marriage that i want to get out of...i have two children.... We've been friends for quite a while, developed into absolutely most beautiful love story you can imagine...Ive been wanting to get out of my marriage for quite a while now,way before this fairytale started between us...Trust me, the fact that im married or that he is much younger than me are the last problems on the list.... Here comes the fun part.....everything was absolutely perfect...till he made a "mistake" , work related.....and everything came crushing down...i cant explain better, because his work is kind of "special" top secret stuff...anyway...if anyone would find out about me, could use it as leverage, against him...and he doesnt want to put me in danger....so we had to break it off....he is absolutely devastated and cannot find a solution...im in the same boat....we talk ocasionally, but as "friends" ....we cant meet just the 2 of us either, cause someone might follow us....its absolutely heartbreaking and we dont know what to do...he said quitting us cold turkey might work...but he is still looking for me, still talking to me, or if i look for him he writes or calls back within seconds and asks if im ok.....so obviously that doesnt work......he cant focus at work anymore...and its dangerous if they find out why.... We dont know what to do and its killing us slowly....literally killing us....i cant eat or sleep he has to take some sort of pills to keep him awake or calm him down to function and put on a poker face.....its straight up from Bourne movies.... Maybe someone has an idea what to do...what we can do....All i know is that i cant quit...i have to find something or this is literally going to bury me....and maybe him Thank you for anything , any solution....any advice you might have....and please help us Link to post Share on other sites
NiGHtS21 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Perhaps the first steps you could take is exiting your marriage, if it is that painful? I understand you have children, but if you've had as much abuse as you say you have then why stick around? This sounds very, very complicated and I think you need to tackle the problems one by one, rather than wallowing in depression, starting with your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 I will do that, but i cant do it right now, because my husband is absolutely crazy...literally...and he would take the kids and ill never see them again if i mention divorce...just because he thinks he can....so i have to be really careful.....there is also a chance he might pull the trigger, if you know what i mean...so i have to be extra careful...because i want my children with me, not with him, who probably spends an average 20 mins a day with them... Anyway...this thread was about my other problem, so i would really appreciate any advice on that Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I will do that, but i cant do it right now, because my husband is absolutely crazy...literally...and he would take the kids and ill never see them again if i mention divorce...just because he thinks he can....so i have to be really careful..... who do you want more: your children or this man? Let your actions proceed from there. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Get out of your marriage. Go to a shelter. Call the police. Do something to help yourself & your kids regardless of whether this guy with the top secret job is around or not. FWIW I think that his "top secret" job is BS. Even somebody with National Security Clearance or a high ranking member of the Secret Service or CIA would have the integrity & resources to get you out of a domestic violence situation. The fact that your prince Charming seems to be lacking integrity, resources & candor are all red flags. Be very careful. Do what's best for you & the kids without him in the picture. Going from your husband to him is jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I will do that, but i cant do it right now, because my husband is absolutely crazy...literally...and he would take the kids and ill never see them again if i mention divorce...just because he thinks he can....so i have to be really careful.....there is also a chance he might pull the trigger, if you know what i mean...so i have to be extra careful...because i want my children with me, not with him, who probably spends an average 20 mins a day with them... Anyway...this thread was about my other problem, so i would really appreciate any advice on that Do you live in the US? If so, your husband can't "take" the kids in the case of divorce ...nor can you insist that they only be with you ...the courts will decide the visitation if the 2 of you can't decide You dismissed another poster here who mentioned figuring out your marriage situation ...but I don't know what kind of other suggestion for looking for. I find it odd that this person you're involved with can make phone calls and send emails and isn't concerned with getting caught corresponding with you yet can't get away and see you. If you dressed as a man and met at an apartment ...how are "they" going to know? This leaves me doubting this man's story. Are you sure he isn't just "done" with the relationship and with someone else now while still enjoying getting his ego stroked by his correspondence with you? Maybe he's done and still concerned with your well being? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 Oh believe me, the job is real...I know everyone involved, Ive seen plenty and its way above those agencies you mentioned above...... Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 If the above is true ..."they" probably already know about you. If it's that high up ...people don't leave things to chance ...don't want to be blindsided by loose cannon behavior ...they're intimately aware of people's intimate lives ... What are your thoughts on that? And what's above the CIA? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 He is not done with the relationship Im 100% sure...Im also 100% sure he doesnt want to hurt me or the kids if any of those people involved find out about us.....one thing is to have a one night stand and another is to love someone....and if they find out he loves someone then God know what might happen...i cant give more details im sorry...as for talking and calling, everything is absolutely coded...no one understand what we are talking about....only us.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 You'd be surprised whats above that And we think they dont know about me because he was able to look at the evidence......and luckly they started looking after we deleted everything...messages, emails...everything that prove we are together. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 He is not done with the relationship Im 100% sure...Im also 100% sure he doesnt want to hurt me or the kids if any of those people involved find out about us.....one thing is to have a one night stand and another is to love someone....and if they find out he loves someone then God know what might happen...i cant give more details im sorry...as for talking and calling, everything is absolutely coded...no one understand what we are talking about....only us.... If these people are so high up...don't you think they'd be able to crack your code? Also ...if your guy is talking in code to anyone ...that would be a red flag to the people he works with ...they'd be all over that. Why do these people have to know he "loves" you? Is this guy not allowed to have friends? Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 You'd be surprised whats above that And we think they dont know about me because he was able to look at the evidence......and luckly they started looking after we deleted everything...messages, emails...everything that prove we are together. Just because you deleted emails ...there's a record of everything on a server somewhere ... If these people are that high up ...they'd have zero trouble getting access to this info. My ex has a high level of clearance where he works ... all emails and phone conversations are monitored. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 If he was able to look at "evidence" for his "mistake" ...how does this preclude the higher ups from knowing about you? How are the two related? How does his mistake preclude him from having friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 I know that...its not code code...its stuff we only know the meaning of... I know how the clearance works...my husband is in the same boat....but it takes a super special person to delete all those emails or messages Anyway....he looked, they dont have anything, only basic texts and emails about us meeting up with our common friends.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 He can have friends...we can still be friends...we can meet...we just cant be "together"...because of his situation and my situation being married and especially who im married with....so if anyone finds out that we are together, it can be used against him...or to harm me.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 He can have friends...we can still be friends...we can meet...we just cant be "together"...because of his situation and my situation being married and especially who im married with....so if anyone finds out that we are together, it can be used against him...or to harm me.... So get a divorce. Really. It's not as complicated as you want it to be. Are you addicted to drama? If not, take care of your kids & get them away from the abusive husband / father. Once you eliminate that very real danger your other problems will be resolvable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 Quite easy...i know...problem is ive got to wait 1 1/2 years to do that....cause Im not in the US right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 He can have friends...we can still be friends...we can meet...we just cant be "together"...because of his situation and my situation being married and especially who im married with....so if anyone finds out that we are together, it can be used against him...or to harm me.... So you think someone is following either or both of you around all the time? Well maybe get a disguise and try to meet up somewhere in the countryside ... Where people aren't likely to know you ...or possibly not follow you to. So if you're not in the US now ...I'd too be concerned about custody. Can you travel to the US and file for a divorce with the kids? Is the other person a US citizen and can follow you? Reinvent his life in the US? If he loves you ... Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 and luckly they started looking after we deleted everything...messages, emails...everything that prove we are together. nothing is ever deleted on computers or on the servers used to transmit the emails and messages. A good computer forensic tech can resurrect anything. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 He can have friends...we can still be friends...we can meet...we just cant be "together"...because of his situation and my situation being married and especially who im married with....so if anyone finds out that we are together, it can be used against him...or to harm me.... as I asked: who do you want more? Your children or this man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandusa2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 My children, of course..... Moving to the US with me might be a good idea...didnt think of that....but thats gonna be in 1 1/2 years from now..... Link to post Share on other sites
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