LD Crush?

[Gosh]

Hello!

I've been wanting to post my story for days, but sometimes i have issues with sharing online. Oh well, i'll try to make this short, cause im going crazy!

 

I met a guy this summer, after his intense and persistent flirting, i finally caved. I was just out of a relationship. He seemed as a player to me at first, well at least a guy that has plenty of women when he wants to. I didnt take him seriously at first. Then of course i started falling for him. Fast forward 3 weeks, we met mostly to talk, it was time for us to part. We mutually agreed on no relationship due to both our circumstances. Just a note, hes in his 40s, im in mid 30s.

 

Since that day we have not stopped texting skyping, phonecalls etc. Almost any form of online communication , we have used. No sex talk, only vague hints and RARELY.

 

I can see he is interested, i just do not know if im convenient for him, or he is truly interested. We have not talked at all about meeting or travelling. I assume its because it will cost me (he can not leave) a fortune to go. And i am not willing to spend that much for a guy i basically do not know that well yet. This makes perfect sense to me, that he has not mentioned anything cause of the cost etc.. but on the other hand it bothers me a bit he hasnt said anything like, "id love to see you". I have got one "i miss you", made me melt. In the end i feel good about him not mentioning anything, because, logic.

 

Well, as i said i should try to keep this short.

 

Thats pretty much my story. I have a huge crush on him. Im not "Waiting for him", i live my life normally and im sure he does too. If something casual comes up i wouldnt say no. If something serious comes up, i dont know, but that has nothing to do with him, it has to do with me wanting to be alone right now in general.

What do i want from him? Probably to just keep contact and if we're ever in the same continent and im ready for a relationship, then pursue it. But id love to figure out if he feels the same. I dont feel like its time for a conversation though.

[seekingluck]

It is hard to say.

 

I have a long distance crush too. Though I talk to mine a few times a week, not daily.

 

I am going to visit mine in a few weeks. In my case, when I last saw him in person he said we wanted to get together when he was in town again (he visits roughly every other month generally). He had previously mentioned meeting if I came to his city.

 

I decided (with his encouragement) to visit due to a job change and I had some time off. He hinted (or requested) that I should come over to celebrate the new job with him in his city. I had friends to see there anyway so I said, sure! I'll visit and we can meet.

 

Working on the details now of what that means, but the goal is to hang out a few times, and for me to visit him at his home. But I'll be staying with my friends and hanging out with them too!

 

He seems excited about my visit and we have been chatting about it.

 

I think you should let him take the initiative and formally invite you or come to town.

[ExpatInItaly]

This is kind of a tough one. He might not want to put pressure on you to visit, given the cost. Why can't he leave where he is, though? Or meet half-way?

 

I'm a bit confused about the details - under what circumstances did you meet and why do you think he has all these women to choose from?

 

I would see how the communication goes the next little while, but if you have no plans to visit him and he can't possibly leave where he is, I wouldn't invest too much. You say you would really only be interested in something casual but that you also wouldn't want to spend the money to go and visit someone who isn't a serious prospect (which is totally reasonable, I agree) Those two kind of cancel each other out so I'm not sure how much of a future is possible here.

[moys]

It could go either way. Maybe he wants to take things slow or he has a girlfriend back home and has no intention of meeting with you. I've been in both situations, the former with my current partner and the latter with some jerks I met online . Be very cautious because guys online can be very evasive and you don't want to waste anymore time crushing on someone who is not serious. Pay attention to little things like an inability to make plans, they're actually very important things that will allow you to judge this person by their actions and deal with them accordingly.

[Gosh]

He is away for work. Away from his country too. Good thing is, it is temporary, we just dont know till when. Im not interested with something casual with him. With other maybe. With him, if it ever occurs, its serious. I just wanted to point out that i can see that the way things are now, it would be wise not to invest much in him so i will say yes to people in my town.

 

We met while we were both , again, away from home for work. As for the women, it might be in my head, but i assume cause mainly, i see it. You can call him a player, but not probably in the way that he is an A*****e. He seems like a really nice guy.

 

He doesnt have a girlfriend back home. I have "checked" too. He seems legit. Till now whatever he says, he does.

 

Why would he be so attentive on keeping contact if he was only interested in friendship?

 

edit: not only does he work, so he cant get away, the most important part is in order for anyone of us to visit it will cost a small fortune. Also, there isnt a half way. Different continents.

Edited October 28, 2015 by Gosh

[violetdiamond]

Hi Gosh,

 

Wow, our stories definitely are similar!! I wish I had some advice, it definitely is a confusing situation. Why would a guy bother to keep in touch for so long if he wasn't truly interested in something more than friendship, right? I totally agree that it is super awkward to have the "where is this going?" conversation, in my current situation I also have avoided having this conversation for fear that it will scare him away and make me look crazy lol.

 

You said you are in contact with skype and stuff. How often do you guys talk and communicate? Everyday? A few times a week? Also, do you have deep conversations, or are they short, "hey how's it going" kind of conversations? Does he mostly initiate the conversations, or do you?

 

It is hard to know how seriously to take it. It's like you want to be hopeful and enjoy your interactions with him, but at the same time there is always that worry in the back of your mind that you might not ever see him again and you don't want to get your heart broken/waste your time. I guess the best thing to do is to try and enjoy the time you guys do spend together when you communicate online, and see if anything changes (e.g. his work, if you invites you, etc.). Good luck and keep us posted!

Edited October 31, 2015 by violetdiamond

[Gosh]

Told ya! I was relieved when i read your story! Its always nice to know you're not alone.

 

I am still avoiding the "conversation" cause mostly, I do not know where this is going. In my life, I try to always ask questions that I can answer first. I cant answer this now, so i can not demand from him to know either. I think we are both on the same page though.

 

We talk everyday through txts, twice a day even or throughout. Skype became daily recently, which is freakin awesome. He iniciates a lot. I do to, its kind of balanced. Started out as casual convos, turning into deep. The weird part is as i mentioned, we do not get in to sexual conversations, although its obvious we both want to. In general our communication developed slowly and nice. Even though right now im head over heels for him, i very much appreciate how slow things are going.

 

Its exactly what you said. Try to enjoy the time we get together. If its "meant to be" it will be. Although i do not believe in fairy tales. Just dont push anything. Enjoy and let it unravel on its own. Keep your life going though, do not assume you are a couple , meaning, in your "real life" , act single, cause you are. I am too and so are both of them. That way you are really not wasting your time. You keep your options open. We both do not know these people well. We are getting to know them. Of course, we have feelings, i certainly have developed stronger feelings lately, but that does not mean we will have our heart broken. I like him, if he likes me back, fine, if not its fine again. To be honest i have in my mind that i will really never see him again.

 

I feel really amazing right now and im keeping it to that. Enjoying the moment.

 

I will keep you guys updated and i would love to keep up with your story too violetdiamond!

 

Cheers!!

Edited October 31, 2015 by Gosh

[Gosh]

Hello!

 

I found a cheap way to visit him and im going to ask him if he wants me to.

Im anxious! Everything is going well, i told him i miss him a lot, he said he does too but we are far away etc etc. Conversation hasnt turned sexual yet, but im liking it that way. Im opening up and as a result so is he. All my friends tell me that he will say yes.

...but im still anxious. Any tips? How to tell him? Should i just shoot it out? Im not gonna seem desperate am i?

[Gosh]

He agreed!!!!

Not only agreed but offered to visit me too. It still is complicated, so bottom line is we are now officially talking about a meet up!!

SO happy!!!

[Lois_Griffin]

Hello!

This makes perfect sense to me, that he has not mentioned anything cause of the cost etc.. but on the other hand it bothers me a bit he hasnt said anything like, "id love to see you". I have got one "i miss you", made me melt. In the end i feel good about him not mentioning anything, because, logic.

Oh boy. For those of us looking in, it's painfully obvious YOU are so much more invested in this than he is.

 

Just one month ago you claimed you'd never spend that much money on a guy you don't know that well, and here you are one short month later, thrilled that he 'agreed' to have you visit and willing to spend copious amounts of money to do it.

 

Why wouldn't he agree? It's not costing HIM anything. He's basically got an over-eager woman dying to come visit him and he knows you'll pretty much be happy to do whatever he wants. Why would ANY guy say no to that - especially when they know you're only there for a short time? It's win/win for him.

 

I have to say, the fact that you're ecstatic that he "said yes" to you coming is actually pretty sad. Why would you invest all this time and money in someone who has to 'agree' to you coming to see him and who, up to now, has never even talked about wanting to see you?

 

This isn't going to end well.

 

For you, not him. He'll be fine.

[Lois_Griffin]

...but im still anxious. Any tips? How to tell him? Should i just shoot it out? Im not gonna seem desperate am i?

I just saw this post after I posted.

 

This is EXACTLY why I wrote what I did.

[Gosh]

Oh boy. For those of us looking in, it's painfully obvious YOU are so much more invested in this than he is.

 

I can see this as the opposite way to think of this situation, i can hear where you are coming from. Its the other side of the coin.

You can always interpret things in two ways: the good and the bad(and/or ugly, just to make it more fun)

Yours falls in the second category. I appreciate your point of view, but i do think its possibilities of being the truth are small, not zero, but small.

 

When it comes to relationships you take risks. You just try to make them as small as possible.

 

 

Just one month ago you claimed you'd never spend that much money on a guy you don't know that well, and here you are one short month later, thrilled that he 'agreed' to have you visit and willing to spend copious amounts of money to do it.

 

I did say that i wasn't willing to spend so much money on a guy i didn't know. A month later i am willing to spend less than half of that money for a guy i know a whole lot better.

 

 

 

Why wouldn't he agree? It's not costing HIM anything. He's basically got an over-eager woman dying to come visit him and he knows you'll pretty much be happy to do whatever he wants. Why would ANY guy say no to that - especially when they know you're only there for a short time? It's win/win for him.

 

I have to say, the fact that you're ecstatic that he "said yes" to you coming is actually pretty sad. Why would you invest all this time and money in someone who has to 'agree' to you coming to see him and who, up to now, has never even talked about wanting to see you?

 

This isn't going to end well.

 

For you, not him. He'll be fine.

 

First, i actually respect another persons' time and space enough to ask them if they want me to visit. I am ecstatic cause of the whole conversation that i did not write about, i'm sorry about that. Second, he didn't completely "agree". It wasn't like "oh yeah of course , when are you coming?!!". He actually felt awkward and bad cause he doesn't want to be working while im over there, he doesn't want me to spend so much money etc. In general he acted like a responsible adult and not like a horny 20 year old who gets a free sex coupon, like the one you are describing. I don't say they don't exist, but this one seems far from it. Even if he doesn't feel the same way as me, the fact that he's "stalling" out meet up could again, show a man of value. Sure you can still interpret his response negatively, but its always up to me to decide whether he's worth believing, or not because unfortunately i'll have to give tons of details in order for the rest of you to get a whole picture of what this guy is like, so you could decide if he's truthful or not. We all know that is not always possible.

 

So i'm sorry for not updating enough so you guys can get a better picture, but up till now he seems legit. I get what you say of "why would he say no?" . He actually prefers for him to visit me cause things would be better due to his days off. Also, if he was all in for me visiting him cause it was convenient, he wouldn't say "lets wait and see how things will be and talk about where its best to meet", he would just say "So, whens your flight?" He also said that he was planning to meet me when he finally left the place where he is now. Why didn't he say something earlier? Cause nothing is sure, i assume he doesn't want to make fake promises. I find that a great value in a person , right? I actually appreciate that he wasn't asking me to fly over or telling me he's coming over in 6 or 7 months or a year, cause it shows he values my time and maybe even doesn't want to string me along.

 

Thank you so much for your response, it helps a lot. I always try and usually succeed in keep myself true. Your post helps on that.

 

Appreciated! Cheers!