Conquering racial preferences in online dating

[SwordofFlame]

As an Asian man, I don't have much difficulty getting dates with Asian women on okc or Tinder. However, I can count on one hand how many dates I've been on with non-Asian women. It averages out to about 1-2 per year. This despite the fact that I send way more messages to non-Asian women than Asian women because we're still a relatively small minority even though I live in NYC.

 

I was born and raised here so I am extremely Americanized as well. I like to think I'm a pretty open minded guy. Any tips from the minority men that have had success?

[GunslingerRoland]

You aren't going to make people change their preferences magically with your profile. And why are you so worried about this... could it be that maybe you have your own preferences to date someone outside your race?

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hi,

 

I'm a white woman so I don't fit the response criteria but I would say that a lot of people do not have a racial bias. Many people DO but you can't change those people and nor should you want to. It's okay for people to have their preferences whether they be racial, age, culture, personality type etc so long as they are not rude to those who don't fit their specifications.

 

You will find women who like Asian men, in fact many do. There isn't so much of a taboo to interracial dating. Traveling is a great way to meet people of all races who are open minded and adventurous.

[impatiently_patient]

You aren't going to make people change their preferences magically with your profile. And why are you so worried about this... could it be that maybe you have your own preferences to date someone outside your race?

 

Maybe he's just open to dating other races, which is especially good if he lives in an area where Asian women aren't particularly plentiful. I'm a Caucasian man and I find women of all races attractive, and wouldn't bat an eye dating any race. And that doesn't make me inflicted with "yellow fever" if I contact an Asian woman or whatever. People (the Internet in particular) need to cut that crap out, IMO.

 

We can debate whether most people who are willing to only date within their own race have honest-to-goodness attraction/repulsion preferences, or they're somewhere on the side of the fence of racism (I personally think it's more often the latter), but people aren't going to be honest about it on a forum, in online dating, or anywhere for that matter... which brings us to the data: OK Cupid disclosed it on their blog (and in more detail in the book Dataclysm) and it's pretty depressing really. Talking about interracial relationships might be normalized, but actual behavior is rather behind the curve. It's the difference between thinking equal opportunity hiring practices are a good thing and actually not just hiring a bunch of people of your own race. Fact is, being an Asian man (or black woman) gets you the short end of the stick big time. I think it's a bit more complex than just race unto itself, and results from some other tie-in factors, some mutable, some not, but the struggle is real... and between the data and personal experience, I feel like the female side of the fence drives racial biases in dating more than the male side.

 

Frankly, as a white guy, if I see a woman who purports to only date this-or-that race(es), even if I'm the "right" race and she seems great in every other way, I'm out. It's just suspect to me. We've got a lot of growing up to do as a species. Lip service only goes so far.

[JuneJulySeptember]

That hasn't been the case for me. If there is one thing that has changed my perspective in OLD, it has been race. Somewhat.

 

Asian women reject me in equal numbers to white women. But at least I have gotten a few responses.

 

Black women and Latino women have been completely non-responsive. When I started, I thought I would get a decent response from black women for a number of reasons. Zero responses.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Frankly, as a white guy, if I see a woman who purports to only date this-or-that race(es), even if I'm the "right" race and she seems great in every other way, I'm out. It's just suspect to me. We've got a lot of growing up to do as a species. Lip service only goes so far.

 

I all honestly, 80% of women on Match.com has a hard race preference.

[loverboy69]

Maybe he's just open to dating other races, which is especially good if he lives in an area where Asian women aren't particularly plentiful. I'm a Caucasian man and I find women of all races attractive, and wouldn't bat an eye dating any race. And that doesn't make me inflicted with "yellow fever" if I contact an Asian woman or whatever. People (the Internet in particular) need to cut that crap out, IMO.

 

We can debate whether most people who are willing to only date within their own race have honest-to-goodness attraction/repulsion preferences, or they're somewhere on the side of the fence of racism (I personally think it's more often the latter), but people aren't going to be honest about it on a forum, in online dating, or anywhere for that matter... which brings us to the data: OK Cupid disclosed it on their blog (and in more detail in the book Dataclysm) and it's pretty depressing really. Talking about interracial relationships might be normalized, but actual behavior is rather behind the curve. It's the difference between thinking equal opportunity hiring practices are a good thing and actually not just hiring a bunch of people of your own race. Fact is, being an Asian man (or black woman) gets you the short end of the stick big time. I think it's a bit more complex than just race unto itself, and results from some other tie-in factors, some mutable, some not, but the struggle is real... and between the data and personal experience, I feel like the female side of the fence drives racial biases in dating more than the male side.

 

Frankly, as a white guy, if I see a woman who purports to only date this-or-that race(es), even if I'm the "right" race and she seems great in every other way, I'm out. It's just suspect to me. We've got a lot of growing up to do as a species. Lip service only goes so far.

 

 

 

As a gay male on my side of the fence I also see a lot of Asian and Black men who ONLY want to date white or latino males as stated in their dating profiles. They completely block out a large segment of the gay community further marginalizing their already marginalized dating pool.

 

To some of us it comes across as self deprecating but in the gay community whenever this topic comes up it always starts a big argument. It's always hard getting anyone to open up and be honest about this topic because it gets really personal.

 

To the OP: I'd say it's a blessing in disguise that only a small percentage of woman to your liking actually respond. You are without trying weeding out those who'd rather not date an Asian man assuming you post your race and profile pic for everyone to see. It's better that you know up front then to have someone rudely surprise you upon meeting up.

[Sarabi]

Black women and Latino women have been completely non-responsive. When I started, I thought I would get a decent response from black women for a number of reasons. Zero responses.

 

Black woman here

I do not date online (or date at all really lol, I'm a sad case)

I think some of us are learning to try and open up our options to date outside our race...but it is happening very slowly...we are thawing.

Be patient though(if you are not currently coupled up), you might get a positive response soon.

Some may not respond for fear of believing you are just in it for superficial reasons or for the stereotypes you might have heard about black women. I guess this is their problem rather than yours really.

Have you thought of joining a site dedicated to interracial dating if you are not on one already?

[Imported]

OP, don't depend on Onlinedating for meeting women. There is nothing for you to conquer there. How women view Asian men goes beyond that and there is not much you can do about it other than to meet them in person.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Black woman here

I do not date online (or date at all really lol, I'm a sad case)

I think some of us are learning to try and open up our options to date outside our race...but it is happening very slowly...we are thawing.

Be patient though(if you are not currently coupled up), you might get a positive response soon.

Some may not respond for fear of believing you are just in it for superficial reasons or for the stereotypes you might have heard about black women. I guess this is their problem rather than yours really.

Have you thought of joining a site dedicated to interracial dating if you are not on one already?

 

It's not a fetish for me, I just don't care about race, or even really looks that much.

 

I did think black women would be open to dating Asian men because both generally have less options..I mean, that's a harsh way of putting it but that's dating. The more options you have the pickier you will be about everything. And there is also some similarity in facial features.

 

That's not really the case though. Mostly everyone prefers white people.

Edited October 28, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[RoseWater]

That hasn't been the case for me. If there is one thing that has changed my perspective in OLD, it has been race. Somewhat.

 

Asian women reject me in equal numbers to white women. But at least I have gotten a few responses.

 

Black women and Latino women have been completely non-responsive. When I started, I thought I would get a decent response from black women for a number of reasons. Zero responses.

 

Why did you expect a decent response from black women? Are you a handsome black man or something?

[Odinani]

 

I did think black women would be open to dating Asian men because both generally have less options..I mean, that's a harsh way of putting it but that's dating. The more options you have the pickier you will be about everything. And there is also some similarity in facial features.

 

That's not really the case though. Mostly everyone prefers white people.

 

You're misinformed. I'm a black woman and I had tons of messages from quality men of all races. Attractive, slim black women have loads of options. The majority of responses were from high quality (as in physically attractive, good job, solvent, nice personality) white males. Also a lot from black men and Asian (Indian or Pakistani background) and biracial men who were also very eligible. I dated several of them and finally fell in love with the guy I am with now (who is white).

 

[HopeForTomorrow]

"Mostly everyone prefers dating white people?"

 

Where does that come from? I'm a white woman and have dated many white men and also men of other races. My preference is black men (don't know why), Latino men, Indian men, and I also was dating a man who was Pacific Islander earlier this year (2 dates that went well, but then I met someone else and walked away from that).

 

As for men, I don't think most white men necessarily prefer dating white women.

 

I don't know why the race thing matters. Part of it is physical, admittedly, but for me that isn't all of it.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Why did you expect a decent response from black women? Are you a handsome black man or something?

 

OK, let me put it another way.

 

I didn't expect a 'decent' response from black women. I didn't expect a decent response from any group of women.

 

But I expected a response from black women at least equal to white women.

 

Would you expect an average to below looking Asian guy to have a better chance with white women or black women? And the answer can't be neither (though that is closer to reality).

 

Put it this way. If an average to below looking Asian guy messages 50 black women and 50 white women who are around the same quality, what would you expect the response rate to be? The same?

 

It wasn't at all. There was a much better response from the white women. 'Much better' being a relative term of course.

Edited October 28, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[RoseWater]

OK, let me put it another way.

 

I didn't expect a 'decent' response from black women. I didn't expect a decent response from any group of women.

 

But I expected a response from black women at least equal to white women.

 

Put it this way. If an average to below looking Asian guy messages 50 black women and 50 white women who are around the same quality, what would you expect the response rate to be? The same?

 

It wasn't at all. There was a much better response from the white women. 'Much better' being a relative term of course.

 

To be brutally honest I would expect the response rate to be very close to zero from both black women and white women. I would expect slightly fewer black women to respond (if any respond at all) because a lot of black women prefer to date black men and Asian men, particularly of below average looks, would not be high on their list.

[RoseWater]

OP if you are getting a reasonable number of responses from Asian women, why not simply date Asian women? Don't you find them attractive?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I would expect slightly fewer black women to respond (if any respond at all) because a lot of black women prefer to date black men and Asian men, particularly of below average looks, would not be high on their list.

 

Well yea, that's not surprising because that's what happened!

 

I guess I proved you right. And the world continues to turn round and round...

[SwordofFlame]

OP if you are getting a reasonable number of responses from Asian women, why not simply date Asian women? Don't you find them attractive?

I certainly do and have only dated Asian women so far. But seeing as how I haven't found the one yet, I'd like to have as many options as possible. I believe I'm very open minded and think interracial dating could work.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I certainly do and have only dated Asian women so far. But seeing as how I haven't found the one yet, I'd like to have as many options as possible. I believe I'm very open minded and think interracial dating could work.

 

Me and my friends used to say that an Asian guy who can pull Asian women who are 8s could maybe pull white women who are 5s.

 

It was a joke, but there was definitely a little truth to it. Now that I think back to it, it really wasn't a joke to THEM. These are guys who could get women too.

[SwordofFlame]

I'm not complaining. It is what it is. I just continually work to improve myself to make me more attractive in every way possible.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'm not complaining. It is what it is. I just continually work to improve myself to make me more attractive in every way possible.

 

Eh, you're doing well being able to get Asian women.

 

In my experience, their preference for Asian men over white men as a whole is almost nil/zero, so yea, you're doing well.

 

I've been rejected by so many Asian women within 30 miles of my zip on Match.com that, there are just about none left that I haven't messaged yet. I'm not joking or being self-deprecating either. That's facts.

[Snakechammah]

In my circle of friends, white women are the most nicest and less racist of all women I know! They are most likely to date men of various races... compared to other races.

 

I guess it's the open-mindedness of most of them, and their acceptance of different cultures.

 

It always makes me smile seeing a white women and a man of other race. I just think the guy is a very lucky man to have grabbed such a kind, tolerant, culturally-sensitive beauty!

 

Again, in all races, some girls are just really picky. But it's ok. There's plenty of humans for everyone.

[JuneJulySeptember]

In my circle of friends, white women are the most nicest and less racist of all women I know! They are most likely to date men of various races... compared to other races.

 

I guess it's the open-mindedness of most of them, and their acceptance of different cultures.

 

It always makes me smile seeing a white women and a man of other race. I just think the guy is a very lucky man to have grabbed such a kind, tolerant, culturally-sensitive beauty!

 

My experiences concur with that...

[kilgore]

That is the takeaway from this thread - white women are the best? Fine.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I was born and raised here so I am extremely Americanized as well. I like to think I'm a pretty open minded guy. Any tips from the minority men that have had success?

 

As for ACTUAL tips, if you sign up for Match.com, you will actually see which women look at your profile.

 

So, if a white woman looks at your profile, there's probably literally 10x better chance that she will be willing to date an Asian man than if you message a white woman who has not looked at your profile. So message those white/Latina women. If you are able to score dates with attractive Asian women, then I have no doubt that white women will be looking at your profile as well. I don't know how the other dating sites work.

 

I would say that if a white woman looks at your profile first, there's still only a 50% chance she'll date Asian men. You'd be surprised how many white women look at my profile and I look at theirs and it says they date "White/Caucasian" only. Strange...

Edited October 28, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember