Pinkskittle Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 We have been together for almost 3 years and things were good between us up until this point. We got along great and he treated me so good he was my best friend. Oral sex is so much more intimate in my opinion. I dont know if i will be able to get over this. I broke up with him and i have been ignoring all his texts and calls. I want him to suffer and feel hurt just like me. I miss him but i dont know if i can get over this. I just dont know what to do. I just need some advice. Maybe some of you have been in similar situations? Have any of you ever caught your spouse in the act? Did you stay together? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 We got along great and he treated me so good he was my best friend. Oral sex is so much more intimate in my opinion. How do you know you didn't discover just one of many different sex acts he's performed on and with her? Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 How do you know you didn't discover just one of many different sex acts he's performed on and with her? Mr. Lucky This^ I never caught her in the act, fortunately. I do know, however, that you have to be strong. You did well to block him and all that. Keep it up. I think once a person cheats, they deserve no more chances. This is my opinion. How I feel about the matter. You felt as if it is more intimate, making it worse. He knew what he was doing. Honestly, it is a lot of hard work to regain trust and move on from this, even if you wanted you and him to be back together. Pain is only temporary. I say stay strong...he had many years of time with you. He blew it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Sorry that you witnessed this horrible sight. My view... He's just a boyfriend - not a husband What's the point in taking the relationship further after what he did? What could he possibly have to say that could explain his actions? He's shown you he's a cheater Block his number and don't look back. 18 Link to post Share on other sites
boltam Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 What could he possibly be saying in all of those ignored texts and calls that could possibly make it right? Sorry honey I was running and I tripped and fell on her in that position? If he had any respect for you he'd leave you alone until and unless you chose to speak to him, which in my humble opinion would be a big mistake on your part. He's made it clear what he thinks of you and your relationship. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 sorry that you witnessed this horrible sight. My view... He's just a boyfriend - not a husband what's the point in taking the relationship further after what he did? What could he possibly have to say that could explain his actions? He's shown you he's a cheater block his number and don't look back. ^^^^^ this! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If you did take him back, the thoughts of his actions will hound your mind and further damage your already damaged relationship. I know you're suffering now, but you will be OK. Believe what he has showed you. You don't deserve this. He doesn't deserve you. Nothing he can say can remedy what be has done. Don't waste a single second more on this jerk ball. You will be OK. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I'm so sorry. Sometimes people just suck. Don't care enough not to hurt you. Remember that. If he really loved you, the last thing he'd want to take a chance on his hurting you and making you feel bad. If you forgive him, he will know you will turn a blind eye and will just repeat his actions again sometime in the future -- no matter WHAT he says. He will know he can get away with it. I'm so sorry, but this is when you leave. He wasn't who you hoped he was or who he represented himself to be. I'm so glad you hadn't rushed into marriage. They say it takes 2-3 years to get to know the real person. Now you know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinkskittle Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 It happened in our home to make it so bad. Smh he is getting other people to text me to see if i will respond. He keeps saying he is sorry and he loves me. I feel proud of myself for not caving in and talking to him. Im just a mess over this. Thanks guys for replying. I really appreciate your advice. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Stay strong, this really isn't forgivable. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Even though William Jefferson Clinton (Slick Willy) doesn't consider oral sex to be either a form of sex or cheating, most moral people do consider performing oral sex on someone other than your SO, to be cheating. I'd suspect he has done more than just oral sex with her. I don't know why anyone without kids would stay with a cheater, unless they're riding some type of gravy train. I'd've of dumped him the instant I saw him eating at the Y. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 There is no excuse for it, however, if you are going to consider giving him a second chance, what i would be asking myself is this; was he the hunter or the hunted? If he was the hunter, then honestly, there is really no point to continue at all. That is not to say you 'should' continue if he was hunted one, it just means that if he was the hunter then don't even consider it point blank. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Imagine that this had happened when you were pregnant and taking care of a toddler. Then run, as fast as you can. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Pinkskittle, My G/F now wife cheated when we were early dating. I forgave her, but it does "come" back from time to time. Also, the way she let me know and the fact she expected to be "dumped", and gave me the chance to do so, is way different from what your B/F is doing here. It looks to me that it is all about him. If you let him back into your life, it will happen again. Stick to your guns, and find a man that can give you the love and faithfulness you deserve and want. Your B/F has much growing up to do. I wish you luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 You should believe what you see from him and not what you hear from him. It's that simple. Besides, by doing what you are doing you are saving yourself a lot of heartbreak and likely large legal fees for the eventual divorce. Yes, I kno you aren't married to him but if you refuse to see or talk to him again there is no way he'll ever talk you into marriage. As shocking as your discovery was I suspect you are better off in the long run for it. Better to find out he's a cheater now than after marriage, kids, mortgage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 It happened in our home to make it so bad. Smh he is getting other people to text me to see if i will respond. He keeps saying he is sorry and he loves me. I feel proud of myself for not caving in and talking to him. Im just a mess over this. Thanks guys for replying. I really appreciate your advice. Your doing great. Never take a cheater back. Who cares if they will never do it again. It should have never happened in the first place. You deserve better and you will in time find it. C 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I caught him making out in the park. If we hadn't had over 25 years together, 4 kids, etc I would have left. He was acting out the pain of my affair. That I saw it made me have PTSD and I had a year of EMDR therapy to get over it. Coupled with that he once said if I hadn't spied on him I wouldn't have caused my own trauma! Really! Yeah, its been a tough road. I'd run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 It happened in our home to make it so bad. Smh he is getting other people to text me to see if i will respond. He keeps saying he is sorry and he loves me. I feel proud of myself for not caving in and talking to him. Im just a mess over this. Thanks guys for replying. I really appreciate your advice. Sadly I doubt that was the first time he cheated on you..It was just that he got caught!! To catch him in your own home is disgusting and I can see why you're struggling to forgive him. Not all can forgive and since you two aren't married, have no children, there's no real reason to hang onto him. Sorry you're hurting and that he did this to you. NONE of this is your fault. He is selfish and took advantage of your trust, went behind your back and chose this pathway without giving you one thought. I hope you continue to ignore him and grieve the loss. Rely on your friends and family to help you through this painful time in your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sara109 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING BACK TO HIM It will be hard but you can do it! You caught him doing something so wrong whose to say this is the first and only time. You taking him back says that what he did was okay. You don't deserve this type of treatment. I wish you all the best! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 It's painful at first, to be sure, but there is no reason to continue this relationship. He betrayed you horribly...in your own home. It takes an exquisitely disrespectful person to bring the AP into the home. It shows a startling lack of empathy, care, and consideration toward one's partner, above that already demonstrated by cheating. You're not married. No kids. Walk away with your head held high and never look back. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If they cheat on you before your married they will cheat on you after your married. It is rare that two people just get into oral on their first time together. You usually build up to it over time so I doubt it was their first rodeo together. It will never be easier to get out of your relationship then now. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pinkskittle Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Thanks everyone for your support. Im only 22 so i have my whole life ahead of me. Reading everyone's replies are helping me stay strong. Im glad im not alone. I dont have too many people to turn to right now. Thanks. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
boltam Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Im only 22 so i have my whole life ahead of me. Technically it's [your whole life] - 22 years. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Thanks everyone for your support. Im only 22 so i have my whole life ahead of me. Reading everyone's replies are helping me stay strong. Im glad im not alone. I dont have too many people to turn to right now. Thanks. You certainly do have your whole life ahead of you. Your Ex BF (yes Ex) is not worthy of licking the sole of your shoes. Set your standards and don't put up with such disgusting actions. Please get tested for Std's.....as he will have had unprotected sex with her and probably others ...... Remember this for the future.......cheaters put your health and at times your life at risk when they have unprotected sex. You set your standards and tell all others that cheating is a dealbreaker for you. No ifs no buts, no maybes..... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 There is no excuse for it, however, if you are going to consider giving him a second chance, what i would be asking myself is this; was he the hunter or the hunted? If he was the hunter, then honestly, there is really no point to continue at all. That is not to say you 'should' continue if he was hunted one, it just means that if he was the hunter then don't even consider it point blank. Just so I understand, are you saying that if he was hunted then that lets him off the hook a little more because he's not responsible for his choices? Or just because men in general can't really be expected to dodge temptation? OP, you did the right thing to break up with him. There is no excuse for what he did. And you'll never fully trust him again. Nor should you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts