I caught my boyfriend giving oral to another woman

[Pinkskittle]

Bathrub-row,

 

Glad im not the only one confused by that post. Lol

[OldRover]

Thanks everyone for your support. Im only 22 so i have my whole life ahead of me. Reading everyone's replies are helping me stay strong. Im glad im not alone. I dont have too many people to turn to right now. Thanks.

 

Pink,

 

You have huge life ahead of you. This man has done you and injustice. However, you need to make up YOUR mind as to what's the best plan for you. That may mean working it out with your boyfriend (if possible) or going on your own.

 

If you work things out you'll certainly need some reasons... and good ones.

 

If you dump him, it will hurt for awhile, and you'll grieve and have to get through that step. Sorry you're in pain. That's a horrible thing to go through.

[bathtub-row]

Pink,

 

You have huge life ahead of you. This man has done you and injustice. However, you need to make up YOUR mind as to what's the best plan for you. That may mean working it out with your boyfriend (if possible) or going on your own.

 

If you work things out you'll certainly need some reasons... and good ones.

 

If you dump him, it will hurt for awhile, and you'll grieve and have to get through that step. Sorry you're in pain. That's a horrible thing to go through.

 

 

...and, the next guy you're with will know without a doubt what your response would be if he cheats on you. There's nothing like actions speaking louder than words.

[underpants]

Sorry that you witnessed this horrible sight.

 

My view...

 

He's just a boyfriend - not a husband

 

whatever? Anyway, I hope he is your ex, regardless.

[SoleMate]

"Pink Skittle"?

 

Hmm.

[Lion Heart]

Even though William Jefferson Clinton (Slick Willy) doesn't consider oral sex to be either a form of sex or cheating, most moral people do consider performing oral sex on someone other than your SO, to be cheating. I'd suspect he has done more than just oral sex with her. I don't know why anyone without kids would stay with a cheater, unless they're riding some type of gravy train. I'd've of dumped him the instant I saw him eating at the Y.

 

Dear Pink

 

I feel exactly the same way about oral sex on a woman. It IS very intimate. And in YOUR house? Go* you poor thing. I'm so very sorry for your pain right now.

 

I need to bring it up (as though THAT wasn't enough on its own ) but I think you've already realized that could have been merely foreplay. Yep the big bang coming along soon. He's a liar and a cheat. Dump him now.

 

Of course I'm with the others. Over and out. Tell your friends. ALL of them. Tell your family too. You may need all the support you can get. Get it now! And in your quiet down times read the other threads on infidelity and VISIT chumplady! You and me are chumps! No shame in that....unless...well you know he's probably done it before especially if he says "so what! I didn't have SEX with her! I wasn't UNFAITHFUL!" etc etc etc as they do.

 

Be gone.

Let him have his cake.

Move on immediately.

No looking back.

 

Good luck. We'll all be here for you.

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

Sadly I doubt that was the first time he cheated on you..It was just that he got caught!! To catch him in your own home is disgusting. ....

 

NONE of this is your fault. He is selfish and took advantage of your trust, went behind your back and chose this pathway without giving you one thought.

.......

 

OR WORSE.....the THRILL of having another woman in YOUR home may have even given him an added thrill. So he comes back and sits / sleeps / stands in the same place he HAD her? What's he gonna think about? Yep her. In a fog a person can be holding a conversation (just) and all the time thinking of the AP. Its sick and disgusting.

 

Be aware that triggers may occur or already BE occurring. I had NO idea what was happening to me UNTIL I read about them on LS.

 

SO when his stuff needs to be removed and i suggest ASAP! Especially for FULL NC. Then make sure YOU are not there but have a few trusted male friends or relatives there to make sure he doesn't take anything not his.

 

He doesn't deserve to see your lovely face again.

 

X

Lion Heart.

[sandylee1]

whatever? Anyway, I hope he is your ex, regardless.

 

?????

 

Absolutely........ no legal ties and no marital commitment.

[bathtub-row]

?????

 

Absolutely........ no legal ties and no marital commitment.

 

I think underpants' point is - what difference does it make if they're married or not? The guy cheated. End of story. This thing about tolerating cheating because you're married is nonsense.

[Lion Heart]

I think underpants' point is - what difference does it make if they're married or not? The guy cheated. End of story. This thing about tolerating cheating because you're married is nonsense.

 

Yes correct but it's WAAAAAaaaaayyy more complicated with each dynamic added. Marraige. Children. Houses. SAHM or SAHD. All added issues to detangle from.

 

YES leaving when unmarried is supremely EASIER especially after being cheated on. OP may not think so atm. She will have to do some future projection of her own. Basically if her Wbf couldn't respect or love her enough to keep it in his pants DURING the good and very easy times of a gf/bf relationship in the first rush of Spring (3y) then he IS NOT Husband nor father nor nothing to her future. Bad egg.

 

LH

[Pinkskittle]

Hey guys I've been staying at my mom's house and he decided to pop up there last night. He was drunk and being loud smh i think the neighbors know all the details now because of him. He tried to break in banging on the door calling me stupid whore and he said i was dumb for leaving him and one day I'll realize my mistake and come begging him back. It was so crazy my mom called the cops and they came and arrested him. He totally just made things worse for himself. How am i the whore when he was the one cheating??? I cant believe he said those things to me!

[CarrieT]

The arrest is good.

 

Now you have grounds to file a Restraining Order which will keep the drama at bay.

[OldRover]

Pink,

 

This is not looking good.

 

Sorry you had three years invested... that's a bit of time, but you do have a TON of recovery time. Unless there's some drastic reasonable reason for his behavior, he doesn't look good at all.

 

Now, add the drinking problem, and for me it would be a totally dead issue. I've been through some drinking problems and they can be worse than oral.

[sandylee1]

He thinks he's God's gift to women obviously.....what an entitled fool. It's good he's shown his true colours and more.......Every reason to be glad of the nonentity.

 

Suddenly his OW isn't looking like much of a catch since he's banging on your door. I'd have thought he had other things to do with his mouth, instead of shouting outside your mom's place.

 

I'm glad he was arrested.

[Lostweekend]

Hey guys I've been staying at my mom's house and he decided to pop up there last night. He was drunk and being loud smh i think the neighbors know all the details now because of him. He tried to break in banging on the door calling me stupid whore and he said i was dumb for leaving him and one day I'll realize my mistake and come begging him back. It was so crazy my mom called the cops and they came and arrested him. He totally just made things worse for himself. How am i the whore when he was the one cheating??? I cant believe he said those things to me!

 

I´m so sorry to read what you have been through, catching him in the act like that. In addition he has the nerve to show up and call you a whore??!!!

 

I hope you are able to move on and leave this plonker behind. Something tells me that he acted out like this because he can´t handle the fact that he is not in control. He thought he could talk / suck you back in and that doesn´t seem to be working out for him, does it!! Good for you!!

 

What a dirty rotten piece of sh..!!

 

I wish you all the best and I also hope that you see that this man / child is absolutely not worth it!!

[Poppyolive]

What an entitled piece of poo. Pink skittle, his recent escapade should definitely be a nail in the coffin. If it wasn't already. He's obviously pi$$ed and angry he got caught and you dumped him. This is not the type of person you want in your life. Disrespectful, no regard for your feelings, drunken and abusive, disrespecting your family home and your parents. .. The list is endless.

 

Take time to hibernate and recouperate. That's quite the feels you have to work through. But yourself a new journal and write your feels away. You're loved. You have friends here. Also, way to go on kicking him to the curb!

[Lion Heart]

Pink! You are AMAZING. Good move staying at mum's place.

Luckily you did. Great work mum! Protecting her Darling Daughter from a maniac. And he is a maniac.

 

Fancy HIM "doing" an OW in YOUR home and then being like a crazy man, texting, phoning what who could believe. THEN thinking HE was so in CONTROL of the WHOLE situation (you see he WAS before by not telling you his true mind which is full of sh**) so he thinks he can BULLY YOU into begging for HIM? For that type of treatment? OH YEAH THIS WBF is a dream boat! Not! He's every good woman's COMPLETE and TOTAL nightmare!

 

And who's the WHORE here?? Ahem. If it wasn't so traumatic it would be LAUGHABLE.

 

Block your ears to this POS nutcase. Don't worry next he'll call you a criminal. ALL the crimes are ON HIM.

 

STAY STRONG girlfriend. Gather your good friends and family real close. Circle those wagons around you real tight. You've got a ways to go but you've survived the first major hurdle. NC. The second is moving out.

 

I'll tell you now 22 years ago I had a D Day about my H. It was a Thursday night. I kicked his butt to the curb that night. The very next morning I was at the Estate Agents breaking my rental lease. I had 3 weeks to pack, register for Welfare, find a rental I could afford alone, 1 hour away near my friends and family. AND ALL WITH A VERY ILL BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL ON MY HIP. Breastfeeding, washing her cloth nappies. Grieving and shocked and horrified. I never went back. His famous last words that fateful Thursday night "ha ha YOU won't leave ME! You LOVE me too much!". Ummm right on the last point! PAST TENSE!

 

I picked myself up baby. By the time my gorgeous daughter was 2.5 years I'd bought my first house WITHOUT HIM. Got a great job nearby. Got promoted a number of times. Had Valentine's Day parties at MY house with all my single gfs. Bought another house then ANOTHER house! I was dam*** sure no one would threaten my home again.

 

I am not gonna say it was easy. It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. But my beautiful daughter visited today with HER baby on her hip. Again she said "I'm so glad you left dad mum. I'm so glad you had the COURAGE to."

 

COURAGE OF A LION. More power to you Pink.

 

This crap will be but a distant memory soon and you'll be able to see what a MESS this Wbf has made of his life FROM A DISTANCE. As I can whenever I could bother thinking about that nutjob of my exWH. You get steady. The people who love you will keep you steady for now. Then one day you'll be strong enough to stand alone in the world. Pursue your dreams and find a FAR BETTER man to share your life with. Now that wouldn't be hard! Lol.

 

You are ALL OVER THIS and I am in awe of your strength and resolution. You are wise beyond your years. Some men would worship you.

Xxxx

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

I just realized that you were born WHEN I was leaving my POS exWH! See! The world has SO MUCH in store for you.

 

LH

[Toddbt12y1]

Hey guys I've been staying at my mom's house and he decided to pop up there last night. He was drunk and being loud smh i think the neighbors know all the details now because of him. He tried to break in banging on the door calling me stupid whore and he said i was dumb for leaving him and one day I'll realize my mistake and come begging him back. It was so crazy my mom called the cops and they came and arrested him. He totally just made things worse for himself. How am i the whore when he was the one cheating??? I cant believe he said those things to me!

 

 

The whore has to call you names to try egg you on. Scum, often as it is, must do what scum does best: He is the best example of scum. He probably will have many nights of jail in his life. You will have success. You are a smart girl. He's trash, let em rot! Get a restraining order against him!

[turnera]

He was drunk and being loud

He tried to break in

calling me stupid whore

said i was dumb for leaving him

 

I can't believe he said those things to me!

Well, now you know who he really is.

 

I always tell people never to get married until you've seen a person handling a bad situation. Their true self comes out.

 

You dodged a bullet. And you have TONS of time before you have to get serious with anyone! Go out and enjoy your 20s! Go on lots of dates with lots of different men, to see what kind you're really a good match with.

 

And if you feel like learning more about good matches (or bad ones), read the book Getting The Love You Want. Very enlightening.

[pteromom]

It happened in our home to make it so bad. Smh he is getting other people to text me to see if i will respond. He keeps saying he is sorry and he loves me. I feel proud of myself for not caving in and talking to him. Im just a mess over this. Thanks guys for replying. I really appreciate your advice.

 

It will be really difficult.

 

Then it will be a little less difficult.

 

Then you will be GLAD you stayed strong and didn't respond.

 

Keep being proud of yourself. You should be. You are strong, and you can do it. And it is ok to cry - for what you thought you had and what you hoped you would have in the future - as long as it doesn't cause you to ignore reality.

 

He was a cheater. You are better off.

 

Be strong. You can do this.

[pteromom]

There is no excuse for it, however, if you are going to consider giving him a second chance, what i would be asking myself is this; was he the hunter or the hunted?

 

If he was the hunter, then honestly, there is really no point to continue at all.

 

That is not to say you 'should' continue if he was hunted one, it just means that if he was the hunter then don't even consider it point blank.

 

Nah...if he was the hunted, it just means he is easy prey for the next cougar on the block.

[pteromom]

Hey guys I've been staying at my mom's house and he decided to pop up there last night. He was drunk and being loud smh i think the neighbors know all the details now because of him. He tried to break in banging on the door calling me stupid whore and he said i was dumb for leaving him and one day I'll realize my mistake and come begging him back. It was so crazy my mom called the cops and they came and arrested him. He totally just made things worse for himself. How am i the whore when he was the one cheating??? I cant believe he said those things to me!

 

Oh yes, because what girl DOESN'T want a man who calls her a dumb stupid whore? Such a turn-on! I can't believe you didn't just jump him right there!

 

Seriously though - that should have just been your confirmation that you made the right choice walking away from him.

 

What he said means nothing. Pay no heed to it. All it means is he was angry at himself for messing things up, and it was easier to take it out on you.

[aliveagain]

Whore's are women that won't be with him, as in a relationship or as in sex. I think your seeing his real feelings towards women, run and don't look back, file a restraining order against him. You girl dogged a bullet.

[dragon_fly_7]

Good to hear you're moving on and had file charges on him. Not only does he has the nerves to cheat and bring the OW in the house but also to call you a whore??

 

I think he wins the record of being the scumbag of the year.