Author RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Ha that's a good point! I agree with you - interpersonal interactions can be deceiving... (in my experience it can be much much longer than 4-5 weeks - e.g. in work settings or casual friendship the person can put their best face for years). However, intimacy reveals traits of character that will stay masked for longer if you stay platonic (e.g. is the person concerned with your health, are they a giver or receiver, respect, boundaries etc). I learn all of that from being emotionally intimate. Physical intimacy can be revealing as well. But I don't need to have sex with a man to find out whether he respects boundaries, respects me and my body etc. If we needed to have sex to really find these things out about a potential romantic partner we would be having sex with pretty much every man we deem worthy of 3 or so dates. (Well I guess some people do do this LOL). Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Side tracking, but it is funny when the people consider their country the only country My own country may pass for underdeveloped (economically, it is in Eastern Europe) but still, I always entertain from the faces of people that has never lived abroad - they imagine much more extreme differences than what exist in reality. My experience though me not to make an opinion for a country/culture before living full six months to an year in... I know, right?! Great post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Ok lol I really don't have a clue as to what country you're in. But from the way you describe how men behave, it really doesn't sound that much different than how men behave in the US. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 No. It's when we both have some time. Why do you ask? I have let my career shape too many of my thoughts. haha! He sounds like a good guy, to be safe, I have to give a nod to dOnnivain's post #187. Have fun 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Well I only had problems with waiting for sex when talking about it on forums, but in real life never had an issue. I found a loving relationship faster than my friends who are more liberal in this area. I'm divorced, 43 yo and a single mom and I've only been single for 18 months, in between my ex husband and my current LTR. I like it that way, works nicely for me. I'd do it again if I had to, the exact same way and again I'm sure that the problem is have would only be on forums. In real life, players always lose and I Always win. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Haha reading this post I see we do not disagree on the concept, just approach - e.g. I pretty much never went on date 3 if I see cracks on the emotional level (which out of 10 men OLD and maybe 3 other summed up to 4-5 people in my 31 years). Downside: probably missed opportunities ... But we call this life:) I learn all of that from being emotionally intimate. Physical intimacy can be revealing as well. But I don't need to have sex with a man to find out whether he respects boundaries, respects me and my body etc. If we needed to have sex to really find these things out about a potential romantic partner we would be having sex with pretty much every man we deem worthy of 3 or so dates. (Well I guess some people do do this LOL). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I have let my career shape too many of my thoughts. haha! He sounds like a good guy, to be safe, I have to give a nod to dOnnivain's post #187. Have fun was that the post about attempted date rape? Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 was that the post about attempted date rape? Yes, dO was expressing caution of which I agree. I don't see any reason to be preoccupied with it in your particular situation except to say that any woman should be. In particular, with first time alone together situations. My fault is that I usually ask leading questions (habit) on this forum and then kick myself for doing it. I will be forward instead and ask, do you two have plans for the weekend, beyond Friday lunch? I'm being nosy and trying to eek out your genuine level of interest. You have no idea how hard that was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Yes, dO was expressing caution of which I agree. I don't see any reason to be preoccupied with it in your particular situation except to say that any woman should be. In particular, with first time alone together situations. My fault is that I usually ask leading questions (habit) on this forum and then kick myself for doing it. I will be forward instead and ask, do you two have plans for the weekend, beyond Friday lunch? I'm being nosy and trying to eek out your genuine level of interest. You have no idea how hard that was. We have all of Friday at our disposal. However, here's the thing some of the posters are missing when they keep going on about we'd be seeing each other constantly if we were really into each other. He is single dad to a young son and has 50-50 custody. So our dates have had to revolve around when his son is with him, being able to get a babysitter as well as the demanding hours my job calls for. Grown folk problems, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 We have all of Friday at our disposal. However, here's the thing some of the posters are missing when they keep going on about we'd be seeing each other constantly if we were really into each other. He is single dad to a young son and has 50-50 custody. So our dates have had to revolve around when his son is with him, being able to get a babysitter as well as the demanding hours my job calls for. Grown folk problems, right? Rosewater, this explains a great deal. Thank you. I don't see anything wrong with the way you and he are conducting yourselves. Great compromise to pick a Friday lunch. He may want to get more physical with this date and that is reasonable considering where the two of you are now. Just do what feels comfortable for you. You have a good head on your shoulders. FF- The man employs a sitter at times the child would typically be in bed. He seems to be handling this relationship responsibly and there isn't a reason, his weekend or not, that an evening date is inappropriate for the child. He should be able to be an awesome loving dad without becoming a eunuch. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Rosewater, this explains a great deal. Thank you. I don't see anything wrong with the way you and he are conducting yourselves. Great compromise to pick a Friday lunch. He may want to get more physical with this date and that is reasonable considering where the two of you are now. Just do what feels comfortable for you. You have a good head on your shoulders. FF- The man employs a sitter at times the child would typically be in bed. He seems to be handling this relationship responsibly and there isn't a reason, his weekend or not, that an evening date is inappropriate for the child. He should be able to be an awesome loving dad without becoming a eunuch. Thanks for your supportive message. He is definitely a great dad! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Do you know what he's planning to cook for Friday?? Probably something full of natural aphrodisiacs. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Nothing wrong with what you're saying. If he gets frustrated with it he may end it, but that just means you're not compatible. I'd probably end it if I went 5 weeks without having sex, or at least explore other options. I'd probably think you weren't all that interested if you waited that long before sex. Just my 2 cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Rose, when deep insecurities in others are activated, it's time to close the thread. I believe you already know your answer to your question and has the insight to react accordingly, so there's nothing more anyone can offer other than completely derailing the topic. Granted, not everyone has the same opinions or values or whatever not, but when people start to get nasty and personal, that's when you know the thread has long past its due. The crowd will disperse when the drama is over. I wish you well on your date and please do update the rest of us who are supporting you in your quest All the best! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 ^^^^this! And please, please, please come back and let us know what he makes for lunch! I love a good can of Chef Boy Ar'Dee Beefaroni for lunch now and then. Takes me back to my childhood! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 (edited) Rose, when deep insecurities in others are activated, it's time to close the thread. I believe you already know your answer to your question and has the insight to react accordingly, so there's nothing more anyone can offer other than completely derailing the topic. Granted, not everyone has the same opinions or values or whatever not, but when people start to get nasty and personal, that's when you know the thread has long past its due. The crowd will disperse when the drama is over. I wish you well on your date and please do update the rest of us who are supporting you in your quest All the best! Hey Snakechammah, thank you for your support. I will definitely report back and let you know how the date at his place goes! There are a lot of threads here on LS from women who've had sex with a man they only just met and now don't know why he's ignoring their calls or why he is still on OLD pursuing other women. That is one of the things that happens to women who have sex quite indiscriminately. It's not the end of the world, but given the number of posts about that same issue it's clearly something that keeps happening to those who choose that lifestyle. So that's yet another reason why moving too fast sexually is not the greatest idea. It's human nature, sadly, for those who are actively doing things that don't really serve them well to try to attack and drag down those who are trying to choose a different way. The attitude is "if this lifestyle is good enough for us who the heck do you think you are to demand something different for yourself?" Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 After a hard day's work the last thing a well-adjusted woman wants to do is sit opposite a man she has no romantic interest in at all, making small talk, all for the sake of not paying for her food that night. I agree 1000% with this. Who the hell feels like coming home from work, re-doing their hair and makeup, changing into another outfit, and driving to a restaurant just to sit across from someone you barely know - making painful small talk for 2 hours - all for a 'free' chicken parmesan dinner? Good Christ, I'd rather sit at home and eat Hamburger Helper while watching TV. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 As it seems that this thread has gone way off course we're just going to leave this one closed. ~Thank you for your participation Link to post Share on other sites
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