Just want to be friends!

[Opium]

This is my first time posting so this is all new to me, so here I go.

 

I've been hanging out with a friend of mine a lot more lately, I like him but I think I may be giving him false hope. He told me the other day that he wants to be more than just friends. I was a little shocked because it came so suddenly. I do enjoy hanging out with him, we have so much fun, and I laugh with him and it's always a good time but I don't want a relationship plus I don't want to ruin our friendship. I flirt with him but it's innocent, and I don't get jealous or make comments if girls call him. I don't try to kiss him or show him intimacy in the wrong way. I give him little friendly hugs here and their but not as if I'm holding him and wanting him.

 

So my question is, Has anyone ever dated a friend and then found out you had deeper feelings and it worked out? Or Did you realize after taking it to a different level the friendship was ruined and it wasn't even worth it?

[ConfusedInOC]

Flirting with him gave him the signal to move forward.

 

If you like him, get along well, find yourself sexually attracted to him, then I don't see why you couldn't move forward.

 

Why are you hesitant to have a relationship? For fear of ruining your friendship?

 

You can't love someone you don't have a good friendship with.

[Illusion24]

A wise person once told me:

 

You've been friends for reason. If you don't want to ruin the friendship don't do it, it will ruin it. But if you feel strongly about him then go forward with it.

 

Think of all the possibilities if it does work out and if it doesn't. Are you willing to lose his friendship?

[Opium]

I am afraid of losing his friendship and I've never really looked at him romanticly but lately I've put thought into to it. It doesn't bother me to think of us intimately but at the same time it seems a little weird.

[kat217]

I am afraid of losing his friendship and I've never really looked at him romanticly but lately I've put thought into to it. It doesn't bother me to think of us intimately but at the same time it seems a little weird.

 

hmm...depite the title of this thread, sounds to me that you're NOT that agaist the idea of dating him?!

 

coming from someone who's recently started dating a best friend of 3 yrs (ME!), i am all for "exploring your feelings" before you make a rush decision. god knows how long your "friend" has had romantic feelings toward you, but you just found out about it! i think it's only fair if you need some time to figure out if this COULD be something that you are wiling to try out -- remember, you have been friends for reasons. but if something still holds you back after giving some thoughts(con's outweighs the pro's) , please be honest & tell him you do not feel the same -- the last thing you want to do your friend is to string him along.

 

i'm just saying this cuz i NEVER thought of my "friend" THAT way till only recently....i actually used to always say i would NEVER EVER date (or fall for) a friend, simply because i always had 2 different categories with men -- "friends" or "(potential)boyfriends"...and obviously, i could NOT even begin to comprehend the thoughts of getting "intimate" with guy-friends! i am definitely more of a risk taker by nature, but with my "friend", as soon as his feelings were out in the open, which was about 4 months ago, i began to see him under the new "light" and realized that he is someone i want to be with -- always have fun together & there for each other regardless. it definitely freaked me out a bit at first but obviously, my "friend" has now become my so-called "boyfriend"! ( i used to think he was cute but i now think he's GORGEOUS!...it's weird how things can change )

 

for all honestly, who knows how things would turn out, but for now, we are enjoying each other's company, like we always have, but in a different/better way.

 

whatever you decide, if you truely cherish the friendship you two have, remember to always be honest with him (and to yourself) & respect each other.

 

keep us posted, would you?

[Artscrafter]

Women have an advantage here. They can become friends with a man and put him in the category of "like him but would never consider dating him." Under most circumstances, men aren't capable of doing that. Our minds just aren't wired that way. We spend enough time with a woman and they'll drift into one of two categories: "I like her a lot, I wonder if she'll be more than friends" or "I don't like her very much after all." This is a generaliztion - it's possible for a woman to be in both categories.

 

This is true for pretty much every woman a guy meets. The only way we can possibly think of a woman as "wouldn't consider dating her" is if she's somehow off-limits - say, a best friend's girlfriend or wife. And even then, only some men can do that. The rest of the time, the ones we like invariably get put in the "want to be more than friends" category. This is why a lot of men don't bother trying to be platonic friends with women.

 

Despite this, some men will make an effort to be just simply friends. The problem is that there's still that attraction factor going on in the backs of our minds. Often we'll restrain it for exactly the same reason that a woman will choose not to pursue something greater after a guy friend has confessed deeper feelings for her - because he doesn't want to risk the friendship as it already exists.

 

My point, and this is what a lot of women don't seem to realize, is that when a guy confesses that he's got feelings for a woman he's been friends with for a while, he's just risked everything that can be risked, and it's already too late to maintain the friendship as it had been. At that point it's time to either consider taking it up a notch or two, or just let the guy go. Stringing him along without a chance of anything greater while trying to force your relationship back into the friends situation it had been at before is one of the worst things you can do to him.

 

Edit: Sounds like you're considering taking it up a step. Which means you've already got some basic awareness of that last paragraph. Good for you.