Relationship With Fiancé Is Failing

[littlebailey95]

I feel so lost, angry, and lonely right now. My fiancé and I have been together for 3 1/2 years now and living together for 1. Everything had changed since we moved in together. He is no longer loving and affectionate. We never go on dates, and he doesn't ever go out of his way to do sweet things for me. He has also been neglecting my physical needs. He won't kiss me or cuddle with me, and he refuses to have sex when I initiate it. It always has to be on his terms. And I feel like he's always trying to find a reason to be angry with me. I'm so good to him and go out of my way to make him happy, and I just don't feel like he appreciates anything I do for him. He's so mean to me when he's angry. He will tell me to shut up, that I'm crazy, cuss at me, and say very hurtful things to me. I love him very much and don't want to leave him. But I'm emotionally exhausted and am so tired of feeling lonely and like my feelings don't matter. I've tried talking to him about it, but that just makes him more angry. Help please? I'm so lost..

[ExpatInItaly]

You would be crazy to marry this man. He sucks as a partner and apparently thinks this is the way it should be, given that he's not open to discussing it. Not much you can do if he's unwilling. Sorry, but this isn't love. It's co-dependency.

 

Do you really want to stay in a loveless relationship?

[basil67]

If he won't acknowledge the problem, then the problem can't be solved. It has left you with only two options: accept that this will be your married life or leave him.

[PegNosePete]

He is no longer loving and affectionate. We never go on dates, and he doesn't ever go out of his way to do sweet things for me. He has also been neglecting my physical needs. He won't kiss me or cuddle with me, and he refuses to have sex when I initiate it. It always has to be on his terms. And I feel like he's always trying to find a reason to be angry with me. I'm so good to him and go out of my way to make him happy

So you reward his atrocious behaviour by being good to him and making him happy. Have you heard of Pavlov's dog?

 

You are teaching him that being verbally abusive is the right way to behave. That neglecting you and treating you like a piece of dirt on his shoe, is the way to make you happy.

 

You have tried talking to him but I would try one last time. Tell him IT ENDS NOW, or you walk out of the door and never come back. And STICK to it. Once more and you WALK.

 

Do not marry him, and do not accept this behaviour. It is abusive; not physically yet, but it will likely go that way after you're married.

[sagamore]

I feel so lost, angry, and lonely right now. My fiancé and I have been together for 3 1/2 years now and living together for 1. Everything had changed since we moved in together. He is no longer loving and affectionate. We never go on dates, and he doesn't ever go out of his way to do sweet things for me. He has also been neglecting my physical needs. He won't kiss me or cuddle with me, and he refuses to have sex when I initiate it. It always has to be on his terms. And I feel like he's always trying to find a reason to be angry with me. I'm so good to him and go out of my way to make him happy, and I just don't feel like he appreciates anything I do for him. He's so mean to me when he's angry. He will tell me to shut up, that I'm crazy, cuss at me, and say very hurtful things to me. I love him very much and don't want to leave him. But I'm emotionally exhausted and am so tired of feeling lonely and like my feelings don't matter. I've tried talking to him about it, but that just makes him more angry. Help please? I'm so lost..

 

Leave. Now. It will only get worse.

 

And be thankful he started his abusive cycle *before* you got married.

 

I'm so sorry.