kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) Note from Moderation: This thread is the product of several threads on the same topic being merged, there may be some overlap or duplicate posts, please feel free to alert us as these are found. ~Thank you help me with my issues I need some serious advice on why i keep going wrong and making the same mistakes... Anyway i met this guy four ago thought he was great then things started to happen and found out he wasnt single as he made out was living with another woman and had a gf. I contacted the then gf told him he was cheating with me and she said lets be mates - bad move as she messed me about and used me to get one over on me. Three years down the line ive slept with him on and off him making out he was single lying to me i did know this deep down but just didnt want to admitt he was bad. In april he said he was really ill with his bipolar so felt sorry for him and slept with him he then was kicked out by his then gf only for the girl from 3 years ago to turn up and is now back with her. This girl in question is married with a kid and not particularly a nice person so i made an alliance with the ex gf and hus and was passing information on - what was i thinking??? Saw him sat was extremely drunk but ended up sleeping with him afterwards he was like i need to be alone and then i saw hed stolen 15 out my purse (hes known for this) i told the ex not realising the consequences of what i done and she has now said ive chucked her under the bus and told everyone in my local. Im not a nasty person but very unsure of myself and because of my lack of confidence etc continue to be dragged in by thiis guy Edited October 27, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added notice ~T Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 ...That is quite the mess. You should avoid all involved in this party if you'd like to get over it. Your big fault (besides being the one girl's source of info, thus drama) is giving in to this person. The best way to get over that is to avoid that person. If you do not go around any of them (you are not innocent either) then you can avoid much of this senseless drama. There comes a time when you must woman it up....no, adult it up and just walk away from a bad situation and one that you are easily weakened to fall into. You want advice: Walk away. Block these people. Deal with your own personal issues; review the situation. You do have the power to just walk away. You are an adult. You do not need to be around him...them or have contact with any of them. I am sorry he lied to you. You clearly found out. But did not have the strength to end all engagement with him. Where you messed up at is when you kept around and even formed alliances with other girls. He is not right or a good person. For your own sake; just stay away. I know, I know...Easier said than done. But you must do this. Somethings are not meant to be dealt with head on Flee from this situation and stay away from these people. Eventually you will move on...So as long as you are willing to try and put your energies into moving on and not this loser. No doubt he is an awful person. We all fall to traps and vices and emotional turmoil of all kinds. Just gotta know when to call it quits and just walk away never looking back; that my dear is the hardest part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Distance yourself and no matter how good it feels when he goes to reel you in with a bit of charm...realize you cont handle the drama you dont need or desire the drama..... it isnt your style and stay strong..you ill feel you have done the right thing in no time at all if you stay strong.........i wish you well.....deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Thing is I was very stupid to be passing on info but if it was to the 'ex' why is she making such a hoo ha when she is protesting she doesn't want him back. I only did it cause I was so drunk and the fact woman hes with now got one over me few years ago with same guy. I contacted her saying he was cheating with me and the 'ex'she said she wanted to be mates not all that genuine!! But the ex gf told all my mates what I'd done that im a slag etc and have disgraced myself Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 the only next logical step is to be a guest on jerry springer show 9 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I never understood women who wanted to confront / help /educate the other women in some guy's life. If you find out some guy has a GF, you drop him. You don't seek out the other women in his life even to tell her that he's cheating with you. You drop his ass & run far away. Only drama queen reach out for the others involved. They like to stir up ****. If you are one of those, you can expect more of the same in your life. My way -- where you leave quickly & quietly with your head held high -- guarantees you no drama. As for the stealing, you already knew he was a liar. Why are you surprised he's a thief too? Perhaps you also need to get a handle on your drinking. It seems that you can't be trusted to make good decisions about this guy when drunk. Do you realize he doesn't respect you? You are simply an easy touch he can count on when he's down. You are a doormat to him. He's using you when he runs out of other options. You really need to get him out of your life forever. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 I never understood women who wanted to confront / help /educate the other women in some guy's life. If you find out some guy has a GF, you drop him. You don't seek out the other women in his life even to tell her that he's cheating with you. You drop his ass & run far away. Only drama queen reach out for the others involved. They like to stir up ****. If you are one of those, you can expect more of the same in your life. My way -- where you leave quickly & quietly with your head held high -- guarantees you no drama. As for the stealing, you already knew he was a liar. Why are you surprised he's a thief too? Perhaps you also need to get a handle on your drinking. It seems that you can't be trusted to make good decisions about this guy when drunk. Do you realize he doesn't respect you? You are simply an easy touch he can count on when he's down. You are a doormat to him. He's using you when he runs out of other options. You really need to get him out of your life forever. Well after what id done i saw a counsillor to talk about what happened and my issues. Deleted the ex gf as a contact as that was a serious bad move on my part. But why is she so peeved off hes been with this woman since april and yet has gone ape i did this. Maybe it was the wrong way to go bout things but it happened..... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Good for you for addressing your issues. Who knows why this other woman did what she did? But you should not care. You have more important stuff to address, your own stuff. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 She'd told everyone im a slag in my local pub and that ive totally thrown her under a bus how am I to deal with that Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 As others have said ...walk away ...I'm going to take it one step further ...walk away TOWARD something else ...doesn't matter what it is ...you pick. But it must be some thing positive and healthy for YOU. The situation you put yourself into is demoralizing for you on every level. You deserve better but you must take that first step ...into the light ...away from the dark side. Your verbiage indicates you get "caught up" in these situations ...I say you've walked directly into them so be careful with laying blame anywhere but squarely on your shoulders. You have a good heart ...go do what's good for it ...show it some respect so it doesn't wind out being dragged around in the mud with the situations you place it in. You need a triple bi-pass away from this guy, his gf and the other girlfriend. Go for it! One last thing ...as you see you like drama ...well guess what ...the girl who said all the stuff about you ALSO likes drama ...now I've heard misery loves company ...seems drama also loves company:) You're trying to make sense of another person's irrational emotions ...is this person your mom? Your sister? They are nothing to you ...they do not matter ...clear your head of what they think about you and why you care ...then do the recommendation in my first paragraph. Wish you well ...you're in the driver's seat ...what's your next stop? Please do not say dramaville lol Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 She'd told everyone im a slag in my local pub and that ive totally thrown her under a bus how am I to deal with that By behaving like a lady & not stooping to her level. Do not engage with her. Say vague things like "that's her opinion." Also if you are planning to get a handle on your drinking, think about how much the opinions of people in bars really don't matter. I have been around enough bars in life to share this with you. Those people who engage in the back & forth. . her calling you a slag & you getting all worked up over that . . . both people come across to the rest of us as drama queens who stir up trouble. If one person (her) is calling another (you) names but you rise above it, the rest of us think she's a twit & you're a victim. But when you fight back or attempt to the rest of think you are both immature trash who deserve each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 She'd told everyone im a slag in my local pub and that ive totally thrown her under a bus how am I to deal with that Prove her statement false by doing positive things in your life ...subtly mention them at the pub ...ignore and say "well everyone's entitled to their opinion" and steer the convo away from the crazy girl's emotional Tornado ...then talk about ideas instead of people ...stop the cycle of he said she said. Discuss something fun ...eventually it'll all die down and you'll look like the better and more credible person. How can people argue and say you're this or that when you've built solid positive things in your life? It takes work and effort to raise yourself above all the BS ... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Find other people to hang out with and stay away from that Pub. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Thing is she's told all the people in my local bar I slept with him yes wrong to have done it as he has a partner who anyway is married with a kid.. The ex gf slagging off him and her yet as soon as he appears in pub talks to him in order to wind other girl up I shouldn't of been the inbetweener I was only to lose but now embarrassed as ive 'disgraced myself' and people have lost respect for me. Then there's him lying as usual why believe I would go with Her she's nuts etc Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Thing is she's told all the people in my local bar I slept with him yes wrong to have done it as he has a partner who anyway is married with a kid.. The ex gf slagging off him and her yet as soon as he appears in pub talks to him in order to wind other girl up I shouldn't of been the inbetweener I was only to lose but now embarrassed as ive 'disgraced myself' and people have lost respect for me. Then there's him lying as usual why believe I would go with Her she's nuts etc Find another pub? In any case ...I gave a solution to relieve yourself from the disgrace ...see my earlier post. You can power whine about it all day ...that's so much easier than actually making the effort to do positive things in your life. If you want to stay right where you're at you'll be even more demoralized ...a place you seem to move toward ...might want to look into why you do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Find another pub? In any case ...I gave a solution to relieve yourself from the disgrace ...see my earlier post. You can power whine about it all day ...that's so much easier than actually making the effort to do positive things in your life. If you want to stay right where you're at you'll be even more demoralized ...a place you seem to move toward ...might want to look into why you do that. do you think i have disgraced myself though and yes its what im trying to do just dont like fact my name has been made to look stupid and what about him who keeps behaving like it but uses shes mad or i wouldnt go with her line Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Uh, I just gotta ask which is better ..the sex, his penis, or the drama? Me, personally, for drama I watch Law and Order...for sex/penises, I masturbate cuz that amount of drama isn't worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 Maybe a point just she's made big fuss when she no longer dating him yet it was ok when I was giving her info Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Maybe a point just she's made big fuss when she no longer dating him yet it was ok when I was giving her info Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Stop concerning yourself with them. That is the key to your answer; they no longer matter. But if you keep on, they will keep on mattering when they shouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 do you think i have disgraced myself though and yes its what im trying to do just dont like fact my name has been made to look stupid and what about him who keeps behaving like it but uses shes mad or i wouldnt go with her line Yes you have disgraced yourself ...but in this instant on the timeline of your life ...please please do not let it define you. Move in a different direction:) Make your life different! You can do it! Soon no one will even remember anything about this. Besides ...do you think everyone is myopically focusing on your transgressions?? Nope ...they've got so many other things to think about. Also ...the girl that treated you badly ... She's horrible for what she did ...don't pay her homage by giving her another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 OP ...go for a walk and breathe in some fresh air ... And do something nice for yourself today. You didn't deserve what that girl did. In some way ...I think it was done in spite ...maybe she's jealous? I don't know. All I know is nice people don't do pull that stuff ... You can't wrap your head around her actions because you're nice. So go pass your niceness around. Also ..no more sleeping with other woman's men! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 OP ...go for a walk and breathe in some fresh air ... And do something nice for yourself today. You didn't deserve what that girl did. In some way ...I think it was done in spite ...maybe she's jealous? I don't know. All I know is nice people don't do pull that stuff ... You can't wrap your head around her actions because you're nice. So go pass your niceness around. Also ..no more sleeping with other woman's men! Well the girl who treated me bad in past is married and left her family virtually for this guy so no should've got my own back maybe a diff way! The woman who told everyone I was a slag is the ex gf who protests doesn't want him bk! Yet I now feel can't spend time with mates now cause of her... In disgraced myself what u mean Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 That's why it matters feel ive cut myself off Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Well the girl who treated me bad in past is married and left her family virtually for this guy so no should've got my own back maybe a diff way! The woman who told everyone I was a slag is the ex gf who protests doesn't want him bk! Yet I now feel can't spend time with mates now cause of her... In disgraced myself what u mean I know who is who in your situation ...my last statement is a general statement that it's bad news. Are you trying to rationalize the situation? Honestly ...I can't read this thread anymore ... It's obvious how you got yourself in this mess and can't extricate yourself. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 22, 2015 Author Share Posted October 22, 2015 I know who is who in your situation ...my last statement is a general statement that it's bad news. Are you trying to rationalize the situation? Honestly ...I can't read this thread anymore ... It's obvious how you got yourself in this mess and can't extricate yourself. Good luck Not rationalising it at all just didn't want to be thought of being intirely to blame Link to post Share on other sites
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