Author kaisergal Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 Are you capable of biting your tongue and just walking away? Are you capable of avoiding such encounters? Don't stay in the same room as her. Sorted. I can yes but she's v loud n vocal v pointy fingers Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 My friends are fins just its him I don't know why keep making same mistake with him he isn't even all that nice... It's the ex gf more worried about I can yes but she's v loud n vocal v pointy fingers And all the while you keep on about 'her', 'him', 'they'.... you still play the vicitm role. Quit with the "but.....but.....but.....!" Stay away from her. Then you won't hear the loud, or see the pointy. Control yourself, and determine to improve. Right now, by constantly deflecting all the responsibility onto him/her, you deflect and project just how unskilful and inadvisable your own behaviour was. Remember: this wouldn't be happening if you hadn't made some really but really dumb decisions. Here's a suggestion: Why don't you just agree with everything she says, and take the wind out of her sails? Own it. Agree she's quite right. Apologise. Agree that you really messed up. But now, you don't want anything more to do with her, him, any other woman involved, and that's an end to it. Then move on, fer chrissakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 And all the while you keep on about 'her', 'him', 'they'.... you still play the vicitm role. Quit with the "but.....but.....but.....!" Stay away from her. Then you won't hear the loud, or see the pointy. Control yourself, and determine to improve. Right now, by constantly deflecting all the responsibility onto him/her, you deflect and project just how unskilful and inadvisable your own behaviour was. Remember: this wouldn't be happening if you hadn't made some really but really dumb decisions. Here's a suggestion: Why don't you just agree with everything she says, and take the wind out of her sails? Own it. Agree she's quite right. Apologise. Agree that you really messed up. But now, you don't want anything more to do with her, him, any other woman involved, and that's an end to it. Then move on, fer chrissakes. What I plan on doing as to have women after him including me it is stupid he's an alcoholic, thief compulsive liar cheat yet I don't know why I keep going bk Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 You DO know why you keep going back. Because you're obsessed with being part of the drama. You WANT this to keep happening, because otherwise you'll believe that nobody else will want you. So you desperately cling to attention, even though you know - YOU KNOW - how wrong, dysfunctional and toxic it is. Have you not discussed this issue with your therapist? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 You DO know why you keep going back. Because you're obsessed with being part of the drama. You WANT this to keep happening, because otherwise you'll believe that nobody else will want you. So you desperately cling to attention, even though you know - YOU KNOW - how wrong, dysfunctional and toxic it is. Have you not discussed this issue with your therapist? The whole situation is dysfunctional and yes ive started to and staying in this wkend Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 The whole situation is dysfunctional and yes ive started to and staying in this wkend Do you realise this is the first thing within our discussion today that you've said - that hasn't involved pointing the finger at them? All day, we've been discussing this. And here's the first thing you've arrived at, that doesn't even mention their words and actions. Achievement! Well Done!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 Do you realise this is the first thing within our discussion today that you've said - that hasn't involved pointing the finger at them? All day, we've been discussing this. And here's the first thing you've arrived at, that doesn't even mention their words and actions. Achievement! Well Done!! Lol I do know I'm in wrong and need to remove myself from the game so to speak why I need counciling as I need to find out why i can't say no to him but staying away atm will help Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Feeling better today Ive been feeling really low in myself about it all week. Just wish I wasn't town gossip my friend said everyone knows and that ive caused a storm Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 24, 2015 Author Share Posted October 24, 2015 Right so as you know from previous post ive got myself in bother but how do I get my head round the gossip and knowing people think I'm a slag etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 Right so my mate tells me last night two of the people he knows told him to steer clear of me and kept saying it to him whilst standing behind him. How I supposed to deal with thar Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 People have opinions. If your mate values their opinions more than you, then he does. If less, that. If none, that. Expect this to go on throughout life. I call it social politics. If one chooses to be involved in social milieu, politics obtain and, yup, people talking you down to your mate is part of that, whether you're aware of it, as apparently here, or not. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Your mate is not listening to them, is s/he? Your mate knows you better than these people & has presumably made up his/her mind to be with you. You deal with them by ignoring them. Living well & proving them wrong by your actions is the best revenge. They are inconsequential. Treat then as such by not responding to them. Hold your head high when out with your mate Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 Well it's the same person who sent me a message saying I deserved to die of aids! As you know I made a terrible mistake then told them so yes makes me look a cow! The woman was v upset apparantly even thou not been with him now for 7 mths. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) Your mate is not listening to them, is s/he? Your mate knows you better than these people & has presumably made up his/her mind to be with you. You deal with them by ignoring them. Living well & proving them wrong by your actions is the best revenge. They are inconsequential. Treat then as such by not responding to them. Hold your head high when out with your mate Well I know I did a terrible thing but im not that hard of person. No one is perfect now worried people will have a go Edited October 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 25, 2015 Author Share Posted October 25, 2015 People have opinions. If your mate values their opinions more than you, then he does. If less, that. If none, that. Expect this to go on throughout life. I call it social politics. If one chooses to be involved in social milieu, politics obtain and, yup, people talking you down to your mate is part of that, whether you're aware of it, as apparently here, or not. Thing is why have a go at me when the person isn't even dating this person at mo Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 Right so my mate tells me last night two of the people he knows told him to steer clear of me and kept saying it to him whilst standing behind him. How I supposed to deal with thar What does this mean? "Steer clear of her" meaning, she's trouble, look out, steer clear? "Steer clear of her" meaning, she's off limits and you're not good enough for her? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 You need to find new mates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 What does this mean? "Steer clear of her" meaning, she's trouble, look out, steer clear? "Steer clear of her" meaning, she's off limits and you're not good enough for her? Means that he thinks im trouble Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 How to deal? Well if i screwed up really bad this is what i would do.... I would keep my head down and weather the storm for a while. After a decent period of time - perhaps after 6 months, i would make my apologies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 How to deal? Well if i screwed up really bad this is what i would do.... I would keep my head down and weather the storm for a while. After a decent period of time - perhaps after 6 months, i would make my apologies. How bad is what ive done thou?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 People have seen my other posts ... I am keeping head down and going to see someone but on scheme of things how bad was it??? Link to post Share on other sites
mike_89 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 How bad is what ive done thou?? I have no idea what you have done but the situation depends on who is telling him to steer clear of you. If they're just acquaintances of his then it should be no problem, if they're his best guy friends though you must have made a horrible impression. Guys don't interfere with their best friends' relationships unless they believe their friend is really getting into something nasty and needs to be saved. Reading your other comments ("Well I know I did a terrible thing" and "As you know I made a terrible mistake then told them") it seems to me like you know why his friends are telling him to stay away from you and they may very well be right, depending on what it actually is that you have done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I have no idea what you have done but the situation depends on who is telling him to steer clear of you. If they're just acquaintances of his then it should be no problem, if they're his best guy friends though you must have made a horrible impression. Guys don't interfere with their best friends' relationships unless they believe their friend is really getting into something nasty and needs to be saved. Reading your other comments ("Well I know I did a terrible thing" and "As you know I made a terrible mistake then told them") it seems to me like you know why his friends are telling him to stay away from you and they may very well be right, depending on what it actually is that you have done. Basically ive been passing on info to a woman who has been left for another woman who btw is married. This has been going on for 7 mths the info was from the husband who's being cheated on as well so she can **** stir. Ive been involved with the guy in question on off for years where he's made out he's single and not etc... Anyway the married woman did something not nice to me many years ago with same bloke. Was drunk a week ago he was there and we slept together I felt bad so told the ex what I did and she's blown up about it. I just didn't think and she hadn't been with him for 7 months Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Ive posted bout this alor at recent here's the story but is it that terrible what I did?? help me with my issues I need some serious advice on why i keep going wrong and making the same mistakes... Anyway i met this guy four ago thought he was great then things started to happen and found out he wasnt single as he made out was living with another woman and had a gf. I contacted the then gf told him he was cheating with me and she said lets be mates - bad move as she messed me about and used me to get one over on me. Three years down the line ive slept with him on and off him making out he was single lying to me i did know this deep down but just didnt want to admitt he was bad. In april he said he was really ill with his bipolar so felt sorry for him and slept with him he then was kicked out by his then gf only for the girl from 3 years ago to turn up and is now back with her. This girl in question is married with a kid and not particularly a nice person so i made an alliance with the ex gf and hus and was passing information on - what was i thinking??? Saw him sat was extremely drunk but ended up sleeping with him afterwards he was like i need to be alone and then i saw hed stolen 15 out my purse (hes known for this) i told the ex not realising the consequences of what i done and she has now said ive chucked her under the bus and told everyone in my local. Im not a nasty person but very unsure of myself and because of my lack of confidence etc continue to be dragged in by thiis guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaisergal Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 t terrible what I did?? help me with my issues I need some serious advice on why i keep going wrong and making the same mistakes... Anyway i met this guy four ago thought he was great then things started to happen and found out he wasnt single as he made out was living with another woman and had a gf. I contacted the then gf told him he was cheating with me and she said lets be mates - bad move as she messed me about and used me to get one over on me. Three years down the line ive slept with him on and off him making out he was single lying to me i did know this deep down but just didnt want to admitt he was bad. In april he said he was really ill with his bipolar so felt sorry for him and slept with him he then was kicked out by his then gf only for the girl from 3 years ago to turn up and is now back with her. This girl in question is married with a kid and not particularly a nice person so i made an alliance with the ex gf and hus and was passing information on - what was i thinking??? Saw him sat was extremely drunk but ended up sleeping with him afterwards he was like i need to be alone and then i saw hed stolen 15 out my purse (hes known for this) i told the ex not realising the consequences of what i done and she has now said ive chucked her under the bus and told everyone in my local. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts