Single dad...scared to death 14 yr old daughter will stray.

[ctwatlanta]

Hi there.

 

I'm looking for advice here as I'm a desperate Daddy. I'm a single 40 yr old dad to a 14 yr old girl. I've had her 50% of the time since her mom and I split years ago. I never remarried or really dating anyone serious because all I've wanted to do is give my full attention to my daughter until she's out on her own. I'm fortunate and am an Exec with a publicly traded company so I am financially stable and have a lot of flexibility as I work from home to be here with her.

 

Her mom is now 38 and a real piece of work. We split when our daughter was 3 because I found out about her multiple affairs while I was traveling for work, and that was nearly 11 yrs ago. She married one of the guys she was having an affair with about 1 month after our split was finalized. They had a horrible abusive marriage and had 3 kids themselves.

 

Her mom ended up having an affair on him, too...and now they are divorced. So, mom and all the kids moved in with mom's stepdad an hour from me. My 14 yr old decided she wanted to live with me full time (Yay!!!) at the start of this school year because she likes the school district here more and her friends. She doesn't know that her mom and I split because her mom was having an affair on me. I don't believe that's for me to say.

 

Well, now that mom is single again she is all over the place screwing around with every kind of guy you can think of. Her latest fling is with a 40'something yr old guy working as a DJ in a strip club, and he has several kids by different women himself. Her mom dresses and acts like she's a stripper, but is actually gainfully employed as a nurse at a local hospital. She hangs around trash, parties at ghetto clubs, brings home any kind of guy, and puts her profile on all the dating websites with trashy pics of herself.

 

My daughter said to me this morning that she now wants to move back in with her mom at the end of this school year and I am absolutely flipping out. I literally cannot sleep or eat! When she was with her mom every other week our daughter's grades slipped dramatically each week she was with her mom because her mom was always too busy "socializing" to help our daughter with school. Since living with me full time she's on the Dean's List. I've had her in the same little private Christian school since Pre-K and now that she's coming into her own she wants to go to a public school...which I'm fine with, but she doesn't like the public school here. Her mom is pushing her to move back in with her and using her little step brothers as bait..saying they miss their older sister, and that the school there is great, etc.

 

My biggest fear in life is losing my little girl and her turning out to be like her mom. The more she's around her mom the more she acts like her mom and I see it.

 

I am so distraught right now that my girl will move back in with her mom and end up being like her that I cannot eat, sleep or think.

 

I am literally at a crossroads in life and don't know what to do. I care more about my little girl and have dedicated the last 14 yrs of my life to raising her and being the best influence on her life that I can be.

 

I'm so desperate right now that I literally am thinking crazy thoughts like - "I need to move to a district where there's a public high school she'll like more than her mom's!"....or "I need to quickly find a great woman to be a great female role model to my daughter!"

 

I realize I'm rambling now but I don't know what to do...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm reading your post, but my first impression is that what's motivating you has nothing to do with the teenage daughter involved.

 

 

First of all, not lost on us here is that you selected that "piece of work" to be the mother of your child.

 

And if you spend anywhere near as great a percentage of father-daughter time putting-down her mother as you spent in this post doing same, then I can sorta understand why your daughter is willing to move.

 

Furthermore, your would-be standards (the "little private Christian school") may not be very fair to your daughter.

 

 

Beyond that, everybody in the Loveshack audience knows you are going to "lose your little girl". She's fourteen, she's not four anymore... and we all know what's coming... (24, 34, and 44 too!)

 

 

So the best sincere thoughts I can offer entail your thinking ahead fifteen years... about your then-29-yo daughter... and your asking yourself what do you want to SEE???

 

You want somebody who is well-adjusted, and who cherishes good friendships and values the world around her... ??

 

Then make your first move to get her to one school... and help her STAY the course at THAT one school. Do not create or BE the environment where she is pushed and tugged in so many directions that she fractures friendships and the continuity she'd know if staying at one high school the whole way through.

 

IF at the end of a "little private Christian (grade?) school" one has to select a high school, then how about you let HER SELECTION be similar to that of a college selection??

 

For the most part, the important thing is just picking one, and having strong convictions about where and why, and then pursuing that one full bore.

 

Isn't it about time you allowed this young person some freedom of choice while preparing yourself for the inevitability that she will be free to make her own choices far too soon, and whether you like those choices or not??

 

 

And for heaven's sake, stop putting-down the girl's mother at every opportunity... perhaps that is, still her closest female role model... and you don't want any daughter of yours to (maintain) the sense that this is typical of how one's father feels about one's mother.

[ctwatlanta]

@ SincereOnlineGuy

 

I appreciate you taking the time to offer some advice; however, you couldn't be more wrong.

 

First, what motivates me entirely is my daughter's well being.

 

Second, I do not "put down her mother", which is what I said in my original post. I went on to explain that despite her mother having multiple affairs I've kept it from our daughter...after all, she's still her mother.

 

Third, the little private Christian school was and has always been my daughters choice, which I also explained thoroughly.

 

What I am attempting to figure out is how to protect my daughter from the crappy influence her mother is...in the event she does move in with her mom.

 

So, trying to look out "15 yrs from now" like you suggested is about as worthless as me trying to tell you what the stock market will do 15 yrs from now. If my daughter moves in with her mom and sees her mom shacking up with every stranger in town, and her mom fails to help her with her school (like before) then my daughter could very well find herself in a similar situation due to mom's horrid influence. Therefore, I'm not interested in 15 yrs from now because if she follows in her mom's footsteps she'll have already had 2 kids by two men, been divorced, no education, no job and sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry in town.

 

That said, I know full well that I chose her mom 15 yrs ago and it has been the biggest regret of my life. I had the right child but with the wrong woman and there is nothing I can do it about that now except try my best to protect my daughter from her mom's horrid daily decisions in life and her influence.

[Tayla]

ctw, What does your Custodial Agreement state? Usually when a child changes residency there is a ruling on it from a Stewart of the Courts.

[Horton]

Her mom is now 38 and a real piece of work. We split when our daughter was 3 because I found out about her multiple affairs while I was traveling for work, and that was nearly 11 yrs ago. She married one of the guys she was having an affair with about 1 month after our split was finalized. They had a horrible abusive marriage and had 3 kids themselves.

 

Her mom ended up having an affair on him, too...and now they are divorced. So, mom and all the kids moved in with mom's stepdad an hour from me. My 14 yr old decided she wanted to live with me full time (Yay!!!) at the start of this school year because she likes the school district here more and her friends. She doesn't know that her mom and I split because her mom was having an affair on me. I don't believe that's for me to say.

 

Well, now that mom is single again she is all over the place screwing around with every kind of guy you can think of. Her latest fling is with a 40'something yr old guy working as a DJ in a strip club, and he has several kids by different women himself. Her mom dresses and acts like she's a stripper, but is actually gainfully employed as a nurse at a local hospital. She hangs around trash, parties at ghetto clubs, brings home any kind of guy, and puts her profile on all the dating websites with trashy pics of herself.

 

I may be out of line here, but I wonder if your 'shielding' your daughter from the truth about her mother's repeated adulteries might actually be working against your attempts to keep her on the straight and narrow. I know most people don't like the idea of one parent making the other parent out to be the 'bad guy' after a divorce, but it sounds like your daughter is gonna be in a very unhealthy environment in her mother's home.

 

I wish I could tell you something to calm your fears or convince you that you're worrying about nothing, but I've seen the fruits of such a home environment with my own eyes so I know that your fears are grounded in reality. If your daughter moves in with them it's very likely that she'll mimic her mother's behavior, she'd be the exception to the rule if she didn't. Maybe you could sit your daughter down and just be brutally honest with her about what you believe will happen to her if she follows in her mother's footsteps.

[ctwatlanta]

@ Tayla - Great question.

 

I just read through our entire papers (which I've not done in 10 yrs) and there is absolutely no mention of what happens if one parent moves to another area. I can't believe that wasn't covered in our original papers! I was under the presumption (wrongly) that if mom moved outside the school district then she lost all custodial rights. I'm not sure what repercussions there are for her. Apparently, I need to contact an attorney.

[ctwatlanta]

@ Horton

 

I've thought the same thing you're saying a million times...but I keep reading over and over again that coming out and telling kids about how the other parents did such terrible things makes you look like the bad guy and resentment can occur...or worse it drives the child to the bad parent. I'm still not sure what to do about that as her mother will NEVER EVER willingly reveal the truth about what happened.

 

As you so astutely observed, I'm scared to death of exactly what you see and have apparently experienced firsthand.

 

If an impressionable 13 yr old girl moves in with one parent, and that parent is a horrid influence then in all likelihood that child will turn out to be exactly like that parent. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

 

Her mom sleeps with so many guys right now and has had affairs with me and her most recent hubby that it scares me to death. I hate the idea of my little girl being there and her mom's front door looking like a revolving door at a hotel with every kind of guy under the sun walking through it and staying with mom for the night. She's currently sleeping with at least 2-3 men that I'm aware of...1 white scumbag guy and at least 1 black guy and God knows what else.

 

The irony here is that I get along really, really well with her mom. She stays out of my biz and I stay out of hers...especially since she and our daughter aren't around each other much any longer. However, now that mom wants her back living with her I'm losing my mind.

[Lurkeraspect]

You need to get a lawyer ASAP, perhaps the same one who did your divorce. He/she would be best to give you options to navigate this. I'm divorced and have a 10 year old child and an iron clad custody agreement (we share 50/50 custody) and our agreement is based on both parents living in this city. Your lawyer might (or a judge might) order a child/family investigation, which is costly, but may very well be worth the investment if your wife is dragging in a string of men around your child.

 

I also commend you for not telling your child about their mother and the reasons you divorced her. That conversation can wait until she's grown.

 

I don't envy your situation, but don't think it's hopeless.

[lollipopspot]

14 year olds aren't stupid (unless there's something wrong with them). Sit down and talk to her. Express what you hope for for her future (stressing that ultimately the choices are hers). Express how you want to help her get there. Express your fears about certain features of the lifestyle that you see her mother living, and why. You don't have to do this by trashing the mom, but saying that you want something different for her. But if she wants something different for herself, that will be her choice. Choose your words carefully, but if she is a motivated person with certain values in common with yours, then this can be a real discussion with her about her future and what she wants for herself. I don't think talking about your preferences for her future should be taboo.

 

Wish my dad had been conscious enough to do that with me.

[nais]

Why is she wanting to return to her mom? She is a teenager, perhaps mom can help her with things only woman are able to understand. She is young woman that may need to discuss female things that are embarrassing to her by discussing them with Dad.

 

Just a thought-

 

Perhaps a relationship with a woman with Quality can save the day in the end. She needs an example in her life- you can still provide this by acting on what you chose to neglect with helping raise her. I tried to protect my sons by not dating, but I realized that a "quality" man in my life could help them see what a true balance looked like versus the one she has been shown. Where is her example? A life of solitude, vs. a life of gains that end up as losses (her mom). Show her quality, not quantity.

[ctwatlanta]

Thanks again for the good advice, everyone. It is greatly appreciated.

 

@ Nais

 

I agree with you 100%. A young teenage girl should want to spend time with her mom; however, not when the mom is such a horrible influence. My daughter was just complaining about how when she does visit her mom that her mom spends all her time on internet sites and "dating a bunch of guys"...

 

I dated 1 woman for about a year and finally introduced her to my daughter after about 6 months of dating. They became very close and my daughter loved her to death and the woman was a great influence on her and role model. Unfortunately, the woman got cold feet when we started discussing marriage and abruptly left. It tore my daughter apart and I watched her cry her eyes out. I will not date another woman until my daughter is older as I'll not watch her get burned again by another woman.

 

Nonetheless, she's still a teenage girl and loves her mom unconditionally and misses her and her little stepbrothers. I get her motivation for wanting to live with mom again...as living here with me is comparatively kind of boring whereas at mom's house it's a free for all!!! Mom's too busy with the men in her life and let's the kids do whatever they want...they go to bed when they want, eat what they want, etc. With me it's let's get our homework done, let's have some rules, boundaries, etc. In other words, I'm the mean'ole strict parent...and I hate it!

[nais]

It will work out in the end. Train up a child in the way they should go- continue to be who you are and trust the process.

[mrs rubble]

I was in a similar situation with my son, he wanted to live with his dad full time.

It absolutely broke my heart but I let him go. He lasted about a year, during that time He came to me every second weekend and I randomly called in at his dad's on my way home from work sometimes, he'd often ask me if he could come home with me as his dad would be so drunk he was dangerous. He finally decided that my place was the place to be.

It's taken about 3 years to settle and see things clearly. He still sees his dad erratically and will go and mow his lawns and stuff, but he has more respect for me. He's s*it scared of turning into his father and is planning on studying psychology in order to avoid it! Lol!!

Keep in mind your daughter shares genes with her mother so is likely to inherit traits, teaching them how to turn these into a positive is the key to a happy outcome I believe.

[Tayla]

ctw, glad you re-read your documents. Without reading them myself, there are laws in place that will protect guardianship even if its not in your custodial papers. Go to your attorney and review some common law, one being child residency and petitioning the court for modification.

 

Your daughter does not get the final say... thats why she is a minor. you may be the only sensible parent in this mix.

 

On a sidebar note...when she turns 18 , then consider having the adult talk on the marital reasons for the divorce. State the facts. Let her access the scenarios. My mom never told us kids... we'd get tidbits of info... It was a horrendous burden when my mom passed to learn all the disgraceful facts about my bio dad. She took the heat all those years... and had I had known the true h3ll that my dad put her thru,i would not have ever treated her soo unkindly... kids deserve the truth when they are old enough ... and not before. No need to glorify a parent and send delusional messages when she has witnessed some of her mothers poor behaviors.

[HopeForTomorrow]

Your daughter is not stupid (I have a 14 year old daughter and am in a similar situation). She knows what is going on and she probably suspects why you divorced in the first place. She also is smart enough to know by now - because of your good influence - what is right or wrong. In the end that will come out on top.

 

Not sure how you managed to get a custody agreement that did not address relocation of either parent. That's pretty standard cookbook stuff for any attorney - I think you should go to a different attorney now if possible. You need to know what your legal rights are. It varies by state (assuming you are in the US) how much impact (if any) your daughter has in terms of choosing where she wants to live. For instance, in the (conservative) state I live in, my 14 year old has basically no legal standing in terms of deciding where she wants to live.

 

Does your original agreement specify 50/50 custody and how that will play out in terms of days, weekends, etc? Have you been following that?

 

It sounds like your ex has moved. If that is the case you may need to take that custody agreement in front of a judge and get a (retroactive) ruling on what effect a parent moving will have on the agreement. It has to be spelled out by a judge (either that, or your ex has to agree).

 

If she is currently going to school in your district then IMO you have a strong leg to stand on. In many cases the courts are reluctant to make changes when things are going well. Your ex-wife moving out of the district without resolving the legal custody issues may well put her at a significant legal disadvantage - SHE is the one who chose to move and accept those consequences without nailing down custody at that time.

 

You also have to balance all of that with what your daughter wants. But again, she's a teenager, and she may want the freedom, fun, lack of rules, etc that exists in your ex-wife's home. In the long run she won't want that, but if you are legally able to, you may need to overrule that decision and deal with her perhaps temporary unhappiness.

 

You may also have the option of relocating yourself for a school that she wants to attend.

 

Regardless of the custody agreement you may wish to give your child the choice at some point to live at one parent or another full time. We did that with my two older sons, but not until they were 16 and 17 years. In your case I probably wouldn't agree to that, though, because your wife doesn't sound like the best influence.

 

Good luck to you. Unfortunately I know way more than I wish I did about this stuff (and my attorney probably has his third vacation house paid off thanks to me

[quankanne]

With me it's let's get our homework done, let's have some rules, boundaries, etc. In other words, I'm the mean 'ole strict parent ... and I hate it!

 

I smile as I read these words, because they remind me of a conversation with my oldest niece 20-something years ago, when she was the same age as your daughter: C fussed about her mother not being an involved parent, nag nag nag teenage girl nagging ... then she said, "I probably shouldn't say this because we don't want you adults to know this, but we *like* when you give us boundaries and curfews, because it means you love us, and that you care about us." Blew my mind, but C's right: The "Mean Ol' Dad" routine will drive her nuts, but at the same time, it's creating a sense of security for your daughter, and a sense of constancy will carry on far through her life because you cared enough to nag. If she fusses, tell her you love her enough to be a mean old daddy, because you are giving her the best of yourself and that you care. She'll figure it out as she gets older, including the part about her mom being selfish.

 

another bit of advice: Don't point out the obvious about her mother, but if she asks, tell her the marriage failed because you had different visions for your relationship. When she gets older, and is better equipped to deal with the particular truth of y'alls marriage, you may want to consider letting her know the bare facts, that there was an issue of infidelity that broke up the marriage. My guess is that as she sees her mama flit from man to man to man, she'll put two and two together and come up with the truth. You prolly will have to confirm it, but again, that's not information you should volunteer, because frankly, that's between you and your ex, not y'alls daughter. Because even if you don't intend to say anything to taint your daughter's image of her mom, the minute you say anything that can be construed as negative of your ex, your daughter will distrust the both of you. Better to let her figure it out as she gets older ... she will respect you for not trying to poison that relationship because you loved her enough to not put that on her.

 

schooling: At this age, your daughter is prolly already in high school, or is fixing to start next year. Ask her what her plans are. Does she want to go to college? Join the service? Pursue a passion in the arts? Let her know that staying at her private school may make the difference in getting into a good college or help open the doors for an arts career; and if it's a military career, the discipline of being in a Catholic school would be good training ground. In other words, help her to see that while she want to be with her mom, she's going to be graduating from school in 4-5 years, and now's the time to be planning for life after high school.

 

last thought: I'm really sorry things didn't work out between you and the woman that you and your little one loved. I can't even imagine trying to bring someone new into a relationship with your child ... if it helps, maybe there's a trusted friend or relative, a female who can be like an aunt or older, wiser sister to your daughter? That's one thing I'm glad I could give my niece – she could vent and cry about what was going on, knowing that it stayed between the two of us, and she also knew she could have a reliable adult perspective to count on. If anything, I think it helped ease some of the strain that was between her and my sister.

Edited October 28, 2015 by quankanne

[ctwatlanta]

Wow!

 

I'm so glad I came to this forum and opened up. I've been dealing with this all alone and unable to vent or speak with anyone for a couple of days now. I've barely slept or eaten now in 2 days. I worry myself sick sometimes over my little girl and her future.

 

I hate to say this as I know I'll catch crap from some...but some days I wish her mom would just move away or disappear altogether. I truly believe our daughter would be better without her mom in her life.

 

Nonetheless, there has been such great advice from so many people and I really thank you for taking the time to read, and respond.

 

It's midnight here on the East coast and with all the good advice I'v received I believe I'll rest a little easier tonight.

 

Thank you again everyone.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

This:

 

 

My biggest fear in life is losing my little girl

 

 

and this:

 

 

everybody in the Loveshack audience knows you are going to "lose your little girl". She's fourteen, she's not four anymore... and we all know what's coming... (24, 34, and 44 too!)

 

 

 

and yet:

 

 

@ SincereOnlineGuy

 

... you couldn't be more wrong.

 

 

 

What if, instead of pretending to be or have the solution, you ARE the problem??

 

 

Your "little girl" went away years ago... and yet, when that was pointed out to you, you still didn't change your stripes.

 

 

This is... a person... a not-far-off adult... and unless you are prepared to risk waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than you have on the table with her now, it is high time you started planning for your own future.

 

All of your wealth isn't going to mean a whole lot to you if your potentially-bullying moves end up severing your relationship with your daughter.

 

And regardless of what you think about your ex now, all of us here still know that it was well within your (realm of decision-making) to select her in the beginning.

 

SO... the child you conceived with that woman 15-ish years ago is ALWAYS going to have the same genetics AND that woman is always going to BE her mother.

 

 

 

Now, like I said... fast-forward your own life 15 years, and tryyyyyyyyy to anticipate your values then (and guess, for lack of much other imagination, that whatever is going on in your daughter's life, will be something you want to be a part of ).

 

So the first step is don't eternally screw-up your relationship with your daughter by imparting your priorities onto her now.

 

If she wants to entertain thoughts of moving in with her mother... then allow her to go there for longer and longer periods of time, just for a bigger dose of what it's like.

 

IF YOUR OWN perceptions OF (the woman who you chose) are accurate, then you should be able to bank on the daughter expressing a wish to return to your protective lair.

 

 

If the daughter doesn't express wishes to return... well then you were wrong....

 

.

.

.

[StBreton]

OP ...please take a balanced approach to your situation. If you "demonize" your daughter's mom ...your daughter's deep love for her mom will come forth and that will put you in the position of the bad guy. By demonizing I mean any negative comments or behaviors on your part.

 

THE best thing you can do is to spend as much time with your daughter as possible ...even if it's on weekends ...in a fun setting with a great group of people who share similar values as you.

 

For example ... I have kids about your daughter's age ...2 boys ...and we have an awesome hobby that we do together ...with an amazing group of people ...where there are lots of kids that are my kids ages ...my ex could only dream of the experience I afford my kids. They can't wait to be with me because of the life we have. It's not about money ...it's the experience.

 

I do a lot of the right things with school, extracurricular activities etc. It's awesome that you so this with your daughter. She appreciates this and internalizes this ...have no doubt. I will say this ...when I talk with my kids about expectations re: behavior ...they tell me "mom ...we know ...we were raised in blah blah blah community" (upper class area). Even though they have had a great upbringing ...I remind them of MY Midwestern conservative roots ...to have fun ...but to think long term. Then I tell them how proud of them I am. Kids need to know you have faith in them and their decisions ...but also know you want to keep them on the right track. So my advise ...let your daughter know you trust she will make good decisions for herself ...by telling her she's doing a good job...but keep her close by ...even if it's through Skype during the week while she's at her moms.

 

I would be concerned your daughter is exposed to men through her mom ...let her know you will be there for anything that comes up ...it's just icky that your ex brings random guys around ...that's so wrong. I know you're in a bad spot with this ...but keep lines of communication open with your daughter.

[GunslingerRoland]

There is only so much you can do... she's growing up and she should have some responsibility to make her own choices. You can't help her do her homework forever, I don't think many high school kids get help from their parents anymore. Whether it's now or in 4 years when she goes off to college, she's going to need to learn to manage her own time.

 

As for turning out like her mom, everyone has their own personality... it sounds like you've been doing a great job of raising her morally, and I'm sure you still will even as your aren't her primary guardian... that goes a long way. But at the end of the day, so much is going to come down to her god given will power.

[lolablue17]

1. Do what you do normally - Being an example for a parent who is solid, stable, with successful career. It is so much, you wouldn't believe. You will not lose your influence, I can promise you that, and your daughter might regret her decision after a while, and if she didn't, you are her rock in life. Stay as the solid rock. Just be there when she needs you - It is so important.

 

2. If you are good term with her mom, Why don't you talk to her? Ask her (Her, not you) to tell your daughter the reason you split (Her affair). Ask her to try not being extrovert with her lifestyle in front of the kids.

 

3. I'm sorry but sleeping with 2-3 guys at the same period is not necessarily makes her a slut, or a failure. Try (as you are now) to never talk in front of your daughter, badly about her mother. Your own opinions don't matter on that matter.

 

4. Don't involve lawyers at court (unless you think that your Ex abuses your children), your daughter might hate you for that.

[Got it]

OP - talk to a family therapist and see if you can get some direction on how to handle this. I disagree with some that because she is under 18 she doesn't have say. That is not how my state works and by 14 she can decide where she wants to live and the courts take it heavily under consideration.

 

Talk to her more about why she wants to move to her mom's and speak to her as a fledgling adult. I know it may be hard, but you may have to "let her" so she can see for herself the good and the bad. She may also decide to come back to live with you. Maybe agree to try it out for the summer, prior to school starting and see how it feels for everyone.

 

In regards tell her about her mom's affair, I don't know. My dad told me when they were divorcing and it didn't have much of an impact. Their marriage was so bad it just another example of how they should have divorced years earlier. But it didn't impact my feelings towards either one of them. My husband has not told his kids about their mother's affair and isn't sure if he will. He is waiting for them to be adults but is still struggling with the decision. He doesn't want to impact their perception of their mom.

[Noproblem]

Some mothers are saints but their girls turn out to be mean and act badly

Some mothers are not particularly good women yet there daughters turn out amazing

 

 

Don't think because she is a bad wife, she is a bad mother!

 

She loves her kids, the more you want to protect her, the more you will push her away. Don't you know that she can see how desperate you are to keep her away from her mom!

 

She is her mom, she always gonna be her mom.

 

If you taught your kid well, she won't turn to be exactly like her mom.

 

 

Having sex is normal now a days

 

But you need to tell your daughter that it's only ok when she is truly in love not because everyone is doing it, not because celebrities are doing it.

 

Also teach her about cheating and how wrong is that!

 

Talk to her about honesty

 

Tell her you will always love her

 

But she must always be honest with you!

Stop panicking

 

 

She is not dead! She is not stray.

 

 

She is a teenager who love her mom and brother and sisters and it's boring to stay with her protective dad all the time!

 

 

Go buy a house near your ex!!!!!

 

That's way she is always near you

Edited November 9, 2015 by Noproblem

[Sweet108]

I agree with the don't talk badly about her mom in front of her. Talk to your buddies, a therapist, your extended family, journal as mean or nasty as you want, just not where she can hear or be aware of it.

 

I know this is heartbreaking for you that she wants to go live with her. She thinks everything will be so great. This is totally normal and more common than you know among teens of divorced parents! The best thing you can do is try to act like it isn't horrible. Tell her you will miss her and how much you value and love her. Then as tough as it is, let her go live with her. (unless there is abuse) I can almost guarantee that in six months she will be asking to come back to you.

You sound like an awesome dad. It's so great to see single dads parenting who put their kids first.

[preraph]

You're too focused on what the mom is doing. You may think now you are the better model for the child, but as long as you continue obsessing about your ex's love life and making it a big deal, you are modeling bad jealous obsessive man behavior for your daughter. So get a grip. Because you are her yardstick for what is normal and if she sees you with this unhealthy obsession for your ex and criticizing her every move and focusing on her dating other men and a bunch of bitterness and control issues, your daughter is going to go find her a boyfriend who is also jealous and obsessive and controlling, and that can be very dangerous and certainly doesn't make for a fun life to live with someone like that.

 

You need to show your daughter what a healthy relationship is like. There's no reason you can't date as long as you take your time to know someone before introducing your daughter. Show her what a good relationship is like instead of focusing on a bad one and how not to get over an ex.

 

You're trying to make yourself pure up next to your ex when you should just be trying to have a normal healthy life and not trying to make her look bad because you are abstaining from life.

 

You daughter should continue to be shared between you and your wife and you need to be polite when you see the wife and show what maturity is to your daughter. You can't control what your ex does on any level anymore, so you just control yourself and set the best example of polite, cooperative, normal and healthy that you can -- and keep your rules in place. She's still young and still needs that structure. She's not too young to recognize consistency and level headedness when she sees it. Good luck.