Author hotpotato Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Oh, geez. You're jealous of her, she's jealous of you. He's got his own twisted version of two women vying for his attention! Gross. This isn't healthy. I'm not jealous, I don't want to date a man + his daughter. Try not being the 3rd wheel when you are out with people who are already best friends! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Bizarre, that would make me super uncomfortable. Yeah no family members, friends or other tag alongs on dates.... Especially early in a relationship. But a daughter close to my age would also weird me out (but I am not into older dudes either...) I remember years ago when a guy i was dating brought a friend along. Need i say, this is deja vu. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Sounds like to me there should be a conversation with him...something along the lines of: "I really enjoy the time we get to spend with each other. Occasionally I am fine with your D coming along and maybe those times we should double date. However, I am wanting more one on one time. What do you think?" or if you can't get a straight answer from him, ask the daughter if she's "feeling pressure to cancel plans with her bf / friends to join you and your guy." She may be feeling the same thing. How much are you "really" into this guy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 We had such conversation yesterday, except i did not suggest we double date. Then im gonna be the 4th wheel. It will still be awkward if her dad and i want to get flirty. I never had any desire to tag along with dad on his dates. I dont get all this. He said that she feels left out, and he even admitted i was the third wheel. He basically said to get used to it and things would get better. Thank god she didnt come with us yesterday or the conversation probably would not have happened. I like him a lot, but he has a big hiant dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 HP, I understand that on the surface how you could see the DD as putting you as a 4th wheel but the idea would be to give the daughter a diversion to pay attention to her date and maybe even skip out to have some flirty time with her BF leaving you and your BF alone....how about you inviting him to a romantic dinner at your place... Also, when driving, the three of you, what is the seating arrangement? Are you in the front with him? If so and if she is in the backseat, maybe you could sneakily allow your hand to "wander" a bit to give him some "motivation" for some flirty time, I know this would have done it for me. I am thinking that if through all this he doesn't provide for more "alone" time with you, he may just not be the best fit....very sorry to say this but actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 HP, I understand that on the surface how you could see the DD as putting you as a 4th wheel but the idea would be to give the daughter a diversion to pay attention to her date and maybe even skip out to have some flirty time with her BF leaving you and your BF alone....how about you inviting him to a romantic dinner at your place... Also, when driving, the three of you, what is the seating arrangement? Are you in the front with him? If so and if she is in the backseat, maybe you could sneakily allow your hand to "wander" a bit to give him some "motivation" for some flirty time, I know this would have done it for me. I am thinking that if through all this he doesn't provide for more "alone" time with you, he may just not be the best fit....very sorry to say this but actions speak louder than words. I don't think this will do anything to fix the more serious problem which is that dad and daughter have some sort of weird attachment to each other and I blame the dad for that, not the daughter. A double date ain't gonna fix that issue. HP when you spoke to him about this and he said you would get used to it that pretty much gave you all the information you needed. He sees nothing wrong with this and isn't planning to do anything different. Didn't you say you have only been seeing him for a few weeks? I think you need to throw this one back into the water. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Also, when driving, the three of you, what is the seating arrangement? Are you in the front with him? If so and if she is in the backseat, maybe you could sneakily allow your hand to "wander" a bit to give him some "motivation" for some flirty time, I know this would have done it for me. So the solution is instead of just dating with the adult daughter there, they start getting intimate with her there too? And like I said in my earlier comment, I'm not convinced that this isn't exactly what he wants. He's making it pretty clear he doesn't want to change anything... unless you want to hold on until she's married and has kids and is too busy to hang out with dad, this is what you're getting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 HP, I understand that on the surface how you could see the DD as putting you as a 4th wheel but the idea would be to give the daughter a diversion to pay attention to her date and maybe even skip out to have some flirty time with her BF leaving you and your BF alone....how about you inviting him to a romantic dinner at your place... Also, when driving, the three of you, what is the seating arrangement? Are you in the front with him? If so and if she is in the backseat, maybe you could sneakily allow your hand to "wander" a bit to give him some "motivation" for some flirty time, I know this would have done it for me. I am thinking that if through all this he doesn't provide for more "alone" time with you, he may just not be the best fit....very sorry to say this but actions speak louder than words. All 3 of these people already have some kind of relationship with each other. I dont understand how having yet another individual will help. When we ride, i sit in the front, but his daughter calls the shots. If we are thinking of going to the movies, he asks her what she wants to see. If she doesnt want to go to the fair, we turn around and go home. Its almost like hes dating her. Touching him is an absolute no in front of her. Hes not feely feely to begin with. Hell, he almost made me sleep in the guest room. When im at his house watching tv with him, we sit on separate sofas. I doubt most girls want to see their date get romantic with someone almost her age. I live with fam so that makes it more complicated. I dont think anyone is intentionally putting me as 3rd or 4th wheel, thats just what happens when youre arouns people who already have a very very very well established relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 I don't think this will do anything to fix the more serious problem which is that dad and daughter have some sort of weird attachment to each other and I blame the dad for that, not the daughter. A double date ain't gonna fix that issue. HP when you spoke to him about this and he said you would get used to it that pretty much gave you all the information you needed. He sees nothing wrong with this and isn't planning to do anything different. Didn't you say you have only been seeing him for a few weeks? I think you need to throw this one back into the water. Ya, it's only been a few weeks. I already feel like i have weird stepmama drama. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 This is all beyond strange. Rather than trying to get to know you, he's skipped a bunch of steps and is trying to make you buddies with his daughter. It's not normal. It's only been a few weeks -- I'd be inclined to end it and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 3, 2015 Author Share Posted November 3, 2015 He told me that its just been him and her for the past 15 years. Hes had fwbs but apparently not much else. I never wouldve imagined a man bringing his grown daughter on dates. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 He told me that its just been him and her for the past 15 years. Hes had fwbs but apparently not much else. I never wouldve imagined a man bringing his grown daughter on dates. It's not going to change. He's made that very clear to you. If it were me, rather than start explaining my reasons...I'd just end it....and say "it's not working for me, I'm calling it a day rather than waste your time and mine" It's not even worth getting into a big discussion after a few weeks of dating. I'm not sure if this relationship is just fun for you..but the age gap could present an issue in the long run anyway. Can I ask....does he have performance issues? Have you been intimate enough to answer that question fully? Move on ..... if he can't see there's a problem...he get it and never will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 No, he has no performance issues whatsoever. He's very energetic, in and out of bed. He doesn't like or act 50. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 He told me that its just been him and her for the past 15 years. Hes had fwbs but apparently not much else. I never wouldve imagined a man bringing his grown daughter on dates. It's not hard to imagine why he hasn't had a serious relationship, given the nature of his relationship with his daughter. You say he's pretty much told you to "get used to it". But I don't get the impression you want to get used to this. I know I wouldn't. The whole situation sounds very awkward and unromantic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 It's not hard to imagine why he hasn't had a serious relationship, given the nature of his relationship with his daughter. You say he's pretty much told you to "get used to it". But I don't get the impression you want to get used to this. I know I wouldn't. The whole situation sounds very awkward and unromantic. Unromantic and awkward is right. Imagine trying to plan something and a guy says "Oooh i wonder if my daughter wants to go!" I can see why he hasnt been remarried. Everytime i meet a guy i really like he has some kind of dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Everytime i meet a guy i really like he has some kind of dealbreaker. Story of my life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Unromantic and awkward is right. Imagine trying to plan something and a guy says "Oooh i wonder if my daughter wants to go!" I was in a similar situation, but with most of the cling coming from my boyfriend's mother. We'd go on a romantic weekend vacation, and when we got home she'd ask why we didn't invite her and her other sons along Then she offered to buy us a new car as bait to include her more in our romantic outings It was a very strange situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 I was in a similar situation, but with most of the cling coming from my boyfriend's mother. We'd go on a romantic weekend vacation, and when we got home she'd ask why we didn't invite her and her other sons along Then she offered to buy us a new car as bait to include her more in our romantic outings It was a very strange situation. Was she divorced/ single for a long time? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Her husband died around age 40 and she refused to ever try having a romantic relationship again. Her sons encouraged her to date, but she had a million excuses and preferred to mold her kids into being her surrogate husband figures. My boyfriend was the youngest, so he had the least pressure. But since he was the most "normal" and independent, she leaned on him heavily. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 4, 2015 Author Share Posted November 4, 2015 Her husband died around age 40 and she refused to ever try having a romantic relationship again. Her sons encouraged her to date, but she had a million excuses and preferred to mold her kids into being her surrogate husband figures. My boyfriend was the youngest, so he had the least pressure. But since he was the most "normal" and independent, she leaned on him heavily. That is so abusive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 ^ But sadly, somewhat common. Especially with so many single mothers in the past few generations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 ^ But sadly, somewhat common. Especially with so many single mothers in the past few generations. Very common is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 This weekend went better. Daughter stayed mostly at her mom's. She came over for a bit, which i have no problems with. I don't mind her being there, but when she's there he invites her to almost EVERYTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 Any developments? You still with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotpotato Posted November 23, 2015 Author Share Posted November 23, 2015 So far he has turned it down a lot. This past weekend, we spent family time together. She was doing my hair, and we stopped at the beauty supply store...but then he didn't drop her off at the house. I had asked him to go to a certain restaurant when we first met. I also asked that we hang out at the french quarter. I really meant for it to be just us. It caused some awkward moments. Bf wanted to take me to what he calls the hoochie store. She was with us. He's picking out sexy outfits for me. Umm, awkward. She left us, understandably. We went bowling, and someone said something about his "two daughters." She looked embarrassed. We've been together a month a half. This past weekend wasn't ideal, but at least she doesn't come with us almost aaaaalll the time anymore. I brought up the topic of marriage. He said again on the car ride home how much 2nd ex wife hated his daughter. Second ex wife was really jealous. I do feel like he wants me and daughter to get along before he jumps in too deep. He's already asked me to move in. Link to post Share on other sites
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