daughter, dad, and me makes three!

[CarrieT]

From this:

We've been together a month a half.

 

To this:

He's already asked me to move in.

 

Equals: RED FLAG!!!!

 

Six weeks and he wants you to live with him!?!?!?

 

Run.

 

Seriously, you shouldn't consider living with someone until you have seen them through all four season - at least a year - and the fact that he wants this so early should be a huge concern for you.

 

And that he is pushing a dual relationship upon you with his daughter should be an additional concern. The whole thing seems odd and uncomfortable.

[hotpotato]

Ive told him that hes moving a wee bit fast.

 

One of his friends actually asked him whrn he was gonna pop the question. Lol

He does talk long term.

 

Im torn bc hes great aside from the bizarre family time and moving at a supersonic speed.

[xxoo]

Ive told him that hes moving a wee bit fast.

 

One of his friends actually asked him whrn he was gonna pop the question. Lol

He does talk long term.

 

Im torn bc hes great aside from the bizarre family time and moving at a supersonic speed.

 

Hold your boundary. Don't allow him to rush you. If he's serious about you, he'll wait for you to be ready. And you should take your time.

[hotpotato]

Hold your boundary. Don't allow him to rush you. If he's serious about you, he'll wait for you to be ready. And you should take your time.

 

We have had this discussion. He knows if he pops the question ill RUN. Im fine with him offering to move me in. He doesnt pressure me or anything.

[hotpotato]

I think he does have some kind of fetish. The last time i even talked to a guy who wanted to kove me in so fast, he had a fetish. It was a guy over the internet who had a "grow" fetish. I dont know if its an age or grow fetish for this guy.

 

This is just a day in the life for hot tater.

[GunslingerRoland]

What is a grow fetish?

 

 

And yeah, I'm sorry it's not normal behavior to take your lover out linger shopping with your adult daughter... I'm still leaning towards you being some sort of a kinky daughters friend fantasy for him.

[hotpotato]

What is a grow fetish?

 

 

And yeah, I'm sorry it's not normal behavior to take your lover out linger shopping with your adult daughter... I'm still leaning towards you being some sort of a kinky daughters friend fantasy for him.

 

Ut means a guy likes to see women get bigger and bigger. It could mean she gets fatter, more muscular, gets bigger brrast implants, stuff like that. Ive encountered such guys before but mostly on the www .

[hotpotato]

I still think its odd she went to that store with us.

He said it was her weekend to be with him. Btw he and i had been planning to go into this store. I dont blame her for leaving that store.

 

At the end of the day, i told him it felt like a family outing.

 

Honestly, i think it best we dont do things as a trio. Someone always gets leftout. He doesnt know how to *not* invite her if shes in the house.

[hotpotato]

is it normal to go on vacations with your opposite sex parent?

 

Bf and daughter go on vacations every year. I dont think I want to go. I couldn't imagine being the 3rd wheel for an entire weekend. I was already planning a solo vacation next year anyway.

 

If I went with them, I'd be encroaching on daddy daughter time.

 

The topic came up again yesterday. He brought it up.He said women shouldn't be upset because he's active in his child's life and their own father's or baby daddys were not. That's why I don't bring it up. I knew he would say something like that. It's almost like saying, "Don't be jealous bc your dad didn't do anything with you." Now it sounds like it wasn't just the 2nd ex wife. It sounds like he's gotten this complaint a lot.

 

I'm scared to make up date ideas because he might invite her. He doesn't get that he doesn't have to invite her to everything just because she's in the house. She has her own life, her own bf she can do things with.

[RecentChange]

This is insanity.

 

I am close with my dad, basically grew up with him being “single dad” – we did all sorts of stuff together, road trips, beach outings, countless hours spent at the stables, him watching riding lessons, taking me to competitions…. He was a GREAT dad, very engaged, actually served as “surrogate dad” for some of my “dad less” friends growing up.

 

But then I GREW UP and became an ADULT. He would visit me now and then in college, and now that I have moved back to the same area I make an effort to see him. We meet up for a dinner or lunch once every MONTH or so.

 

From the time I was a teen, he went on vacations with his GIRLFRIEND (now wife of 25+ years).

 

This relationship this man has with his grown daughter sounds very very odd. I do not know anyone who has a relationship like this with their father….

[rester]

is it normal to go on vacations with your opposite sex parent?

 

Bf and daughter go on vacations every year. I dont think I want to go. I couldn't imagine being the 3rd wheel for an entire weekend. I was already planning a solo vacation next year anyway.

 

If I went with them, I'd be encroaching on daddy daughter time.

 

If this was a stand-alone post/thread, I'd say it sounds normal and that I agree that you should let them have their own time together and not tag along. Seems simple enough.

 

The topic came up again yesterday. He brought it up.He said women shouldn't be upset because he's active in his child's life and their own father's or baby daddys were not. That's why I don't bring it up. I knew he would say something like that. It's almost like saying, "Don't be jealous bc your dad didn't do anything with you." Now it sounds like it wasn't just the 2nd ex wife. It sounds like he's gotten this complaint a lot.

 

I'm scared to make up date ideas because he might invite her. He doesn't get that he doesn't have to invite her to everything just because she's in the house. She has her own life, her own bf she can do things with.

 

There are obviously much bigger issues here. Is he making you feel weird about not wanting to go on vacation with both him and his daughter, or is he okay with it?

[hotpotato]

If this was a stand-alone post/thread, I'd say it sounds normal and that I agree that you should let them have their own time together and not tag along. Seems simple enough.

 

 

 

There are obviously much bigger issues here. Is he making you feel weird about not wanting to go on vacation with both him and his daughter, or is he okay with it?

Then he also needs to be cool with me traveling without him. I havent told him that i dont want to go on vacation with them.

 

Its not just ne. Evidently, he has been theough this rodeo before. Women understandably get tired of dating him and his daughter.

 

I dont want to suggest fun things to do in his hometown anymore bc it becomes a family date. In all fairness, it happens less. I dont know if she avoids the house, or if she just happens to be at her moms, if he talked with her or what.

 

It did happen when i wanted us to have a kind of romantic night in the french quarter. Guess what? It wasnt bc she was there.

[hotpotato]

What is a grow fetish?

 

 

And yeah, I'm sorry it's not normal behavior to take your lover out linger shopping with your adult daughter... I'm still leaning towards you being some sort of a kinky daughters friend fantasy for him.

I don't discount this really. Sometimes it does get weird, like having her stand between us, or if we go out to eat he thinks i want to sit by her. Ummm Im not dating her...

 

 

This is insanity.

 

I am close with my dad, basically grew up with him being “single dad” – we did all sorts of stuff together, road trips, beach outings, countless hours spent at the stables, him watching riding lessons, taking me to competitions…. He was a GREAT dad, very engaged, actually served as “surrogate dad” for some of my “dad less” friends growing up.

 

But then I GREW UP and became an ADULT. He would visit me now and then in college, and now that I have moved back to the same area I make an effort to see him. We meet up for a dinner or lunch once every MONTH or so.

 

From the time I was a teen, he went on vacations with his GIRLFRIEND (now wife of 25+ years).

 

This relationship this man has with his grown daughter sounds very very odd. I do not know anyone who has a relationship like this with their father….

Honestly, if i did things with my dad as frequently as she did, it would feel like I was dating daddy.

[hotpotato]

Grrr hes slipping back into his old habits. His daughter was in the house, so he just has to invite her everywhere. Btw his daughter has her own bf she can hang out with.

 

Last week, we, his,daughter, and her bf went on a double date. It wasnt planned. We couldnt find anyone else to go as we had two extra tickets. It didnt solve the flirt issues. We still couldnt be our normal flirty selves bc she was there. Im sure they changed their usual behavior a lot,too. Its awkward for everyone.

[hotpotato]

Grrrr. He's slipping more. I'm trying to hang in there, but he's making it hard.

 

He knows how I feel about her going on dates. She went riding around with us one day. He told her that I felt like 3rd wheel we are together. She was like, "Whyyy ." Uhh, because most people don't bring their daughter/best friend on dates.

 

Then she came to my hometown with us yesterday. Then he wonders why I was quiet. He was talking about me on the phone to his mom, and he thought that was why I was quiet. This man is truly oblivious. We went to the flea market. I did say I wanted to go back, but I meant just me and him. I shouldn't have to clarify that I say I want to do things I mean the two of us. We went to a mall and a plaza together. I feel like he's trying to force her down my throat. I feel like he's trying to get her seal of approval.

 

It's hard to discuss how I just want to be with him with her around.

 

It could have been a nice date, but it turned into a family outing. Now, if she had only come with us to eat one day and not been around both days that would be more tolerable. He wants her around almost all the town. He keeps inviting her....Wtf??????? She keeps coming even though she knows how I feel.

 

Also, I wonder how she would feel if she were trying to have a nice weekend with her bf, and I was there 1/2 the time. They want to go the movies. I'm there.They go shopping. I'm there. They want to grab lunch? I'm there. Oh they want to have a romantic night in the french quarter? And i'm there. I know that would be annoying. If they invited me to spend time with them, I would take it as a gesture of courtesy and turn them down.

Edited December 14, 2015 by hotpotato

[dreamingoftigers]

I couldn't believe this situation when I read it.

 

It is just too weird.

 

I didn't start this thread at the beginning and thought maybe he had his daughter so much because of a babysitting / custody / financial issue. Then I grew slowly confused realizing she's at least a teen and then a groen adult!

 

And you are buying lingerie with her present! What is this guy on?

 

Why is she hanging out? Extremely weird!

 

I shared this thread with my husband and he was practically speechless.

 

Sure, great they have a nice father/daughter relationship but what in the hell?

 

Like just beyond weird. Light years beyond healthy.

 

HP, this man needs to figure out who he is trying to date!

 

And honestly, his sense is so shot, he's just going to resent it all, And was willing to let his second marriage fail over the same thing. He probably just thinks he's a "great Dad and women need to be able to handle that his child is number #1." Buy Great Parents teach their kids about basic boundaries and intimacy. They don't take their kids on their dates!

 

Man, I cannot imagine EVER wanting to be on my parent's dates. CREEPY!

[dreamingoftigers]

Grrrr. He's slipping more. I'm trying to hang in there, but he's making it hard.

 

He knows how I feel about her going on dates. She went riding around with us one day. He told her that I felt like 3rd wheel we are together. She was like, "Whyyy ." Uhh, because most people don't bring their daughter/best friend on dates.

 

Then she came to my hometown with us yesterday. Then he wonders why I was quiet. He was talking about me on the phone to his mom, and he thought that was why I was quiet. This man is truly oblivious. We went to the flea market. I did say I wanted to go back, but I meant just me and him. I shouldn't have to clarify that I say I want to do things I mean the two of us. We went to a mall and a plaza together. I feel like he's trying to force her down my throat. I feel like he's trying to get her seal of approval.

 

It's hard to discuss how I just want to be with him with her around.

 

It could have been a nice date, but it turned into a family outing. Now, if she had only come with us to eat one day and not been around both days that would be more tolerable. He wants her around almost all the town. He keeps inviting her....Wtf??????? She keeps coming even though she knows how I feel.

 

Also, I wonder how she would feel if she were trying to have a nice weekend with her bf, and I was there 1/2 the time. They want to go the movies. I'm there.They go shopping. I'm there. They want to grab lunch? I'm there. Oh they want to have a romantic night in the french quarter? And i'm there. I know that would be annoying. If they invited me to spend time with them, I would take it as a gesture of courtesy and turn them down.

 

HP, you've seen since you've started dating this guy that he's going to do this.

 

You've expressed your feelings. You've showed that you dislike it. It's beyond weird.....you've only been dating weeks ..... And not a thing has changed.

 

It's obvious that you guys are incompatible because he's weird about his daughter and that is very ingrained.

 

It isn't that you are "rejecting her" its that you reject this weird weirdness that is awkward, uncomfortable and screws up dates that you pay for.

 

You should have to have to share this man's physical presence while on dates.....especially with his adult daughter.

[hotpotato]

To be fair, he was better for awhile. He really slipped this weekend, and im quickly losing patience. I dont feel like going through this almost all the time. Both of them know how i feel, no excuses.

 

Today he said she was kind of jealous of me as well as upset about her financial issues. Tagging along with us doesnt help. He said she doesnt have to come if she doesnt like it....well than stop inviting her????!!!!! He does not need her approval to date.

 

Oh and she really does have a bf, if you can believe that!!!! I doubt shed like it if i constantly hung around her and her bf (whenever she makes time for him, that is) Shes a grown azz college grad. A lot of family also lives in the area. Its not like she has *nobody.* If she were a child and he had custody issues, that would at least be understandable. But nope, shes grown. I thought i would not have these type issues whilst dating a man with a grown child.

 

Sitting down and have a long rational discussion is very difficult bc of 2nd ex wife and others. He really does see himself as Dad of the year. I wouldnt want to go on my parents dates either.

[MGX]

After so many talks with him about his daughter's constant presence, I think you should call it a quits.

 

The daughter is like a third person in that relationship.

[hotpotato]

After so many talks with him about his daughter's constant presence, I think you should call it a quits.

 

The daughter is like a third person in that relationship.

 

She really is. Its like he has two gfs.

[Erik30]

If you ever end up marrying this guy, be prepared for his daughter to move in with you guys.

 

Like everyone else already said, it's weird. You should only have to deal with his daughter on family occasions/dinners.

[hotpotato]

Part of me says the only way for this to end is for

 

Her to make more money

Have a very happy marriage and a few kids

And move far away

 

Everyone is right. If he didnt stop for the WIFEY he wont stop for me. This has been going on from pretty much day 1. Ive brought it up. Its not a secret. I think 2nd ex wife had a point but came after his daughter aggressively. Thus, she has ruined it for every woman thereafter. He really thinks hes being father of the year.

Eta: She looks exactly like 1st ex wife, which i think makes it worse.

Edited December 14, 2015 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

I couldn't believe this situation when I read it.

 

It is just too weird.

 

I didn't start this thread at the beginning and thought maybe he had his daughter so much because of a babysitting / custody / financial issue. Then I grew slowly confused realizing she's at least a teen and then a groen adult!

 

And you are buying lingerie with her present! What is this guy on?

 

Why is she hanging out? Extremely weird!

 

I shared this thread with my husband and he was practically speechless.

 

Sure, great they have a nice father/daughter relationship but what in the hell?

 

Like just beyond weird. Light years beyond healthy.

 

HP, this man needs to figure out who he is trying to date!

 

And honestly, his sense is so shot, he's just going to resent it all, And was willing to let his second marriage fail over the same thing. He probably just thinks he's a "great Dad and women need to be able to handle that his child is number #1." Buy Great Parents teach their kids about basic boundaries and intimacy. They don't take their kids on their dates!

 

Man, I cannot imagine EVER wanting to be on my parent's dates. CREEPY!

Re:bold that was one of those stores with all those,sexy dresses and outfits and maybe a little lingerie. Im still weirded out ge would have her tag along. We were all there looking at revealing sexy outfits until she finally left.

 

Yesterday at the mall i dragged him into victorias secret. He started talking to his daughter on the phone and told her where we were. That was the end of victorias secret visit. I couldnt hear ger, but he said it was my idea to go in there. If shr doesnt like it, she doesnt gave to come. No one asked her....oh wait somebody did. :rolleyes:

[hotpotato]

Ok, now the question is to leave before or after the holidays.

 

Sorry, but I can't live like this. Last night i was upset. When we first met, he told me he'd take me to a certain restaurant. He did, but he brought you know who. When I said that, i never in a million years expected him to bring his daughter. Same with the french quarter trip. A lot of people go to the French Quarter to have some kind of romance. Anyway, I told him I wanted to go again but this time make it a proper date with just us. He said I was trying to be slick and that I just wanted to go again. Damn right, I want to go on a proper date. I'm sick of having him shove her down my throat. He doesn't even see what's wrong with what he's doing.

 

The other day, we went to the mall we happened to walk by rings. He picked one out. Later he said he might surprise me with one next year.

 

I couldn't imagine being his wife. Let's say i'm trying to plan some time for us. "OOOH I wonder if my daughter wants to go!"

 

This is all too weird. I can't take it anymore. I understand how she could be upset. When she hangs around, he makes comments about her body. Sometimes he'll compare us in a way that makes her look bad. When we go out, he makes comments about what her and her boyfriend better not be doing even though we do it. It's just too weird. He's just too accustomed to having her as his gf to stop.

 

He'd rather be dad #1 than my boyfriend or a husband.

 

He prefers to date his daughter, and there's nothing I can do with that. He didn't change for 2nd ex wife who he really loved, and he's not going to change for me. I'm not interested in being married to him + his daughter.

[hotpotato]

Looking at rings was only mildly romantic sincecwe had to worry abt his daughter coming in.