CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 primarily because I have no idea how to be clever/witty what my profile and messages. Even though I'm a lot of fun in real life, I just don't know how to write in an extremely entertaining manner. From what i've seen, online dating only works for guys who can do the dancing clown routine or who are top 0.000001% male model handsome. I just don't know how to do the dancing clown routine - I know my profile will come across as very generic. In truth, I don't do anything unusual, I have a very average life but I just do everything very well. My interests and hobbies are very generic. Women online are getting 500,000,000 messages a day so I know I'm going to blend in with the other guys hitting on them. I have started to look a lot better in pictures and if I get a professional photographer, I know I will look awesome in pics but that may not be enough - any moderately cute girl is getting a million messages a day from men who are good looking, buff, stylish, successful and educated. Women online say they want a guy who is educated, mature, intelligent and genuine (which I believe I'm all of those) but none of those traits seem to matter at all compared to how important the dancing clown routine is. Should I pay for somebody to ghost write my profile and messages? All I need is some dates. My personality in real life is fine and I'm sure the girls will want to be with me once they meet me in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Should I pay for somebody to ghost write my profile and messages? All I need is some dates. My personality in real life is fine and I'm sure the girls will want to be with me once they meet me in real life. It can't hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Was it you who sent out 60 messages on a dating site and only got one reply? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 It can't hurt. how do I even go about doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Google it. There are several professional services who do this. Or put an ad on Craigslist and hire someone that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I say hire the photographer, but make sure they have the ability to produce a look that's a bit edgy and not too slick. You don't want it to look too professional- that means someone really talented. A top wedding shooter that shoots journalistic style candids might work. I think you can manage the writing yourself. Focus on what's different about you, not the generic. You don't need to write a lengthy essay, just enough to generate interest. It's better if it comes from you. Find some well written profiles for inspiration and emulate a style matches your photos. Let your confidence shine through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Was it you who sent out 60 messages on a dating site and only got one reply? yep it was 6 years ago. I'm better looking now - especially much more photogenic, more educated and mature, am extremely successful (I was a poor college student back then), still I don't know if any of those things matter. Any halfway decent looking girl is getting a million messages a day from men who are very good looking, successful, stylish, etc... etc... etc... I feel that I will just blend in with the crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Having one professional photo is a good idea but the rest should be of you doing activities with your friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I say hire the photographer, but make sure they have the ability to produce a look that's a bit edgy and not too slick. You don't want it to look too professional- that means someone really talented. A top wedding shooter that shoots journalistic style candids might work. I think you can manage the writing yourself. Focus on what's different about you, not the generic. You don't need to write a lengthy essay, just enough to generate interest. It's better if it comes from you. Find some well written profiles for inspiration and emulate a style matches your photos. Let your confidence shine through. I was born in a different country came into America in 1998 Speak 2 languages and understand a 3rd I would say that's the most unique things about me. I think I would be an awesome boyfriend but I just don't know how to be a funny/entertaining writer and you either have to be very good at that or look like a male model for women online to give you a chance. Online dating for men is just absolutely brutal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 but the rest should be of you doing activities with your friends. that's a no go My friends are all very good looking very athletic looking white guys. I know how much women go crazy for the all american white boy look (I look Spanish/Middle Eastern/Italian). I'm not trying to get dates for my friends Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I would not discount the magic of a professional profile writer. I cannot tell you how many profiles I came across of men who were just ... not great at writing. Did it mean they were bad dating picks? Probably not, but because OLD so heavily relies on what you have to say about yourself (and photos, yes), you have to be able to say it well. I would tend to pass over guys who did not have well-written profiles. If OP was asking if he should hire a professional resume writer, no one would think twice. It's the exact same thing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 that's a no go My friends are all very good looking very athletic looking white guys. I know how much women go crazy for the all american white boy look (I look Spanish/Middle Eastern/Italian). I'm not trying to get dates for my friends You could block out their faces. My point was if all your photos are professional headshots, it may send the wrong message that you're some narcissistic prick. Ladies would you agree? I also think you should write the profile yourself. Pretend you went on a blind date and you have to tell your date about yourself. How would you do it? I would answer in a very non-serious manner with a dry sense of humor. Maybe make fun of some of my hobbies or my job. Because that's what my personality is like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) primarily because I have no idea how to be clever/witty .... Should I pay for somebody to ghost write my profile and messages? All I need is some dates. My personality in real life is fine and I'm sure the girls will want to be with me once they meet me in real life. A modern day Cyrano de Bergarac? Well aside from the obvious veracity of a ghost writer for messages ... I'm not against someone sitting with you while you get your feet wet with messaging back and forth. It's definitely different than real life interaction. After that ...I don't like the idea of the person that you're interacting with trusting their messages are for your eyes only. I don't like the disingenuous nature of it. People can share some personal info in their messages. I know it's the internet and we shouldn't assume anything we convey is private but still ... Also ...There is a bit of a system to making first contact, messaging back and forth to build rapport, and through asking for a date ... if you want to know more ...maybe start a thread pertaining to just that topic as it would be beneficial to OLD newbies. Thread titles ...OLD how to/tips... OLD for dummies (ok don't take that wrong ...just a play on all the dummies books) As for someone setting up your profile ...absolutely have someone do it if you don't feel confident. I think there's a good business opportunity for people to do this ...it's like PR for dating. If prof pix ...have them be candid looking ...and some doing things you like. One friend pic is necessary ...girls like to make sure you're normal and having friends is a "tell" for this. Block faces Edited October 27, 2015 by StBreton Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I would not discount the magic of a professional profile writer. I cannot tell you how many profiles I came across of men who were just ... not great at writing. Did it mean they were bad dating picks? Probably not, but because OLD so heavily relies on what you have to say about yourself (and photos, yes), you have to be able to say it well. I would tend to pass over guys who did not have well-written profiles. If OP was asking if he should hire a professional resume writer, no one would think twice. It's the exact same thing. I am a very good fluent writer. I'm just not good at the dancing clown routine so I know my profile will come across as generic Would you pass over a guy like me who looked good in his pics and had a well written profile that made him seem serious and mature but was not necessarily a funny writer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 You could block out their faces. My point was if all your photos are professional headshots, it may send the wrong message that you're some narcissistic prick. Ladies would you agree? No I could have one head shot, one full body shot wearing a nice button down shirt and maybe one more picture taken with a regular camera that's more casual I think putting pictures of my friends and then blocking out their faces sounds very dumb How would you do it? I would answer in a very non-serious manner with a dry sense of humor. Maybe make fun of some of my hobbies or my job. Because that's what my personality is like. this is what I'm talking about that I can't do Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 As for someone setting up your profile ...absolutely have someone do it if you don't feel confident. I think there's a good business opportunity for people to do this ...it's like PR for dating. isn't it pathetic though? Why do men have to jump through flaming hoops to be even mildly successful in dating nowadays? Women can post a horrible profile that makes them seem dumb and immature and get 50,000 men hitting on them if they're halfway decent looking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Would you pass over a guy like me who looked good in his pics and had a well written profile that made him seem serious and mature but was not necessarily a funny writer? No. Serious + mature is not bad; "funny" does not always come across in writing. I would look for: Is he interesting? Is his outlook on life positive? Does he seem dark/depressed/negative/resentful/chip on shoulder? Does he seem playful/friendly? Spelling/grammar counts for something Similar lifestyle/interests Is he cute (to me)? People can be funny IRL but it doesn't come across always in writing. Still, I say why not try and get all the help you can get? If not someone to write if for you, then someone to critique/edit/help you out. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 OP ...it's probably good you're dreading OLD ...it will help you temper your activity as some become almost addicted to it Just try it for 3 months and see how it goes ... Go ahead ...jump in the water! Try Match or one of the pay sites. Girls don't get 1M or 500M messages a day. I'm sure you'd stand out. FYI ... You say you're very successful ...and have it all except a special woman in your life ...but you're at the top of the chart for being risk averse. Don't be scared ...we'll all be here holding your hand:) Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think it helps if your profile somewhat conveys your personality accurately. If you're a serious and mature guy in person, than perhaps that's how your profile should be. I'm kind of skeptical if hiring a professional to do it would help much, if at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I would look for: Is he interesting? Is his outlook on life positive? Does he seem dark/depressed/negative/resentful/chip on shoulder? Does he seem playful/friendly? Spelling/grammar counts for something Similar lifestyle/interests Is he cute (to me)? let's go down the list here 1)Don't know - it's subjective 2)Yes - I'm very positive 3)no I'm pretty happy 4)very friendly 5)my spelling and grammar should be impeccable. I hate bad writing. 6)I look for similar interests as well of course 7)You and a few other ladies said I'm very handsome So why did I struggle so miserably 6 years ago? Most of these things were true back then as well Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I hate professional photos, they look plastic. I avoid any profile when I am on OLD with those. If you get someone to write your profile you then still need t communicate at that level when you mail with someone... What will you do? Get your ghost writer to reply for you? Be yourself and don't panic, your OP sounds like you are panicking. From what I have seen of a few of your posts you haven't displayed humour, display some. Be self depreciating, tease a bit. Above all just relax! Don't get your knickers in a twist for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 isn't it pathetic though? Why do men have to jump through flaming hoops to be even mildly successful in dating nowadays? Women can post a horrible profile that makes them seem dumb and immature and get 50,000 men hitting on them if they're halfway decent looking. You really don't like having to put forth any effort OP ...that's very evident in all your posts. You seem to resent any effort and expect things to be handed to you on a silver platter ...the king syndrome? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CosmicGate7 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 OP ...it's probably good you're dreading OLD ...it will help you temper your activity as some become almost addicted to it Just try it for 3 months and see how it goes ... Go ahead ...jump in the water! Try Match or one of the pay sites. Girls don't get 1M or 500M messages a day. I'm sure you'd stand out. FYI ... You say you're very successful ...and have it all except a special woman in your life ...but you're at the top of the chart for being risk averse. Don't be scared ...we'll all be here holding your hand:) I'm getting deja vu. I was getting the same feedback that I got 6 years ago from websites like this filled with wonderful people telling me that I'm amazing and very good looking and this and that Maybe I can send 100,000 messages this time to get a single response? Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 All this time I assumed I was winning at OLD because I was model handsome, but as you said....it's probably the dancing clown routine. Advice: Make the "who I'm looking for" paragraph very limited. Specify one race, one hair color, one body type, a narrow height & age range, One eye color. Ok, you're a guy and would gladly sleep with a range of races, eye colors, and ages. Hair color matters not to you. BUT by narrowing your criteria you make those that meet it (and there will be many)feel as though they're perfect for you. They may even contact you first. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 let's go down the list here 1)Don't know - it's subjective 2)Yes - I'm very positive 3)no I'm pretty happy 4)very friendly 5)my spelling and grammar should be impeccable. I hate bad writing. 6)I look for similar interests as well of course 7)You and a few other ladies said I'm very handsome So why did I struggle so miserably 6 years ago? Most of these things were true back then as well My take after reading a lot of your posts: -you're pessimistic -a bit of a Danny downer -lack a sense of humor ...you have not once displayed playful banter on this forum -you are friendly ...you initiate and engage ...but not playfully -handsome yes -good grammar and can convey thoughts well ...a bit of circular thinking though but just as you seem to be getting a leg out of the vortex you're in ...you pull it back in 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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