I'm Dreading Trying Online Dating

[CosmicGate7]

I hate professional photos, they look plastic.

I avoid any profile when I am on OLD with those.

 

I want to have pro pics that don't look overly professional - just look like normal high quality pics.

 

I think I would benefit tremendously from a professional helping me out here. It's not to deceive women, it's to make me come across in pics the same way I come across in real life - I generally look much better in real life.

 

 

Be yourself and don't panic, your OP sounds like you are panicking.

 

it's because I know I'm against absolutely ferocious competition, especially at my age going after females who are in their 20s who are getting pursued by every man on the planet.

[StBreton]

I want to have pro pics that don't look overly professional - just look like normal high quality pics.

 

I think I would benefit tremendously from a professional helping me out here. It's not to deceive women, it's to make me come across in pics the same way I come across in real life - I generally look much better in real life.

 

 

 

 

it's because I know I'm against absolutely ferocious competition, especially at my age going after females who are in their 20s who are getting pursued by every man on the planet.

 

If all future Olympians thought as you did ...there wouldn't be any games

[CosmicGate7]

My take after reading a lot of your posts:

 

-you're pessimistic

-a bit of a Danny downer

 

only about dating - which is because it's been a very very frustrating experience for me.

 

I'm extremely positive about everything else in life. I'm always smiling and having fun in real life.

 

 

-lack a sense of humor ...you have not once displayed playful banter on this forum

 

 

Well this is not a forum talking about anything I enjoy talking about (IE sports, music, movies, etc...). I'm quite a bit different in real life when I'm talking about things I enjoy.

 

 

-good grammar and can convey thoughts well ...a bit of circular thinking though but just as you seem to be getting a leg out of the vortex you're in ...you pull it back in

 

elaborate on this

[losangelena]

it's because I know I'm against absolutely ferocious competition, especially at my age going after females who are in their 20s who are getting pursued by every man on the planet.

 

You need to cut it out with this hyperbole, man. It's hard to take you seriously when you use terms like "every man on the planet," and "500,000 men."

 

No, your pool is not that big; it's your attitude that is your biggest obstacle. I know you hate hearing it, but guess what, it's true.

[CosmicGate7]

If all future Olympians thought as you did ...there wouldn't be any games

 

 

 

let's be honest here, online dating absolutely sucks for men. I'm almost being forced to do this because I have basically no prospects in real life - I don't meet women in my daily routine and the cold approach is extremely difficult.

 

 

My last resort is going to have to be to bring a woman here from my homeland. I would be treated almost like a celebrity there because of how well I'm doing here but I'm very Americanized so I would much rather have an American wife who likes football and country music like I do.

[CosmicGate7]

You need to cut it out with this hyperbole, man. It's hard to take you seriously when you use terms like "every man on the planet," and "500,000 men."

 

No, your pool is not that big; it's your attitude that is your biggest obstacle. I know you hate hearing it, but guess what, it's true.

 

 

Every man on the planet does love women in their 20s. Why is that hyperbole? I know 50 year old guys who hit on 25 year olds.

 

Just FYI, I had a very positive attitude 6 years ago when I tried online dating. I received a ton of fantastic and very positive feedback from sites like this. I tried OLD and crashed and burned pretty badly.

 

I'm trying to be positive again but it's tough.

[deadelvis]

once you start messaging back and forth you're going to be doing the clown dance anyway.

[StBreton]

I'm getting deja vu. I was getting the same feedback that I got 6 years ago from websites like this filled with wonderful people telling me that I'm amazing and very good looking and this and that

 

 

 

Maybe I can send 100,000 messages this time to get a single response?

 

I wouldn't have agreed to any 20 yr old guy or girl using OLD ... The best people in they age range do not use OLD.

 

When I was your age I was very social ...all guys who wanted girlfriends got one and vice versa ...no matter if they lived in a big city or small farming town

[StBreton]

We're back to you shooting every thing down. That is your way. You must change this and be optimistic.

[CosmicGate7]

When I was your age I was very social ...all guys who wanted girlfriends got one and vice versa ...no matter if they lived in a big city or small farming town

 

 

I've had around 100-150 friends in my lifetime yet have had basically nothing dating wise. I'm not talking about weird or nerdy friends either - all my social circle is good looking, upscale, classy, educated, intelligent and wonderful people.

 

 

...you're slowly understanding why dating drives me insane.

[SwordofFlame]

OP realizes that some people need to work harder than others in certain aspects of their life. Funny thing is he already does this in his career and bodybuilding, but for some reason thinks he deserves quality women to just make it easy for him. Well I guess dating is yet another thing that you'll just need to work harder at than everyone else. Why is that any different than how you approach everything else in life?

[CosmicGate7]

once you start messaging back and forth you're going to be doing the clown dance anyway.

 

 

lol you're assuming I'm actually going to get replies. Last time I got one reply out of all the messages I sent.

[StBreton]

Every man on the planet does love women in their 20s. Why is that hyperbole? I know 50 year old guys who hit on 25 year olds.

 

Just FYI, I had a very positive attitude 6 years ago when I tried online dating. I received a ton of fantastic and very positive feedback from sites like this. I tried OLD and crashed and burned pretty badly.

 

I'm trying to be positive again but it's tough.

 

You were 20 ...you've changed a lot. You're in a more desirable demographic all around now.

 

When I was 25 ...if a 50 yr old guy hit on me ...yuk! That would be like my dad

 

Don't worry about that.

[CosmicGate7]

OP realizes that some people need to work harder than others in certain aspects of their life. Funny thing is he already does this in his career and bodybuilding, but for some reason thinks he deserves quality women to just make it easy for him. Well I guess dating is yet another thing that you'll just need to work harder at than everyone else. Why is that any different than how you approach everything else in life?

 

 

 

I do work very hard at my career and bodybuilding but you're making it seem like I'm less inclined to be successful than other people. I had big arms, chest and shoulders at 15 before I even started lifting - my genetics are fantastic in that area. I was awesome at my job my first year doing it.

 

 

but here's the thing - I'm looking for about 10% of the success in dating I've had in all my other areas overall. Other guys similar to me are sleeping with 6 or 7 different beautiful women at the same time. I just want 1 decent looking girlfriend. I actually have very very low standards for myself in this area of my life compared to everything else I do.

[losangelena]

Every man on the planet does love women in their 20s. Why is that hyperbole? I know 50 year old guys who hit on 25 year olds.

 

Just FYI, I had a very positive attitude 6 years ago when I tried online dating. I received a ton of fantastic and very positive feedback from sites like this. I tried OLD and crashed and burned pretty badly.

 

I'm trying to be positive again but it's tough.

 

That doesn't mean that every woman you approach is going to have "every man on the planet" pursuing them. C'mon. That is PURE hyperbole. What that kind of attitude you are literally setting yourself up to fail.

 

How about: take every man on the planet, whittle that number down to

 

SINGLE MEN

IN YOUR AREA

WHO ARE ONLINE

WHO ARE RELATIONSHIP-MINDED

AND AGE-APPROPRIATE

WHO THIS HYPOTHETICAL WOMAN IS CONCEIVABLY INTERESTED IN

 

Suddenly that number just got a whole lot smaller.

 

I agree with St. Breton. Eventually, you shoot everything down—it's seriously tiresome. OK, you had bad luck before. It happens. No one takes a 20 year old seriously. Stop having the mentality of a 20 year old.

 

I tried OLD twice in my 20s and it SUCKED. I finally tried it again a couple of years ago and my results were much better. I was on a free site and yes, I had professional photos taken.

 

How you PRESENT YOURSELF makes a difference. It is worth the effort if you are truly interested in a relationship.

 

If you're just interested in complaining about it on an online forum, well it looks like you've accomplished that with flying colors.

[StBreton]

I've had around 100-150 friends in my lifetime yet have had basically nothing dating wise. I'm not talking about weird or nerdy friends either - all my social circle is good looking, upscale, classy, educated, intelligent and wonderful people.

 

 

...you're slowly understanding why dating drives me insane.

 

The common denominator is you then. I don't know how to critique you on here but through your words and the one pic. I've already given my opinion on many areas of "you" but don't really know the real you. You do say that you haven't asked girls out because they don't show interest so I suggested asking 5 girls out over the past weekend that you found attractive ...how did that go?

 

My statement of "all guys who wanted girlfriends had one" meant that those guys stuck their neck out and asked a girl out.

 

Online or in real life ...you've got to go for it. It's not going to be handed to you on a silver platter. You know that things are not handed to you by seeing how hard your parents worked and your saying you grew up "poor" ...and you know how hard you've worked to get where you are. Why should dating and finding a special woman be any less work?

 

You can do this Cosmic!

[CosmicGate7]

I tried OLD twice in my 20s and it SUCKED. I finally tried it again a couple of years ago and my results were much better. I was on a free site and yes, I had professional photos taken.

 

You're a woman. Come on now, you know better than to compare your experience with mine

 

You play the dating game on a 100 times lower difficulty level than I do

 

Even guys I know who have slept with 50-100 women say how much easier dating is for the opposite gender.

 

How you PRESENT YOURSELF makes a difference. It is worth the effort if you are truly interested in a relationship.

 

I understand that

 

I wouldn't spend 500 dollars when I go out shopping, spend 6 hours in the gym per week or read books on strong body language/posture/tone of voice if I didn't understand that.

 

I'm happy you had better luck though, I appreciate your positive feedback and wonderful compliments towards me. I apologize if I'm being a little difficult, I have a tendency to be very stubborn, especially in areas like this that are very frustrating to me.

[CosmicGate7]

The common denominator is you then. I don't know how to critique you on here but through your words and the one pic. I've already given my opinion on many areas of "you" but don't really know the real you. You do say that you haven't asked girls out because they don't show interest so I suggested asking 5 girls out over the past weekend that you found attractive ...how did that go?

 

My statement of "all guys who wanted girlfriends had one" meant that those guys stuck their neck out and asked a girl out.

 

Online or in real life ...you've got to go for it. It's not going to be handed to you on a silver platter. You know that things are not handed to you by seeing how hard your parents worked and your saying you grew up "poor" ...and you know how hard you've worked to get where you are. Why should dating and finding a special woman be any less work?

 

You can do this Cosmic!

 

 

You guys have the wrong idea of me

 

 

I'm okay with sending a 100 messages, getting 10 replies, maybe 3 dates and 1 girl ending up my girlfriend. I'm not scared of work and I don't expect every woman to love me.

 

 

In my case, what would probably happen (based on my previous experience) is I send 200 messages with zero replies, end up being incredibly demoralized and swear off women forever... probably go live in Tibet as a celibate monk.

[StBreton]

I do work very hard at my career and bodybuilding but you're making it seem like I'm less inclined to be successful than other people. I had big arms, chest and shoulders at 15 before I even started lifting - my genetics are fantastic in that area. I was awesome at my job my first year doing it.

 

 

but here's the thing - I'm looking for about 10% of the success in dating I've had in all my other areas overall. Other guys similar to me are sleeping with 6 or 7 different beautiful women at the same time. I just want 1 decent looking girlfriend. I actually have very very low standards for myself in this area of my life compared to everything else I do.

 

You're not getting it OP. I feel like I'm being pulled down the rabbit hole again with your thinking. I'm feeling frustrated ...last time that happened I posted a frustrated message to you and received friendly points ...I'm going to bow out of this thread. Wish you the best.

[losangelena]

You can't tell me that, as a successful 26-year old, who's relatively handsome, with a good job and a good car and is funny and lighthearted in every way other than dating, that there is not something within you that is holding you back from getting a girlfriend.

 

I know more than one dorky, well-below-average, struggling-in-his-career guy who has found himself a girlfriend and a loving relationship.

 

They can do it; you can do it.

 

You can blame all the external factors you want. Ultimately, you will need to find a way to get over the internal barriers that are in your way. We cannot help you with that.

[Jejangles]

CosmicGate7, I don't think you should even bother trying to online date until you adjust your attitude about it. I have been on dates with guys with your attitude, and it's just a self fulfilling prophecy. They think online dating sucks, we go on a date, they complain about how hard it all is and how life is against them, I'm turned off by their attitude and decline a second date and so the cycle continues. Now they can add one more woman to the list of those who "did them wrong".

 

You're still relatively young (I'm mid 30s) and so I feel where you're coming from at this stage in your life. I have been single for most of my life and it was only in the last couple of years that I realised I am the problem. I'm shy and scared, I give mixed signals, I only like guys who don't like me... I have done a lot of work on myself in the last two years and my dating life as improved immeasurably as a result.

 

And please stop going on about how women have men bombarding them with messages! Ok, yes, we likely get more messages but most are not from anyone we would consider. We also get way more sexual comments and harassment than men. So it's not all sunshine and roses here on the female side of the coin. You keep going back to that, and frankly, it's irritating.

[GemmaUK]

it's because I know I'm against absolutely ferocious competition, especially at my age going after females who are in their 20s who are getting pursued by every man on the planet.

 

They aren't!!!!!!!

 

Please stop catastrophizing!

 

It'll do you so much good if you stop this.

I suspect you panic if you were to run out of toothpaste or hair gel or some such...that'd wreck your day wouldn't it?

[CosmicGate7]

CosmicGate7, I don't think you should even bother trying to online date until you adjust your attitude about it. I have been on dates with guys with your attitude, and it's just a self fulfilling prophecy. They think online dating sucks, we go on a date, they complain about how hard it all is and how life is against them, I'm turned off by their attitude and decline a second date and so the cycle continues. Now they can add one more woman to the list of those who "did them wrong".

 

this would not be me at all

 

When I'm around other people in real life (especially people I like), I am very friendly and I'm all about making sure we both have a great time and that they feel very comfortable around me. I actually have the capacity to be very charismatic.

 

I definitely would not be complaining at all, but again this is assuming I actually get a date or too, which I'm very very skeptical about but I would be willing to bet money that I would get a girlfriend if I just got 2 or 3 dates. That's how confident I am in my ability to be very likable in real life.

 

 

 

You're still relatively young (I'm mid 30s) and so I feel where you're coming from at this stage in your life. I have been single for most of my life and it was only in the last couple of years that I realised I am the problem. I'm shy and scared, I give mixed signals, I only like guys who don't like me... I have done a lot of work on myself in the last two years and my dating life as improved immeasurably as a result.

 

 

 

 

I work extremely obsessively on myself in every possible way I can everyday.

[GemmaUK]

I work extremely obsessively on myself in every possible way I can everyday.

 

Then people will just see you as obsessive.

Obsessive = off putting.

Like I said before....Relax!!

[CosmicGate7]

You can't tell me that, as a successful 26-year old, who's relatively handsome, with a good job and a good car and is funny and lighthearted in every way other than dating, that there is not something within you that is holding you back from getting a girlfriend.

 

I know more than one dorky, well-below-average, struggling-in-his-career guy who has found himself a girlfriend and a loving relationship.

 

They can do it; you can do it.

 

You can blame all the external factors you want. Ultimately, you will need to find a way to get over the internal barriers that are in your way. We cannot help you with that.

 

 

Here's the honest truth about it

 

 

I don't meet many women in my daily routine

The ones I meet don't ever like me - my best friend owns a salon and I've gone out with the girls at his salon a few times and none of the girls at his salon like me. What do you want me to do about it? We get along well, we can have a good time together but none of them are attracted to me/want to date me.

Cold approaching to me is extremely difficult

 

 

This isn't me blaming external factors. When I say women don't like me, that obviously means there is something wrong with me - I'm either not handsome enough, not charismatic enough, etc...