Has anyone gotten back together with ex-spouse after several years?

[Elif]

If yes.... and you had relationships with others in that time... and they were serious... how do you feel about these people after getting back together with ex-spouse? Did you never get over your ex and the other relationships were just to pass the time? Did they mean anything at all? Or did you get back together with ex for comfort? Convenience? Children?

[BlueDress]

I will be reuniting with my ex hopefully soon. He remarried the woman he had an affair with. I had a few relationships that didn't last. They only brought out what I knew. I love my husband and he is the one. The other relationships meant nothing.

 

He says his relationship meant something but I don't know. It doesn't add up that it meant anything. She tricked him with a relationship, tied him down with babies, bled him dry.

 

I forgive him for leaving and it doesn't matter. His time with her was a distraction. A moment in life. His leaving may have even been a good thing. I just learned that being divorced means I can get more from him now than ever. More than she can get out of him. So it was a good way to remind him of me and our potential as a couple.

 

It can be done. It takes time. Hope. Faith.

[Lurkeraspect]

I will be reuniting with my ex hopefully soon. He remarried the woman he had an affair with. I had a few relationships that didn't last. They only brought out what I knew. I love my husband and he is the one. The other relationships meant nothing.

 

He says his relationship meant something but I don't know. It doesn't add up that it meant anything. She tricked him with a relationship, tied him down with babies, bled him dry.

 

I forgive him for leaving and it doesn't matter. His time with her was a distraction. A moment in life. His leaving may have even been a good thing. I just learned that being divorced means I can get more from him now than ever. More than she can get out of him. So it was a good way to remind him of me and our potential as a couple.

 

It can be done. It takes time. Hope. Faith.

 

What? You can "get" more from him now? That's a recipe for disaster. Denial runs thick here.

 

To the OP: yes, I have seen some couples remarry after years apart, of course they only seem to last if the issues (that caused the divorce) have been worked on and resolved. But I've never seen an ex wife successfully "win" her ex back once he's remarried and started a family.

Edited October 28, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[Elif]

 

To the OP: yes, I have seen some couples remarry after years apart, of course they only seem to last if the issues (that caused the divorce) have been worked on and resolved. But I've never seen an ex wife successfully "win" her ex back once he's remarried and started a family.

 

 

I just know someone who had 3 kids with her husband, things went sour, they divorced and she had another serious relationship. The guy left her (she begged him to go back but he didnt) and a year after that she got back together with ex-husband. The 5 years they were apart were not good, he didnt care for the children either and they werent on speaking terms a year ago.

 

Why would they get back together? Why would someone return to such a situation? Did that 1 serious relationship mean anything ? Will the person in between feel like the relationship was fake if in the end she returned to the ex ?

 

Im just wondering how people feel and think in these situations.

[cocorico]

If yes.... and you had relationships with others in that time... and they were serious... how do you feel about these people after getting back together with ex-spouse? Did you never get over your ex and the other relationships were just to pass the time? Did they mean anything at all? Or did you get back together with ex for comfort? Convenience? Children?

 

There are classic "bus stop" Ms like Richard Burton & Liz Taylor, where they can't live with each other and can't live without each other. Ultimately not long-term sustainable.

 

IRL I have a close friend whose partner had been M twice. When she got together with my friend, she had two small kids (in nappies) having recently split from H2. Neither M lasted more than a couple of years. She was with my friend for 18 years, though they never M formally. They owned a house together, he raised the kids as his own, very much a family.

 

Then one day she announced that she was leaving him - for H1. The kids had left home by this stage, and she no longer needed my friend, it seemed. I scoffed and said it wouldn't last, that the reasons she split with H1 in the first place would soon loom large again... But apparently not. They'd split back then because she wanted kids, and he didn't. She'd had her kids, meantime, and they had left home - so no longer an issue. AFAIK, she's still with H1.

 

She and my friend have not seen each other since the split. He's had some contact with the kids - who've taken the whole thing extremely badly and are in self-destruct mode in different ways - and he feels as if their whole R was a lie, just some holding pattern while she pined secretly for H1. He suspects that H2 (father of the kids) feels the same.

[cocorico]

I will be reuniting with my ex hopefully soon. He remarried the woman he had an affair with. I had a few relationships that didn't last. They only brought out what I knew. I love my husband and he is the one. The other relationships meant nothing.

 

He says his relationship meant something but I don't know. It doesn't add up that it meant anything. She tricked him with a relationship, tied him down with babies, bled him dry.

 

I forgive him for leaving and it doesn't matter. His time with her was a distraction. A moment in life. His leaving may have even been a good thing. I just learned that being divorced means I can get more from him now than ever. More than she can get out of him. So it was a good way to remind him of me and our potential as a couple.

 

It can be done. It takes time. Hope. Faith.

 

He runs away from you, tells you he wants nothing to do with you, forbids you to go near his family, and tells you he loves his real wife.

 

You're waiting for her to die so you can dance on her grave and seduce her husband - though you'd need to drug him into compliance as he's made his distaste for you clear.

 

Perhaps that looks to you like reuniting. To me it looks more like a restraining order in the offing.

[cocorico]

I just know someone who had 3 kids with her husband, things went sour, they divorced and she had another serious relationship. The guy left her (she begged him to go back but he didnt) and a year after that she got back together with ex-husband. The 5 years they were apart were not good, he didnt care for the children either and they werent on speaking terms a year ago.

 

Why would they get back together? Why would someone return to such a situation? Did that 1 serious relationship mean anything ? Will the person in between feel like the relationship was fake if in the end she returned to the ex ?

 

Im just wondering how people feel and think in these situations.

 

This sounds like two desperate people thinking they can't do any better, and settling for the devil hey know

[BlueDress]

Things aren't great now no but it's a waiting game. You don't know what's happened or what's going on here. I've gotten a lawyer and have been hammering him in court. The lawyer pointed out I have the ultimate control of him so I've been using that to my advantage. So things have changed. I'm just sharing my opinion on a thread. I'm allowed to do that.

[road]

I know were the wife kept hidden that she was seeing someone while separated.

 

 

Then when they got back together the wife minimized her dating the OM. The husband was told that nothing happened that would make the husband upset. Then through the years things did not add up and the husband realized he was not getting the truth.

 

 

For over 30 years the husband has gotten a little trickle truth every few years. The wife refuses to tell any more. The husband can not rest not knowing all of the story.

 

 

This has hurt their relationship. The wife rather keep the disconnect then tell her husband more and the same for the husband. He will not let go of his need for the whole truth.

[cocorico]

Things aren't great now no but it's a waiting game. You don't know what's happened or what's going on here. I've gotten a lawyer and have been hammering him in court. The lawyer pointed out I have the ultimate control of him so I've been using that to my advantage. So things have changed. I'm just sharing my opinion on a thread. I'm allowed to do that.

 

Yep, hammering him in court while his real W is terminally ill is certainly going to bring him running, rather than amplifying the severe distaste he already feels for you.

 

Your kids are watching. I hope they don't grow up to be disgusted by your actions, too.

[redtail]

I can't even frickin' imagine why anyone would even entertain the idea?!

[qubist]

I know were the wife kept hidden that she was seeing someone while separated.

 

 

Then when they got back together the wife minimized her dating the OM. The husband was told that nothing happened that would make the husband upset. Then through the years things did not add up and the husband realized he was not getting the truth.

 

 

For over 30 years the husband has gotten a little trickle truth every few years. The wife refuses to tell any more. The husband can not rest not knowing all of the story.

 

 

This has hurt their relationship. The wife rather keep the disconnect then tell her husband more and the same for the husband. He will not let go of his need for the whole truth.

they are just ridiculously wasting the time of their life

[Lurkeraspect]

Things aren't great now no but it's a waiting game. You don't know what's happened or what's going on here. I've gotten a lawyer and have been hammering him in court. The lawyer pointed out I have the ultimate control of him so I've been using that to my advantage. So things have changed. I'm just sharing my opinion on a thread. I'm allowed to do that.

 

I agree with you, things have changed. You're making his life hell. He has a terminally ill WIFE, and your plan to win him back is to tie up his time and money batteling you in court, fighting for more money, because he wants to care for his ailing wife and not bust his ass 50 hours a week to give you more money, all the while, you work 10 hours a week and keep your hand out.

 

That is not s plan for reconciliation. That's a plan for his continued disdain of you.

[qubist]

I just know someone who had 3 kids with her husband, things went sour, they divorced and she had another serious relationship. The guy left her (she begged him to go back but he didnt) and a year after that she got back together with ex-husband. The 5 years they were apart were not good, he didnt care for the children either and they werent on speaking terms a year ago.

 

Why would they get back together? Why would someone return to such a situation? Did that 1 serious relationship mean anything ? Will the person in between feel like the relationship was fake if in the end she returned to the ex ?

 

Im just wondering how people feel and think in these situations.

we need lot more details to be able to answer your question, abviousely she settle for him after what she thought was a better option rejected her, I don't know how he dealt with the fact that he was her second plan, maybe he realized he was bad and excused her actions, or he just swept it under the rug since for some reason thought a life with her and the kids was o better choice for him.

there could be many other factors, like lack of self esteem, guilt that contribute to this

[Elif]

we need lot more details to be able to answer your question, abviousely she settle for him after what she thought was a better option rejected her, I don't know how he dealt with the fact that he was her second plan, maybe he realized he was bad and excused her actions, or he just swept it under the rug since for some reason thought a life with her and the kids was o better choice for him.

there could be many other factors, like lack of self esteem, guilt that contribute to this

 

The topic isnt specifically about this case. (I dont think he knows she got back together with ex husband either)

 

Im just wondering about peoples reasons in general.

[OldRover]

<<<Originally Posted by BlueDress View Post

Things aren't great now no but it's a waiting game. You don't know what's happened or what's going on here. I've gotten a lawyer and have been hammering him in court. The lawyer pointed out I have the ultimate control of him so I've been using that to my advantage. So things have changed. I'm just sharing my opinion on a thread. I'm allowed to do that.>>>

 

I agree with you, things have changed. You're making his life hell. He has a terminally ill WIFE, and your plan to win him back is to tie up his time and money batteling you in court, fighting for more money, because he wants to care for his ailing wife and not bust his ass 50 hours a week to give you more money, all the while, you work 10 hours a week and keep your hand out.

 

That is not s plan for reconciliation. That's a plan for his continued disdain of you.

 

Luker,

You have it right!.

 

Blue, if half of what you say is true, I can't believe he'll even say hi to you.... you'll NEVER get him back with that attitude...... "get more out of him" "Hammer him in court".... You can't be serious.

[qubist]

The topic isnt specifically about this case. (I dont think he knows she got back together with ex husband either)

 

Im just wondering about peoples reasons in general.

well every case is different, I'm one of them too. my ex just moved backed in with me less than 3 weeks ago. but our case is so complicated. to summarize it we were young I was a mad controlling inexperienced husband who thought he knew all. she made a mistake getting to close to a friend, I reacted like silly angry man then D, after a long NC we got back in touch. except we are 2 different people in many ways. I went trough an intensive therapy to control anger and anxiety, I learned a lot about human behavior in general. and I became within 2 years a very calm person, she ' all of the sudden' became a devoted christian who believes that we were meant to be together for the rest of our life to her D was just some legal paperwork that was signed under certain circumstances in her eyes we are forever husband and wife.

why I accepted her back? do not have a definite answer but maybe a combination of many factors

1- love: she is my only true love

2- guilt: I always regret the way I reacted to her mistake

3- her effort to get back to me: she showed me that she is willing to fight for me. her family did not approve it still won't talk to me , and ironically my mom is mad at me too for accepting her.

4- self confidence: I have always had it in me.I thought that I would never find any one I can commit my life to, I knew I'm wrong but struggled to get it out of my mind

[BlueDress]

I'm not going to keep talking about it here. It isn't fair to the person who started the thread. Things are going well. If people want updates that's a topic for a new thread.

[sambolini]

I'd rather eat a large steaming pile of

[OldRover]

Yes, exs do get back together for many reasons.....usually if the problems were solved and people change.

 

I was one that got back to my ex. And things changed dramatically. It's different now, better in a lot of ways, and not so good in other ways, but the main problem is gone and we've both changed. I would have bet against it, but it worked. Life is good.

[ladydesigner]

I can't even frickin' imagine why anyone would even entertain the idea?!

 

Right?! If my WH left me to go be with OW...adios amigo! **** that!

[redtail]

Right?! If my WH left me to go be with OW...adios amigo! **** that!

 

Yeah, the whole getting back with your ex seems to be settling. As if to say, well that didn't work out so, yeah, I'll go back to my ex until someone else catches my attention. No thanks.

 

Look forward, not backward.

[Robert]

Folks,

 

This is another thread that has gone off the rails. 35 posts deleted and numerous members are now on moderation. The topic is "Has anyone gotten back together with ex-spouse after several years?"

 

Feel free to post your personal experiences on that matter, but I suggest being mindful that your responses to those experiences are within community guidelines.

 

Thank you,

~6

[sandylee1]

I know am older couple who split up. He went off with another (much younger) woman.......left his wife and 4 kids. He stole his wife's identity for his OW (long story).The wife never stopped loving him. She foolishly praised the ground he walked on.

 

He went on to have 2 kids with the OW. Time goes on and years later.........he gets quite ill and the OW calls his wife to take him back.....poor thing couldn't cope with the older man getting sick......asks the wife to keep her 2 kids as well......pure madness.

 

The wife declines the offer of the kids..but eventually gets back with him. They are still together to this day.

 

I look at her and think what a fool she is......absolute blind love.

[OldRover]

I know am older couple who split up. He went off with another (much younger) woman.......left his wife and 4 kids. He stole his wife's identity for his OW (long story).The wife never stopped loving him. She foolishly praised the ground he walked on.

 

He went on to have 2 kids with the OW. Time goes on and years later.........he gets quite ill and the OW calls his wife to take him back.....poor thing couldn't cope with the older man getting sick......asks the wife to keep her 2 kids as well......pure madness.

 

The wife declines the offer of the kids..but eventually gets back with him. They are still together to this day.

 

I look at her and think what a fool she is......absolute blind love.

 

 

Well, did it work?