Has anyone gotten back together with ex-spouse after several years?

[sandylee1]

Well, did it work?

 

They are back together and still together .....so yes it worked for them. They seem happy enough and he has a lot of praise for his wife.

[OldRover]

They are back together and still together .....so yes it worked for them. They seem happy enough and he has a lot of praise for his wife.

 

Thanks my point. People DO change, they DO improve and things can work out.

[sambolini]

Thanks my point. People DO change, they DO improve and things can work out.

 

It's possible, but statistically insignificant. By and large, people are what they are and don't change. Sure, a few might here and there, but not nearly enough to make it a likely possibility.

 

Sometimes, there's just too much damage for any positive change to successfully overcome. I think that's the typical outcome and not the exception.

[OldRover]

It's possible, but statistically insignificant. By and large, people are what they are and don't change. Sure, a few might here and there, but not nearly enough to make it a likely possibility.

 

Sometimes, there's just too much damage for any positive change to successfully overcome. I think that's the typical outcome and not the exception.

 

You make a good point, but in situations where people divorce, their chances or getting back together are pretty good, and if they do, statistically they will make it.

 

Often time, the damage isn't major, but seems like it. Neither puts anything into the marriage, there's an outside influence, infidelity, addictions, money, etc., that can be solved.

 

Look up the stats on that, and you'll see the chances are pretty good for enough change to make it work. You'll get different numbers from different sites, but enough to indicate there is about a 40% they'll get back, and if they do around 60 to 70% that they'll make it.

[cocorico]

You make a good point, but in situations where people divorce, their chances or getting back together are pretty good, and if they do, statistically they will make it.

 

Often time, the damage isn't major, but seems like it. Neither puts anything into the marriage, there's an outside influence, infidelity, addictions, money, etc., that can be solved.

 

Look up the stats on that, and you'll see the chances are pretty good for enough change to make it work. You'll get different numbers from different sites, but enough to indicate there is about a 40% they'll get back, and if they do around 60 to 70% that they'll make it.

 

Those odds are incredibly high, IMO. I've only ever known one case IRL. Most people - pretty much everyone in fact - would *never* consider getting back with their X. By the time they get D, they can't get away fast enough from their X and the only contact they have - if any at all - is around kids.

[sandylee1]

I think a lot depends on why you split up in the first place. Like if it was due to one being an alcoholic....assuming that was the only reason or the main reason....then once they are sober and have been for years...it could work.

 

It's really about making sure that the problems that made you split up are no longer an issue. ...otherwise why would you expect it to be any different.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Johns sister married a man....he was in the military...and they actually cohabitated very little. They both had volital tempers. They divorced.

 

Several years later they remarried each other...once again they divorced...but this time she got pregnant during their short marriage.

 

She had a child she raised alone....she had several relationships...but sadly...she never got over her husband who I feel she loved until his dying day. He remarried and had children....but she never did.

[sambolini]

You make a good point, but in situations where people divorce, their chances or getting back together are pretty good, and if they do, statistically they will make it.

 

Often time, the damage isn't major, but seems like it. Neither puts anything into the marriage, there's an outside influence, infidelity, addictions, money, etc., that can be solved.

 

Look up the stats on that, and you'll see the chances are pretty good for enough change to make it work. You'll get different numbers from different sites, but enough to indicate there is about a 40% they'll get back, and if they do around 60 to 70% that they'll make it.

 

I hear you, but disagree. I guess I have a more cynical view of relationships, and marriage in particular, after my experiences.

 

I'm in the camp of "couldn't get away from my cheating ex wife fast enough" when we divorced. I'll admit that she seems to be much better now, but I don't see how she could ever overcome what she did to make me want to take that risk again with her.

 

Let me rephrase that: I don't see her ever doing what is necessary for me to even explore the possibility of ever being able to trust her with my heart again. And that is really the crux of the matter. I came to that conclusion years ago, and I don't ever see that changing.

 

So for me, it's really a moot point. I stopped loving her, and I don't see her ever really trying to regain it.

 

And that's okay. It's why we divorced and why we're not compatible.

[lovinDKT3]

My husband and I divorced because of my affair. We went about two years with very limited communication because we had two small children. After that time we begun to communicate much more and beyond matters around the kids. Slowly we started to reconnect. Its been 4 years give or take, and we are getting remarried in 13 days.

 

Im very confident, knowing the failure rate of second marriages to the same person, that we will make it work. Gone is my fears of allowing him to see me, all of me for who I am at my core. Gone is the times when he will shut me out emotionally. We are the same people we were as teenagers when I first fell madly and totally head over heels in love with him. Yet we are also very different, and have learned to navigate this relationship away from dangerous waters.

 

Point being, you can and will find happiness in any relationship were both are fully committed to the same thing. Living learning loving and most importantly understanding one another. Part of that understanding is knowing that the person you love will continue to grow and change, as will the relationship itself.

 

Reconnecting can work, but only if both understand the role the played and accept their part of the failure in the first place. At the end of the day its takes both husband and wife to ruin or make a marriage work.

[Clockwork]

The woman I lost my virginity to was older than me. In all honesty, I was young then, 19 or 20. I used to get so aroused over her that just walking up to her front door I would get an erection. It was killing me because I was so in "LUST" with this woman, keep in mind I said "lust". I wanted her sexually all the time it was almost like a drug. She was hypnotic to me. But I knew we had no future together. I didn't love her, we were very different and she had children. So my heart knew each time I had to get out of there. But the sex was incredible and I kept coming over.

 

 

Finally I quit cold turkey, almost as if I was smoking cigarettes. It worked because I was purposely staying away from her for my own good. I know just merely seeing her would have me screw up again. It was fine for about 8-9 months until I saw her at a bar and she told me in a very direct way she wanted me. Well, guess what we did that night. Then a year later it was the same thing, this time she called me and invited me over "as a friend". I actually masturbated twice that afternoon in preparation for it. It didn't work. Once I was inside her house I fell back off the wagon.

 

 

But it never happened again, I had the same issue with another girl I dated for the same reasons and then finally met my wife who I am happy with to this day. I know the OP was asking if people got back with their spouse but that's my story at least and the closest I can come to it.