Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) New poster here. I am currently in a extramarital relationship with a single, divorced man who is Catholic. I won't go into the reasons how or why we are in a relationship. Ive been married 25 years and staying that way. It's complicated. The point of this thread is my boyfriend told me he goes to church and regularly confesses his sin of adultery (with me). He feels good about our continuing to have sex since he has this mechanism to wipe the slate clean and proceed on to heaven when the time comes. So all good. I'm an atheist/secular humanist (if we are using labels) so it freaked me out a little. He also is in a relationship with another woman long distance but says he doesn't confess to sex with his other girlfriend since it's only a minor sin. Should I be flattered? Edited October 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs and move to Infidelity Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Flattered? Hahaha I don't know the answer to that! You're in a relationship with a catholic who doesn't really get the whole confession thing...he's not the only one around. If saying the words once a week without any action or comprehension makes him feel better does it really matter?? You're not a catholic & clearly don't believe his immortal soul is 'in trouble'. He's divorced. Doesn't really understand the meaning of confession in the religion he practices. These things would both me if I was considering sharing my life with this man but you don't give the impression he's your future. One day someone might explain to him the whole meaning & purpose of confession & then you're in trouble but I've known many who have lived a life time believing that listing their sins once a week is enough to continue practicing them without regret. Even as an athiest you will have to face yourself eventually but you're not asking for help with principles, morality & the pain you're inflicting on others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
perol Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Confessionals are so convenient aren't they? Do anything you want and it's all good as long as you put your money in the collection plate on a regular basis. Even serial killers can avoid HELL if they're given last rites and they say all the correct things before they turn on the juice or inject them with the poison. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I would not be flattered if someone considered a repatio ship with me a major sin. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 True repentance means confessing your sin, asking forgiveness and then discontinuing the sinful behavior. Your OM doesn't understand how it works and if there is a God, he can see through your bf's little game. Not sure why it's flattering that he feels you are a sin that he needs to confess? I'm generally not flattered when a guy feels guilt or shame over his relationship with me. That would actually make me feel gross. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I'm an atheist/secular humanist (if we are using labels) A quick search returned this definition: "Secular humanism posits that human beings are capable of being ethical and moral without religion or a god". Do your beliefs prevent you from understanding right and wrong? Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 True repentance means confessing your sin, asking forgiveness and then discontinuing the sinful behavior. Your OM doesn't understand how it works and if there is a God, he can see through your bf's little game. Not sure why it's flattering that he feels you are a sin that he needs to confess? I'm generally not flattered when a guy feels guilt or shame over his relationship with me. That would actually make me feel gross. I was being facetious that he is risking hell to have sex with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 A quick search returned this definition: "Secular humanism posits that human beings are capable of being ethical and moral without religion or a god". Do your beliefs prevent you from understanding right and wrong? Mr. Lucky Moral by your definition or the bible? Probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 He knows that you can't confess. He thinks that he's 'covered' because he confesses. What does he think happens to you? You are committing many sins. How can he be complicit in this A if he cares about you at all!! He's making you a sinner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 A quick search returned this definition: "Secular humanism posits that human beings are capable of being ethical and moral without religion or a god". Do your beliefs prevent you from understanding right and wrong? Mr. Lucky I would say that no belief system guarantees moral and ethical superiority. Since we won't change anyone's minds here let's focus on the ick factor of sleeping with someone who goes on to formally confess how wrong it is and comes back begging for more. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I would say that no belief system guarantees moral and ethical superiority. Since we won't change anyone's minds here let's focus on the ick factor of sleeping with someone who goes on to formally confess how wrong it is and comes back begging for more. But isn't it morally wrong? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 He knows that you can't confess. He thinks that he's 'covered' because he confesses. What does he think happens to you? You are committing many sins. How can he be complicit in this A if he cares about you at all!! He's making you a sinner. He claims to love me while sending me straight to hell. I'll tell him this and report back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 But isn't it morally wrong? By whose definition? For this discussion I can drop the label secular humanist if that makes you feel better. Nevertheless I don't claim to be perfect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 By whose definition? For this discussion I can drop the label secular humanist if that makes you feel better. Nevertheless I don't claim to be perfect. I'm not suggesting you should be perfect. But the reason i said morally wrong is that there is a third person who you know is being hurt by your actions Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I'm not suggesting you should be perfect. But the reason i said morally wrong is that there is a third person who you know is being hurt by your actions I have come to terms with what I am doing and and this point don't feel like trotting out personal details about my marriage. Maybe someday I'll chime in on the infidelity board. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 He knows that you can't confess. He thinks that he's 'covered' because he confesses. What does he think happens to you? You are committing many sins. How can he be complicit in this A if he cares about you at all!! He's making you a sinner. I just had this conversation with him that it's not fair that he pursues me, confesses and I go to hell (in his mind) and he says he doesn't want me to go to hell. That it shouldn't matter to me since I'm a non believer. I countered that we better stop having sex or I will conclude he is fine with my potential eternal damnation. That the issue is his thought process not mine. He said whatever I decide he is fine with. That he's happy and fine with his decision (whatever ever that means). Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) Catholics churches usually don't recognize divorce and Catholics don't tend to divorce, so your boyfriend must kind of be a s**** person for someone to have ended his marriage. He's kind of a tool and seems like an idiot. By whose definition? Yours. You wouldn't feel the need to hide it and keep it a secret if you didn't think that it was wrong, Your husband might feel it's wrong too, and your boyfriend. People don't typically confess to things they don't feel are wrong. Edited October 28, 2015 by World's.Edge 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Should you be flattered? Who knows? Maybe you should ask your husband and see what he thinks. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Morro, great idea....I was thinking the same thing....she is talking about the ick factor and there IT IS..... Wonder if her H would have the same perspective on morals and ethics as she does..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 He claims to love me while sending me straight to hell. I'll tell him this and report back. But, do you even believe in Hell since you don't believe in God? Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Hello Genius, I do not think you have come to terms with your cheating, but time and your situation will tell that. At this time you are getting away with it, when it blows up, with you and your family with it, you will find the terms disagreeable. As for your B/F, I fail to see why it would matter to you. He is breaking the church's laws, and a confession is not a get of of jail card. he is getting advise to end the affair and come back to gods laws. By continuing not to do so, the confession mean nothing. So he is not getting a pass. Whatever is going on with your life, I wish better for you. I hope you can examine your life and try and see why and where it went wrong. You may need to end your marriage, but in any case you need to be honest and open to your husband and let him in on the the news the relationship is broken. I am sure that is what your B/F is being told by his priest. I wish you luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I would say that no belief system guarantees moral and ethical superiority. Since we won't change anyone's minds here let's focus on the ick factor of sleeping with someone who goes on to formally confess how wrong it is and comes back begging for more. it is icky. it would be even more icky if you continued to sleep with someone who is such a hypocrite & has so little understanding of religion he claims he belongs to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 New poster here. I am currently in a extramarital relationship with a single, divorced man who is Catholic. I won't go into the reasons how or why we are in a relationship. Ive been married 25 years and staying that way. It's complicated. The point of this thread is my boyfriend told me he goes to church and regularly confesses his sin of adultery (with me). He feels good about our continuing to have sex since he has this mechanism to wipe the slate clean and proceed on to heaven when the time comes. So all good. I'm an atheist/secular humanist (if we are using labels) so it freaked me out a little. He also is in a relationship with another woman long distance but says he doesn't confess to sex with his other girlfriend since it's only a minor sin. Should I be flattered? You're cheating with a "Catholic" boyfriend who uses his "free out of hell card" through confession. You claim to be an "atheist/secular humanist" who is not being humane to your own husband. Why are you confused by the glaring hypocrisy you both embrace? Smh.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 New poster here. I am currently in a extramarital relationship with a single, divorced man who is Catholic. I won't go into the reasons how or why we are in a relationship. Ive been married 25 years and staying that way. It's complicated. The point of this thread is my boyfriend told me he goes to church and regularly confesses his sin of adultery (with me). He feels good about our continuing to have sex since he has this mechanism to wipe the slate clean and proceed on to heaven when the time comes. So all good. I'm an atheist/secular humanist (if we are using labels) so it freaked me out a little. He also is in a relationship with another woman long distance but says he doesn't confess to sex with his other girlfriend since it's only a minor sin. Should I be flattered? I think I'd feel kind of indifferent. How do you feel about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hello Genius Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Catholics churches usually don't recognize divorce and Catholics don't tend to divorce, so your boyfriend must kind of be a s**** person for someone to have ended his marriage. He's kind of a tool and seems like an idiot. Not actually an idiot. Has advanced degrees from Ivy League school. But in this case he has checked his brain at the door. Catholics do divorce all the time. Yours. You wouldn't feel the need to hide it and keep it a secret if you didn't think that it was wrong, Your husband might feel it's wrong too, and your boyfriend. People don't typically confess to things they don't feel are wrong.[/ The formality of confession takes it to another level of weirdness Link to post Share on other sites
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