perfecthubby Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Hello, I have been married 8 years. My husband is 7 years older. I got married @ 22 years old. We have to children. We were seperated for 1 year in between children. We both have unusual work schedules. Everyone thinks I have the "perfect" husband. He cooks cleans and takes care of the kids, and seems to treat me like a princess. But there is a whole other side that I see. It is jealous vengeful deceitful and mean! He likes to be the martyr..He also LIES! During out seperation we went to counseling. The dr said it seemed as if he thought every man that talked to me wanted to *uck me. my hubby said yes. He also wanted to control everything from what I wore to actually getting angry for things I said or who I was friends with. Well we worked through these issued and he changed... suprise they didnt change for to long...same things are back. He continually is checking up on me anfd then lying about it from computer to changing passwords on cell phones. I have both male and female friends. It is now to the point where I donty share about male friends. I dont lie, I just dont say ant\ything.. but of course he badgers me and snoops etc.. One friend that I went out to lunch with in a group he called and left a very threatening message. The man is married and wont call me... Of course hubby denies it. But I know it was him by phone records. He always accuses and thinks I an having affair. I feel like I am in trouble withmy "dad/hubby" all the time. He lies to me, swears up and down this or that when its a lie. He tells me about some girl @ work thats into him and that she is not his type. Then later she looks like such and such model and he is very attracted to he and he loves the attention. but only becuase its flattering. So I asked what if she was 500lbs, would it be the same? Why doesnt he just fess up? So what everyone is attracted to other people, ah but forever the martyr. The he tells me how somegirl in a bar said kiss me etc. etc. and that she said she wanted to have sex with him, all after 10 minutes and he wasnt coming on to her... please only a hooker would do that. He had to have come on to her and she said I will do your wife to, and he said if I was there...a ll this in front of with some of his friends.. He tells me years later...what? i could go on and on but you get the point. I have always been independent and the more you puc\sh the more I pull. I can be stubborn to put it mildly. I dont want to be part of anyone else. I want to be me and share my life with a partner. I cant leave @ least until my kids are older...Any toughts help or just similar situations and how to cope? Thanks marty Link to post Share on other sites
moofer Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Your husband definitely strikes me as a control freak. He wants to know every move you make and if he misses one, he goes off like a rocket. I bet if you tracked him down like a spy, he'd totally be infuriated. It's not cool at all and he's going overboard. If he actually threatens your friends, insults your integrity by assuming you're having an affair, and drives you to altering your social behavior, he needs to be put in check. You have to tell him how you feel about this conflict. Let him know that you don't appreciate it and remind him that you vowed to be loyal to him when you two got married. Ask him, "Why would I still be with you if I was interested in other men?".. And, yeah, I think he's jealous of you for mentionining how other women fancy him so much. He probably doesn't have as many friends as you, or just looks at you as social competition.. Just talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
swirlingdaisy Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by moofer Just talk to him. Hate to say it but when you're dealing with an insecure, manipulative, lying control freak like this - and you've both already been going for counseling together, I don't think just "taking to him" is going to be the solution. I'm sure he's more than aware by now, how she's feeling. My guess is that he chose her because she was younger, probably less relationship experience, someone he felt he could control and push around and dominate........someone who would "need him." He probably expected her to get pregnant and start popping out the kids soon after they were married........such that she went from being 22 and having no career to being a housewife/stay at home mom - totally financially dependant on him...........now she's 30 and where's she at? My guess is that he's a cheater himself...................it's a known fact that people who go around constantly accusing their partner of being unfaithful, they are the ones who are cheating. Don't stay for the kids.............there's got to be a way you can leave him. I'm sure this kind of dysfunctional atmosphere and chaos between parents isn't great for your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Female Guest Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 I think he's cheating on you He does nice things for you after he cheats and seems like the perfect hubby he is doing all this to cover up his cheating ways and he resents having to go to these lengths to cover it up Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts