Getting over grief after hurting someone

[pbr]

I am having troubles dealing with grief having been responsible for hurting the mother of my child via betrayal (lying one to many times). We separated 5 years ago but remained close and decided early this year to try an reconcile. But during that time I lied one too many times over stupid things from fear. The last ending our friendship completely. She was so upset, rightfully so, as we have been thru so much together over the course of 7 years.

 

A bit removed 7 weeks later I'm quite better with it all and have for the most part I have come to terms with the end of the relationship and am understanding why I would lie with the help of therapy. My big issue is knowing how much I have hurt her. How I destroyed the chance of getting our family back together. I've apologized sincerely but maybe I'm praying she'll give me grace at some point and forgive me.

 

I apologized before when I lied and was sincere, but I did not deal with my issues the right way. The last time I lied I apologized of course but I felt maybe it's best to stop after that as it was starting to sound disingenuous as I was saying the same things I said before. Having some time away with the help of therapy I have much clearer perspective and recently sent her a deep felt apology letter. Nothing more. I was not fishing for reconciliation. I simply wanted to apologize for my behavior. She did not respond back to it which I knew would be the outcome and I felt ok with that. But maybe I need the forgiveness from her to get on with my life and over my anguish. I realize that may not be possible till down the road a bit.

 

As we have a child together I see her briefly 4 times a week. It's very cordial, if not completely distant. Like talking to someone you don't know very well. I have to find a way to live with this - forgive myself but not forget. I have to turn this from agony to a regret that I can live with somehow. It makes it so hard when you have to be around the person for the foreseeable future and you can see how much they are upset. I have to find peace at some point.

Edited October 28, 2015 by pbr

[mystikmind2005]

So you actually got a second chance and blew it?

 

Well, last January my ex suddenly announced marriage over. No second chances, no trial separation, no marriage counseling.

 

So i am always very jealous of men who get second chances and waste it, from my perspective is like burning money in front of a homeless man.

 

Who knows, perhaps i would have blown my second chance if given one, that is what my ex assumed, but still i feel like i was pronounced guilty before committing the crime.

[crazycanuck86]

I would suggest you give your ex more time and space, continue talking to your tharipist, and see where it goes from there. One day she might forgive you however you did blow a second chance so it can go either way.