Odinani Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Have you ever been date raped or know anybody who has? Two of my friends have been date raped. The first one went to a guy's house for dinner on their 3rd date. He pinned her to the ground and raped her soon after they entered his home. He told her "stop playing games." The second friend was on a date with a guy and he invited her back to his place for drinks. Four other guys were already there, possibly his roommates. All five of them raped her and she was beaten too. Neither one filed a police complaint. Following on from this, the first friend now doesn't date at all and is celibate. The second friend will have sex with anybody now and has no boundaries at all sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 May I, with respect, ask what the point of your question is? The situation is extremely distressing for anyone... I'm personally of the opinion that it's not an appropriate thing to ask.... Particularly if there are people on here who have experienced such a traumatic incident. Would they want, do you think, to admit and expand on such an issue? It seems to me, to be an insensitive question... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks for your comments May I, with respect, ask what the point of your question is? The situation is extremely distressing for anyone... I'm personally of the opinion that it's not an appropriate thing to ask.... Particularly if there are people on here who have experienced such a traumatic incident. Would they want, do you think, to admit and expand on such an issue? It seems to me, to be an insensitive question... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Here's a recent thread where someone relates their experience: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/500635-assault-not-i-feel-violated-yet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 It sends chills down my spine. I have sat in rooms where women recounted details of horrendous experiences, mostly without the added influence of date-rape drugs, and their tales were harrowing, distressing and extremely emotional. On more than one occasion they were assaulted by people they knew, or had actually known for a while. It's a dreadful crime, and one which is by far and away almost exclusively perpetrated by one gender on the other. It's one of the worst humiliations a woman can be subjected to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Here's a recent thread where someone relates their experience: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/500635-assault-not-i-feel-violated-yet Thanks for the link.... That doesn't even come close to some of the things I have sat and listened to. I have been present when a woman, so revolted by her experience, vomited blood, so hard had she been crying and screaming for the preceding hour. She was inconsolable, traumatised and I will wager permanently scarred by her experience. She knew her attacker very well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I would be very scared of going to a man's home in the first few dates after what has happened to my friends. One guy I went on a couple of dates with even broke up with me because I would not do a 3rd date at his home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Here's a recent thread where someone relates their experience: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/500635-assault-not-i-feel-violated-yet (How is "2014" recent....? ) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 It's within the last year. How is your question relevant to topic, former moderator? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 believe it or not, because before I clicked the link, I thought the thread you were referring to was this one.... I apologise for my mistaken assumption. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Not reporting these rapes is astounding. Now these guys are free to keep doing this to other women. It's horrible what happened to your friends but I can't imagine letting someone get away with this. Both cases were pre-meditated rapes. So sick. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I would be very scared of going to a man's home in the first few dates after what has happened to my friends. One guy I went on a couple of dates with even broke up with me because I would not do a 3rd date at his home. Women have to be really careful and cognizant of their surroundings and what could happen. Most men (and some women) don't understand this, or minimize it. Even something like meeting a male real estate agent you've been working with in an empty house is something women should think about. Carrying mace or having a plan for what to do if things go wrong is a good idea. Not reporting these rapes is astounding. Now these guys are free to keep doing this to other women. It's horrible what happened to your friends but I can't imagine letting someone get away with this. Both cases were pre-meditated rapes. So sick. I assume they don't want their histories and trauma to be broadcast and questioned. Even reporting stranger rapes results in the victim being seen as somehow guilty. What was she wearing? What did she do wrong? Was she somewhere she "shouldn't" have been or did she leave a window open when she "should have known better?" I don't know that I would report a rape. http://www.xojane.com/issues/it-happened-to-me-if-i-could-go-back-in-time-i-wouldnt-report-my-rape 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Not reporting these rapes is astounding. Now these guys are free to keep doing this to other women. It's horrible what happened to your friends but I can't imagine letting someone get away with this. Both cases were pre-meditated rapes. So sick. I don't find it at all surprising given the way rape victims are treated by the court process. I probably wouldn't press charges either if it was a he said/she said scenario. However, if I had injuries and DNA evidence then I would. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Not reporting these rapes is astounding. Now these guys are free to keep doing this to other women. It's horrible what happened to your friends but I can't imagine letting someone get away with this. Both cases were pre-meditated rapes. So sick. Years ago I had a friend who was raped by an ex. She pressed charges and the following court case traumatised her almost as much as the rape did. Her ex got away with it and then raped her again. That time she didn't report it, she had a complete mental breakdown and ended up hospitalized for about a month. Rape is still very difficult to prove and the women who are brave enough to come forward often just get victimized all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
froz Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 These are disturbing stories 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseWater Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Years ago I had a friend who was raped by an ex. She pressed charges and the following court case traumatised her almost as much as the rape did. Her ex got away with it and then raped her again. That time she didn't report it, she had a complete mental breakdown and ended up hospitalized for about a month. Rape is still very difficult to prove and the women who are brave enough to come forward often just get victimized all over again. How did her ex get the opportunity to rape her for the 2nd time? Did he attack her in the street? I'm presuming after the first ordeal she would not have ever agreed to be alone with him anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I would be very scared of going to a man's home in the first few dates after what has happened to my friends. One guy I went on a couple of dates with even broke up with me because I would not do a 3rd date at his home. Better safe than to go through what your friends have gone through... I am so sorry that this happened to them. Concerning these incidents not being reported... I've seen the victims put on trial as if they are some sort of seductress:sick: that is the tactic most commonly used and goes hand-in-hand with her 'no' really meant 'yes'. Bottom line- no one has the right to take something that is not given freely and consensual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oli. Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I don't know anyone that's been raped, but I know a couple of girls who claimed that they were raped after regretting a drunken one night stand. Don't always the assume the worst, there's two sides to every story. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseWater Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I don't know anyone that's been raped, but I know a couple of girls who claimed that they were raped after regretting a drunken one night stand. Don't always the assume the worst, there's two sides to every story. No surprise a rape apologist would enter this thread:sick: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I don't know anyone that's been raped, but I know a couple of girls who claimed that they were raped after regretting a drunken one night stand. Don't always the assume the worst, there's two sides to every story. How do you know what happened? Were you the alleged rapist? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 This is how I always explain it to my fellow men. I ask them to write down the names of 10 women in their lives. Mothers, grandmothers, aunts, wives, daughters, sisters etc... Then I ask them to pick 2 that were raped. Yes, 1 in 5 women in the US will be raped in their lifetime. Then I ask them to pick 5 (out of 10) who were sexually assaulted (but not raped) at least once in their lifetime. Yes, 1 out of every 2 women will be sexually assaulted at least once in their lifetime. They usually stare at me and say something like "that wouldn't happen to any of them". I tell them they're wrong and to look back down at their names and think about it happening to them. Because it probably did. If I am really connecting with them, I then ask them to think back to every sexual encounter they've ever had and ask themselves truly, did they contribute to this problem. http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Oli. Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 (edited) How do you know what happened? Were you the alleged rapist? Once i was accused of it even though she was the one who came on to me and we were both drunk, and a girl who i was seeing told me that her ex had raped her, yet I found out later on that she was still hanging out with the guy so i have to presume that she is full of s*** as if that really happened then i'm sure that she would be terrified to ever be alone with him again. Rose i'm not a rape apologist, I simply said that there's two sides to every story and the man shouldn't automatically be presumed guilty. Edited October 29, 2015 by Oli. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I don't think men should sleep with (take advantage) of drunk girls. They should know better that while inebriated, one is not in their right mind to be making a good decision. Just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Once i was accused of it even though she was the one who came on to me and we were both drunk, and a girl who i was seeing told me that her ex had raped her, yet I found out later on that she was still hanging out with the guy so i have to presume that she is full of s*** as if that really happened then i'm sure that she would be terrified to ever be alone with him again. Rose i'm not a rape apologist, I simply said that there's two sides to every story and the man shouldn't automatically be presumed guilty. I can't agree enough, this is how I feel, and I think its important to note again crying rape is a serious allegation, not a remedy to a drunken mistake in the end. I've heard of many girls, especially in college, who conspired to say rape, When one girl was ashamed of sleeping with him after the first date... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oli. Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I don't think men should sleep with (take advantage) of drunk girls. They should know better that while inebriated, one is not in their right mind to be making a good decision. Just sayin. You forgot to quote my post. So If a girl comes on to a guy who is equally drunk and they have sex, then the girl is a victim who was taken advantage of? Why is the guy not the victim if he was drunk aswell? That's classic feminazi BS, just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
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