Wife had a sext/text affair.

[Doorstopper]

I asked you if you could bullet point your sons reasons for blaming you. I did not do so to justisfy or valiadate her adultery. The adultery is on her.

 

Rather to try to understand the issues in the marriage. I guess you can shame her into being a good little wife. History has a nasty habit of repeating itself.

 

Care to give it a go?

 

Ok Sure. Not sure I can give you every detail but here it goes:

 

1. Son has had depression issues and a couple of suicide attempts. He blames me for yelling at him when he was a kid. He's much much better now, a phenomenal student and possibly bound for Med school. In any event he has decided that he is unable to show any bit of kindness towards me. In fact in some instances I feel used by him.

 

2. Now here's where it gets really strange. He says this affair started because my wife bought me an Ice tea maker for Christmas last year. I'm a big Alton Brown fan and I joked that it was a "unitasker" that will take up more space than its worth. Later on that day we went to use it and it turned out to broken. Son came in while my wife and I were talking about how bad it was, without knowing it was broken. He started to go off me about this, til I explained that it was broken. he apologized and left the room. He says the embarrassment that I caused my wife is the reason for the affair. He is adamant about this. BTW, W thinks he is nuts with respect to this, as well, and wasn't at all offended by my comments.

 

3. Our (W and I) arguing about this affair brings back his own painful times of the past. And for some reason, he fails to see that anything in the relationship between my wife and I , is anything but my fault. Our College age daughters see where we have both made mistakes.

 

There it is in a nutshell.

[qubist]

Ok Sure. Not sure I can give you every detail but here it goes:

 

1. Son has had depression issues and a couple of suicide attempts. He blames me for yelling at him when he was a kid. He's much much better now, a phenomenal student and possibly bound for Med school. In any event he has decided that he is unable to show any bit of kindness towards me. In fact in some instances I feel used by him.

 

2. Now here's where it gets really strange. He says this affair started because my wife bought me an Ice tea maker for Christmas last year. I'm a big Alton Brown fan and I joked that it was a "unitasker" that will take up more space than its worth. Later on that day we went to use it and it turned out to broken. Son came in while my wife and I were talking about how bad it was, without knowing it was broken. He started to go off me about this, til I explained that it was broken. he apologized and left the room. He says the embarrassment that I caused my wife is the reason for the affair. He is adamant about this. BTW, W thinks he is nuts with respect to this, as well, and wasn't at all offended by my comments.

 

3. Our (W and I) arguing about this affair brings back his own painful times of the past. And for some reason, he fails to see that anything in the relationship between my wife and I , is anything but my fault. Our College age daughters see where we have both made mistakes.

 

There it is in a nutshell.

it is sad that you son is still holding a grudge against you, I hope he will one day move on.

I don't understand the "shame her into being a good wife" comment. is this what you think is happening? I hope not

[Doorstopper]

it is sad that you son is still holding a grudge against you, I hope he will one day move on.

I don't understand the "shame her into being a good wife" comment. is this what you think is happening? I hope not

 

I just searched the whole thread. I didn't make that shame comment and I don't understand where it is coming from either. Honestly, I would not not do that and I do not feel that this is what is happening.

Edited November 17, 2015 by Doorstopper

[Spectre]

This just seems like it will end badly. You shouldn't of put your divorce on hold. Just get her out of your life..she still plays games with you and doesn't give you the full truth.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

This morning she pulled the I'm moving out because you can't drop it crap. I am 100% sure (and no I'm not being hoodwinked) its her ploy to get me to feel shame only, not to continue the relationship with him. I've seen this too many times. We have both played these emotional cards, far too often over the years.

There's only one response to this tactic: there's the door, honey. Use it. Don't look back.

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

Ok Sure. Not sure I can give you every detail but here it goes:

 

1. Son has had depression issues and a couple of suicide attempts. He blames me for yelling at him when he was a kid. He's much much better now, a phenomenal student and possibly bound for Med school. In any event he has decided that he is unable to show any bit of kindness towards me. In fact in some instances I feel used by him.

 

2. Now here's where it gets really strange. He says this affair started because my wife bought me an Ice tea maker for Christmas last year. I'm a big Alton Brown fan and I joked that it was a "unitasker" that will take up more space than its worth. Later on that day we went to use it and it turned out to broken. Son came in while my wife and I were talking about how bad it was, without knowing it was broken. He started to go off me about this, til I explained that it was broken. he apologized and left the room. He says the embarrassment that I caused my wife is the reason for the affair. He is adamant about this. BTW, W thinks he is nuts with respect to this, as well, and wasn't at all offended by my comments.

 

3. Our (W and I) arguing about this affair brings back his own painful times of the past. And for some reason, he fails to see that anything in the relationship between my wife and I , is anything but my fault. Our College age daughters see where we have both made mistakes.

 

There it is in a nutshell.

Your son sounds to me like a profoundly obtuse young man.

[Spectre]

At this point OP it seems like you are going to forgive so you are just at this point bringing harm upon yourself so I don't know what else can be said. You are determined to stay with this deceitful disrespectful person. So when in the future she pulls the same crap you can't complain, and she WILL pull the same crap. I am as sure of that as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow.