heartbroken15 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 HI, yesterday my ex sent me a text out the blue asking me do I still want to be with her after everything we have been through? I didn't text back immediately but I finally texted back and I asked her was she sure and what changed her mind cause at first she didn't want me. So I was trying to see did she want me back for the right reasons. I also mentioned that maybe we should just date to take it slow to see if it is something we can do but she said she didn't want to just date me. She decided to come by later that evening to discuss it to see where we both were and what we both wanted. It was either be together or just continue like we are and co-parent the kids. The thing here is that she have someone else now. She jumped into this relationship a few weeks after we broke up and I know that they are also staying together already. Previously before she sent this message out the blue she starting texting me more about how she love and miss me but never said anything about being together this was after I begged and pleaded for weeks then decided to leave it alone. So I was in shock when she sent a message about being with me. When she came over to talk we didn't argue or anything but she was acting like it was hard for her to figure out what she wanted. She already knew I wanted her so it came down to the point that we agreed to stay apart because she just couldn't bring herself to be with me. I was so sad that night because I'm like what is the point in her coming over to just change her mind. I didn't push it or anything. We had a civilized conversation. Can someone with experience maybe explain to me what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 She wants you as a fall-back, in case her current deal doesn't work out. Here's what you do - you send her this: "Until you are 100% sure that you want to be back with me, which will mean you are no longer involved with the guy you're with now - please don't even think about mentioning a 'get-back-together' again. If you want to get back with me, you will have to prove you are trustworthy and reliable. I can't commit to 'maybe' promises. You broke my heart once, don't think I could let you do the same thing a second time. If you decide we are never going to be together again, or you can make no promises, then the only contact we need is for the sake of the children. Nothing else. Thanks." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
perol Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 She's confused. She's got the new guy but she misses you when she's not around you. So she comes over, and suddenly you're right there, and no longer some mysterious guy that she misses and she convinces herself that she isn't really interested in you afterall. She has no regard for your feelings or the pain she's causing you with all the back and forth so as long as she is indecisive it's up to you to put a stop to this mess otherwise she might keep right on doing it as long as it satisfies her needs at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken15 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 I have told her that a few times I guess my thing is that I need to stick with it and stop being so available to her when she feels like she is bored and want to fill my head with all of these lies. Then her mom call me asking me have we gotten back together yet. I don't know why her mom is so focused on us being together. I can't force anyone to be with me who doesn't want me. It's too many people out here. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 I have told her that a few times I guess my thing is that I need to stick with it and stop being so available to her when she feels like she is bored and want to fill my head with all of these lies. This is known as drawing a line in the sand, and then capitulating when they step over it. You've permitted her to walk all over you. You know why? because you have clearly demonstrated she can. Unless you keep to your end of the conditions, it's little wonder she ignores you and does precisely the opposite.... Then her mom call me asking me have we gotten back together yet. I don't know why her mom is so focused on us being together. Next time her mother calls you, take a breath and quite loudly (not shouting) and emphatically, TELL her to quit calling you. You are not interested in speaking to her, so to kindly leave you alone. Got it? That emphatic and firm response will probably see her telling her daughter about it, and ensuring that things detach a little more. Your ex will not be happy about the way you spoke to her mom. Well bad luck. They keep pestering you, that's what's going to happen. I can't force anyone to be with me who doesn't want me. It's too many people out here. If you were to follow the correct route, and go total No Contact, that wouldn't even be an issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dmomar Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I agree with the other people's posts, you should let her go. Don't answer her messages anymore. My ex used to contact me every few months saying he missed me then when we met up I just felt used (he was only interested in being with me physicallly). This went on for almost 6 months until I finally decided it wasn't worth the heartache. It doesn't sound like she is using you in that way but she is definitely using you for attention/back up plan. I wouldn't want to see anyone else go through the same heartache I went through. I know it seems like there is hope with her but she isn't sure what she wants. It will make it a hell of lot harder to get over her if you don't leave now. Best hopes for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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