smile95 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Please tell me someone else has done this. I have been in a LDR for 3 yrs now. It seems like I day dream about him and build him up so much that I am in love with this image I have made up in my head and in reality when we talk or are together, I am disappointed by him. He is not who i made him out to be? We have so much fun together and I love him, but has anyone else exp this??? I am in love with an imaginary person I feel??? We are not speaking right now because he really is not making time for me anymore, but I think I may be in love with being in love and not him? Being LDR, you have that opportunity to take the good and run with it! I think that is what I did...has anyone else felt this????? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 this is a typical scenario with LDRs, BETH5201. most folks who are involved in these types of relationships are subconcious commitment-phobes and want a relationship without all the hassles of a traditional relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted May 23, 2005 Author Share Posted May 23, 2005 hmmmmmmm. It's weird. We are not talking now and my life is the same except for an I love you here and there. Since he is never here my life really is not diff with out him, but I still miss knowing he is there in the back of my head and that someone loves me. I hate having to move on, but I love the person I made up, not him. It USED to be him, but he changed. Link to post Share on other sites
neverwilllearn Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I will pass this on from another poster .. I am the last person to want to burst anybody's bubble, but.. really .. he is imaginary and that is that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 he is and it should make this easier, but somehow I have convinced myself I am in love. After 3 yrs it is hard to see that i never evenknew this man! Whenever we saw each other it was like a vacation and i thought was how life was. So when he was not like that anymore, i got upset. that article is right. He is more appealing to me now that i do not have him Link to post Share on other sites
neverwilllearn Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 As hard as it is.. try to accept the reality that he is not with you. My firm belief is that if a guy wants to be with a girl he will climb mountains to do so. And that is that. It hurts. But there is a time when you have to go on. You could have almost gotten a University degree in the 3 years thinking about that guy... Now go do something for you ... that you can be proud about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 thanks...I was so focused on pleasing him and making this work, I forgot about me in the process I guess. I think the hardest part is realizing that Iloved someone I made out to be someone he was not. THe mind is very powerful. I want the man i made up...not who he really is. I am sad. But I did learn that LDR SUCK and will never do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
neverwilllearn Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Do you know what I have learned besides the fact the ldr don't work... For me I have learned that the only way to go is within the bounds of marriage. For me there is absolutely no security, no sense of really knowing that the person loves you if it is outside marriage. Square.. of course. But if you are as sensitive as I am, then never ever deviate from that fact. Never cave, never trust, never do nothing until you have a marriage license in front of you. You will drive a guy crazy if you DON'T cave. If he really loves you .. he will want to be with you ... make him cave by NOT doing IT with him ... and if he doesn't... then he didn't love you anyway. His loss!!! That is the truth and wisdom that I want to share with you ... I wish the best to you and I wish you true love ... you deserve it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 I agree but too bad the divorce rate is 50% and rising. It makes me sick. I have also learned that I am too trusting. Trusting to a fault I think. Ibelieve everyone is being honest with me and I think they know that I trust them and they take advantage of that, SO when I am lied to and find out I am devestated. really. I let him know waaaay too soon that I loved him and wanted to be with him and I think he stopped trying casue he knew he had me. THe only time he swept me off my feet is if i said i wanted to break up or if i did not answer my phone or he thought i was mad at him. Link to post Share on other sites
neverwilllearn Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 I also want to think that everyone is so so honest with me because I am a such a good good person.. and of course no one will ever want to take advantage of that fact. But reality is sad. Guys will take advantage of the weak and the sensitive. Never ever again cave... especially for someone like you or me that "trusts" people. DON'T CAVE!! DON'T DO IT WITH ANYONE! You and I can't handle it! Know who you are and your tolerance for pain! Hey if you your tolerance for pain is high ... then have a fling or two with who ever .. but if your tolerance for pain is low and your truth for the knowledge of real love is high ... then tell the guy forget it ... and tell him why ... Again... if he loves you he WILL marry you. If he doesn't he will go. PERIOD! Period!! I hope you can move on and find a wonderful guy that will want to be with you ... best to you my sweet friend. Link to post Share on other sites
ploop Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Originally posted by neverwilllearn then tell the guy forget it ... and tell him why ... Again... if he loves you he WILL marry you. woah woah woah, wait a second. im sick of peoples bad experiances with LDRs assuming that they ALL fail. fair enough, this guy sounds like he is trying to distance himself from you, and maybe he is just a figment of your imagination, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
htinulas Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 HI Beth - OMG - this is the first time I logged on to this board for the same reason, and when I read your post, it was almost like I wrote it myself. I don't know too much about your history, but I'm going through the same thing. How did you meet? Have you ever met this guy. Yes, being in love with an imaginary person is exactly how I feel...........good to know that there are others. I "Met" T.G. in September, thorugh work. I am in Ontario and he is in NY. He emailed me on a c.c'd message for an order we had with them (he is one of our suppliers), and it was a funny email, which I responded to. After that he started emailing me regularly, then calling me - it was SO spooky, because we had SO much in common - now the things he told me about himself was not just things he was saying we had in common, these were things he told me before I really even got to know him - the similarities were incredible, almost spooky. I'm divorced, and had my share of bad relationships, and have never "met" someone who I had so much in common with. For the next little while, T.G. started calling me each morning and leaving me a good morning message, he would call in the afternoon with a joke of the day.....after a few weeks we even exchanged cell phone #'s and would talk on the weekend and during the week. He has never been married, but had a serious relationship where he was hurt pretty badly and I know that he had been shying away from women after that. Things were amazing - I thought (still do) of him all the time, and my friends tell me that I've built himi up on such a pedestal that I think he is the mostperfect person in the world, with no flaws, and that is why I'm having such a difficult time with this. After a while, he stopped pretty much all personal contact,we'd stll have some friendly chit chat once in a while - whenever I'd ask him what ws wrong he wouldn't say - whenever I would ask what the problem was, he would say that he was just really busy at work (which always made me wonde why he stopped calling me at night and on the weekend). But I played my part as well - I started panicking and would question him I guess a bit too much.....now that I look back I did perhaps go overboard, but still to this day I have myself convinced that he is my soul mate . Back when things were going better we made several plans to meet but never did meet - he still says When the time is right to meet, we most certainly will, which is part of the problem why I cannot let go of this thing - he has never said he wants me out of his life, and once in a while he pops back in with something positiv e- i.e. another good morning message in April - a bit of playful talk in April...just not enough for me to let go. AHhhh - I just don't know how I could've fallen so badly for someone without ever meeting him - of course, I have pictures - stare at them all the time, too. There was one particular message he sent my friend who emailed himi in desparation (I've exhausted my friends on this subject)....he replied that he thinks I'm a great girl and we haven't met - what if we did - what would happen if we did hit it off - would I move down to the states, would he move to Canada - neither one are likely to happen, so it's sort of poiintless. My point is, how do you know until you give it a try. My heart is telling me he is Mr. Right that I've been waiting for forever, he lives like 7 hours away by car and that is it. Oh also, 2 weeks ago I received a call form his cell phone on Saturday night - first time since Nov - no message, but I was very exctied - I asked about it Monday morning and he didn't respond until Monday at 5:30 after I had left work to tell me that his nephew was playing with his phone and before he caught him he must've dialed my number in error. I'm a lttle skeptical about that - his newphew is quite young with a disability - cell phones are pretty complicated, and also, you can tell what #'s you have called - all he had to do was go into sent callers and then he would've known - plus why did it take him ALL day to answer - did it take that long to think up this reason. Oh well, no since dwelling on that. Ok , I've rambled way too long, but it's nice to see that other people are in the same boat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 het there. well we met when he was in my town for work and hit it off. He stayed extra and we talked forever. After that, he flew to see me every other week and we were so in love. It was fate. Then we talked of marriage and when he felt he had me, it turned into 2x a month, then 1x a month and so on getting worse. I needed more and wanted just a phone call a day. We made it 3 yrs and then he got really busy with work and i guess i bugged him to call me too much. I saw him maybe 3 times last yr, but we loved each other and stayed together. Not even sure if we are done? HE goes thru stages of ignoring me and then calls, so who knows. But, we have diff situations, but the same concept. it is way too easy to make them perfect when you never see them(or your case, never meet). We are noth in love with an image we built. I am letting go and not calling anymore. He is ignoring me pretty much and I amnot going to beg. We will always love each other, I know. But, I need more and he is not willing to put me before work i guess.i have had enough and starting to look for someone in my own town! it is hard to let go tho. I am not sure if that is what he wants or not? he will not tell me either way? good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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