I think I understand her now.

[SkyBry]

It's been a long couple of years for me.

 

About two years ago, I had no idea that my wife and I would be where we are now. It's been a hell of a ride.

 

The -really- short version of it is; I discovered my wife was having an emotional affair with a guy in the U.S. (We live in Canada.) We've been happily married for 25 years, and I did NOT see it coming. She never physically cheated on me, but emotionally she had definitely crossed a line. And she denied it, until I showed her the evidence. I was shattered. I'm not an emotionally weak person... I'm pretty strong. But reading her words to this guy nearly destroyed me. My wife means more to me than I can quantify.

 

Current state: original guy is now pretty much out of the picture, and our sex life has taken an interesting turn. We're what you might call swingers now, but not exactly. It's complicated, but it seems to be working.

 

What I've learned: My wife needs assurance that she is still sexy. At 50, I guess it came home that she was aging, and she thought she was losing her looks. She has never been vain that way, and I have always told her she is beautiful (and she IS), but now it's like she NEEDS to have another man wanting her sexually to assure her of her attractiveness. So I'm allowing her this pleasure... as long as she and I are clear that emotionally she is still faithful to me. We have full access to each others' phones, laptops, etc, and after 9 months, I can report that it seems to be working. No more secrets. We share everything, and the guy in the U.S. is now almost only a bad memory.

 

I know some of you may be shocked by this. Others will call me a fool for not leaving her initially and ending it. A few might understand. But here it is; I love this woman with all my heart. I always have. I would go to just about any length to save our marriage. I have my pride... I won't put up with cheating, and she knows this. If she ever slips toward that place again, she knows she may well lose me, and everything we have built in 25 years together. She says she will never let that happen... and I do believe her.

 

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to unload my thoughts. I haven't been able to share this with anyone. So now I will do it safely... anonymously...

 

If anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask. It's a long story, though.

 

 

-Cray

[66Charger]

Are you saying Your wife can have physical sex with other guys as long as you know about it, but no emotional ties?

[BetrayedH]

Lots of couples manage some version of this. Sadly, in most cases one of the spouses becomes more interested in the extra marital part and breaks the "rules."

 

I hope you're getting some of your own and keeping your expectations of success in check.

[ShatteredLady]

Quote - "Current state: original guy is now pretty much out of the picture"

 

What do you mean by "pretty much"? They were having an emotional affair & it understandably devastated you. There should be ZERO contact. Did she send him a no contact letter & block him on all of her devises?

 

Are YOU happy with this 'swinger' arrangement? Does it bring you pleasure both physically & emotionally? How do you deal with the jealousy? Do you guys participate together with couples? Are they one night stands or regular 'dates'? Are YOU sure that this is the right thing for YOU? Is this the first time you've been involved with anything like this? How does it sit morally?

 

I know thats a lot of questions. I know the crippling devastation of discovering an EA. I can't imagine embracing your 'solution'.

[oldshirt]

We're what you might call swingers now, but not exactly. It's complicated, but it seems to be working.

 

 

 

I and a couple other regulars here have extensive experience in the swinging lifestyle. Could you please elaborate a little more on what you mean and what activities you are involved in.

 

 

The Force is telling me that you aren't actually swinging but are allowing her some access into the hot wife/cuckold lifestyle.

 

 

Could you please clarify what it is exactly that she is doing?

[spanz1]

 

What I've learned: My wife needs assurance that she is still sexy. At 50, I guess it came home that she was aging, and she thought she was losing her looks. She has never been vain that way, and I have always told her she is beautiful (and she IS), but now it's like she NEEDS to have another man wanting her sexually to assure her of her attractiveness.

 

not sure what you mean about a partial open marriage. BUT i DO agree that women need re-assurance that

1) they have pretty sexy bodies

2) you still lust afer their bodies

 

and the BEST way they can get tha is for you to spend money on their clothes, especially lingerie, but modern hip clothing too, like nice shoes, boots, sexy underthings, trendy revealing dresses, etc.

 

THEN you need to phsyicall communicate that they are turning you on. You need to be touching them. need to grab their butt as they walk by. It may take many months before they believe that you still like their body, but eventually their self doubt will dissapear, and they will start acting sexier at home.

[OldRover]

What a story....

 

And for clarification, is the extra marital affairs with other guys a "solution" for the EA? If so, I'd bet it's doomed for failure. Even if it's been what you've been doing all along, it sure has it's challenges.

 

Not for me at all. I don't share my toys with anyone.

[ShatteredLady]

Comments like this "I would go to just about any length to save our marriage." & "I'm allowing HER this pleasure" have me really worried for you.

 

I'm in my 40's & I've had 2 BIG babies! Like most women (I think) I go though stages when I'm lacking a little physical confidence. My body isn't the same as it was in my 20's. I can understand her insecurities but they are just normal insecurities. Most women don't NEED other men to have sex with them to get through being middle-aged!!

 

It's not my thing but I can understand couples who enjoy the swingers lifestyle but it needs to be BOTH of you equally enjoying & having a very strong, loyal bond & established rules for it to work. This sounds more like HER cheating with your permission & knowledge. Not a couple SHARING a new intimacy.

 

Your post reads like you dearly love your wife & you've come to this 'sacrifice' to allow her to feel desired & fulfilled by other men. It doesn't sound like its your pleasure. Please correct me if I'm wrong. You've chosen a very unusual 'solution' to stop your wife from cheating on you! Do you think that this purely physical release is going to be enough for her? To be honest most women can get layed pretty easily. Being emotionally & physically DESIRED & not just penetrated is far more fulfilling.

Edited October 29, 2015 by ShatteredLady

[SkyBry]

Are you saying Your wife can have physical sex with other guys as long as you know about it, but no emotional ties?

 

 

Well, NO emotional ties is difficult. Call it friendship. But if it goes beyond friendship, it has to stop. We both take part in monitoring that, as best we can.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

Lots of couples manage some version of this. Sadly, in most cases one of the spouses becomes more interested in the extra marital part and breaks the "rules."

 

I hope you're getting some of your own and keeping your expectations of success in check.

 

Believe me, I am very, very aware of just how dangerous a game this could be. There are details to explain, though, that have me feeling that so far we are on safe ground. (Or, -now- we are on safer ground.) I will explain below as I reply to these other questions.

 

 

-Cray

[TX-SC]

Ha, well, good luck with all that! I can imagine that she will fall for the other guy and you will get dumped. It's almost a guarantee.

 

So, do you get a side partner too? Or is this all about HER needs?

 

The missing part of this puzzle is the fact that she should only NEED your validation since she is married to YOU.

[66Charger]

Ok, so you are a cuckhold. Thats your solution to a EA. Interesting choice. Me, I would not be with a woman for even texting a guy who is interested in her, let alone a EA.

I guess it is a difference in sef respect and boundaries. Good luck bro.

Edited October 29, 2015 by 66Charger

[drifter777]

We might be judging OP too harshly. We should wait for him to fill in the details like who's doing who and what exactly the rules are.

 

OP: In general I think that if what you are doing is working for you - enjoy it while you can.

 

Tell me - why are you here? What stopped working?

[ShatteredLady]

I'm sorry Cray. I just think a lot of us are worried for you. Will you explain more please?

 

Is she sexting or physically hooking-up with guys? Are they 'professionals' or guys off the Internet like Craig's List or Ashley Madison? Are you there to watch &/or protect her? Meeting strangers can be very dangerous & I hope she ALWAYS insists on condoms & STD tests. You say you know that this can be 'dangerous' but have you thought of ALL the different ways this can be physically & emotionally dangerous?

 

I'm sorry. You clearly love your wife very, very much. I think that working on her mental & emotional issues with the help of a professional would of been a healthier solution to her very serious problems.

[SkyBry]

What do you mean by "pretty much"? They were having an emotional affair & it understandably devastated you. There should be ZERO contact. Did she send him a no contact letter & block him on all of her devises?

 

Are YOU happy with this 'swinger' arrangement? Does it bring you pleasure both physically & emotionally? How do you deal with the jealousy? Do you guys participate together with couples? Are they one night stands or regular 'dates'? Are YOU sure that this is the right thing for YOU? Is this the first time you've been involved with anything like this? How does it sit morally?

 

All good questions, and all valid.

 

When I say 'pretty much', I mean that my wife is now aware that this guy is/was something of a player, and she has gotten over her initial feelings of 'love' for him. She no longer sees him the way she saw him 18 months ago. They started as Facebook friends over a mutual enjoyment of working out, and their relationship grew from there. Now he occasionally shows up to send a note to her, but she just teases him a bit until he gives up and goes back to his girlfriend... it's a pattern, and she now sees it, and is in control.

 

When it comes to jealousy, I am actually a very open minded person. Sexually, I actually get somewhat turned on by the idea of my wife being with another man. Actually seeing it happen was the most intense sexual experience of my life, and as long as feelings of love are not involved, I do not get jealous. I am able to 'share' my wife sexually just fine... as long as I am part of the equation.

 

As for the nature of the contact, we have done a few different things. I have let her be alone with a man, twice now, different men. Neither one was a 'threat' to me... they were 'fun' for her, and we both got enjoyment from the experience. (She videoed the encounters for me... and discovered she likes watching the videos too. We still watch them... and then **** like rabbits.) We also did a full swap with another couple, twice, and had a very good time. Our latest adventure was joining the swinger community... we've only been once, and my wife didn't spot anyone that attracted her, although the hostess that night asked if she could have me, and my wife was fine with it. It's very much a two-way relationship we have... I have fun, she has fun, we have fun. And our personal sex life has taken off like a rocket. (More on that later...)

 

This is the first time we have ventured into this kind of territory. For the first 24 years of our marriage, I was the good husband, she was the proper wife. What we both didn't know was that beneath the surface both of us were fighting against very strong desires. We're both devout Christians, and the territory we are treading in now would be considered VERY wrong by our friends. But both of us are exploring ground that we've always both desired... and we're doing it together. I think this is key to it working for us.

 

Morally... I'm of the mind that as long as we're not hurting anyone, or ourselves, then we're good.

 

More as I answer other questions...

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

I and a couple other regulars here have extensive experience in the swinging lifestyle. Could you please elaborate a little more on what you mean and what activities you are involved in.

 

 

The Force is telling me that you aren't actually swinging but are allowing her some access into the hot wife/cuckold lifestyle.

 

 

Could you please clarify what it is exactly that she is doing?

 

 

You might call it Hotwifing, in that I allow her to be alone with certain men. But there is no cuckold factor to it; when she plays, it's only after she and I arrange it. If either one of us is at all uncomfortable with something, we don't do it.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

I'm sorry Cray. I just think a lot of us are worried for you. Will you explain more please?

 

Is she sexting or physically hooking-up with guys? Are they 'professionals' or guys off the Internet like Craig's List or Ashley Madison? Are you there to watch &/or protect her? Meeting strangers can be very dangerous & I hope she ALWAYS insists on condoms & STD tests. You say you know that this can be 'dangerous' but have you thought of ALL the different ways this can be physically & emotionally dangerous?

 

I'm sorry. You clearly love your wife very, very much. I think that working on her mental & emotional issues with the help of a professional would of been a healthier solution to her very serious problems.

 

 

Thank you, SL. A thoughtful reply.

 

She only texts guys that we both agree to, and she keeps me in the loop on everything. And it's only with two guys that we have personally connected with in our daily lives, that happened to both desire her. She does use condoms, and we get tested regularly. (In fact, we got tested before we started, to be safe...) And so far she has only had each guy once. (And both instances were intense, and deeply satisfying for her. And be extension, for me... )

 

Just to add, we usually play as a couple. Only with these two lovers have I let her be alone; both guys are nice, mature, and respectful to both of us. (If I sensed ANY level of disrespect, it would end there... and she agrees...)

 

As regards consulting a professional... it was something I considered, but she wouldn't agree to opening up to anyone else. As it was, getting her to open up to me was a long process.

 

I should explain a bit more about how we came to this arrangement... I'll explain in my next message, below.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

ShatterLady...

 

 

I should explain more about how we got where we are. And why.

 

After discovering my wife had fallen for the guy in the U.S., I confronted her. At first she denied it, but she couldn't when I quoted her things she had told him. She swore to me that she loved me, that she never intended to leave me... and her messaged did indicate that. But I was still heartbroken having read things like 'You make me feel like I've never felt before", and "I wish I was with you now". (And more... much more.)

 

At this same time, however, my wife was going through some major changes in her physiology. For about fifteen years leading up to this, our sex life had been dying. Not due to my lack of interest... or romance... but my wife just didn't want sex. At all. She told me that she just didn't care about it... and worse, what she wouldn't tell me, was that it was physically painful for her. I was very sensitive to her feelings, though, and did my best not to pressure her over it, but it was hard on me. (I have a very strong sex drive...) But even if things had never improved, I would have stayed with her... love is so much more than sex. While our sex life was almost dead, we still got along with each other like very few others couples do... we don't fight, we're affectionate with each other, and we never put each other down. I'm smart enough to know that relationships like that are rare enough that you don't just throw them away without a serious fight.

 

Anyway, over the last seven or so years we had been investigating her lack of desire, and trying to find the source. And after a lot of research, we found three things that were key; she was suffering from zero testosterone levels, she was allergic to gluten, and the biggest, she was suffering from hypothyroidism. Once we got these three things in order, her health started to improve in leaps and bounds. And suddenly, her libido came back... with teeth. Her desires went from zero to 100 mph, and she didn't understand what was happening. At the same time, she turned 50... and it triggered something of a mid-life crisis. She started doubting her own attractiveness, despite the fact that I always told her how beautiful she was, how much I loved her, desired her. And I AM a serious romantic... I bring her flowers for no reason other than to say I love her. I do it at random times. And in many other ways, I've always been a very attentive husband... including helping out around the house... things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, and putting out the garbage. (Not trying to make myself sound great... just outlining that I didn't give my wife any reason to look outside our marriage...)

 

All of this combined to put her in place where she was feeling her sexuality like she hadn't in years. Maybe ever. And she didn't know what to do. She thought if she told me about her desires, I would be disgusted. Because she was having fantasies about a guy in our gym. It was pure lust, though... she had no interest in him romantically. She just wanted to jump him.

 

Over that summer, I had been doing my best to understand what she was going through, and trying to get her to open up to me. I asked her about her fantasies, and two years ago she said she had none. A year later she admitted she did have some, but they were private... and wouldn't tell. Six months later, the pressures within her were getting too much to bear, and she finally decided to open up to me and tell me everything. So as we walked hand in hand through a mall, she told me how she had been a very sexual woman ever since hitting puberty. How she even used to watch porn and enjoy it. How her feelings had been coming back, and how she was having fantasies about having sex with another man... she fantasized that I would walk in on them, and be okay with it. She told me all this as we walked, and then as she finished, she looked at me, with a bit of fear in her eyes... she was afraid I was going to leave her right then. Instead, I pulled her close, hugged her, kissed her, and whispered "It's not cheating if I give you permission."

 

You see, that's my fantasy.

 

I think it developed from the years of her lack of desire. I started to fantasize that she would be seduced by someone, and give in to her desires, and actually enjoy it. This fantasy of mine developed over the last five or six years... I can even document it, because I used to blog about it. So when she opened up and admitted her desires, it clicked with me.

 

The key is openness, communication, and respect. And love. Knowing that she -does- love me, gives me the strength to have this adventure and not panic about it. And allowing her this has brought us closer together than ever... partners in crime, you might say. She's even told me this... that she loves me now more than ever before, because of understanding her.

 

Of course, it requires a delicate balance. We have to be careful about not getting too close to anyone. But so far it's been good... even great. And our sex life has gone from once a month (or two), to every single day. And sometimes multiple times a day. It's like we're newlyweds again.

 

There's a lot that I'm not including, as it would takes hours of typing, and I just can't do that right now. But this is the relevant stuff.

 

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

Ha, well, good luck with all that! I can imagine that she will fall for the other guy and you will get dumped. It's almost a guarantee.

 

The missing part of this puzzle is the fact that she should only NEED your validation since she is married to YOU.

 

Sorry, man, but this last line tells me that you don't really know as much as you think you do. Women are complex... and when it comes to how they view themselves, you can't make a statement like that. Trust me on this. Or don't. But I can honestly say I know better than you do on this one.

 

Case in point; my wife thinks I see her through 'eyes of love'... rose colored glasses, if you prefer. She feels my view of her beauty is unrealistic... even delusional. The fact is, she doubts her attractiveness due to her upbringing. Abusive parents, of the -worst- sort. This has left her scarred, and unable to see the beauty that she really is. And she really is beautiful. Sure, she has some wrinkles, some lines. Sure, she has veins in her legs that make her less than perfect... but it remains that she is -still- a strikingly beautiful woman, and I've made it my goal to build up her self-esteem and overcome the damage done by her past. I've been doing it for 25 years... and will continue for the rest of our lives together. And part of that is pointing out that I am not the only one that thinks she is beautiful. I am confident enough in our relationship not to be jealous when I see a man looking at her... in fact I laugh at it, especially when his eyes finally move and meet mine... and he looks away, embarrassed at being caught staring.

 

I know it's vanity. But sometimes you need to let your wife indulge in a little vanity.

 

 

-Cray

[S2B]

It's been a long couple of years for me.

 

About two years ago, I had no idea that my wife and I would be where we are now. It's been a hell of a ride.

 

The -really- short version of it is; I discovered my wife was having an emotional affair with a guy in the U.S. (We live in Canada.) We've been happily married for 25 years, and I did NOT see it coming. She never physically cheated on me, but emotionally she had definitely crossed a line. And she denied it, until I showed her the evidence. I was shattered. I'm not an emotionally weak person... I'm pretty strong. But reading her words to this guy nearly destroyed me. My wife means more to me than I can quantify.

 

Current state: original guy is now pretty much out of the picture, and our sex life has taken an interesting turn. We're what you might call swingers now, but not exactly. It's complicated, but it seems to be working.

 

What I've learned: My wife needs assurance that she is still sexy. At 50, I guess it came home that she was aging, and she thought she was losing her looks. She has never been vain that way, and I have always told her she is beautiful (and she IS), but now it's like she NEEDS to have another man wanting her sexually to assure her of her attractiveness. So I'm allowing her this pleasure... as long as she and I are clear that emotionally she is still faithful to me. We have full access to each others' phones, laptops, etc, and after 9 months, I can report that it seems to be working. No more secrets. We share everything, and the guy in the U.S. is now almost only a bad memory.

 

I know some of you may be shocked by this. Others will call me a fool for not leaving her initially and ending it. A few might understand. But here it is; I love this woman with all my heart. I always have. I would go to just about any length to save our marriage. I have my pride... I won't put up with cheating, and she knows this. If she ever slips toward that place again, she knows she may well lose me, and everything we have built in 25 years together. She says she will never let that happen... and I do believe her.

 

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to unload my thoughts. I haven't been able to share this with anyone. So now I will do it safely... anonymously...

 

If anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask. It's a long story, though.

 

 

-Cray

 

You don't seem to ask a question so is there anything you wanted to ask?

 

And please don't make blanket statements - not all of us women are complex.

 

Not all of us need more validation from others - especially outside a primary relationship.

 

 

Since she does, it's safe to assume she isn't getting her needs met within the M.

 

And as far as you providing her ego boosts - that's very unhealthy. sHE should be capable of thinking kindly of herself. You can't do that FOR her.

 

She may need professional help with her low self esteem.

 

 

She had an affair. You don't seem to be addressing and fixing those issues in the M. I doubt opening up the M is likely to help with the issues within the marriage; long term that is.

 

 

 

Ignoring what she did isn't gonna fix your problems.

[SkyBry]

We might be judging OP too harshly. We should wait for him to fill in the details like who's doing who and what exactly the rules are.

 

OP: In general I think that if what you are doing is working for you - enjoy it while you can.

 

Tell me - why are you here? What stopped working?

 

 

It's an ongoing adventure, I would say. And if either of us fears it is going somewhere dangerous, we will stop it. We are dedicated to each other. We love each other, we have children and history and family and memories, and in many many ways my wife shows me she does love me each day.

 

Why I'm here... I guess I was just looking around, and after reading some of the posts here, I wanted to spill about my experience. And that a marriage can recover. Not that marriages would take the route we have taken... but love and forgiveness go a long way. And understanding.

 

There was a point in all of this were I could simply have taken what my wife had written to the guy in the U.S. out of context, and many would have felt I was validated in leaving her at that point. I had to stop, and think... and put myself in her place... try and empathize with her, understand where she was mentally... and when I did, I was able to see things that I could have easily overlooked. Things like the fact that she DIDN'T just take off and go see the guy. That she noted at one point that they would probably never be together, because of her being married. Other little things, that when viewed the right way, added up to a woman that was confused, on edge, and ultimately being affected by a depression state I had not been aware of.

 

When I took the time to take all this in, and weigh everything, I realized that her actions showed a woman that DID indeed love her husband, but was fighting an attraction she knew was wrong. And when I showed her this understanding, her tears were real. Her anguish was real. And I knew I still had my wife's love.

 

I read so many that have been hurt... and their marriages end. And in many, perhaps most cases, it's valid. But sometimes I read something that makes my heart ache, because I was there, and I see how this person is hurting now, and their marriage is over... and maybe it could have been saved, but now it's too late.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'm just hoping someone will see my story and somewhere down the way it will give them pause, and maybe they will find it in them to understand the why... and who knows, maybe a relationship won't have to die.

 

Yeah, I know. I'm a dreamer.

 

 

-Cray

[DKT3]

Your wife seems to have an issue with boundaires and low self esteem. You are simply feeding those two very unhealthy factors.

 

I'm not saying I'm against the lifestyle, in fact we at one point talked about it for years and may have been leaning towards it. However like your wife mine had an affair. No way can it be healthy to enter into a lifestyle that honesty and trust is the foundation with someone who has shown that can and will breach those things.

 

I guess the problem I see is your wife need outside validation for internal issues. Add that to her issues with boundaires and ability to be sneaky and dishonest spells trouble. Not to mention she is still in contact with a guy who she did those things with. In many ways it shows a high level of disrespect towards you. This is the reason that some posters have labeled you as weak. She now knows that she can move you.

[SkyBry]

You don't seem to ask a question so is there anything you wanted to ask?

 

And please don't make blanket statements - not all of us women are complex.

 

Not all of us need more validation from others - especially outside a primary relationship.

 

 

Since she does, it's safe to assume she isn't getting her needs met within the M.

 

And as far as you providing her ego boosts - that's very unhealthy. sHE should be capable of thinking kindly of herself. You can't do that FOR her.

 

She may need professional help with her low self esteem.

 

 

She had an affair. You don't seem to be addressing and fixing those issues in the M. I doubt opening up the M is likely to help with the issues within the marriage; long term that is.

 

 

 

Ignoring what she did isn't gonna fix your problems.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to bother addressing any of these... I'd be repeating myself.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

Your wife seems to have an issue with boundaires and low self esteem. You are simply feeding those two very unhealthy factors.

 

I'm not saying I'm against the lifestyle, in fact we at one point talked about it for years and may have been leaning towards it. However like your wife mine had an affair. No way can it be healthy to enter into a lifestyle that honesty and trust is the foundation with someone who has shown that can and will breach those things.

 

I guess the problem I see is your wife need outside validation for internal issues. Add that to her issues with boundaires and ability to be sneaky and dishonest spells trouble. Not to mention she is still in contact with a guy who she did those things with. In many ways it shows a high level of disrespect towards you. This is the reason that some posters have labeled you as weak. She now knows that she can move you.

 

 

The issues with her being sneaky are behind us... far behind us. She tells me whenever the original guy tries to communicate... and I have ways of knowing if she is being honest about that. And I've seen her view of him change over the past year. When all this originally came down, she wanted me to believe that he was really only a friend she cared about. I knew it was more than that. So I (carefully) showed her his true colors. Showed her the number of female 'friends' he had on Facebook. How he made himself out to be the strong silent type... and she started to see it. I let her come to this realization on her own, though... pointing it out myself would have made me the bad guy... but allowing her to discover it herself gave her the option to ignore it, or see the truth. And my wife is not stupid.

 

Soon she was sharing with me his attempts to re-start things, the way he tried to manipulate her feelings, but now she was on to him, and wasn't falling for it. This drew us together, while allowing her to push him away. I really didn't have to do much... she already knew she was in the wrong for allowing herself to get too close to the guy, and now she had even more reason to repair the damage.

 

Of course some will say I am being too trusting. To this I counter that they don't really know me, or my wife. We have more than 25 years together... we are closer now than ever before... so before they go explaining to me how I'm 'weak', perhaps they should sit back and think a bit.

 

Who's stronger? The man that gives up without trying, or the one that fights for his marriage?

 

 

-Cray

[DKT3]

I get what your saying, but your missing the point. You don't hire a drunk to bartend simply saying "I'm trusting you to control yourself" WTF they are a drunk.

 

Your wife has proven that she can and will cross boudaries, lie and mislead you. You then countered that by saying go ahead.

 

Again its not about the lifestyle as much as it is about how you got there.

 

What does it say about her views of you as a sexual partner if it takes other men to get her going? Sure you may have a great "friendship", and at some point sex becomes less of a factor. However, (maybe I'm wrong) there seems to be an element of selfishness and a agility and willingness on her part to manipulate you.

 

I honestly don't see this ending well, mainly because you seem to take on her decision to be unfaithful as your issue. "If only I can understand her better then she will be faithful". But its not your issue, its hers. You seem to have swept it away. These things tend to re enter the picture.