I think I understand her now.

[SkyBry]

I'm interested in why you initially came here to discuss your activities? What was your purpose for starting this thread other than to have a place to discuss it outside of your normal social and familial circle?

 

No tricks, genuinely interested in your reasons.

 

 

Cuckoo

 

Hi Cuckoo...

 

Answered this back in post #23. Aside from that, I had no purpose to start this thread. I just had been reading some of the peoples threads here, and felt like I should write something. I didn't have an agenda or plan.

 

The rest of this has been (mostly) my replies to those that have gotten hung up on attempting to psycho-analyze me. I didn't come here to discuss our sexual situation... it was more about recovering from the initial event and how things have healed... but most commenters seem to prefer to jump all over the direction our sex life has taken. And I don't mind discussing it, if people want... but I refuse to validate those that think they can define me because of their own experiences. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it's that everyone is different.

 

 

-Cray

[DKT3]

Hi Cuckoo...

 

Answered this back in post #23. Aside from that, I had no purpose to start this thread. I just had been reading some of the peoples threads here, and felt like I should write something. I didn't have an agenda or plan.

 

The rest of this has been (mostly) my replies to those that have gotten hung up on attempting to psycho-analyze me. I didn't come here to discuss our sexual situation... it was more about recovering from the initial event and how things have healed... but most commenters seem to prefer to jump all over the direction our sex life has taken. And I don't mind discussing it, if people want... but I refuse to validate those that think they can define me because of their own experiences. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it's that everyone is different.

 

 

-Cray

 

Again, its not the direction its gone, its what set you on the path. I think there in lays the problem. As I mentioned we tossed around the idea of "extra" fun. Once I discovered the affair that was off the table.

 

There was/is work to be done in the areas of trust, forgiveness, boundaires and reconnecting.

 

You see this as counter productive, but its really warnigs from those who are years down the road you are starting down.

 

You continue to mention your long history but we all have history, even though I'm a decade younger my (ex wifes and soon to be wife same) have slightly more years behind us. Others here are 30+ years in. I know many of us felt we knew our spouses just as well if not better then you "think" you know yours.

 

We are highlighting the pitfalls that are ahead on this road. Your not open to it.

[SkyBry]

Sky Bry,

I'm kinda wondering what you want from this thread...

 

As mentioned, asked and answered in post #23. - Cray

 

One would assume that you're here seeking some comments or perhaps validation to your unusual situation.

 

Not really... I just posted on a whim... I don't need validation regarding the direction our sexual life has taken. I was thinking more about recovery from the original event. I thought people might wonder more about that, and how I handled things, but that seems to be far less interesting, I guess. - Cray

 

First, OldShirt has probably the best advise.

 

OldShirt put me into a cuckold category off the start, and seems to be stuck there. Not just a matter if disregarding my view of things, he outright rejects my opinions and views and states that he knows my wife and our situation better than I do. Sorry, that doesn't wash. Not that I disagree with his view of things regarding what might happen to a man in a cuckold situation, but as I've already made very clear, his view of our situation isn't accurate. Not even close. - Cray

 

Second, before you got into this arrangement with sharing sexual partners, you wife had already proven to be unfaithful with her EA. She did cross some boundaries, without your permission or knowledge. That's a HUGE factor. That could easily happen again... perhaps with bad results for you.

 

Granted, but as I've already addressed this concern, several times now, I don't feel the need to review it again. (Way back on page 1...) - Cray

 

Third, so, now to "compensate" and give her the extramarital thrill she wants, you agreed she could fu*k other guys, and you implied that came first, and then you agreed you could fu*k other women.

 

Sorry, not sure where you got this impression. It was a two-way agreement from the start. - Cray

 

What make you think for a minute that she won't find one of these guys more attractive to you and you'll be out on the street.

Answered several times already... - Cray

 

Most people find it's pretty hard to separate sex and emotions as they do get mixed together. Sex brings people emotionally together and promotes bonding and commitment.

 

If you're so "hot" why can't you satisfy her? That's a BIG question.

 

Never claimed I was hot. Always thought of myself as somewhat average looking, but the reaction I've gotten from my female partners in the past months seems to indicate that I may be better looking than I think. As for satisfying her... who says I don't? There is a difference between fulfilling the needs of a partner, and having additional sex for fun. We're doing the latter. - Cray

 

There's some major issues with why she needs to validate her desirability with other men. You should be the one validating her.... the only one, and the only one fu*king her.

 

Asked and answered... posts #20 and #21. - Cray

 

 

Answered in line, above.

 

 

-Cray

[qubist]

Cray: first of all thank you for sharing your story, it gave me something to think about and that's appreciated. Keep in mind that this is an infidelity forum and some of us here do get triggered by these kind of stories in the wrong way. Do not get offended after all this is nothing but a virtual world where we don't even know each other.

Secondly, I hope you didn't get offended when I referred to you as a " weaker male" I didn't mean it in a way to insult you or degrade you at all. I just believe that you caved into accepting the life style rather than forcing her to fight her fantasies, maybe you feared to loose her, or your love to her made you do it. But at the end I classified it as a weakness for lack of better term. The only thing that I disagree white most posters here is I believe what your doing is OK and nothing to be shame of.

[SkyBry]

We have seen this before, a guy comes here so confident that what he is doing is the right thing, that he has thing under total control. Ignores advise and calls others names who disagrees with him.

 

Here is what I see in this situation. Your wife cheated, you fear losing her more then anything so you bent, changed who you are and have taken the last two years convincing yourself that its what uou wanted. This is why your so easily provoked by otherwise valid questions.

 

I don't think you have much if any control over this situation, your wife is in total control here.

 

And again with the attempt to categorize me. I think you should check your facts. Name calling? Really? Seriously, that's funny. The name calling here started back on page 1, with others calling me a cuckold even before I had answered about our situation. Oh, and weak. And it continued to spiral down from there.

 

Just in your first paragraph alone you've made several claims that are misleading and factually wrong. Sorry, I have no more time for you.

 

 

-Cray

[Try]

You might want to quote the whole definition. Taking a sentence out of context is misleading and inaccurate. The site continues in the next sentence to note that the husband is unaware, or unwitting of the deception.

I did not quote it out of context. I quoted the whole first sentence. The next sentence that you are referring to is a separate definition and not a limit on the first definition that I quoted in its entirety. To say otherwise without quoting it in your post was misleading. I will quote the first and second sentence and let the readers of this thread determine what it means. Wiki states that "A cuckold (sometimes shortened to cuck) is the husband of an adulterous wife. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offspring that are not genetically their own." Notice the qualifier of "in evolutionary biology" in the second sentence, and that it says that "it is also applied", meaning this is a second definition and not part of the first definition given in the first sentence. You are reading in what you want to see, but you are only fooling yourself. There are willing cuckolds and there are unwitting cuckolds. All you are telling us is that you are not an unwitting cuckold.

 

Our relationship doesn't even qualify as 'hotwife', really, if you know the terminology well. We're closer to 'hotwife' than cuckold by many degrees, but really it would fall more properly into swinging.

In my stating the term "Hotwifing" I was only quoting your own use of the term in post #17 where you specifically state "You might call it Hotwifing, in that I allow her to be alone with certain men." I even put the word in quotes so that you would know that I was quoting you. First you say that "You might call it Hotwifing" and then you falsely correct me quoting the term when you say "our relationship doesn't eve qualify as 'hotwife' really". Again, you are only fooling yourself as you falsely play word games to make yourself feel better about what your wife has pushed you into.

[SkyBry]

 

We are highlighting the pitfalls that are ahead on this road. Your not open to it.

 

 

Actually I don't mind at all discussing the possible dangers/pitfalls... but I refuse to get into an argument with someone that claims they know my situation better than I do, knows my wife's mind better than I do, knows my mind better than I do, when this person has never met any of the players in the game. Add to that the continued insistence of the degradation/cuckold category b.s., I don't see the point in continuing a discussion in that direction. I won't waste my time answering 'questions' that are really just attempts to validate a view I know to be inaccurate.

 

 

-Cray

[DKT3]

Answered in line, above.

 

 

-Cray

 

I can't speak for everyone, but as far as recovery I don't think you have. I believe the event was rugswept by way of this new found lifestyle.

 

Maybe its been a fantasy of the two of you for years, maybe her affair opened that door and at the moment you are both enjoying it very much.

 

The problem is she still had an affair, and you (not unlike most of us BS's) has taken on the blame for it. Reason being, if you can blame yourself for her infidelity then it means you can control her fidelity moving forward. This is where the problem is. It seems that you feel by "allowing" her to have other men then she will stay faithful to you emotionally thus cutting the risk of losing her. Your wife has boundary issue that don't seem to be addressed. Which means no matter the parameters you set she will bypass them at some point.

 

I know you aren't really open to what we are saying, but you have a real fear that she will connect emotionally with another man. That fear is why I feel this lifestyle isn't really for you at this point. Simply put, YOU DON'T TRUST HER.

[SkyBry]

Cray: first of all thank you for sharing your story, it gave me something to think about and that's appreciated. Keep in mind that this is an infidelity forum and some of us here do get triggered by these kind of stories in the wrong way. Do not get offended after all this is nothing but a virtual world where we don't even know each other.

Secondly, I hope you didn't get offended when I referred to you as a " weaker male" I didn't mean it in a way to insult you or degrade you at all. I just believe that you caved into accepting the life style rather than forcing her to fight her fantasies, maybe you feared to loose her, or your love to her made you do it. But at the end I classified it as a weakness for lack of better term. The only thing that I disagree white most posters here is I believe what your doing is OK and nothing to be shame of.

 

See, now THIS is a good point, and worth discussing.

 

I totally understand the first point, thanks... at the same time, it costs nothing to hold one's opinion until one has some facts to base them on. ;P

 

On the second point, I agree and disagree. I'll explain what I mean.

 

I disagree on the point of 'caving' regarding the lifestyle. It was actually something I fantasized about before this all happened, but never thought my wife would be open minded enough to try. Allowing her to be with another man was in fact my idea. It was my fantasy. Yes, she was being tempted/pulled by her re-awakened sexuality, but she had resisted the urge to cheat (physically), and she was the one that came to me and explained her desires. She never thought that I would suggest this route... honestly, she just about fainted when I did. It was something she never thought I would be okay with... she was actually afraid I would leave her over the mere fact that she had these desires.

 

The root of it is in our upbringing. We were both raised in very strict homes where sex was considered only for marriage, and all other was taboo. Despite this, both of us (as I've discovered) were very sexual people... my wife admits that she had desires like this well before we were married. (e.g. to be able to just take a guy and bed him for fun...) But both of us fought these desires and buried them. My wife suffered a lack of sexual desire for about 15 years, though, so the temptation was really gone for her during that time of our marriage. (Various reasons for this... long story...) When her desire levels were restored, this was when it suddenly occurred to me that having some extra-marital fun might actually help her situation. Yes, of course I realize the danger... believe me, I thought very long and hard about it, and even after deciding to open things up, it was months before we had our first 'adventure'. But at all times we communicated about it... including her selection of whom she wanted to bed first. At the same time, our sex life had been restored and we were enjoying an extremely active year ourselves.

 

Sorry, rambling a bit here. The agreement point I have with you is your point about being afraid of losing her. YES... I was afraid of losing her... of course I was, how could I not. And yes, I did allow this because of my love for her. But it was not her request... it wasn't even her suggestion. She only admitted her desires after I encouraged her to talk about her fantasies... and she really didn't expect I would suggest we make those fantasies real. (Some will argue that of course she did, she was manipulating me into this, blah blah blah. Sorry... that's utter bull****. I am my own man... always have been.)

 

Yes, I find it irritating when people claim I can be so easily manipulated, but it's not because it's striking a nerve/too close to the truth... it's because I'm irritated by people that think they can explain a situation through cliched, condescending pronouncements. It's old... it's tiresome... and I've been around long enough to have read it all before. I just can't be bothered when people want to go down that road. All this stuff about being a cuckold is a prime example. People get hung up on terminology and definitions that are outdated, arguing semantics, when the facts don't even apply. (Gets down of soap box... *lol*)

 

Anyway, thanks very much for a thoughtful post, qubist. I hope I didn't sound irritated... I'm not.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

I can't speak for everyone, but as far as recovery I don't think you have. I believe the event was rugswept by way of this new found lifestyle.

 

Maybe its been a fantasy of the two of you for years, maybe her affair opened that door and at the moment you are both enjoying it very much.

 

The problem is she still had an affair, and you (not unlike most of us BS's) has taken on the blame for it. Reason being, if you can blame yourself for her infidelity then it means you can control her fidelity moving forward. This is where the problem is. It seems that you feel by "allowing" her to have other men then she will stay faithful to you emotionally thus cutting the risk of losing her. Your wife has boundary issue that don't seem to be addressed. Which means no matter the parameters you set she will bypass them at some point.

 

I know you aren't really open to what we are saying, but you have a real fear that she will connect emotionally with another man. That fear is why I feel this lifestyle isn't really for you at this point. Simply put, YOU DON'T TRUST HER.

 

Thanks, this is another good series of points... happy to address them.

 

Recovery... this is ongoing. I haven't really talked at all about that... how I dealt with everything when things came to light. But short of going into all of that, yes, I am still recovering. It's been 18 months since, and I still get times when I want to scream. Moments when I wanted to just shake her and scream at her... but I've never raised a hand to a woman and I never will. Not even verbally... I'm not that guy. I try to always speak out of a calm heart... if I can't, I shut up and go for a workout. *grin*

 

The new sexual lifestyle hasn't swept that away. We still talk about it when I need to. She understands that there are times when I need more support... more understanding... she knows how deeply she hurt me.

 

As regards her emotional affair... I don't blame myself for it. At all. I've always been a very attentive husband, but I'm not psychic. One of my wife's characteristics that came out of her abuse was a very strong will... and a tendency to not want to talk about things that bother her. It takes a lot to draw her out, both time and patience. There were many factors that led her down that path... and yes, aside from the depression feelings and the sudden reawakening of her sexuality, there were things she did that she knows were wrong that led her to crossing that line emotionally. Things like Facebook friends I didn't know about. But she's taken every step I've required to repair the break, and been truthful to me since. Oh, I'm still careful. Very careful. And yes I am aware that this sexual choice is not without danger. But I think our communication will keep things on track in that regard... and our doing everything together. (With the exception of my letting her have certain guys alone, that is... but even that is carefully watched.) Not that I am saying nothing can go wrong... of course there is the possibility that she could slip again... but now that she's not hiding things, and I'm letting her fulfill this fantasy, she has far less reason to be tempted to cheat. It's not perfect, but it's something we are both enjoying.

 

As for emotionally connecting with another man... of course I fear this. I'd be a fool not to. But the openness of what we are doing, coupled with my being able to see everything (except her thoughts, of course), helps give me some peace of mind that if she is tempted in that direction again, I will know about it. So far, so good. But I play this day by day.

 

 

-Cray

[qubist]

I find it kind of odd that you would suggest that life style and encourage her only few months after discovering her emotional affair, specially that you mentioned in your last post that you are still recovering from it 18 months later. How do you explain that?

I have to admit that you must possess some emotional skills that most men don't.

You talked about how confident you are on your sexuality, have you always felt that way or this is a result of what you experienced?

I think self confidence is must have in order to consider this type of life style.

How would you react if you feel that she is developing an attachment to a different man? Can you move on and live without her?

Last question if I may ask, if you decide one day that this life is not for you any more and can't tolerate it, would she obey and quit or do think she would resist?

Thanks

[turnera]

One thing to keep in mind about the HBO stuff is that it's TV - very carefully put together to tell an interesting story, but not necessarily giving a complete picture. We seldom see the Ten Years After followups.

Maybe. But I see a lot of people enjoying themselves AND being open and honest with their SOs, and it looks like pretty healthy relationships to me. And don't forget that other countries don't necessarily all cater to our puritanical views and they do pretty well, too.

[Try]

Sexually, I actually get somewhat turned on by the idea of my wife being with another man. Actually seeing it happen was the most intense sexual experience of my life

Add to that the continued insistence of the degradation/cuckold category b.s.

Actually, you claiming that you are not a cuckold because you are aware of and are allowing other men to have sex with your wife is "b.s.". You are wrong to say that you must be unwitting of it happening for you to be a cuckold. Google "Cuckold Forum" and you will see that the cuckold community of willing cuckolds that post to these boards use the term cuckold to define themselves even thought they are allowing it and are turned on by it, would laugh at your claim that you are not one of them. If you want others to validate what you are doing, go ahead and post to one of these cuckold forums what you posted in Post #16 of this thread that "Sexually, I actually get somewhat turned on by the idea of my wife being with another man. Actually seeing it happen was the most intense sexual experience of my life".

[oldshirt]

The analogy to this is the parent that find out their teenager is using drugs. But instead of seeking drug treatment and clamping down on their activities and bumping up their supervision and guidance exponentially, they allow the teen to invite their drug buddies over and allow them to smoke weed and drink in their basement so that they can monitor it and have it under their roof because they have a greater fear of them leaving the house and going hog wild on their own if they try to put the kabosh on it.

 

The battle cry of parents that allow their kids to drink in their home is, "they are going to do it anyway, so it's better to have them do it here where I can keep an eye on it."

 

IMHO that is what is taking place here.

 

The initial marital issues and infidelity were never thoroughly addressed and delt with appropriately and so this is an attempt to monitor and control the outside activities rather than address the root problems.

[oldshirt]

In general I am pretty pro-consensual nonmonogamy and part of me would love to get back into it again. But age, menopause, weight gain and some marital issues have probably put the finishing touches on my swinging career for good :-(

 

What my years of swinging and the years I spent on swinging forums similar to this board have taught me is that swinging only performs one task well without causing deeper issues, and that is swinging does well at scratching the itch people have for some simple variety and some strange after many years of marriage and bills and kids etc.

 

Swinging is good for couples that are solid and honest and have good communication and respect and compassion for each other and they just want to bring in a little variety and a little extra fun and stimulation that they can share in together as part of their own marital dynamics.

 

The more something deviates from that, the greater the chance of opening Pandoras box.

 

Swinging is NOT a preventative strategy to ward off infidelity. Swinging prevents infidelity no more than monogamy causes it.

 

Swinging is also not a valid substitute or therapy for a couple that is having issues in the bedroom.

[SkyBry]

I find it kind of odd that you would suggest that life style and encourage her only few months after discovering her emotional affair, specially that you mentioned in your last post that you are still recovering from it 18 months later. How do you explain that?

It was about 7 months after the original events that we came to the conversation about her fantasies. At the time it felt like a natural growth... or unnatural. As for explaining it.. I think I've already explained it as best I can. - Cray

 

I have to admit that you must possess some emotional skills that most men don't.

You talked about how confident you are on your sexuality, have you always felt that way or this is a result of what you experienced?

I'd say that my confidence in my sexuality developed as most men's do, through my later teen years and into my marriage. That's a long story, though. - Cray

 

I think self confidence is must have in order to consider this type of life style.

How would you react if you feel that she is developing an attachment to a different man? Can you move on and live without her?

 

Developing a romantic attachment to another man is a non-starter. If that happens, the adventure stops, or the marriage might end. It is something I weigh seriously in all of this. - Cray

 

Last question if I may ask, if you decide one day that this life is not for you any more and can't tolerate it, would she obey and quit or do think she would resist?

I don't pretend to control my wife... she has a mind and will of her own, so I don't think 'obey' is the right word. We started this with the agreement that if either of us is uncomfortable in a situation, we would end it. And we already have, once or twice, but not for that reason. I think we're of the same mind about it, though... she values our life together, and doesn't want to end things. I gave her that option, and she made very clear that she loves only me and will never leave me. And I believe her, for a number of reasons. - Cray

 

 

 

Answers in line, above. Thanks, cubist.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

Actually, you claiming that you are not a cuckold because you are aware of and are allowing other men to have sex with your wife is "b.s.". You are wrong to say that you must be unwitting of it happening for you to be a cuckold. Google "Cuckold Forum" and you will see that the cuckold community of willing cuckolds that post to these boards use the term cuckold to define themselves even thought they are allowing it and are turned on by it, would laugh at your claim that you are not one of them. If you want others to validate what you are doing, go ahead and post to one of these cuckold forums what you posted in Post #16 of this thread that "Sexually, I actually get somewhat turned on by the idea of my wife being with another man. Actually seeing it happen was the most intense sexual experience of my life".

 

Thanks, Try, but I'm already part of other forum communities related to the Hotwife lifestyle, and there are very clearly defined differences between what my wife and I have, and what is considered 'cuckold' lifestyle. They're not even close. I don't need to investigate it... I've been doing that for the last two years. In fact, we barely fall under the Hotwife category; typical hotwives have many lovers, and many are proud of their 'count'. My wife has only had two, and isn't actively looking for more.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble, but there it is. 'Own it'.

 

 

-Cray

[SkyBry]

The analogy to this is the parent that find out their teenager is using drugs. But instead of seeking drug treatment and clamping down on their activities and bumping up their supervision and guidance exponentially, they allow the teen to invite their drug buddies over and allow them to smoke weed and drink in their basement so that they can monitor it and have it under their roof because they have a greater fear of them leaving the house and going hog wild on their own if they try to put the kabosh on it.

 

The battle cry of parents that allow their kids to drink in their home is, "they are going to do it anyway, so it's better to have them do it here where I can keep an eye on it."

 

IMHO that is what is taking place here.

 

The initial marital issues and infidelity were never thoroughly addressed and delt with appropriately and so this is an attempt to monitor and control the outside activities rather than address the root problems.

 

You have your opinion, and I have mine. Seeing as I'm the one that is more intimately aware of all the details, I think I'll stick with my view.

 

 

-Cray

[qubist]

The analogy to this is the parent that find out their teenager is using drugs. But instead of seeking drug treatment and clamping down on their activities and bumping up their supervision and guidance exponentially, they allow the teen to invite their drug buddies over and allow them to smoke weed and drink in their basement so that they can monitor it and have it under their roof because they have a greater fear of them leaving the house and going hog wild on their own if they try to put the kabosh on it.

The battle cry of parents that allow their kids to drink in their home is, "they are going to do it anyway, so it's better to have them do it here where I can keep an eye on it."

 

IMHO that is what is taking place here.

oldshirt, I normally agree with your analysis but this time I respectfully disagree that the above analogy apply s to Cray's case. he didn't allow her to have extramarital sex with his knowledge to prevent her her from doing it behind his back. I think the 2 events are kind of separate. the Facebook relationship she had behind his back was addressed to a point that we do not know, he never elaborated enough on it for us to see how he treated that issue, then later came the talk about opening up the relationship.

The initial marital issues and infidelity were never thoroughly addressed and delt with appropriately and so this is an attempt to monitor and control the outside activities rather than address the root problems.

I do believe that initial martial issues and her infidelity had an impact on his decision, which is normal every experience we go through helps shaping up our personality. I still believe ( although he disagree) that he had to compromise a bit to allow it.

[BetrayedH]

You have your opinion, and I have mine. Seeing as I'm the one that is more intimately aware of all the details, I think I'll stick with my view.

 

 

-Cray

 

I think you'd be wise to realize that while you are more intimately aware of your particular relationship, Oldshirt is also particularly more experienced with this lifestyle than you. If I were to ever consider going down this route with my SO, I would go thru Oldshirt's posts on this thread and create a checklist of the do's and don'ts. There is something to this "mate-protecting" business of which he speaks. And I do think that women (generally) lose respect for men that allow their woman to be taken by another man. If nothing else, I'd see his posts as a cautionary tale of what can happen, rather than being dismissive.

[SkyBry]

I think you'd be wise to realize that while you are more intimately aware of your particular relationship, Oldshirt is also particularly more experienced with this lifestyle than you. If I were to ever consider going down this route with my SO, I would go thru Oldshirt's posts on this thread and create a checklist of the do's and don'ts. There is something to this "mate-protecting" business of which he speaks. And I do think that women (generally) lose respect for men that allow their woman to be taken by another man. If nothing else, I'd see his posts as a cautionary tale of what can happen, rather than being dismissive.

 

Thanks, BetrayedH...

 

I appreciate your thought, and while I agree with oldshirt on some things, I disagree regarding others. And the simple fact is I can't be bothered using my time to respond to someone who tries to talk at me rather than with me. I gave up on that a long time ago.

 

I'm not saying he isn't correct about some things. But he isn't correct about everything, in my opinion, and he sure as hell isn't right to assume he knows my wife better than I do.

 

 

-Cray

[Try]

Thanks, Try, but I'm already part of other forum communities related to the Hotwife lifestyle, and there are very clearly defined differences between what my wife and I have, and what is considered 'cuckold' lifestyle. They're not even close.

I am willing to keep an open mind on this definition. Please enlighten me. What are the "very clearly defined differences" between what your wife and you have, and "what is considered 'cuckold' lifestyle"?

[SkyBry]

I am willing to keep an open mind on this definition. Please enlighten me. What are the "very clearly defined differences" between what your wife and you have, and "what is considered 'cuckold' lifestyle"?

 

Cuckolding involves a whole range of behaviors that I view as unacceptable, all the way from 'No way", to "Fxxx, that's disturbed." In all of them, the husband is considered lesser than the bull/lover/whatever, and generally looked down on, whether it be real or acted. The husband is subservient, at least as far as the cuckold play goes, and gets off on things like being caged, being denied sex, only being allowed release when his wife says so, and cleaning her up after her partner is done... usually orally.

 

This is no way in fxxxing hell you would ever find me accepting ANY of this behavior. A cuckold gets off on being disrespected. If either my wife or I feel either of us is being disrespected by a partner (or potential partner), in any way, the play stops, and that person is gone. We've already done it to one potential partner that thought he was more important than my wife.

 

Hotwife couples, on the other hand, typically will allow the wife the opportunity to have a guy alone, but the husband and wife both share the power... if either one is uncomfortable with the situation, or doesn't like it, the play stops. Often in hotwifing, though, the husband usually doesn't also play. This is where I note that we are not really a hotwife couple... because I also play, with and without my wife. It's a two way street, with the key being respect and communication, and total dedication to each other emotionally. We can be 'friends' with our play partners, but if emotions get involved, it gets shut down.

 

If you want to see a good example of this, check out the Our Hotwives forum. They have separate sections there for Hotwife and Cuckold couples... and the differences are very visible.

 

 

-Cray

[Horton]

We're both devout Christians, and the territory we are treading in now would be considered VERY wrong by our friends.

 

How can you be 'devout Christians' and believe the following?

 

Morally... I'm of the mind that as long as we're not hurting anyone, or ourselves, then we're good.

 

How devout can you really be if you don't acknowledge the bible as the arbiter of right and wrong? You say your friends would consider what you're doing to be 'very wrong'. What would your children(whom I'm assuming you raised in a Christian environment)think about this?

[SkyBry]

How can you be 'devout Christians' and believe the following?

 

 

How devout can you really be if you don't acknowledge the bible as the arbiter of right and wrong? You say your friends would consider what you're doing to be 'very wrong'. What would your children(whom I'm assuming you raised in a Christian environment)think about this?

 

Horton...

 

I didn't come here to discuss my religious beliefs, and how they relate to all this. I make it a point to never, ever discuss religion or politics on the internet. And it's not what this forum is about, imo.

 

-Cray