Visiting boyfriend too much? Problems with friend/roommates

[csyangela]

Hi I am fourth year student and have been I a relationship with my boyfriend for four years and have been in a long distance for almost three. Distance would be around 5 hrs drive

 

This semester I moved in with three friends. However after course started I realized that all my courses are recorded (and I work better watching recording as I can pause and relisten at parts) so I have been travelling to my boyfriends almost every week, with a few exceptions. Basically I am at his Thursday night to Tuesday and back at my own place Tuesday to Thursday.

 

I am hours by flight away from my family and my boyfriends the closest that I have to family. My school is in a city I very much dislike (language, culture, safety, weather) while he's in large metropolitan city that I absolutely adore. Furthermore I live in a very old apartment with constant toilet blocking and broken heater, while he lives in a nice apartment by himself.

 

The problem is that I feel like I am "breaking" or "distanting" my friendship with my roommates. We've been good friends to start with but I am obviously missing out lots of weekend dinners, chats or activities. They haven't said anything but I feel very bad for leaving all the time and am afraid that they are unhappy with me and how I am never here... especially I hear them talking about me when they thought I was sleeping (our rooms are close bad soundproof but couldnt exactly make out what they were saying)

 

I Love hanging out with my friends but after three years of long distance ... I feel like I really want to be with my boyfriend as much as possible.. Any help? I know I'm probably being super selfish here but I don't know.. Should I stop going as often and spend more time with my friends? How would you feel if you hAd roommates or friends who were barely here (two or three days a week)

 

Thanks!!! Sorry for the long post!

[ExpatInItaly]

Do what you want to do. Don't make decisions based out of guilt or a sense of obligation, either to your friends or your boyfriend. If you want to spend more time with friends, go for it. If you don't, don't force yourself into it because you're worried they might be mad at you.

 

But - be aware that your choices have consequences and never isolate yourself from friends completely. They are an important support system and if anything happens and your relationship falters, your friends will be invaluable,

 

I have had good friends drift away for men. After a while, I just realized they didn't place the same value our friendship the way I did. So I let them go. I wasn't angry but disappointed.

[justwhoiam]

To me, it's very simple. It looks like you neglected your friends at university. To make up for that, I would arrange something with them on one of the 3 days you're there, to keep up the friendship and have fun with them. Schedule someting the week before for the coming week. And keep in touch (by e-mail or text) with them while you're at your bf's place. If something comes up while you're away, and the thing you arranged needs rescheduling, they can tell you and you can adjust to a different day or time.

 

Also, your schedule sounds too rigid. Once in a while you can invert it and be 3 days with your bf and 4 days with your friends including weekend. That way, it won't be boring, and you will have a weekend with your friends once a month or so.

[ASG]

Yeah, I was gonna say, if you're so worried, why not skip a weekend with your BF every once in a while? You'd only not see him for a week, so it's not a MASSIVE deal, and you'd have a weekend with your friends.

[hippychick3]

You really should have more balance in your life. It's never a good idea to spend ALL of your free time with your boyfriend. It's so important to have friends and some kind of support system aside from your boyfriend. Either have him come to you more often (which I think he should anyway...you should not be the only one traveling despite the living arrangements) or shorten the time spent with him so you can go out and have quality time with friends.

[BlueIris]

I recommend spending more time with your girlfriends. Girlfriends are so good and so precious, even boys want girlfriends! Seriously though, I think we make only a few truly great close friends in a lifetime and they should not be taken for granted. Enjoy your final year of school with your friends. You will scatter after graduation and miss having them there.

[Dominik]

Hi I am fourth year student and have been I a relationship with my boyfriend for four years and have been in a long distance for almost three. Distance would be around 5 hrs drive

 

This semester I moved in with three friends. However after course started I realized that all my courses are recorded (and I work better watching recording as I can pause and relisten at parts) so I have been travelling to my boyfriends almost every week, with a few exceptions. Basically I am at his Thursday night to Tuesday and back at my own place Tuesday to Thursday.

 

I am hours by flight away from my family and my boyfriends the closest that I have to family. My school is in a city I very much dislike (language, culture, safety, weather) while he's in large metropolitan city that I absolutely adore. Furthermore I live in a very old apartment with constant toilet blocking and broken heater, while he lives in a nice apartment by himself.

 

The problem is that I feel like I am "breaking" or "distanting" my friendship with my roommates. We've been good friends to start with but I am obviously missing out lots of weekend dinners, chats or activities. They haven't said anything but I feel very bad for leaving all the time and am afraid that they are unhappy with me and how I am never here... especially I hear them talking about me when they thought I was sleeping (our rooms are close bad soundproof but couldnt exactly make out what they were saying)

 

I Love hanging out with my friends but after three years of long distance ... I feel like I really want to be with my boyfriend as much as possible.. Any help? I know I'm probably being super selfish here but I don't know.. Should I stop going as often and spend more time with my friends? How would you feel if you hAd roommates or friends who were barely here (two or three days a week)

 

Thanks!!! Sorry for the long post!

 

 

Honestly, first of all make sure you study well and get good grades. I agree here very much with 'hippychick3' balance is important, and why are you the only one travelling there, he is the man he should always show more intention than the girl! Also trust me on this one, having a long distance relationship has more pluses than minuses (in your case). You have a boyfriend who you can see whenever you want AND you can go out partying without him arguing with you because you spoke to another guy xddd

[Dominik]

Plus if you spend too much time with your boyfriend you will get bored of each other plus its your final year being a student, make the most of it because you might not have another occassion like this ever again!!!

[craw]

I wish I knew this before I went to college.

 

College is about WHO you meet, not really about what you're studying.

 

Giving up all your free time to your bf is not healthy.