Crush on a newlywed man...and it's mutual

[Artie Lang]

I'm not as evil as a lot of you all are painting me.

 

who said anything about being "evil?" now you're just playing the "me against the world" angle.

 

i'm also wondering how old you two are- seem very immature. i mean seriously, who starts flirting with someone else after being married a few months... this behavior is appalling- from the BOTH of you.

 

why would you leave it up to "him"... are you not in control of yourself, or what? i will never understand why some women let these DOUCHEBAGS dictate their lives- SMDH.

 

 

i am sure you are gonna pursue this either way, so good luck with all that.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Artie Lang

[smittenedkitten]

who said anything about being "evil?" now you're just playing the "me against the world" angle.

 

i'm also wondering how old you two are- seem very immature. i mean seriously, who starts flirting with someone else after being married a few months... this behavior is appalling- from the BOTH of you.

 

why would you leave it up to "him"... are you not in control of yourself, or what. i will never understand why some women let these DOUCHEBAGS dictate their lives- SMDH.

 

 

i am sure you are gonna pursue this either way, so good luck with all that.

 

I'm just now getting to read all the responses, and I must thank a few of you for the kinder, more constructive replies.

 

I'm definitely not playing me against the world, but a few responses have been acting like I'm super malicious and trying to end his marriage, I am not!

 

For reference, I am 28 (29 in March), he just turned 30 a couple weeks ago. Again, I did not know initially he was married, it would have changed things because I don't think I would have been as flirtatious had I known. It is definitely constantly in my mind that what he's saying is pretty bad because he IS married. Again, I'm a flirt but some of the comments are more serious than that.

 

The reason I'm leaving it up to him, is because he is the one in a committed relationship, not me. I am single. So obviously the ball is in his court whether or not he stays married or does otherwise (whatever makes him happy, my life goes on either way). And lol because I am definitely not letting him dictate my LIFE. I'm going to continue doing what I've been doing in my life regardless of a man, I really don't put that much importance on having a relationship like I used to. If I find someone, great, but I'm not going searching for someone or forcing it. Please don't put me in a category of a woman who feels like she has to have a man to be secure or that I'm a woman who would trap a man with a baby or whatever to make him settle down. Not even close.

 

And no, you actually don't know if I'm pursuing anything. I am enough of an adult to know the difference between right and wrong, and a crush and an obsession. I'm not going to take it any further than it's already gone.

 

Some of the extreme responses on here are laughable. The divorce rate is out of control, but you'd never know getting on here. Apparently people never leave their husbands/wives ever... I'm not trying to make that happen, all I'm saying is it obviously DOES happen and it's dumb to think that every married person I know is never going to get divorced. All I'm saying is that if that does happen, why is it wrong for me to not want to then pursue it?

[Artie Lang]

look, i'm not trying to bash you... i'm being REAL. go back and read what you wrote on your initial post. you are straight-up contridicting yourself throughout.

 

I knew he was married... we find ways to see each other... When we are working together on something, we are always physically very close.

 

explain to me how you aren't pushing any platonic boundaries here? you said it yourself- "i knew he was married."

 

Over the course of the past few weeks, I asked him several times if he wanted me to stop flirting or talking to him

 

again... you know he's married- HELLO!

 

He will say things such as how our kids would be adorable, asks what kind of wife would I be, etc.

 

if that's not a line to sweeten you up and get in your pants, i don't know what is. i'm a guy... i know other guys who've done this.

 

Throughout our interactions, I have felt a sense of regret coming from him, in the sense that he regrets getting married because he can't act on anything with me because of it (rightfully so).

 

he's playing the part- BELIEVE ME.

 

I would think it was just flirting but from things he has said, I know it's more than just words.

 

ask any other OW on this board and see what they tell you about this. your situation isn't special or unique. this is typical player behavior.

 

"I hate you...I met you too late in life", and I always tell him "I hate you too...I can't have you".

 

do you really not see where this exchange is going... c'mon.

 

His wife is gorgeous, is the same nationality as him, has a better job and education than me, etc. I really don't stack up to her on paper.

 

so, do you suffer from some kind of inferiority complex or something... that's what it sounds like? almost like he's the homecoming king and you're the wallflower who caught his eye. i've seen this movie before.

 

One of our coworkers was talking to me about the situation. He told me I needed to leave him alone because he was happy in his marriage, etc. I told him, without details, that what is going on isn't just on me, and that I've asked him before about leaving him alone and he chose to continue.

 

regardless of what this other co-worker said, don't you think it's best to not pursue this? again, i ask- why leave it up to him?

 

I am not going to pursue it beyond what it is already.

 

you mean leave it as an inappropriate flirtatious obsession for now.

 

 

it's like when you think you've met your soul mate or something...can't really put it into words. I genuinely believe if we had met sooner/before he met his now wife, we would be together. I can see the regret in his face and through what he says.

 

you're romanticizing it. almost like "star-crossed lovers" or something- far from it. again, ask the countless OW on this board and they'll tell you the same.

 

 

 

Ultimately, I'm leaving it to fate.

 

in other words, until he makes the first move and you find yourself in an affair, right?

 

At the same time, I'm a very flirtatious person and I flirt with people even when I'm taken. Not necessarily to this extreme, but I am a flirt. Call that what you will, at least I am honest. I just say that to say that I can't fault him for being a flirt while married because I flirt while I'm taken too.

 

how is anyone supposed to trust you as a loyal partner in a relationship? this is a very immature mindset. at 28, you should know better than to act like this, especially if you find yourself in an exclusive relationship with someone- YIKES! i feel sorry for your future love interest(s). they are probably gonna get burned by you.

 

I'm prepared for the negative comments and pick aparts

 

i'm not being "negative"... just being honest. there's a difference.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Artie Lang

[sandylee1]

I have to say Artie really analysed what you've said very well in his last post.

 

The guy is saying all those things to you because you are receptive to it. I know it can be flattering having attention like that from a guy........but honestly.....a decent, especially newlywed wouldn't do that. Saying your kids would be lovely......I remember a single guy using that line on me and I thought it was a bit much as we weren't in a relationship.....that's a line to say...I want to have sex with you ....but it doesn't come across like that.

 

Can you honestly say that if he makes a serious move and asked you out...to spend the night at a hotel with him...that you'd be able to say No?

 

I'll tell you that I'm not 100% sure I could have or would have said no back in my situation......The attraction was really intense on both sides, and I'd have probably tried to justify it by saying he's not married yet...........Sometimes flirting is harmless..but not in your situation.

 

Think about this.....would you really want a guy that dates someone for X number of years..gets married and within a couple of months ...He's doing what this guy's doing? How safe could you really feel with a guy like that?

[anika99]

People have pretty much covered everything I would say. Just wanted to add that if a coworker told you to leave this MM alone then you are making a fool of yourself at work. Others have noticed what you're doing and while most of them won't say anything to your face, they are watching and forming opinions about you as a person and as a professional. Don't chase married men and definitely don't chase married guys at work. You will destroy your reputation and possibly your job.

[m4p]

Question of the day: How many broken hearted OWs does it take to save ONE girl from becoming one?

 

Honey, like I've said countless time to potential-OWs, we have nothing to gain from stopping you to enter this relationship (if youre gonna go ahead with it). It's not like I get a 100 bucks if you don't have sex with this dude. As unbelievable as it sounds to you right now, we simply don't want people to walk down the same path of pain as we did. Simple as that!

 

Do you really wanna wake up in the middle of the night sobbing? Or hyperventilate at work? Or cry while driving past a regular spot you guys hung out? I thought I was so strong and I got it under control. I thought xMM was the bee's knees and how much chenistry we had, how loving he was to me, yada yada....... I was simply NOT prepared for the aftermath. The emotional toll it took on me. Devastating. Yup been there done that. You really wouldn't know how much it hurts until you burnt your hands on the stove.

 

You hear what you wanna hear and take other comments as being offensive. I hope you can really read what you wrote and be honest to yourself if your mindset is correct or are you just justifying things. Cut the whole "if it's meant to be, it will be" crap. You guys barely started and you are already somehow holding out hope that he will divorce his wife. Yup ok so statistic do shows divorce numbers are rising but guess what? Read through hundreds of pages here.... Most MM do not leave. What's a secret fling he got away with compared to years with the wife/in laws/friends?

 

There are plenty of single, cute, funny, soul matey fishes in the whole freaking world. Don't waste your youth on someone that will potentially cheat on their wife even before their first anniversary. Seriously?!!

[Gloria25]

Divorces are happening every day?

 

Geesh, I think I missed that news flash...

 

So, cuz people are so selfish, self absorbed and making poor choices in a spouse, popping out kids and then jumping into divorce/remarriage/wash-rinse-repeat, you're assuming that this guy's marriage is on the skids and you're more than happy to pick him up?

 

Ok, like I mentioned before, even "if" his marriage was on the skids would you really wanna be with a guy who as a newlywed is already seeking other female's attention? Cuz if you are, think about it...either he is always gonna flirt behind the back of the woman he's with (like he is with his "wife") and/or he just jumped and married his wife w/o making a proper assessment of what he wants in a woman - and is probably jumping on you in the same way and will probably wake up in a few days after he leaves his wife for you and decides he wants to chase another woman.