itsallamystery Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Merriam-Webster defines ballistic as: Extremely and usually suddenly excited, upset or angry. If it was as simple as reading a definition out of the dictionary, I dont think there would be a thread discussing it. I think more information is needed...just my 2 cents. Because, by that definition, I can be ballistic and still remain calm...but the other person would certainly know how I felt. In fact, those who know me best, know I'm reaching my breaking point when I dont say anything. I'm most "balistic" when im completely silent. I think using a definition to help this situation is moot. Point being, is that context, and what was actually said and how it was stated matter a lot. I can say the nastiest thing was a smile on my face and elicit a laugh out of the other person. Conversely I can say the nicest thing in the nastiest tone possible and convey an entirely different message. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) Ok, let's say you are dating a guy, and saw him 6 or 7 times... You hold hands, kiss, he is romantic etc.. You wait to see him, get dressed up, and he makes you feel special... You go home and see he is signed onto match.com right after your date..You either... A. Think he is a jerk, ignore him.. B. Think it is totally cool that he is getting to know other women.. C. Pretend to have no emotion, and have some perfect and calm talk. D. Sort of be pissed and confront him.. D, to me, seems to be the most common reaction. For men or women.. E. Make a mental note that since we haven't had any conversation about where we're going, we're both free to do as we like until such a time as we have that conversations. Certainly not assume something with nothing to buttress the assumption. That's childish and irresponsible to one's self. Edited October 30, 2015 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted October 30, 2015 Author Share Posted October 30, 2015 I have a general question. When a man doesn't raise the question of exclusivity, do women sometimes raise the question instead? How might a typical conversation about this start? I live in England and the culture here seems to be that people start "seeing" each other and drift into boyfriend-girlfriend territory without having a proper talk or clarifying the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 In my somewhat limited experience, the women initiated the talk about "exclusivity/what are we?" However, we were already acting like boyfriend/girlfriend so it was just a mere formality. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 In my somewhat limited experience, the women initiated the talk about "exclusivity/what are we?" However, we were already acting like boyfriend/girlfriend so it was just a mere formality. I live in the US, and in my first two LTRs, nothing was ever discussed, it was just sort of a given (although I realize now they may have been dating others in the early stages but I just did not know about it). My current brought it up on the second date ... I think something should be said, either by the woman or man, does not matter who IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 If I met a girl and we were interested in each other, and it is gone beyond just the awkward first dates and there's starting to be relationship potential, and I found out she was still talking to others guys, I'd walk away. That's a pretty bad way to start things off. If she's still weighing her options then I'm not sticking around while she makes up her mind. How does said girl know you aren't "weighing" your options? Nothing wrong with people dating ... Would you have told the girl you just wanted to see her and ask her how she felt? Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 How does said girl know you aren't "weighing" your options? Nothing wrong with people dating ... Would you have told the girl you just wanted to see her and ask her how she felt? Well, when you meet someone and you really like them, it shouldn't even need to be discussed. I was talking to a couple different women at the time I met my current GF. Once i met her, I stopped talking to the other women completely. A week later I deleted their numbers from my phone. I can't believe this is even really something that needs to be explained. If you're just looking for a hook up or a FWB, then that's a totally different scenario. But if you are dating someone and there's potential for a relationship, talking to other people is a dealbreaker. I'm not interested in being with someone who is "on the fence" about her feelings for me or "weighing her options". If she's not 100% into me and still unsure about her feelings, then I'd rather she finds someone else. Talking to other people or especially dating other people is a sure sign you're both wasting your time. And that goes for a relationship too. If a woman isn't totally sure she wants to be with me... Bye Felicia. There are other women out there who would be more than happy to have me be the only man in her life. I have a general question. When a man doesn't raise the question of exclusivity, do women sometimes raise the question instead? How might a typical conversation about this start? I live in England and the culture here seems to be that people start "seeing" each other and drift into boyfriend-girlfriend territory without having a proper talk or clarifying the situation. Well, if it's not just a casual thing or a FWB situation, I think most people just assume exclusivity. If I'm sleeping with someone, going on dates all the time and texting each other every day, I think there's an assumption that they aren't doing the same thing with other people. If I was dating someone and I realized they were still talking to other guys, using online dating, Tinder, etc. I wouldn't even say goodbye, I'd be out the door. I'm nobodies backup option. So to answer your question... the moment feelings begin to develop between two people, exclusivity becomes implied. If I was dating a girl and feelings were developing between us, and I found out she was still dating other guys, I would tell her to kick rocks, delete her number and pretend I don't know her if I see her in public. And there's a good chance that if I discovered she was dating someone else because I bumped into them while they were on a date together, there's a strong possibility I'd drag him outside and stomp him right in front of her, then spit on her and tell her to never contact me again. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 OP ... As I remember dating in my 20s ...there was no "exclusivity" talk ...more just drifted into being fully involved in each other's life. Now dating the past year ... One guy did say to me he'd called others he'd been dating and told them he's seeing a special person. The other had just gotten divorced after 25 years and I was his first date ... He told me he didn't want to see anyone else. Another person we just talked about being on the same page while also spending a lot of time together ...I think dating nowadays is different because of OLD ... But if I wasn't sure of a guys intentions and started developing feelings for him and he hadn't brought up the subject of "just us" and I was getting vibes that he's not all in ... I'd definitely ask where he's at ... I wouldn't have any qualms about asking ...though I wouldn't be happy about such a lackadaisical guy ...not my type. If I didn't like the answer yet I was feeling myself getting more involved and having deeper feelings ... I'd let him go ...not worth the trouble ... cause then I'd have to start a thread about getting my heart broken by a wishy washy guy ...who I knew was wishy washy from the start ... But that's not gonna happen News Flash ...Guys who are intentional about being in a relationship are not wishy washy ...they will let you know. If you want a relationship with a guy and he hasn't said anything ... Bring it up to him and be prepared to leave him if he's wishy washy ... Unless you like drama because you'll be getting a steady dose of it. I feel like I'm on the "rant" thread. Sorry OP. OP ...did you find out what "ballistic" actually entailed ...several posters have inquired. Please respond as the meaning is a valid part of the discussion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) Imo, before OLD was invented, exclusivity *was* a given, only because people had less options, and so when they found someone they liked, they would focus only on that person. But since OLD, people have so many more options, multi-dating has become quite prevalent, until one decided that a particular person was special, after which they would focus just on that person. deadelvis, I am same as you, whenever I met a man and we clicked, I would focus and date just him. But not everyone is like you or me, many men and women DO multi-date until realizing one person is more special than the others .... so in this day and age, it is smart to bring the topic up for discussion. One cannot just assume anything anymore. That is what this guy did, and look what happened? Edited October 30, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) Well, if it's not just a casual thing or a FWB situation, I think most people just assume exclusivity. If I'm sleeping with someone, going on dates all the time and texting each other every day, I think there's an assumption that they aren't doing the same thing with other people. I agree that IF you're sleeping with someone it would be assumed. But that's backward to me. I don't sleep with someone before we've laid our cards on the table- talked openly and directly about exclusivity and our feelings about each other. Nor do I text all the time or go on dates all the time with someone who doesn't talk openly and directly to me. For me personally- and granted, not for everyone- I wouldn't even want to get involved with a man who isn't naturally open and talkative. People who don't talk honestly and openly are difficult, in my personal opinion. I like efficient forthright people. There's less drama. Again, just my preference. Edited October 30, 2015 by BlueIris 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Well, when you meet someone and you really like them, it shouldn't even need to be discussed. I was talking to a couple different women at the time I met my current GF. Once i met her, I stopped talking to the other women completely. A week later I deleted their numbers from my phone. I can't believe this is even really something that needs to be explained. If you're just looking for a hook up or a FWB, then that's a totally different scenario. But if you are dating someone and there's potential for a relationship, talking to other people is a dealbreaker. I'm not interested in being with someone who is "on the fence" about her feelings for me or "weighing her options". If she's not 100% into me and still unsure about her feelings, then I'd rather she finds someone else. Talking to other people or especially dating other people is a sure sign you're both wasting your time. And that goes for a relationship too. If a woman isn't totally sure she wants to be with me... Bye Felicia. There are other women out there who would be more than happy to have me be the only man in her life. Well, if it's not just a casual thing or a FWB situation, I think most people just assume exclusivity. If I'm sleeping with someone, going on dates all the time and texting each other every day, I think there's an assumption that they aren't doing the same thing with other people. If I was dating someone and I realized they were still talking to other guys, using online dating, Tinder, etc. I wouldn't even say goodbye, I'd be out the door. I'm nobodies backup option. So to answer your question... the moment feelings begin to develop between two people, exclusivity becomes implied. If I was dating a girl and feelings were developing between us, and I found out she was still dating other guys, I would tell her to kick rocks, delete her number and pretend I don't know her if I see her in public. And there's a good chance that if I discovered she was dating someone else because I bumped into them while they were on a date together, there's a strong possibility I'd drag him outside and stomp him right in front of her, then spit on her and tell her to never contact me again. Well Elvis ...you're on a roll today ...haven't seen you so passionate about a topic. Are you by any chance dressing as a caveman for Halloween? JK ...I do agree with you and that's awesome that you're steadfast ...but I'm old school ... And though I think you're from a later generation than I ... It seems you have old school values ... there's hope. These days for the most part ... Sex doesn't imply exclusivity like it used to ... that's not how I roll but for those reading these threads looking for advice ... These days it's better not to assume exclusivity and inquire unless something is said ... I remember the days when guys would ask a girl to "go steady" ...the girl never asked ...(we'd pass notes and flirt to show our admiration) ...and that is why I prefer a guy who's not lackadaisical ... I'm not used to the "whatever" generation ... Almost feels like a throwback to the 60s ..."whatever man" ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Folks, We have deleted 13 posts in this thread, so there may be some discontinuity in the responses. Please continue with on-topic posts. Thank you, ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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