Drama King?

[Wewon]

It's defined as suddenly excited, upset OR angry.

 

He got angry, did he not?

 

He should have discussed with her like a grown up.

 

Are you going ballistic?

 

 

He told her he feels betrayed and let down that she would be swiping on other guys while at the same time going on dates with him, holding hands with him, kissing him and so on. He said he hasn't been on dating sites since he met her. He also said that this happens to him again and again in the past, that it's so hard for him to lock down a girl because they all seem to get taken by other guys in the end.

 

Take out "ballistic" (which biases perceptions) and it wasn't nearly as dramatic.

 

Seriously, he sounded frustrated, as people tend to be when they think that they're being rejected. The op didn't describe a full on tantrum or aggression.

 

Again, by that definition people "go ballistic" all of the time particularly where relationships are concerned.

Edited October 29, 2015 by Wewon
Needed to clarify my point

[StBreton]

I personally do not multi date. However ...that is not everyone's philosophy ...which is just fine. When the guy found out about the girl multi dating ...that would be the time to discuss their dating situation ...to see if maybe they could agree to be on the same page of just dating each other ...not the time to display a hair trigger temper. Red flag. **moderation of emotion is essential**

 

This is a relatively minor incident for 2 people who've been dating for a month ...if this guy flipped out ...even a little ...or full blown ballistic ...it's very telling of his coping skills. I'd have said goodbye.

[katiegrl]

Regardless of whether or not he went "ballistic" his behavior was emotionally immature and a huge red flag, and should not be ignored.

 

And they say women create drama, jeez.

 

And no I am not going ballistic wewon...lol :bunny:

[katiegrl]

Look, I am on his side re the multi-dating thing.

 

But I would have handled it like a mature adult. And discussed rationally, calmly.

 

NOT whined about how it's so hard to get men to commit, wah wah, poor me.

 

What a baby!

 

If he wants to be exclusive, then man up and ask her for crying out loud!

 

Not act like a whiny baby...ugh, what a turn off!

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[StBreton]

The guy passed up a perfectly good opportunity to go for the close. He had a tantrum instead. If the girl continues to date him ...she'll be in a forum in the future asking for help with his irrational displays of emotions. Seriously ...this guy is giving the warning signal ... Geez ...so many see these signals and still decide to pass the patrol car at 85 mph ...ignorance is bliss ...till it's not.

[oregon0011]

She could have also said "why what were you thinking?" Or "what do you want" etc

 

If I date a girl for a month I would understand if she got pissed that I was doing the same with other women. I sort of trust those who display emotions more than those who hold them in.

 

How valuable is honesty when dating? It's hard to be honest and be dating several people.

[katiegrl]

She could have also said "why what were you thinking?" Or "what do you want" etc

 

If I date a girl for a month I would understand if she got pissed that I was doing the same with other women. I sort of trust those who display emotions more than those who hold them in.

 

How valuable is honesty when dating? It's hard to be honest and be dating several people.

 

Second paragraph ...yeah we know. Some men love drama queens and "psycho" women.

 

Probably more than would admit.

 

Maybe they've become so used to the extreme displays of emotion, it seems normal to them, who knows.

 

Women are different. We dislike drama in men ... and men who lose their cool over something that could have easily been resolved rationally by discussing ....sooner than after a month dating!

 

We like confidence and emotional strength! Not a whiny baby who throw fits when something doesn't go according to his grand plan. Sorry.

[ravfour4]

What? You're all going crazy. This doesn't seem like a ballistic response on his end, not everyone wants or needs to date multiple people to feel "whole", many of us prefer to invest our time and energy in one person.

 

If I'm hanging out with a girl for a month and it seems like we're taking it slow and becoming something serious, if I found out she's sucking some other dude off in between our romantic hangouts while I'm getting nothing, of course I'm going to be mad!!! If I'm taking the time to get to know the person and am seeing no one else, of course I'd be angry to hear that I'm just 1 of 5 for this needy, must have multiple men at any given moment, woman.

 

Of course, the woman is free to do as she pleases. But if she's implying the hangouts would turn into sex and dating and acting like she really likes him, of course the guy will be caught off guard and angry....

 

Of course, him getting outwardly angry and saying this happens all the time makes him look like a little bitch

Edited October 29, 2015 by ravfour4

[katiegrl]

What? You're all going crazy. This doesn't seem like a ballistic response on his end, not everyone wants or needs to date multiple people to feel "whole", many of us prefer to invest our time and energy in one person.

 

If I'm hanging out with a girl for a month and it seems like we're taking it slow and becoming something serious, if I found out she's sucking some other dude off in between our romantic hangouts while I'm getting nothing, of course I'm going to be mad!!! If I'm taking the time to get to know the person and am seeing no one else, of course I'd be angry to hear that I'm just 1 of 5 for this needy, must have multiple men at any given moment, woman.

 

Of course, the woman is free to do as she pleases. But if she's implying the hangouts would turn into sex and dating and acting like she really likes him, of course the guy will be caught off guard and angry....

 

Of course, him getting outwardly angry and saying this happens all the time makes him look like a little bitch

 

LOL, oh so now she's sucking another dude off? Exaggerate much? Jeez

 

And you're calling " us" crazy?

 

Too funny...

[BlueIris]

I think that open and honest communication about feelings, assumptions and expectations would prevent most of these problems from arising. Why get angry if you never told the other person what you assumed or expected? Maybe be angry at yourself, but not at the other person.

 

People seem far more afraid to be candid today than they used to be. I don’t know why they’d be afraid since candor makes things easier.

[deadelvis]

I find it ironic that people are using the example of our the way our grandparents dated and "going steady" to support the moral implications of multi-dating. Ummm... you think multi-dating was acceptable back in those days?

[ravfour4]

The thought that a girl could be taking it slow with me because I'm bf material but [having sex with] some other guy because he's not is maddening.

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Odinani]

The thought that a girl could be taking it slow with me because I'm bf material but [having sex with] some other guy because he's not is maddening.

 

thanks for sharing

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BlueIris]

The thought that a girl could be taking it slow with me because I'm bf material but [having sex with] some other guy because he's not is maddening.

 

But all three of these (bold, underline and italic) are assumptions and likely a product of your fears. Don't get angry at someone else about your own assumptions or fears.

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[katiegrl]

The thought that a girl could be taking it slow with me because I'm bf material but [having sex with] some other guy because he's not is maddening.

 

OMG, will you stop? Sheesh!

 

She is not even [having sex with] the guy we're discussing, what makes you presume she's [having sex with] others? Or sucking dick or whatever else you're imagining?

 

I suggest you take some deep breaths, calm down and read the original post again.

 

Specifically the part where he asked her if she is still on dating site and dating other guys.

 

And she replied yes, as it is still very early stages.

 

Not sucking dick, not [having sex with] other guys ... but going out on a simple date with another guy from time to time! Otherwise known as keeping options open until HE is ready to lock her down.

 

And if it was so damn important to him that she not date others, why didn't he just tell her he would like them to be exclusive?

 

Instead of throwing a fit after a month of dating?

 

My fiance asked me on our second date to date exclusively. And I agreed!

 

THAT is what a mature adult does when he wants something. He asks for it, instead of making assumptions and then throwing a fit (like you're doing now), when he doesn't get the answer he assumed he would get.

 

Not to mention, do you know how many MEN multi-date? How was the OP to know HE was not multi-dating?

 

He never discussed with her, so how would she know?

 

She didn't, so she was keeping her options open, just like so many men do.

 

Deep breaths...and go for a run to calm down. You'll feel better, I promise! :bunny:

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Why else would she deny exclusivity when asked?

Serious question I pose, your view I agree with, although crass.

Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Full quote of immediately preceding post redacted

[katiegrl]

Why else would she deny exclusivity when asked?

Serious question I pose, your view I agree with, although crass.

 

Where did she deny exclusivity? Where did he even ask her for exclusivity?

 

After he asked if she was still on the site, and she replied yes .... she simply explained why she was still on the site. That it is still the very early stages.

 

After which he copped an attitude and threw a tantrum.

 

So again, where did he actually discuss exclusivity with her, and ask for it?

 

He didn't . He chose to throw a fit and then blame her for not automatically assuming he wanted exclusivity.

[oregon0011]

Ok, let's say you are dating a guy, and saw him 6 or 7 times... You hold hands, kiss, he is romantic etc.. You wait to see him, get dressed up, and he makes you feel special...

 

You go home and see he is signed onto match.com right after your date..You either...

 

A. Think he is a jerk, ignore him..

 

B. Think it is totally cool that he is getting to know other women..

 

C. Pretend to have no emotion, and have some perfect and calm talk.

 

D. Sort of be pissed and confront him..

 

D, to me, seems to be the most common reaction. For men or women..

[StBreton]

I find it ironic that people are using the example of our the way our grandparents dated and "going steady" to support the moral implications of multi-dating. Ummm... you think multi-dating was acceptable back in those days?

 

Back in the day ...until a girl was "spoken for" she could go to the soda fountain or dance with several guys. But guys back then "closed the deal" and didn't play the "indifferent" card or waiting for the BBD (bigger better deal) ...they asked for the girl to be his girl ...especially when a guy saw other sharks circling. That's the difference. Dating is even different from the last time I dated about 20 yrs ago. The internet has played a role in holding out for the BBD.

[StBreton]

Ok, let's say you are dating a guy, and saw him 6 or 7 times... You hold hands, kiss, he is romantic etc.. You wait to see him, get dressed up, and he makes you feel special...

 

You go home and see he is signed onto match.com right after your date..You either...

 

A. Think he is a jerk, ignore him..

 

B. Think it is totally cool that he is getting to know other women..

 

C. Pretend to have no emotion, and have some perfect and calm talk.

 

D. Sort of be pissed and confront him..

 

D, to me, seems to be the most common reaction. For men or women..

 

After 3-4 dates ...people who don't play games usually make a decision to just focus on one person ...(no sex involved yet). I personally want to see where it's going ... and stop seeing others. I've had pretty good experiences since beginning to date again where the guy usually says "hey I just want to see you" or starts asking me for many dates in a week ...almost impossible for him to be dating others. I think a lot of guys ...and girls ...do the slow fade or ghost thing ...I don't really remember these on the "50 ways to leave your lover" list last time I dated. The good ol days. So people hedge their bets and multi date or keep some waiting in the wings.

[BlueIris]

I find it ironic that people are using the example of our the way our grandparents dated and "going steady" to support the moral implications of multi-dating. Ummm... you think multi-dating was acceptable back in those days?

 

I have no idea what you think the moral implications of going on dates with people are, but I never really thought of them as putting me at the doorstep to hell.

 

I never heard the term "multi-dating" until very recently. We called it dating. My parents and their friends and siblings called it dating. Boys asked you out, came to your house, met your parents and chatted, and you went out and had a curfew. No suffering. No implication or assumptions of sexual activity. It is so weird to me that some man would assume I'm having sex with someone I go to a movie or dinner with (as some posters seemed to assume.) I would never see a man who thought that of me and I'd wonder what his own standards and activities were. Just so out of line. Being nice and not making assumptions were par for the course.

 

Either you want the old days or you don't. But it was a package of behaviors. I guess there were men who made assumptions and went ballistic and thought that girls were having sex with other men- but thank heavens, I never dated them.

[BlueIris]

After 3-4 dates ...people who don't play games usually make a decision to just focus on one person ...(no sex involved yet). I personally want to see where it's going ... and stop seeing others. I've had pretty good experiences since beginning to date again where the guy usually says "hey I just want to see you" or starts asking me for many dates in a week ...almost impossible for him to be dating others. I think a lot of guys ...and girls ...do the slow fade or ghost thing ...I don't really remember these on the "50 ways to leave your lover" list last time I dated. The good ol days. So people hedge their bets and multi date or keep some waiting in the wings.

 

The talking thing. Very good.

 

Back in the day ...until a girl was "spoken for" she could go to the soda fountain or dance with several guys. But guys back then "closed the deal" and didn't play the "indifferent" card or waiting for the BBD (bigger better deal) ...they asked for the girl to be his girl ...especially when a guy saw other sharks circling. That's the difference. Dating is even different from the last time I dated about 20 yrs ago. The internet has played a role in holding out for the BBD.

 

Exactly. And it was pretty easy, and nice.

[oregon0011]

Well, we are also assuming, through this second hand account, that of course nothing sexual occurred between these two..,

 

And yes, dating is meeting people and going on a date.Go have dinner and talk.

 

Seeing someone for a month, kissing, hand holding, touching is more than "just a date". if you are at this point and still looking to meet strangers you are playing games.

[StBreton]

On these very threads ...I see a lot of guys not stepping up and closing the deal ...many ways to accomplish this like asking for many dates in a short duration ...asking for exclusivity or ...doing some very nice date (my first official date with my ex H was to Napa ...separate rooms discussed and arranged beforehand) ...after meeting through friends and meeting for a salad and talking a lot on the phone weeks before ...ya he paid for everything and no expectations but he let me know he was very serious. He's a product of the 70s so not that old ...he made it very clear he only wanted to be with me...no beating around the bush.

 

But ...girls weren't as wishy washy back then ...many girls now a days are part of the problem. I'm actually astounded at the attitude of many woman of the younger generation. Did the woman's lib movement create this??

 

My answer to that ...there has to be a backlash ...if a girl doesn't have a long term philosophy and wants to play the field ad nauseam ..find another one! Don't play that game. She doesn't deserve your attentions. She'll keep getting passed up and find herself alone. Still ...you guys must ask for exclusivity (or some other deal closing move) ...even at the risk of rejection.

 

And guys who this pertains to ...enough with the BBG

Edited October 30, 2015 by StBreton

[deadelvis]

If I met a girl and we were interested in each other, and it is gone beyond just the awkward first dates and there's starting to be relationship potential, and I found out she was still talking to others guys, I'd walk away. That's a pretty bad way to start things off. If she's still weighing her options then I'm not sticking around while she makes up her mind.