To Clia and Tony. Thanks again.

[David]

Thank you both for the valuable advice again. I know now that waiting is the right thing. I think it'll be hard though to get the thought of her out of my mind. I thought about Kelly a lot before she came down for spring break.

 

I have a problem dealing with dating others before I go home for summer break. It's not that getting to know others is a problem for me, actually I think it would be pretty good experience. But, when I tend to get involved with someone, I always end up becoming friends with them before a relationship ever happens. I've only had two girlfriends my whole life, and in between those relationships I never dated. I've never been that type of person to just randomly pick out someone I'd be attracted to and just ask them out. I know I'm too picky. And I know I'm not the type of person who goes to clubs or anything to meet people. I'm pretty much an introvert at heart. So how can I get out of this habit? I think that if I start dating more and talking to other girls, I'll learn to be more open with my feelings. And in the long run, I'll probably be able to approach situations like the one I have with Kelly with more confidence.

 

Thanks again,

 

David

[clia]

First off, you should start dating. Dating is like anything else. You need to practice at it to get good. And remember, just because your dating someone doesn't mean that you have to marry them. You can date someone once, or for a few weeks or months and if you handle things correctly not break too many hearts along the way. (I'm not trying to turn you into a player or anything, just giving you some ideas.)

 

You say: "But, when I tend to get involved with someone, I always end up becoming friends with them before a relationship ever happens."

 

You do that to yourself. There's a big difference between hanging out somewhere as pals and actually being on a date or hanging out together when you are interested in more. Don't let girls view you as 'the nice guy that they can talk to about anything.' I think it's definitely a good thing to be friends first, but you have to watch out. (As I'm sure you know by now...) If you meet a girl you like, don't become her buddy right away. Instead, talk to her a little bit (enough that you're sure you kind of like her) and then ask her for her number or out for coffee or drinks or movie or dinner or whatever. That will immediately put you on the 'potential boyfriend' radar instead of the 'nice guy to hang out with' radar.

 

"I've never been that type of person to just randomly pick out someone I'd be attracted to and just ask them out."

 

You don't have to randomly pick someone. Girls are all over the place that probably aren't complete strangers to you. (i.e. girls in your classes, the girl behind the counter at the coffee shop, girlfriends of your friends' girlfriends, etc.) And I'm sure when you're out you see lots of girls that you consider to be cute. Strike up a conversation. You never know what might happen. (Right now is perfect with the NCAA tournament going on. If you're out at a bar and it's on the TV, ask her who she's rooting for.) If she blows you off, move on. No big deal. It happens to the best of us.

 

"I know I'm too picky."

 

God, me too. (Trying desperately to get over it.) Remember, though, going out on one date doesn't mean anything. Often you'll end up going your separate ways at the end of it. Having a date in no way obligates you to marriage, children, a future together, etc. It just gives you the chance to find out a little bit about someone else. Don't rule people out too quickly. Sometimes people aren't what you expect, and even in a 'failed relationship' (i.e. you go out 3 or 4 times) you can often learn some new things and broaden your horizons. (I'll never forget the guy who introduced me to sushi!)

 

"I'm pretty much an introvert at heart. So how can I get out of this habit?"

 

Yeah, me too, but my friends don't believe me. Force yourself to be outgoing. (You can do it, trust me.) Start talking to people. Strike up conversations with the people sitting next to you in class, behind you in line somewhere, while you're standing at the bar waiting for your drink, anywhere. (Doesn't have to be deep or anything--"I'm so psyched MSU made it to the Final 4!", etc.) I'm often shocked at how receptive people are to a little conversation. I've gotten into some pretty long conversations with random people while in line at Starbucks. Some people will ignore you or give a quick nod and look away, but screw them. What this will do is make it easier for you to talk to people, initiate conversations, and in the end, make you a lot less introverted. (Hey, it worked for me.) Although, once an introvert, always an introvert, but just because you're an introvert doesn't mean that you have to be shy and never speak to anyone.

 

Right now you are in the perfect environment to meet a lot of girls--college! Take advantage of it. You don't have to become a total player or anything, but dating and going through all the experiences involved in it will definitely help you out down the road as you get older. (If anything, it'll help you narrow down what exactly you are looking for in your future wife.)

 

Okay, sorry so long. Hope this helps.