getsmartie Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I'm a single mom for the past 13 years. My son is away at University and my daughter recently moved out. Perhaps because I have more alone time I've been spending some of that time self-reflecting.... I seriously never thought I'd be still single after 13 years of being divorced. By single, I mean not remarried. I am in a relationship of 16 months and so far so great but we are at least 2 years away from living together. We both feel we'd like to wait until his kids go away to University. Marriage is hard enough without involving step kids so I'm okay with waiting. Reflecting back on past mistakes and ones I do not plan on repeating... * losing myself in a relationship * being with someone for 4 years who I truly believe is a sociopath. I would now NEVER be with someone who has any of those traits (first sign: a smooth talking charmer) * make sure that I have a pre-nup or co-habitation agreement to protect my equity. * having no expectations in a relationship....ya so now I know I do have a right to expectations in a relationship and I will and have spoken up. Has anyone else spent some time figuring out what they've learned? Link to post Share on other sites
Hyperfocal Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 * losing myself in a relationship = OK, maybe healthy, maybe fear of engulfment which may in itself compromise your rel's potential. being with someone for 4 years who I truly believe is a sociopath. : OK, I had one for 13 years myself, divorced. There will be emotional scarring, do the right things, invest in thyself, things will improve. * make sure that I have a pre-nup or co-habitation agreement to protect my equity. = I think about this one a lot, the balance of needed vulnerability and trust vs taking care of oneself. Relationships cannot be a tin can with a slot to exchange words, some vulnerability will be present, will be needed to keep anyone; yet a pre-nup, attorney reviewed, is also a bit attractive. Has anyone else spent some time figuring out what they've learned? , Yes spent my entire adult life dissecting relational thoughts until there were no pieces left to cut open and check. It's normal, it seems you are cautious and introspective, good. Too much and you'll be un-dateable, it's all a balance... I've been on the "too much," side of analysis, not that helpful a place to be. Best, Link to post Share on other sites
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