Where are guys supposed to approach women at?

[Male]

I'm starting this thread because reading another thread sparked my curriosity about this situation. I know there will be women on here that will say "You can meet women anywhere..I've met men all over". That may be true for the small handful of women that reply on here, but that is in no way proof of how the majority of women in real life situations look at the topic.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again...all the women that I have known personally, have always complained about guys trying to talk to them no matter where they go. I never thought about it at the time, but I should have asked them "OK...where ARE guys supposed to try to talk or meet you then"?

 

Even the gyms that I've been at, nobody talks to each other. Besides the chit-chat of people that already know each other outside of the gym, but everyone else has their earbuds in, and you dont see any social interaction whatsoever.

 

Women dont want to be "bothered" when they are just running in somewhere to grab something real quick either. They dont want to be bothered when they have their hair thrown up in a ball cap while pumping their gas. They dont want to be bothered when they are running in the park, and trying to focus on their workout.

 

When women give advice, or say on here that guys can meet women at this group, or that group, or go to this place or that place, I truly believe they are in the minority, and that most women would rather not be bothered. With a guy trying to talk to them.

 

So for the women that dont like to be bothered when they are out doing their thing at the gym, library, grocery store, gas station, work, or wherever else they are "busy" and dont want guys trying to get to know them....WHERE and WHEN is it OK for a guy to approach you if he's interested?

 

I guarantee there will be at least 1 or 2 snide remarks that really arent constructive to this topic.

[JustGettingBy]

Places people shop for things they enjoy (book stores, etc.) might be good as long as you don't go in immediately asking for a date. Ask if she would recommend any of (list potential purchases that interest you here) and have the conversation move naturally. It stops you from coming off as a creep, lets you build a rapport, can show red flags before you date her, and might give you a better idea of where to invite. Even if you get rejected, it'll likely be softer, and you might get some product recommendations.

[xxoo]

Social events are usually a great idea: Halloween parties, weddings, bbqs, dinner parties, etc.

 

Anywhere that people are relaxed and enjoying themselves, too: football games, bowling, museums, coffee shops.

 

The trick is to get return eye contact and a smile in your direction first. That's an invitation to approach. If she won't meet your eye contact, she doesn't want you to approach.

[RecentChange]

I have met guys at:

 

Parties / social gatherings (I have a pretty big group of friends that often hosts bbqs etc)

 

Concerts - I go to lots of small shows at local clubs etc

 

Pubs / bars (the neighborhood kind, not the clubbing kind)

 

On the train (I commute via a train - actually meet lots of people that way)

 

Can't say I have ever met any at a grocery store (but exchanged looks for sure), and the gym... Yeah don't try to talk to me when I am panting or sweating

[Shanex]

Swimming pools... If you are in good shape they are full of beautiful ladies who go there for a reason. Not only for excercising. Ive had success with that quite a lot.

 

Parties, vacations, Theater, Library are a few other options.

[Male]

Places people shop for things they enjoy (book stores, etc.) might be good as long as you don't go in immediately asking for a date. Ask if she would recommend any of (list potential purchases that interest you here) and have the conversation move naturally. It stops you from coming off as a creep, lets you build a rapport, can show red flags before you date her, and might give you a better idea of where to invite. Even if you get rejected, it'll likely be softer, and you might get some product recommendations.

 

That is what I will never understand. I cant "fake" conversation just for the sake of getting my foot in the door, even though its like a "wink wink...I'm not really trying to get to know you just so I can date you, but actually I am" situation.

[xxoo]

That is what I will never understand. I cant "fake" conversation just for the sake of getting my foot in the door, even though its like a "wink wink...I'm not really trying to get to know you just so I can date you, but actually I am" situation.

 

I'm married and I talk to people in all these places all the time--men and women, both. I'm obviously not talking to them for the purpose of a date.

 

If you generally chat people up in the name of friendliness and enjoying social interaction, it's a lot easier to be natural and chatty with a single woman when you encounter one. In fact, you'll probably not know if she's single until you're talking to her, and then it'll be a happy discovery

[JustGettingBy]

That is what I will never understand. I cant "fake" conversation just for the sake of getting my foot in the door, even though its like a "wink wink...I'm not really trying to get to know you just so I can date you, but actually I am" situation.

 

I never got it either, but its what seems to work for building an LTR. I think it has something to do with making her comfortable, and giving her an idea of what you're like.

[Male]

I'm married and I talk to people in all these places all the time--men and women, both. I'm obviously not talking to them for the purpose of a date.

 

If you generally chat people up in the name of friendliness and enjoying social interaction, it's a lot easier to be natural and chatty with a single woman when you encounter one. In fact, you'll probably not know if she's single until you're talking to her, and then it'll be a happy discovery

 

Not everyone is a social butterfly. And as I said before I think where I live most people are just not randomly chatty with people. People that have lived in other parts of the country have even commented that this area is very unfriendly, and that many people act like aholes that live here, as far as being chatty and friendly to strangers.

 

I have met guys at:

 

 

Pubs / bars (the neighborhood kind, not the clubbing kind)

 

I dont go to local watering holes very much. But I can say that I cant recall overhearing really any conversation there that I would want to join in. Most of it is pretty idiotic drama, usually childish and immature.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Male

[xxoo]

Not everyone is a social butterfly. And as I said before I think where I live most people are just not randomly chatty with people. People that have lived in other parts of the country have even commented that this area is very unfriendly, and that many people act like aholes that live here, as far as being chatty and friendly to strangers.

 

 

 

I dont go to local watering holes very much. But I can say that I cant recall overhearing really any conversation there that I would want to join in. Most of it is pretty idiotic drama, usually childish and immature.

 

If you don't enjoy social interactions, that's going to make it hard to make a connection. The perfect place to meet women isn't going to overcome that hurdle...

[Male]

If you don't enjoy social interactions, that's going to make it hard to make a connection. The perfect place to meet women isn't going to overcome that hurdle...

 

I dont mind social interactions. I just rarely ever am in a situation where I would be in one. If I do ever go anywehre, which is rare, I am typically with someone that I already know, so I interact with them, not with strangers that are there.

[RecentChange]

Well lets see.

 

Apparently everyone where you live sucks.

 

Maybe you should move? Or work on your social skills?

 

I tend to go to craft beer pubs / wine bars / high end cocktail bars, and the crowd is mostly young professionals.

 

I am usually there with a friend (or my BF) - but that doesn't stop me from talking to others - kinds the point of "going out" (which I do once or twice a week)

 

Like the other poster, I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers, and do it on a near daily basis. I don't need to "join in" on a conversation, I am quite comfortable starting them.

 

I have interest / knowledge in a broad range of topics, and I am confident - makes socializing easy, and these are things anyone can work on.

Edited October 30, 2015 by RecentChange

[basil67]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - parties and gatherings with friends. Basically, places where people expect to be engaging with strangers.

 

Last time I was approached I was at a bar with a dear friend and a couple of blokes started approaching us. We were out for a girls night - not to pick up men. Couldn't get away from them quick enough.

[Male]

Well lets see.

 

Apparently everyone where you live sucks.

 

Maybe you should move? Or work on your social skills?

 

I tend to go to craft beer pubs / wine bars / high end cocktail bars, and the crowd is mostly young professionals.

 

I am usually there with a friend (or my BF) - but that doesn't stop me from talking to others - kinds the point of "going out" (which I do once or twice a week)

 

Like the other poster, I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers, and do it on a near daily basis. I don't need to "join in" on a conversation, I am quite comfortable starting them.

 

I have interest / knowledge in a broad range of topics, and I am confident - makes socializing easy, and these are things anyone can work on.

 

 

There are a few higher end wine bar type places here, but those are filled with the stuck-up better than you crowd. The women there would never talk to a blue-collar guy like me. This is a suburbia type town where the adults still act like they are part of high school cliques.

[StBreton]

I've see a lot of single dads at the local Dairy Queen after the high school football games ...just noticed this ... So there are single moms there too:)

 

High school football games ...if your kids are in school

 

Home Depot on a Saturday afternoon

 

Starbucks on Saturday

 

Wine tastings

 

Wine bars

 

Wineries

 

(I'm seeing a wine trend here ...woman like wine

 

Zumba class

 

Triathlon club

[Male]

I've said it before and I'll say it again - parties and gatherings with friends. Basically, places where people expect to be engaging with strangers.

 

 

I'm in my 40's....so anytime we have family gatherings, the only non-family that shows up are the 70 yr old friends of my relatives...not single women in their 40's.

 

And none of my friends have social gatherings. Or as far as I know they dont.

[Woggle]

There are a few higher end wine bar type places here, but those are filled with the stuck-up better than you crowd. The women there would never talk to a blue-collar guy like me. This is a suburbia type town where the adults still act like they are part of high school cliques.

 

Then hang out at dive bars. They usually have more likable people than the high end places.

[Imported]

Where ever there are women that are interested in you, that's where you meet them. If you want.

 

Yes, everywhere.

 

You hear women complain about guys they are not interested in.

[Male]

Then hang out at dive bars. They usually have more likable people than the high end places.

 

Thats usually true, but anytime I've been to them its mostly been the the daily drunks hanging out there, no single women in sight.

 

I truly do not know where the single women my age go around here, if they go out at all.

[StBreton]

Then hang out at dive bars. They usually have more likable people than the high end places.

 

I love a good dive bar ...especially ones that have their Christmas light still up in July and an electronic bowling game

[StBreton]

Thats usually true, but anytime I've been to them its mostly been the the daily drunks hanging out there, no single women in sight.

 

I truly do not know where the single women my age go around here, if they go out at all.

 

Do you live in a big city?

[Male]

Do you live in a big city?

 

Nope...suburb of around 30,000 if that.

[AD1980]

Social events are usually a great idea: Halloween parties, weddings, bbqs, dinner parties, etc.

 

Anywhere that people are relaxed and enjoying themselves, too: football games, bowling, museums, coffee shops.

 

The trick is to get return eye contact and a smile in your direction first. That's an invitation to approach. If she won't meet your eye contact, she doesn't want you to approach.

 

So if you're not attractive enough to get a return eye contact and smile just never approach anyone of the opposite sex?

[gaius]

I'm not a social butterfly on any level, stopping to chat with someone for 5 minutes just to be polite is still a huge pain in the ass for me, but when you're attracted to a woman you just find something to talk about naturally. It's not some kind of epic struggle where you have to force yourself. You want to talk to her about anything and everything. If that's not the case with you then you don't really want these women even if you think you do. So at the end of the day you could go everywhere there are women looking for guys and it just won't matter. Until you figure out what your hang up is and deal with it.

[Male]

I'm not a social butterfly on any level, stopping to chat with someone for 5 minutes just to be polite is still a huge pain in the ass for me, but when you're attracted to a woman you just find something to talk about naturally. It's not some kind of epic struggle where you have to force yourself. You want to talk to her about anything and everything. If that's not the case with you then you don't really want these women even if you think you do. So at the end of the day you could go everywhere there are women looking for guys and it just won't matter. Until you figure out what your hang up is and deal with it.

 

Well I still havent determined where these places are where "women are looking for guys" so I guess I wont have to worry about it. Supposedly dating sites have women that are looking for guys but I've been pretty much ignored by the majority of them, since they've stated I'm not tall enough, and the fact that not having kids is a huge issue for most single moms as well. But obviously not having a job and having kids is OK, or having a drinking problem if you have kids is OK, or even cheating on your gf as long as you have kids is attractive as well. But if you are under 6ft, in your 40's, with no kids....you can pretty much forget about women in NE Ohio giving any f**ks about you at all.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Male