madjac74 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 But obviously not having a job and having kids is OK, or having a drinking problem if you have kids is OK, or even cheating on your gf as long as you have kids is attractive as well. But if you are under 6ft, in your 40's, with no kids....you can pretty much forget about women in NE Ohio giving any f**ks about you at all. Was this in their dating profile? Maybe you are trying too hard. Not to mention negativity is unattractive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Don't approach me at school, I'm just trying to get my education Don't approach me at the gym, I'm just trying to work out Don't approach me in the club, I'm just trying to dance/hang out with my friends Don't approach me on the bus/train, I'm just trying to get to where I'm going Don't approach me at the grocery store/mall, I'm just trying to shop You can't win Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I'm a woman and I have many women as friends as well, and we talk about dating often. I am being honest when I say I've not experienced any of my friends complaining about not wanting men to talk to them or bother them while they are out and about, I also don't feel that way myself. What does bother us is if the guy is obnoxious, pushy, weird, creepy and can't take no for an answer. That's what we tend to complain about. It's less about not wanting to be approached by a man while doing X or Y activity, but about men who don't seem to understand social cues, appropriate behavior, don't have good manners etc. We differentiate between "good approaches" that we'll tell our gfs about and bad approaches which we'll complain about. I can't really give step by step directions on how to make a good approach but I'm ALWAYS open to a man approaching me so long as he pulls it off successfully. And it's happened. I've met a man at the grocery store before, on the train, at a coffee shop, bar, and they've struck up conversation in a friendly, non-obnoxious, polite way, they were usually charming and funny and all of that made it a good approach. I've also had guys who were just weird and awkward or pushy and wouldn't take no for an answer or said inappropriate things and so forth. The difference was the guy and the approach....it wasn't really about whether or not a man should approach me while out and about. Also: for my single girlfriends and I, we all unanimously HATE online dating. We sometimes do it as a necessary evil because you can be proactive in finding a date when you aren't just bumping into guys, but I've not heard any woman say she wants to meet her next bf/husband online. Most of us want to meet a man in an organic everyday setting, most want the cute story of how you met in some innocuous place. Most of my friends and I wish we would meet men while walking down the street, going grocery shopping and doing normal things. So that's my honest experience and answer. I personally cannot relate to the women you describe who never want a man to approach them anywhere at anytime....like this makes no sense in my mind . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I always had pretty good luck at the beach (met my now-wife there, in fact). Of course, I was a teen at the time. But there's always opportunities to chat out in public. Not long ago I was looking for a bottle of wine for my wife. I wanted to get her something she hadn't tried before, and had a great conversation with another shopper, a woman, about different types and brands. Carpe diem, man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Yeah, same here, regarding the beach. Met a lot of ladies walking on the beach or ladies will even stop and talk to us while surf fishing. Also, good hits at the beach 'dive' bars, though I'm not much of a bar person. No denying the flirting and socializing there though, even in the middle of the day I'm probably met more potentially single (not demonstrably married) women socially while traveling, which includes traveling to the beach but that's unremarkable since there are very few unattached women in the little towns nearby. Anyplace would be superior. Oh, I've also met apparently unattached (nonmarried) women at car shows, either walking around or when they stop by and ask questions about my car. Again, though, the traveling thing, driving to car shows around the region. OP, if things are sparse where you are, and I totally get you about the blue collar thing, get out there, meaning away from the local town, and do what you do and own who you are. Big world out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Super markets, Super markets.... Aisle 17 was always a winner for me. Frozen foods..... Or the fruit section. Pretend you know all about Pomegranates. You`d be amazed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted October 30, 2015 Author Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) I'm probably met more potentially single (not demonstrably married) women socially while traveling, which includes traveling to the beach but that's unremarkable since there are very few unattached women in the little towns nearby. Anyplace would be superior. Aint that the truth. Oh, I've also met apparently unattached (nonmarried) women at car shows, either walking around or when they stop by and ask questions about my car. Again, though, the traveling thing, driving to car shows around the region. There is a car show or two every day of the week during the summer where I live. I take my car to them all the time. They get super crowded with people looking at the cars, but I have NEVER seen a woman attend that isnt with her husband or boyfriend. And believe me, I truly pay attention to that stuff. Not because I'm looking for someone to hit on, but because I cant believe that no single women come here. OP, if things are sparse where you are, and I totally get you about the blue collar thing, get out there, meaning away from the local town, and do what you do and own who you are. Big world out there. I'm not getting caught up in a long-distance relationship with someone from another town. Edited October 30, 2015 by Male Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Aint that the truth. Part of the solution is accepting the truth, which is different psychologically from acknowledging the truth. If there are no demonstrably unattached women in your locale, that's OK. Neutral. Nothing. Unremarkable. Next. There is a car show or two every day of the week during the summer where I live. I take my car to them all the time. They get super crowded with people looking at the cars, but I have NEVER seen a woman attend that isnt with her husband or boyfriend. And believe me, I truly pay attention to that stuff. Not because I'm looking for someone to hit on, but because I cant believe that no single women come here. That makes sense, given your prior statement regarding lack of unattached women in your locale. I'm not getting caught up in a long-distance relationship with someone from another town. Yep, and unattached women aren't going to seek you out, generally, so what you apparently have is a stalemate, save for pure luck where you happen to run into someone who just became available. In my locale, that usually happens before marriages or relationships end, so it can be pretty tricky. Worth a shot though if you've the stomach for it. Gotta hone the skills though. Lots of competition out there. Brutal. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Super markets, Super markets.... Aisle 17 was always a winner for me. Frozen foods..... Or the fruit section. Pretend you know all about Pomegranates. You`d be amazed. Or, pretend you know nothing about pomegranates. It works either way! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 So if you're not attractive enough to get a return eye contact and smile just never approach anyone of the opposite sex? Yeah I think that's pretty much what she's saying.. If you're not physically attractive enough to women don't approach ever.. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Yeah I think that's pretty much what she's saying.. If you're not physically attractive enough to women don't approach ever.. I have never met anyone that physically unattractive, but ok. Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) I have never met anyone that physically unattractive, but ok. I've never been approached before or given signals to approach..it happens A man doesn't have to be as ugly as me to not get signs. For men who have to use their personality not looks to attract women and don't get them excited off appereance alone your advice is horrible It has to be a numbers game for unattractive men we can't wait for a women to show signs. Edited October 30, 2015 by PJKino C Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Yep, short of being an entertainer, large or small, where people come to enjoy or are drawn to one's personality and overall aura voluntarily, the only way a man who doesn't draw women with his appearance can get their audience is to approach them and that's a conscious thought process and choice. It doesn't merely 'happen', as evidenced by this member's trying to figure out where to approach women at. He's working a problem here. An example of the entertainer angle would be, using the OP's car show example, engaging in animated interactions with others who have stopped by one's exhibit and this interaction catching the notice of an otherwise unattached woman who stops by to see what all the interest is. At that point, she could be attracted to the guy's personality without regard to his appearance. It's possible. Likely? IDK. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I've never been approached before or given signals to approach..it happens A man doesn't have to be as ugly as me to not get signs. For men who have to use their personality not looks to attract women and don't get them excited off appereance alone your advice is horrible It has to be a numbers game for unattractive men we can't wait for a women to show signs. My primary advice is to build a social network and get to know women naturally within in it, rather than relying on approaches. That's still the main way people meet their mates. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Where ever there are women that are interested in you, that's where you meet them. If you want. Yes, everywhere. You hear women complain about guys they are not interested in. This is the answer. It's being overlooked because it doesn't fit the "there are no women available" and "I'm so unlikeable" narrative. I met one of my best girlfriends in a place you're "not supposed to" approach women - the gym. A very pretty and fit girl working out alone. Of course, the guys were hitting on her constantly. She was steadily shooting them down. Just wanting to get her work out in. I held back - amused. Until I noticed her ... noticing me. Approached, got her number and she was one of my best relationships. Turned out to be a doctor who worked at the hospital. Was (and still is) a wonderful woman. The difference between me and the other guys? Perception. Awareness. The location was irrelevant. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 My primary advice is to build a social network and get to know women naturally within in it, rather than relying on approaches. That's still the main way people meet their mates. Well right now most of my friends are married with kids so it will take some time to build another circle.. But I'll take your advice and won't dare approach women who don't deem me attractive enough at first glance to approach.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted October 30, 2015 Author Share Posted October 30, 2015 This is the answer. It's being overlooked because it doesn't fit the "there are no women available" and "I'm so unlikeable" narrative. I met one of my best girlfriends in a place you're "not supposed to" approach women - the gym. A very pretty and fit girl working out alone. Of course, the guys were hitting on her constantly. She was steadily shooting them down. Just wanting to get her work out in. I held back - amused. Until I noticed her ... noticing me. Approached, got her number and she was one of my best relationships. Turned out to be a doctor who worked at the hospital. Was (and still is) a wonderful woman. The difference between me and the other guys? Perception. Awareness. The location was irrelevant. Sorry but your story is totally irrelevant to the situation. Its always easy when the woman is blatantly giving off signals like that. I've done the same exact thing at work before. I kept my distance and maintained a business relationship with a woman that had all the horndogs bitting at her heels. And she couldnt understand why I wasnt doing the same. But back to reality, this thread is about where we are supposed to approach women when most women say they dont want to be approached at X Y Z. Having a woman basically hold up a sign saying please talk to me isnt realistic on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 But I'll take your advice and won't dare approach women who don't deem me attractive enough at first glance to approach.. Passive-aggressive snarkiness does not pull chicks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Passive-aggressive snarkiness does not pull chicks. That's not how I hit on women it was a response to condescending advice.. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 That's not how I hit on women it was a response to condescending advice.. In that event, you read her advice wrong. You don't have to wait for a meaningful glance or Mona Lisa smile to approach, but it sure increases the odds of success. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) In that event, you read her advice wrong. You don't have to wait for a meaningful glance or Mona Lisa smile to approach, but it sure increases the odds of success. She said specifically don't approach without signs.. I get your point of course it's ideal and increases your odds but my point was for us guys who aren't blessed with looks that doesn't happen often if at all.. I wish I had the luxury to have women show signs and be into me every so often but it doesn't happen.. Edited October 30, 2015 by PJKino Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 It's not the location. It's the woman. Don't try to engage anybody who is closed off whose body language is screaming leave me the F alone. If you don't read that sign right, if you get anything other than a big smile & an enthusiastic response to your invasion retreat immediately. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 She said specifically don't approach without signs.. My exact words were: The trick is to get return eye contact and a smile in your direction first. That's an invitation to approach. If she won't meet your eye contact, she doesn't want you to approach. It's a helpful suggestion, not a warning never to approach without signs. But if she won't return your eye contact, how do you start a conversation? She is clearly discouraging it, esp if you've been looking her way and she knows it. It's not the location. It's the woman. Don't try to engage anybody who is closed off whose body language is screaming leave me the F alone. If you don't read that sign right, if you get anything other than a big smile & an enthusiastic response to your invasion retreat immediately. Exactly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Even in a cold approach situation, the intention of the approach should be to gauge interest. If you get an indication of interest, then take it to the next level. But, it's irrational to approach a woman who has shown no interest in you - in a place she doesn't want to be approached - and then get upset when she doesn't reward you for being attracted to her and approaching. The interest should be mutual before expecting to take it to the next level. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 My suggestion is to see if meetup is popular where you live. They have all sorts of groups that meet. People are there to meet and mingle socially. I have found people more open to meeting new people in these groups than they would be running errands or at the gym. Link to post Share on other sites
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