Ok...heres A Brainbuster For You....

[ianvious]

I was at a club one night when this girl approached me,we started talking a little and i became really interested in her,she was very reserved and acted in a mature manner,i asked her that night if she had a boyfriend and she paused and said that she had a "best friend"unaware of what she meant i proceeded to ask her if she'd like to go out sometime and she responded "no,but i'll see you here next week".I took that as a respectful answer seeing as she didnt even know me and i understood.

 

 

The next week i saw her again at the same place and we talked even longer,she asked me what i ws interested in doing as a career and i told her that i was into fashion and she said that she worked at a clothing store and that i should come and apply.I am not a very persistent person when it comes to chasing girls but that has never gotten me anywhere,so the next day i came to the conclusion that i was gonna go visit her at her work and maybe try to have lunch,well monday came and i went to her work,she was very surprised and we had lunch.at lunch she asked me if id like to go out on a date w/her on wednesday i said sure.Wednesday comes and i ended having to work all day so i called her and told her that i couldnt do it so we made plans for friday.

 

Friday comes and we go out to this mexican restaurant and we talked for like 2 hours about everything,the conversation flowed like we'd been friends for years.After dinner we decided to go to this little bar we knew of for some drinks.After the bar she drove me back to my apartment,she came up to use the bathroom but never left.To my sincere surprise we ended up having sex that night initiated by her.She told me the next morning the she hadnt had sex in 2 yrs(i left out that she was 26yrs old).So wanting to believe that i felt flattered as if she liked me that much,but was sure it was a lie.The topic of her best friend was brought up by me and was curious of who it was.Evidently she was w/her boyfriend for 5yrs and they still lived together but have been broken up for 2yrs,she said she wasnt in the financial situation to move but was hoping too.She told me that i wasnt allowed to call her because she only had a house phone and that she'd feel disrespectful if i called her x-bf house.

 

So in the dark still about how she felt,i basically just went w/the flow showing no more interest than what was being shown to me,but all the while liking her more and more.She started a pattern which consisted of her coming to my house every saturday at 10:30am and leaving at 4:00pm like clockwork,and to be truthfully blunt all we would do is have sex for that time and then consistently she would just leave at 4pm.

 

I brought up the fact later on about how much i started liking her on a serious level and she felt bad she said for leading me to believe that she felt the same.She said "i thought you were aware of what this was".She told me she wasnt in a position to be in a relationship due to her living situations.But when this all started she would only call me for a few minutes on friday basically to let me know she'd be over on saturday,but that was 2 mths ago and now she calls me way more and also comes over much than in the beginning.She asks for a kiss before she leaves now and is much more affectionate than in the beginning but still shuns away the topic of getting serious.I truly treat this girl like gold and she unlike anyone ive ever met.I just dont know what i should do.Also she seems to not have the best self esteem and i try to help that whenever shes around w/compliments to her.Also she says things to me like when you go to the party you shouldtry to meets some girls,she always brings up that i should try to get w/some girl and it really makes me mad because shes all i want but when i tell her that she get annoyed and says im getting to attatched.But not to seem in denial but this girl has completely done a 180 degree turn than 2mths ago.But im very skeptical of this whole situation and am curious if i should stick it out or just cut it off asap.Id like to think people can change and she is changing but how much?I dont know what to do and im super confused...PLEASE HELP

[HotCaliGirl]

I think that her boyfriend of 5 years, who she has been broken up with for the past two years and they still live together, is still her boyfriend. I don't believe that she hasn't had sex in two years, when you met her at a club and on your first date she initiates sex.

 

The fact that she has to leave your place at 4pm sharp every Saturday tells me her boyfriend works during the day and she wants to be home for when he gets back. It is not normal for her to be with you and yet you are not allowed to call her at home or visit her at her place because she says it will be 'disrespectful' towards her ex...of TWO YEARS!

 

That is not normal. I can tell you are very into her and want things to develop, but the fact on top of all this that she encourages you to meet other women, despite being more affectionate, tells me that she is only playing you and two-timing her boyfriend. I think you know this but want to hear it from others.

 

The best way to find out for sure is if you go to her place and meet her so-called ex to see how they interact and if in fact they are no longer together intimately. So if she lives with him for another five years, throughout her life she is never going to have a man come over or give her a call? And have you ever asked her why exactly she leaves your place at the same time every week without flexibility?

 

I would advise you to be careful about how much of your feelings you invest in her. She seems like she's hiding something, in addition to not being as into you as you would want her to be while acting like she is in an attempt to cover up the fact that she senses you are catching on to something or to cover her tracks. But all it is doing is confusing you - you are wondering what it could mean that she is more affectionate, yet tells you to see other women and not come over to her place, etc. etc.

 

Just be careful until you find out what her deal is and what she's all about. It could be that what she is telling you about her ex is true, and if it is, then why be with someone who puts an ex before you? She cares more about disrespecting him, than in pleasing you - having you come over or call her at home.

[scarlyjones]

You poor baby!!............. .........shes lying to you. Sorry to tell you that,..but she is. And I think you already knew the answer to that. You just need confirmation. Look at all the facts. Comes over on "Saturdays" only......promptly at 10:30am ( probably when her boyfriend goes to work or something) ....leaves at 4pm ( when her BF comes HOME from work, probably ) Tells you NOT to call her apartment where is tells you she lives with her EX after they BROKE up. (Yeah right,...who DOES that???) Tells you it would be DISRESPECTFUL to her ex/roommate even though she says they've been broken up for over 2 yrs. (Oh please,...like she wouldnt be pissed about him not GETTING OVER IT BY NOW) Like shes supposed to just NEVER date again while they "live" together. Whatever. Shes a two-timing liar. What you SHOULD do is, yes,.....go over there. But, instead of playing games to find out if they are together or not,....expose the b*tch for what she is. Shes lying to you,...lying to him.....and thinking you are both STUPID. If you HAVE these suspicions,.....then HE may too.....and you too need to get together and confront this slut. Shes totally disrespecting you. What kind of relationship do you have, even if its JUST friends,...if you cant ever call their home???? Make her answer for what shes doing to you and this other guy.

[ianvious]

thank you,i feel the same way about alot of things you mentioned. the reason its easy for me to believe what she is saying is true about her ex is because i was once in the same position but made a conscience decision as to what i really wanted and moved out from my ex and i was only 21,so i know if i really meant anything to this girl it wouldnt be hard for her to do the same.I know it sucks confronting your ex but at some point in time its gonna have to happen. The reason she leaves at that time everytime is so she doesnt have to tell her ex where she was and wants to be home before he gets home. The thing is is that she told me up front how she felt about this whole thing and i agreed to it,im in no way in the dark but thought i was seeing some progress through us hanging out much more often and her calling alot more,and i thought to myself "is it possible for her to have absolutely no feelings for me at all" i dont think so but hell i could be wrong.I think im making her out to be the bad guy but im fully aware of our situations and just take as much as i can in hopes of making an impact to where she can see that im worth it,i know i sound in denial and maybe i am......

[scarlyjones]

Theres no maybe about it. You ARE in denial. I swear,....I would bet the house,...shes still "with" this guy shes living with. Does it AT ALL make sense to you that she needs to be home before HE gets home if they are only roommates? This is one of those times like 5 months from now you will look back and hit yourself in the forehead with your palm and say "I cant f**king believe I bought that sh*t" and it doesnt HAVE to be. Instead,...you can make this a memory that you can say "I didnt let the bitch fool me" about. You mentioned you went through a similar situation with an ex before,..so you can sorta see how she may be telling the truth. Well THINK back to your similar situation. You may have gone through it,..but, how f**kin normal did it seem? It was a 1 and 100 chance that someone would go through it, right? Well what are the chances that you went through it and then not too long later meet someone who goes through it too? Dont let her words ( and crotch ) cloud your better judgement. Look at this from "a buddies" point of view. What would you tell a best friend of yours that told you exactly what you posted here? Dont let your feelings or desperation or whatever distort your sense of common sense. You're WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than that !! and deserve better....

[westernxer]

Originally posted by ianvious

So in the dark still about how she felt,i basically just went w/the flow showing no more interest than what was being shown to me,but all the while liking her more and more.She started a pattern which consisted of her coming to my house every saturday at 10:30am and leaving at 4:00pm like clockwork,and to be truthfully blunt all we would do is have sex for that time and then consistently she would just leave at 4pm.

 

You lucky dog!

 

Actually, I know what you mean about getting attached to someone, even moreso after getting intimate. Unfortunately, she's not into you as much as she's into having sex with you, and she's not going to leave him, even if they "broke up."

 

This is not even close to being a brainbuster. Just bang her senseless and enjoy the ride(s).

[ianvious]

HAHA...you guys are awesome....its not even that i care about having sex with her and i told her that.I just really enjoy her presence.....i think the next time i see her ill bring this all up and give her an altimatum(sp?) and see what happens,because of right now im not even trying nor feel interested in anyone else because i like her so much whichis screwing me up bad because i may turn down the chance of actually beung w/someone who will treat me right...

[westernxer]

Don't give her an ultimatum... just bang her and kick her out. Tell her you have "something" to do later and you need to get ready. Make her sweat a little bit, and not just from banging her.

[ianvious]

HAHA.... westernxer you're a badass,I think thats what im gonna do,but its a shame how i always have to play games and act like i dont care,id like to tell a girl exactly how i feel and her accept as a good thing rather than haul ass,but i guess it will never change.....she'll probably come over since shes on vactaion from work and ill keep you posted,thanks for the advice everyone,it you have anymore feel free

[westernxer]

You only play games with those who want to play them, not with those who don't.

[HotCaliGirl]

Originally posted by westernxer

You lucky dog!... Just bang her senseless and enjoy the ride(s).

How could you bang someone you know is playing you? I guess some people are capable of blocking out all feelings, or maybe some don't experience them deeply.

ianvious: i think the next time i see her ill bring this all up and give her an altimatum

Good for you, just confront the bitch, I mean, her. I agree with westernxer that I wouldn't bother giving her an ultimatum.

westernxer: Don't give her an ultimatum... just bang her and kick her out. Tell her you have "something" to do later

If you're going to go that route, then don't extend the game, tell her you have to go meet a decent woman who is better than her. I'm just disappointed to the extent guys can get physical with women knowing they are sleeze, as long as they get off.

 

Surprising she will still turn you on sexually. But I guess everyone's different. If a guy was two-timing me and playing me for a fool, no way in hell could I have him step a foot in my place, let alone bang him. I don't care how hot he is, I wouldn't feel turned on if my life depended on it.

 

BUT...I DO understand that you have feelings for her so things can get complicated. I just hope you can get the strength to move on and meet someone who you will be happier with and will be 100% yours, not 50-50 or for all you know 25-25-25-25

[ianvious]

Well like i said,i would be happy sitting on the couch w/her or to go somewhere with her.I HONESTLY could care less

if we ever had sex again,i dont want to give anyone the wrong idea of me,but this is all she has given me so this is all i have taken.i seriously like her alot and i know i shouldnt but its not the easiest of things for me to do when im laying they with her i feel like a million bucks so i prolong what i should bring to her attention.I know there are people out there who have felt a certain way about someone that theyll live that moment for as long as possible because it feels perfect all the while knowing it isnt.....

[katiebour]

Ianvious-

 

I lived with my ex for several months after we broke up- it was hell, pure and simple. The only situation where I could see it working for TWO YEARS is if it was an amicable breakup and they were really good friends. Either that or they're still together. It sounds like you really like this girl, and if that's the case, don't be afraid to be honest with her. Tell her how much you like her, and how much you'd like to pursue a relationship with her. Ask about her schedule on Saturdays- for all you know she volunteers or something.

 

But ask her to be honest and up front with you, and if she says she can't give you the kind of relationship/committment you need, tell her that you need to find someone who can and initiate no contact. If she really likes you, NC will devastate her, and make her realize how much she needs/likes you. But if she simply goes crying into the arms of her ex, you're better off without her.

 

Honestly, if she can be so cold-hearted as to tell you that you're getting "too attached" when you're open about your feelings for her, then she isn't that into you. You fill some kind of need for her, whether it be companionate or sexual, but she probably doesn't have the kind of feelings you do.

 

It sounds like she sees you as a "friend with benefits" while you see her as possible LTR material. If you keep things going the way they are, you will get more and more attached to her, while she will get more and more uncomfortable with the inequality of feelings and eventually dump you.

 

Take care of yourself- find someone who can meet you halfway and is looking for the same kind of relationship. Honesty is the best policy IMO.

[swirlingdaisy]

Originally posted by westernxer

Don't give her an ultimatum... just bang her and kick her out. Tell her you have "something" to do later and you need to get ready. Make her sweat a little bit, and not just from banging her.

 

Judging by your odd and cheesy picture, I can't tell your age but your crude attitude about just "banging her" really shows what little respect you have for women....that to you, it's all always JUST about banging some chick. Grow up.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by swirlingdaisy

Judging by your odd and cheesy picture, I can't tell your age but your crude attitude about just "banging her" really shows what little respect you have for women....that to you, it's all always JUST about banging some chick. Grow up.

 

Don't take it personal... just trying to help a bro. He's already "making love" to her, so why put a stop to it?

 

Can't help what I look like, neither can you. But if you're willing to make a suggestion, I'm all ears.

 

By the way, I look young for my age. You can tell by the way I talk.

[ggallin13]

Wow! I have never had that happen to me before. A girl just wants to come over on Saturdays, have sex all day, and then leave? To which god do you pray, amigo?!?

 

I would keep that going as long as you can, unless it makes you lose respect for yourself--meaning, she doesn't really care for you and yet you do all these things for her, blah blah blah. Also, if continuing to sleep with her is making your feelings stronger and stronger then get out now. It'll only suck worse later.

 

You are shafting another guy, too. It would be one thing if you didn't know, but you do and that makes you kind of a dick. He might be a really cool cat and he is getting treated like a loser. That can't make you feel all that good, huh? I know I'd feel bad, but everyone is different, and they aren't married. That part's weird. I'm not judging you, but I would've been gone the second I found out about him. You don't need to play second to anybody.

 

Another thing is you mentioned she has low self-esteem, so you compliment her often. IMHO, that is a mistake. In my experience, women begin to resent you for that and lose respect for you. After all, she hates herself and you like her, so you must be a retard. Sounds strange, but it is true.

 

I know how you feel when she suggests seeing other girls or points them out to you. I have the same thing with a girl I know. I want her, but for whatever reason we aren't together. I actually do see other women (often), but not in front of her, nor do I discuss it in front of her. I wouldn't want to hear about random guys from her (though there aren't any). You should be out looking for someone else, though, as this chick definitely is front page bad news. Take it from one who knows.

 

Lastly, think about this: Maybe you want her so much because you can't have her. Also, you don't see her very often, and abscence makes the heart grow fonder. Moreover, in the off-chance that she does end up with you, how can you trust her?

 

Good luck, man.

[ianviou]

i understand where you are coming from,but its really hard to explain the way things are in person,all everyone knows is what i have typed up and i couldnt possibly type all the detailed things that happen that really matter.IMO actions speak louder than words and i see little things all the time from her that no one would do if all they wanted was sex. Im the first to admit the complications of this situation but for some reason im a gluton for it and cant bring myself to break it off with her.I know exactly where i stand in this situation and have become rather used to it as odd as it sounds.Also her ex is 100% aware of me,she has discussed me to him numerous times and i even see him when i go out,i wouldnt do that to a person if i knew they were together.

 

My take on it is that she's feels too damn bad to break it off w/ him.She said it kills her to hurt someones feelings when its time to move on,but ive had to do it,and it does suck but life goes on and you cant live trapped your whole life.Ive told her that and she says she knows but as you can see it hasnt changed yet.In the end i think im putting way to much thought into this whole thing and i should just go w/the flow and say **** it,ive grown used to this over the past 2mths and what the hell i might as well keep it going im not really losing anything,and in the end if it goes sour well i wont be surprised and it will have been quite an experience,but who knows what can happen,girls are a complicated species and just when you think you go em figured out.....you get a surprise

[westernxer]

It's funny, most guys have to treat them like crap to get what you're getting. You show vulnerability and she keeps coming back.

 

Next thing you know, pigs will grow wings and our troops will find Osama bin Laden at a baseball game in Texas.