Dealing with how my boyfriend talks to a friend about women?

[CrystalMinds]

I'm in a relationship with a great guy for a year now. He's very sweet, romantic, shows and tells me he loves me a lot, all the works. We talk about everything, also things that should bother us.

Due to some reason, I'm stuck at home for a month, so I can't go to work or do something else. This makes me quite insecure and because of my insecurity, I get jealous. I had this weird feeling in my stomach for a while and my boyfriend takes his phone everywhere he goes so I did something bad, I snooped. I know I shouldn't have done it and I feel horrible about it. I read some texts with a good friend of his (not someone I meet often, I saw him once in the gym) and how my boyfriend talks to him kinda "shocked" me. My boyfriend is 21 and his friend is around that same age as well. His friend went out on a date with a girl, my boyfriend asked whom it was, his friend sent a link and my boyfriend texted this: "F., what a hot b*" (it's the F and B word, not typing this fully). It makes me feel insecure about myself. He doesn't talk to his other friends like this. Should I let this bother me? Or is it just how he talks to his friend? He told my himself he takes his phone with him because he knows how he talks to him and he's afraid it would bother me. (We had a discussion about me being jealous last week and that worked out fine).

[d0nnivain]

Recognize that your present circumstances are making you not yourself.

 

Some men, apparently your BF, use crass slang. I don't think it colors his entire view of women. I also know it wasn't meant for your ears/eyes.

 

Try to let it go.

 

If you see or hear him always describing all women this was, reevaluate but for now, try to let it go.

 

BTW, just because your BF may have expressed the opinion that the woman his buddy went on a date with was attractive does not mean he doesn't fidn you equally sexy.

[smackie9]

This is how guys talk among themselves...kind of a male bonding thing......my goodness if this makes you insecure, you would be in a rubber room if you knew what they have going on in their head.

[Satu]

It's just silly male banter, and shouldn't be taken seriously.

 

Stop your snooping.

[CrystalMinds]

Thanks for your replies! I'm glad it's just me overreacting and putting too much importance on it. He doesn't talk about women like that to all his friends, just that one guy. I also hope he doesn't mention every single freak-out I have to that friend, would make me feel a bit embarrassed ^^

 

Thank you!

[Elisabetta]

Often times boys and men will act *differently* around their male friends (use different language, make different kinds of jokes) than around female friends/their girlfriend. I wouldn't take this personally.

 

 

Since you read his texts without him knowing, I would personally not mention to him that you saw this text and just refrain from reading his texts without his permission in the future.

 

 

If you are jealous that he called another woman "hot" or are nervous he may be interested in other women, I would definitely recommend being honest about these feelings (not to the point of obsessing over them, though; trust is essential in a relationship and you shouldn't let yourself become jealous if he is treating you well!). But it's good to also be assertive. If anything comes up that makes you feel jealous, just let him know "Hey, it made me feel _____ when ____ happened. I know you love me, but I wanted to let you know because it's been on my mind and I just wanted some reassurance." Or something of the sort.

 

 

So, if he regularly describes women as being hot or attractive way and it bothers you, I would definitely let him know because sometimes guys need to be told in order to understand how their actions make us feel. He may just be describing other women this way to be supportive of his friends or he may be joking around, but if it bothers you then I would say something. He is dating you, and you shouldn't have to put up with your boyfriend describing other women this way if it genuinely is something that upsets you and you have explained this to him. But maybe he does just mean these comments as jokes or to be supportive, but then he should be able to reassure you of this.

 

 

Hope that helps! All the best to you.

[CrystalMinds]

Thank you for your reply! That's a great idea and I kinda talked about that with him yesterday. I said I compared myself to some women and that I can be a bit hard on myself when it comes to looks and physique. He told me that he thinks I'm way hotter than that girl his friend went on a date with and some other things. This did make me feel a lot better and secure. Thanks!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Don't forget, also, that the particular friend in question might be the big variable here.

 

Such that, as most everybody did in one way when they were kids, you alter your own behavior in order to more closely fit-in with somebody you think you want to impress, socially.

 

So what if this other guy seeeeeeeeeeeeeemed to be somehow important on the social totem pole, and your bf befriended him in part by impressing the guy in taking-on many of his own traits... and for once the 'sought-after' person gave-in and accepted the seeming 'outsider' with this being what your boyfriend GOT out of the deal??

 

 

(that would 'fit' what we think we know about fate...)

[crederer]

I've overheard "girl talks" that would put any conversations I've had with my male friends to shame. You've probably been involved in similar talks and didn't mean anything by it, either.