Update: [Ex-husband] Playing Games

[anna121]

I haven't given up on it. Only focusing on what needs my attention until he comes back and the affair fog lifts.

 

If you were in your H's shoes, ie., you were married to someone who you love and who is sick, and your ex-spouse was taking you to court for more $$$ and telling the court to keep your H and your kids apart, how would you feel about that ex?

[stillafool]

Have you thought about getting a job that offers insurance? That's your best solution at this point.

 

As far as trick or treat goes he has every right to bring her with him if you don't like it take your kids trick or treating alone. Then give them to their father so him and his wife can take them trick or treating. That way the kids get double the fun and double the candy. There! solution solved.

[pidgeon1010]

I still don't think this is an actual situation and the OP is just trying to stir up emotions. I don't know how a court can order an ex to keep the other ex on their health insurance. It is illegal. An ex-spouse is not legally permitted to remain on the other ex's health insurance policy.

[trippi1432]

I'd want my kids to do what makes them happy. Go for what they want. Not be taken advantage of. I want them in a two parent household where their father and mother live together. Go to bed together. If they do what I do to get it I'm ok with that.

 

When we divorced I was on my husbands insurance and he had to keep me on it until he remarried. He married her and pushed me off but my lawyer says he can make a case of it. He says I should have been notified but I only got a 14 days notice. There's no point in it now. He told me he's ending his insurance. He's going on hers with the kids. He told me by the time the court date hits it'll be done. I thought she didn't have insurance with her job. Why get married for his? It doesn't make sense.

 

I need insurance. I don't have any. I need it more than she does. If something happens to me then what?

 

If you don't have a job, or insurance....how are you affording this lawyer? You do know they will do anything you want them to do as long as you can be billed chargeable hours in increments of 15 minutes.

[anika99]

Her costume was inappropriate. Tacky. She had it again for the afternoon parties with the kids. Halloween tomorrow is a big mess. She said she would hand out candy with their kids and he could go with our kids. He said no. Then our kids got upset because they wanted the twins to go. She said she rather have them with her. I think she wants them to be a set piece to her costume. I said he had to come it's the twins and our kids but he said no. I don't know what is happening now. He has never not been there for the kids on a special day. He asked for the kids and I said no. I feel a little guilty but I have to think of the kids.

 

I don't want her around the kids when she's sick. She takes medications and I don't know what they are. She is upsetting to look at. I don't want the kids to deal with that.

 

I don't know where she had time to make costumes. He says she made them awhile ago. She is always doing things with the sewing machine. Her thing I guess. She does things all the time for the kids with her machine. I agree though. If she's so sick how does she have time to make costumes for her, kids, him? It's all suspicious.

 

 

This is a ridiculous story. You're saying that your EXhusband, who has always had the kids at least half of the time, is now no longer allowed to have them if his wife is there? Because she is sick? And the courts are going along with this?? Sorry but no. I'm calling BS on this one.

 

 

OP there was a poster on LS who used to like to make up stories and pretend to be other people in her past affair. Sometimes she liked to pretend to be the betrayed wife. As the BW she would post in ways to make the BW look pathetic and evil. Her stories made the BW into a cartoony joke. I can't say for sure that you are not a real poster but your story sounds an awful lot like one of those caricatures that poster like to create. If you are a genuine person and this is a genuine story then you are seriously out of touch with reality and I hope you look for additional help outside of a relationship forum. Actually same goes if you are making this up.

[Lurkeraspect]

This is a ridiculous story. You're saying that your EXhusband, who has always had the kids at least half of the time, is now no longer allowed to have them if his wife is there? Because she is sick? And the courts are going along with this?? Sorry but no. I'm calling BS on this one.

 

 

OP there was a poster on LS who used to like to make up stories and pretend to be other people in her past affair. Sometimes she liked to pretend to be the betrayed wife. As the BW she would post in ways to make the BW look pathetic and evil. Her stories made the BW into a cartoony joke. I can't say for sure that you are not a real poster but your story sounds an awful lot like one of those caricatures that poster like to create. If you are a genuine person and this is a genuine story then you are seriously out of touch with reality and I hope you look for additional help outside of a relationship forum. Actually same goes if you are making this up.

 

The more she writes one can't help feeling like we're all being punked.

[sandylee1]

The more she writes one can't help feeling like we're all being punked.

 

Due to being 'told off' for suggesting this in a couple of other threads , I haven't done so here.........but that has been my belief all along. I have a way of indulging such scenarios....

 

I do something similar with online scammers and pull the plug once I've promised to send the money to them.

[sandylee1]

Double post

 

Sorry

Edited November 1, 2015 by sandylee1
double post

[Lurkeraspect]

I'd want my kids to do what makes them happy. Go for what they want. Not be taken advantage of. I want them in a two parent household where their father and mother live together. Go to bed together. If they do what I do to get it I'm ok with that.

 

When we divorced I was on my husbands insurance and he had to keep me on it until he remarried. He married her and pushed me off but my lawyer says he can make a case of it. He says I should have been notified but I only got a 14 days notice. There's no point in it now. He told me he's ending his insurance. He's going on hers with the kids. He told me by the time the court date hits it'll be done. I thought she didn't have insurance with her job. Why get married for his? It doesn't make sense.

 

I need insurance. I don't have any. I need it more than she does. If something happens to me then what?

 

:lmao:

 

Get a job and support yourself. You're not his responsibility, his WIFE is.

[BlueDress]

You can insult me all you want or say I'm fake. I don't care. I'm not fake. I have no reason to lie. Other than showing pictures of our divorce paperwork and settlements I don't know how to prove it.

 

Yes he had to keep me on his insurance. Short of showing the divorce decree I don't know how to prove it. Look up insurance after divorce in Massachusetts. I have a right to his insurance. I had a court order. He had to cover me. I do need it more than her. He says she renegotiated her contract at work and got insurance that was better than what my husband has. They were switching and switching to save money and bringing the kids. Why can't he keep his so I go on it and she get her own if it's that great? She can get her own with her job. I'm just stuck. She has choices and I don't. All because he won't just put me back in his insurance. It's stupid.

 

No she's not allowed to be alone with the kids. We filed an emergency order of protection for the kids because she was alone with them after surgery but he told me she couldn't drive. I asked the kids and they said she took pain pills that made her tired. I confronted him and he said she couldn't drive becaus it was uncomfortable not because she was drugged up. He said if she took pain pills he was there with her and the kids. I told my lawyer and he filed the emergency order and we had a hearing. He was caught in lies (she didn't need pain pills but she had her prescription refilled) and he couldn't answer questions about what she was on. If it was habit forming. The judge ordered she not be alone with the kids while a child advocate came to investigate. Now we are waiting for that to happen. If she's on drugs she can't be with the kids. I don't care what she's sick with or how delusional she is about her illness.

 

He ended up taking the kids and went trick or treating for half the night. She was there. One of his kids with her babbled on about how she could come with because it wasn't cold and the weather was good. Over and over. Rubbing urban my face. He brought them back 10 minutes late because he didn't plan for the road closures. He told me I could drop them 10 minutes late tomorrow to balance it out. I said I would bring it to the lawyer. He'd decide what it means and what I should do. He said we really had to talk about things. He thinks things have gotten nasty. Wants to know why. He said he'd text tonight. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to tell him.

[Lurkeraspect]

Perhaps it's you who should do some reading.

 

Forbes Welcome

 

And "spiritual marriage" doesn't change the law.

[anika99]

The kids did their show which was great but they ran off the stage to see us and her too which is against the terms of seeing them. I guess it can't be helped because they came to her but he shouldn't have brought her. He said after he thought they could only not see her at the hospital but he knows that's not true.

 

You are changing things around as you post. By the above post you say the kids aren't allowed to be in her presence at all, not even if he is there. Then later you changed it to she can't be alone with your kids.

[anika99]

Okay I looked up insurance after divorce in MA and this is what I found.

 

Generally, the insurer will continue coverage if the divorce order requires one ex spouse to provide health insurance for the other. Chapter 175, Section 110I(a) states that the member's spouse "shall be and remain eligible" for health insurance coverage under the plan "as if said judgment had not been entered." However, this Section states: "Such eligibility shall continue through the member’s participation in the plan until the remarriage of either the member or such spouse, or until such time as provided by said judgment, whichever is earlier." This language allows the insurer to refuse coverage after either divorced party has remarried.

 

The above appears to say that in some cases a spouse will be ordered to keep their ex-spouse on their insurance but only until the remarriage of either spouse.

 

Here is the link to the whole page: Health Insurance after MA divorce | The Forum for Massachusetts Law

[BlueDress]

I didn't change anything. I thought she couldn't be around them at all. She just can't be alone with them or be brought to the hospital to see her even if she isn't alone. I thought that meant that she can't be with them unless my husband is right there. I guess that her seeing them when I'm there or in public where he is around doesn't count as alone. Even if he's not right with her when she sees them. My lawyer says it didn't break anything anyway even if he wasn't there because I was. Being in public isn't enough but me watching her and my husband being there even if he wasn't right with her isn't alone. So she can't see them unsupervised. Or at the hospital even if it is supervised.

 

He didn't have to cover me if he got remarried but he had to give me 60 days. He didn't give me 60 days. With a court order I could have stayed on if she stayed on her insurance. Now he's ending his and going on hers. With the kids. I don't even get to look at the plan before the kids to go over on it and decide if I want them on it. I get no choice. He doesn't even pay for my new insurance at this point.

[Lurkeraspect]

I didn't change anything. I thought she couldn't be around them at all. She just can't be alone with them or be brought to the hospital to see her even if she isn't alone. I thought that meant that she can't be with them unless my husband is right there. I guess that her seeing them when I'm there or in public where he is around doesn't count as alone. Even if he's not right with her when she sees them. My lawyer says it didn't break anything anyway even if he wasn't there because I was. Being in public isn't enough but me watching her and my husband being there even if he wasn't right with her isn't alone. So she can't see them unsupervised. Or at the hospital even if it is supervised.

 

He didn't have to cover me if he got remarried but he had to give me 60 days. He didn't give me 60 days. With a court order I could have stayed on if she stayed on her insurance. Now he's ending his and going on hers. With the kids. I don't even get to look at the plan before the kids to go over on it and decide if I want them on it. I get no choice. He doesn't even pay for my new insurance at this point.

 

And he shouldn't. YOU need to secure (and should have years ago) your own health insurance. You're divorced, you are no longer his responsibility. Your kids are a different matter. He owes you (specifically you) NOTHING. Get off the dime and insure yourself. And FYI. If you're attorney is telling you something different, he/she is an idiot who is just running up you life long attorney bill.

 

Please seek help. You are way off the deep end. I'll repeat: HE OWES YOU NOTHING. How about taking care of yourself.

[trippi1432]

He didn't have to cover me if he got remarried but he had to give me 60 days. He didn't give me 60 days. With a court order I could have stayed on if she stayed on her insurance. Now he's ending his and going on hers. With the kids. I don't even get to look at the plan before the kids to go over on it and decide if I want them on it. I get no choice. He doesn't even pay for my new insurance at this point.

 

Is your insurance better for your kids? This has absolutely nothing to do with him, his wife or other children. He has no obligation to pay for your insurance and I'm sure you know that. So you have insurance, who's plan is better?? Once you get out of the emotional aspect of your situation and really want your kids to be taken care of....facts will stick in courts. Hearing after hearing with the same judge will get tiresome unless you actually have something substantial, sorry.

Edited November 1, 2015 by trippi1432

[BlueDress]

I don't know if her insurance or his is better for the kids. He won't let me compare the plans. He says it is and she negotiated a better rate. If the rate is better the insurance can't be better. It's something to deal with in court. Overall I'm tired about her job. I don't need that thrown in my face.

 

He does owe me insurance. He was obligated to keep me on until he got married again and give me notice. He told me two weeks ahead of time. I'm supposed to get 60 days. He is doing all this shady stuff to get me off. Duck his obligation to pay. I was always on his insurance through the marriage and I can't afford my own insurance. It's several hundred a month. No more alimony means I can't afford it. It's unreasonable to kick me off and not find an alternative. It's like stealing thousands of dollars from me in our settlement.

 

He says if things don't change he has to end his LOA. I don't care. Why should I care he has to work again to pay his obligations? He owes us certain things even if she gets sick. He can't avoid that. His first financial obligations are to the kids and me then everything else. She can support herself fine.

Edited November 1, 2015 by BlueDress

[pidgeon1010]

I don't know how you managed to get such a favorable divorce settlement in a short term marriage (which is usually anything less than 5 years). 6 years after your divorce, you're still getting alimony for a short-term marriage, which is usually unheard of-especially in addition to child support- and complaining about insurance. Sounds like you got a good outcome in your divorce and should count your blessings. You're an able bodied woman and should get a full time job and stop being dependent on support checks. Do you have no shame?

 

This story is unfathomable and I still think it is a ruse. There are just too many extremes - it would make the perfect lifetime movie!

[BlueDress]

I don't get alimony at all anymore. It was ended.

 

When he left he wanted out. My lawyer drafted a settlement and he signed it. He didn't fight. The judge approved a modified order 2 years later after a custody problem that was favorable to him. He really gets favored in court. I guess you pay a lot and on time and you can do whatever you want. I seem to always get the shaft. Before I got my new lawyer anyway. Things are more balanced now.

 

He isn't hurting. She makes as much as he does. More even. Probably more than ever now. They have a nice house. Two cars. Vacations. Clothes. He got her some ring after surgery that looks tacky. He can afford his obligations. He still has more than when we were married.!

Edited November 1, 2015 by BlueDress

[trippi1432]

I don't know if her insurance or his is better for the kids. He won't let me compare the plans. He says it is and she negotiated a better rate. If the rate is better the insurance can't be better. It's something to deal with in court. Overall I'm tired about her job. I don't need that thrown in my face.

 

He does owe me insurance. He was obligated to keep me on until he got married again and give me notice. He told me two weeks ahead of time. I'm supposed to get 60 days. He is doing all this shady stuff to get me off. Duck his obligation to pay. I was always on his insurance through the marriage and I can't afford my own insurance. It's several hundred a month. No more alimony means I can't afford it. It's unreasonable to kick me off and not find an alternative. It's like stealing thousands of dollars from me in our settlement.

 

He says if things don't change he has to end his LOA. I don't care. Why should I care he has to work again to pay his obligations? He owes us certain things even if she gets sick. He can't avoid that. His first financial obligations are to the kids and me then everything else. She can support herself fine.

 

So your "beef" is he had a letter of agreement (LOA) to give you 60 days notice of dropping insurance? Contractually I get that, you were due that obligation. However, you do realize that your interference in their marriage gives you less rights in court? Has nothing to do with his money or your money.....well, until you find a lawyer who will just take any case for the dollars. I'm betting you were both separated for years until he decided to remarry...so the divorce is pretty recent?

 

As info, I've always carried the insurance on my kids because I've always worked for companies that offered insurance. To date, my recent exH owes me $10K in medical bills...in 4 years his portion comes off my credit. So I do get where you are coming from, but this isn't all you want from your posts.

[Lurkeraspect]

This is what you fail to understand. HE OWES YOU NOTHING! He does have an obligation to provide for half of your children's health insurance. That's it. You my dear, need to get a job, or not. Totally up to you. But to expect him to provide your health insurance is ludicrous. That's on you, girl. Time to take responsibility for your own life. He's out of the game. He has an obligation to provide for his wife (not you) and all of his children. That's it.

 

It's really unfortunate you've been led to believe differently.

 

You honestly come off as some 19 year old girl who lives independently of her parents yet expects them to pay for her life. Grow up.

[sweetjasmine]

She can get her own with her job.

 

You can get your own by getting a job.

 

She has choices and I don't.

 

You have the choice of getting an actual job.

 

All because he won't just put me back in his insurance.

 

All because you won't get your own job.

 

No more alimony means I can't afford it.

 

No more alimony means you need to get a job.

 

It's unreasonable to kick me off and not find an alternative.

 

The alternative is you getting a job.

 

Why should I care he has to work again to pay his obligations?

 

You should work to pay your obligations by getting a job.

 

She can support herself fine.

 

You can support yourself fine by getting a job.

[Lurkeraspect]

I don't get alimony at all anymore. It was ended.

 

When he left he wanted out. My lawyer drafted a settlement and he signed it. He didn't fight. The judge approved a modified order 2 years later after a custody problem that was favorable to him. He really gets favored in court. I guess you pay a lot and on time and you can do whatever you want. I seem to always get the shaft. Before I got my new lawyer anyway. Things are more balanced now.

 

He isn't hurting. She makes as much as he does. More even. Probably more than ever now. They have a nice house. Two cars. Vacations. Clothes. He got her some ring after surgery that looks tacky. He can afford his obligations. He still has more than when we were married.!

 

Welcome to divorce and remarriage. He doesn't owe you an explanation, neither does he have an obligation to you. Focus on your kids. He does have an obligation to pay for HALF of their expenses. Not yours. That's on you. Can you get that? God lord, it's not a new concept. It's been 6 years. Get a job. Support yourself. You're not his priority nor his job. It's WAY over. Stop focusing on what they have, and pave your own path.

Edited November 1, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[Lurkeraspect]

I didn't change anything. I thought she couldn't be around them at all. She just can't be alone with them or be brought to the hospital to see her even if she isn't alone. I thought that meant that she can't be with them unless my husband is right there. I guess that her seeing them when I'm there or in public where he is around doesn't count as alone. Even if he's not right with her when she sees them. My lawyer says it didn't break anything anyway even if he wasn't there because I was. Being in public isn't enough but me watching her and my husband being there even if he wasn't right with her isn't alone. So she can't see them unsupervised. Or at the hospital even if it is supervised.

 

He didn't have to cover me if he got remarried but he had to give me 60 days. He didn't give me 60 days. With a court order I could have stayed on if she stayed on her insurance. Now he's ending his and going on hers. With the kids. I don't even get to look at the plan before the kids to go over on it and decide if I want them on it. I get no choice. He doesn't even pay for my new insurance at this point.

 

Here's your problem. You keep referring to a man who cheated on you, divorced you, remarried, had other children, as your husband. He's not. He is no longer your husband. Hasn't been for the better part of a decade. Start there. Get therapy. Until you realize he's not your husband, hasn't been for 6 years, is married to someone else, you'll remain stuck. You're in serious denial. He's not coming back. He's created another family. Please get that. Even if she dies (your wish) he's not coming back.

 

Look, I'm divorced. I was married over 2 decades longer than you. If I behaved the way you are, my ex would (rightfully so) try and have our underage child taken from me and likely have me committed. He's not your husband. Please get that. You are on the verge of perhaps losing your kids, due to your insistence that he's still your husband and owes you something. Get help. You're coming off as some crazy woman.

Edited November 1, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[sandylee1]

Bluedress,

 

You want him back. ..but he doesn't want you...it's not like this has never happened to anyone else before. Part of growing up is acceptance. You need to accept that he's NOT coming back to you.

I would say that what you're doing now, is just giving him grief for leaving you.

 

Some women make that their mission in life post divorce and you seem to be one of them.....but mark my words.....if he was EVER inclined to get back with you....if she passes on....your actions have irradiated any chance of that.

 

I know some people who would have played it a lot smarter than you are.......by actually becoming a stand alone independent, desirable woman. .....but instead you've wallowed in self pity all this time.

 

How about letting your kids see that a woman can support herself and not be financially dependant on a man for everything. Times have moved on so much from women depending on men.

 

What exactly is stopping you from getting a full time job?

Have you considering furthering your education in order to get a better job?

 

Because if you don't do so now, as you are a bit younger......as your kids get older........and you do too........You'll just have nothing. Try and be happy in yourself....as you don't want to be a bitter old woman.