Update: [Ex-husband] Playing Games

[stillafool]

I didn't change anything. I thought she couldn't be around them at all. She just can't be alone with them or be brought to the hospital to see her even if she isn't alone. I thought that meant that she can't be with them unless my husband is right there. I guess that her seeing them when I'm there or in public where he is around doesn't count as alone. Even if he's not right with her when she sees them. My lawyer says it didn't break anything anyway even if he wasn't there because I was. Being in public isn't enough but me watching her and my husband being there even if he wasn't right with her isn't alone. So she can't see them unsupervised. Or at the hospital even if it is supervised.

 

He didn't have to cover me if he got remarried but he had to give me 60 days. He didn't give me 60 days. With a court order I could have stayed on if she stayed on her insurance. Now he's ending his and going on hers. With the kids. I don't even get to look at the plan before the kids to go over on it and decide if I want them on it. I get no choice. He doesn't even pay for my new insurance at this point.

 

Why can't you get a job and get your own insurance? I'm sure your ex husband and his wife are tired of you.

[anika99]

Bluedress,

 

You want him back. ..but he doesn't want you...it's not like this has never happened to anyone else before. Part of growing up is acceptance. You need to accept that he's NOT coming back to you.

I would say that what you're doing now, is just giving him grief for leaving you.

 

Some women make that their mission in life post divorce and you seem to be one of them.....but mark my words.....if he was EVER inclined to get back with you....if she passes on....your actions have irradiated any chance of that.

 

I know some people who would have played it a lot smarter than you are.......by actually becoming a stand alone independent, desirable woman. .....but instead you've wallowed in self pity all this time.

 

How about letting your kids see that a woman can support herself and not be financially dependant on a man for everything. Times have moved on so much from women depending on men.

 

What exactly is stopping you from getting a full time job?

Have you considering furthering your education in order to get a better job?

 

Because if you don't do so now, as you are a bit younger......as your kids get older........and you do too........You'll just have nothing. Try and be happy in yourself....as you don't want to be a bitter old woman.

 

It's a real shame OP, because had you wanted to further your education and improve your career prospects, you probably could have gotten your ex to pay for school or training as part of the divorce settlement and by now you could be working and fully financially independent. Now he's remarried and he will be free of his financial obligations to you except for child support, but you haven't done a single thing in all these years to better your situation. You had the gift of a generous ex husband and you wasted it. If your story is true then you have no one but yourself to blame.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'd want my kids to do what makes them happy. Go for what they want. Not be taken advantage of. I want them in a two parent household where their father and mother live together. Go to bed together. If they do what I do to get it I'm ok with that.

 

When we divorced I was on my husbands insurance and he had to keep me on it until he remarried. He married her and pushed me off but my lawyer says he can make a case of it. He says I should have been notified but I only got a 14 days notice. There's no point in it now. He told me he's ending his insurance. He's going on hers with the kids. He told me by the time the court date hits it'll be done. I thought she didn't have insurance with her job. Why get married for his? It doesn't make sense.

 

I need insurance. I don't have any. I need it more than she does. If something happens to me then what?

 

 

I think that at this point, having "Mom and Dad" back together would confuse the Hell out of your children and teach them a very bad template for a relationship.

 

Basically: "Dad can cheat, spend a VERY long time with another woman, marry her and then come back after Mom spends years trying to make their life absolute Hell and try to manipulate Dad into coming back to her."

 

Your children aren't stupid (I'm sure) but what a convoluted message to send.

[BlueDress]

Whatever. I don't need to apologize for wanting him back. I think the kids want us back too. I think if they had to choose they'd choose us together. I don't want a career or college or a series of jobs. That's never what I wanted. He knew that. My first priority is being a mom to my kids. That's what I put first. They are my job. My husband misses events because he works. I don't want that for me. She works but she is gone too sometimes. Takes her kids and my husband and goes. Sometimes mine too. That's not a life. Obligated to some meaningless job. Not all of us can get jobs where we just pick our hours. Come and go. I don't get to. So I miss some things. So what? I do my best. Not all of us can drop everything. Show up in a portapotty and masks idiots of ourselves. So what? I don't need more obligations to a job. I need less.

 

I don't act like a desperate child like some people do. What's mine I got by being married and it's what owed me. He says he isn't coming back. She says she will pull through. Who cares? Time will tell. I just want what's mine and no games. We were married and that means something. The law agrees he owes me. He still has a responsibility to me. If it means court every week to enforce what's mine then fine.

 

I'm just tired of being told what to do. Being called names. Being told what happened wasn't an affair. I should do this or that. I know what I want and I know how to get it. If court is the only way to get him home fine. At some point going to a home that gets you pulled to court every week is less appealing than going home and having it all stop. She can care for herself. The twins. I don't owe them anything.

Edited November 2, 2015 by BlueDress

[Lurkeraspect]

Whatever. I don't need to apologize for wanting him back. I think the kids want us back too. I think if they had to choose they'd choose us together. I don't want a career or college or a series of jobs. That's never what I wanted. He knew that. My first priority is being a mom to my kids. That's what I put first. They are my job. My husband misses events because he works. I don't want that for me. She works but she is gone too sometimes. Takes her kids and my husband and goes. Sometimes mine too. That's not a life. Obligated to some meaningless job. Not all of us can get jobs where we just pick our hours. Come and go. I don't get to. So I miss some things. So what? I do my best. Not all of us can drop everything. Show up in a portapotty and masks idiots of ourselves. So what? I don't need more obligations to a job. I need less.

 

I don't act like a desperate child like some people do. What's mine I got by being married and it's what owed me. He says he isn't coming back. She says she will pull through. Who cares? Time will tell. I just want what's mine and no games. We were married and that means something. The law agrees he owes me. He still has a responsibility to me. If it means court every week to enforce what's mine then fine.

 

I'm just tired of being told what to do. Being called names. Being told what happened wasn't an affair. I should do this or that. I know what I want and I know how to get it. If court is the only way to get him home fine. At some point going to a home that gets you pulled to court every week is less appealing than going home and having it all stop. She can care for herself. The twins. I don't owe them anything.

 

A few things.

 

I've read all your threads and not one person has ever said that your husband didn't have an affair. Actually, most have pointed that as a reason why wanting him back is insane. Where you truly lose any credibility is all the manipulative nonsense. You know, things like calling him "your husband" and the constant running to court because of petty crap. Calling his terminally ill wife names and your basically acting like a spoiled child.

 

Oh, and news flash. The court can't order your EX husband to leave his wife and come back to you. That's delusional. He's where he wants to be. Has been for 6 years. He owes you absolutely nothing. His only obligation is 50% of your children's needs. And if you want to stand on your high horse and refuse to get a job and secure your own health insurance, that's 100% your right. Keep on living in poverty and playing the system because you're too lazy to take care of yourself, all the while playing the victim card.

 

It's pathetic.

[dreamingoftigers]

Whatever. I don't need to apologize for wanting him back. I think the kids want us back too. I think if they had to choose they'd choose us together. I don't want a career or college or a series of jobs. That's never what I wanted. He knew that. My first priority is being a mom to my kids. That's what I put first. They are my job. My husband misses events because he works. I don't want that for me. She works but she is gone too sometimes. Takes her kids and my husband and goes. Sometimes mine too. That's not a life. Obligated to some meaningless job. Not all of us can get jobs where we just pick our hours. Come and go. I don't get to. So I miss some things. So what? I do my best. Not all of us can drop everything. Show up in a portapotty and masks idiots of ourselves. So what? I don't need more obligations to a job. I need less.[/Quote]

 

It's not about having a "series of jobs" or being "career driven" its about supporting yourself so you aren't dependent on an ex-spouse, thus handing him and/or the courts 100% of your financial power. What if your support changes, legislation in your area changes AND your kids are at least 7, this is a temporary situation at best. Their support won't last forever. I doubt its enough to retire off of. And if he passes away? Jeez I shudder to think if he hasn't planned well, you could be in a lurch for months at least. It makes no sense other than to use it as a manipulative tactic. There is absolutely no reason you couldn't work at least part-time. I absolutely would never allow myself to exist in that type of situation.

 

BTW.....she takes HER KIDS AND HER HUSBAND and goes.

 

I don't act like a desperate child like some people do. What's mine I got by being married and it's what owed me. He says he isn't coming back. She says she will pull through. Who cares? Time will tell. I just want what's mine and no games. We were married and that means something. The law agrees he owes me. He still has a responsibility to me. If it means court every week to enforce what's mine then fine.

 

Yes, he owes you child support and a settlement. An apology maybe. You WERE married. It sounds more like you are married to spite now. I think you know this. I also think this is an addiction for you. Very self-destructive. Yes, the way they got together is terrible. Are you really happy staking years of your life chasing this? Seriously?

 

You didn't get the ideal dream. It died.

Why would you even want someone that clearly, surely states that they don't want you.

 

Furthermore, it would leave you in custody of their twins if he went to you if she passed away.

The implications there are staggering.

1. I doubt he would do that. Even a crappy parent would realize that exposing their children to someone who has contempt for their passed-away mother would be extremely damaging.

 

2. The twins mother would most likely explicitly state she would not want you left in care of her children. This could also be part of her will etc.

 

3. If he did come running to you as Prince Charming etc. You would still be dealing with HER family regularly, ugh. As the rwins would be part ofvthe extended family. I shudder to think.

 

I'm just tired of being told what to do. Being called names. Being told what happened wasn't an affair. I should do this or that. I know what I want and I know how to get it. If court is the only way to get him home fine. At some point going to a home that gets you pulled to court every week is less appealing than going home and having it all stop. She can care for herself. The twins. I don't owe them anything.

 

I have never met ANYONE that responded well to controlling measures.

Your husband left and remarried. He settled in court. He won't even trick or treat with you.

If someone gave me an ultimatum (and that's exactly what it is) of " come home and be my spouse again or I will drag you to court every week if I have to, just to make your new domestic life difficult," I would CAMP OUT at that courthouse before I ever set foot near you door again.

 

Frankly, you're manipulating and abusing the system.

 

It may get you a few extra bucks you could more easily get yourself through other means.

It may cause a white-noise background of headache for their family (and your children).

But not once has he said anything like, " I wish I never left, all of these court dates and allegations against my wife make you look so ravishing."

[cocorico]

A few things.

 

I've read all your threads and not one person has ever said that your husband didn't have an affair.

 

 

IIRC the courts did. After due consideration of all the evidence. It was a single kiss, after which her then-H rushed straight back and told her what had happened, and told her he was leaving, and left. Agreed to anything and everything in the D just to get away. At least, that's what she posted.

[sandylee1]

Your Ex definetly had an affair. I'm fact I think he lied about the extent of it. You don't leave a marriage over one kiss...that's bull....but that's history now.

 

You and other women may wish to be SAHM and while you are married. ..that's fine..but those days are over for you.

 

You know.....if you'd been married for 25/30 years and this happened.....I can understand you would have no skills after so long at home...I could understand you refusing to work after so long..........,.but not in your situation.

 

You can look for a flexible job..that gives you some time to attend school events. At the end of the day....missing a couple of events doesn't make you a bad mother. You'd be a responsible mother..For looking after their needs. I guess I find your thinking difficult because 8 believe in being able to support myself.

 

You don't have to go for a high flying career...I don't see that would be your thing...but what about increasing hours in your current 10 hour a week job. Or finding a vocational job that you can enjoy.

 

We often have plans in life,.but they don't always go as we expect. Most people decide on a different course of action...you ought to do that as well.

 

Very often, men will be happy with a sahw, but the women they end up admiring and having affairs with....are successful working women..who can hold their own in the workforce. I've seen it happen with a male relation and several other MM I work with. They start seeing the wife as lazy and they become resentful. They find a dependant woman unattractive.

 

Think about it from his POV....why would he come back to you and be in a worse financial situation...because he would be. His wife works and brings something to the table..you don't. If anything.......he'll make sure he looks for a financially independent woman......and that's not you. Right now...there is no benefit in him being with you, even if she disappeared.

 

Hypothetically....if your Ex passed away...what would you do to support yourself? He'll probably leave a trust for the kids, and make other provisions for them...but how will you survive day to day?

[BlueDress]

If he dies I still get child support. We had to refile wills as part of the divorce. It was required by the courts. I'd have to take her to court because she is the designated person in charge of the money though. I get less than I deserve because of his kids with her and the law prevents excluding your current wife from a will. But I can sue to collect his social security benefits in addition to still collecting child support. Just because he dies doesn't mean I don't get my money. He has to still pay. All of his assets go toward paying so really I can make her sell the house and cars to get my money for the kids I think. He has to settle debt with me like a creditor. I have no problem taking her to court to end her visitation and get money. I'm not going to be ruined because he dies and she can rely on her job instead of my husband.

 

She wasn't a successful person when they met. She was going to college. Old for going to college even. She worked dozens of little jobs for pennies to scrape by. By dumb luck she turned one of her meaningless jobs into a bigger job. To be self important with something that isn't even a real job. She got successful after he left for her.

 

I believe it was just a kiss. He never went or did anything I didn't know about. His iPhone location was always on and he was where he said he was. He never lied about anything. Then he kissed her on impulse he said and came home and said we were done. Threw old things that didn't matter in my face. Said he didn't trust me and that meant he couldn't love me. He wasn't happy and hadn't been in awhile. When we divorced I said it was an affair and he and she had to go before the court. The court said it wasn't an affair. Nothing physical but a kiss happened. After it happened she quit the job and gave no notice. He told me right after and she sent an email the day after and told. The court said that I was notified by both parties of a minor indiscretion and took him back after the fact. So I couldn't say it was an affair that broke is up. I knew it had happened because they told me he had kissed her. The court believed it was a surprise because she left and quit her job the next day. They didn't talk again until after he left the last time. They went into detail about the start of their relationship and it was all after he had left. Our finances checked out. Every penny from his paycheck a accounted for. No extra unexplained dinners. No stray charges. Not even more spent on gas than he spent every week. The court said no affair and that was it.

 

Nobody I know. Even my friends. Co workers. Think this was anything before that kiss. He's not that good a liar or that good at being sneaky. Half of my friends even say it wasn't an affair, like the courts. My own dad tried to say it wasn't an affair. He talked to my husband the day after it happened. He says he didn't have it in him. He's honest. Clearly a kiss is an affair though.

[BlueDress]

I'm just tired of hearing how great I'm supposed to think he is. I've purged so many fake friends because of this. Oh he's so great, he pays on time. He pays more. He sees the kids every day, every holiday, calls and texts all the time. Oh how neat he got the kids phones so they can FaceTime him when they want. Oh he actually answers the phone for your kids? Oh mine my ex won't and you should be happy he cares so much. Oh he pays for more and he is at their things? You are lucky because mine owes me thousands of dollars and isn't part of their kids life so you should feel so glad he wants to be around. Oh Mrs Lea is your kids stepmother? That must be so fun she's so great with the kids. Oh I watch Mrs Lea on Periscope and I watch her on YouTube and I follow her on Instagram, she seems like so much fun. Oh, I saw Mrs Lea at sing and I saw Mrs Lea on the field trip and I saw Mrs Lea with her face all painted at soccer. Oh you're the mom? I've only ever seen Mrs Lea during student conferences so I didn't know. You're so lucky Mrs Lea is so good with the kids, my kids stepmother is just awful. Well my husbands new wife doesn't invite me to help plan parties for the kids so I don't know why you don't take them up on it. What do you mean they suggested doing Easter together and you said no, are you crazy?

 

You know it's not so great.im glad she does the dumb school things I don't want to do but the rest of it is just a waste of my time. Even after I say they had an affair and tell them what happened I have people look me in the face and say well that's not an affair and you're still lucky because it's so much worse for everybody else. I don't have my husband. That isn't living the high life.

Edited November 2, 2015 by BlueDress

[Popsicle]

What a bizarre situation. Honestly, it sounds like he doesn't like either one of you (wife or you) but is too weak to do better for himself. He's unhappily trying to manage you both.

 

And is this woman really going to die, or is that your wishful thinking?

[Popsicle]

I'm just tired of hearing how great I'm supposed to think he is. I've purged so many fake friends because of this. Oh he's so great, he pays on time. He pays more. He sees the kids every day, every holiday, calls and texts all the time. Oh how neat he got the kids phones so they can FaceTime him when they want. Oh he actually answers the phone for your kids? Oh mine my ex won't and you should be happy he cares so much. Oh he pays for more and he is at their things? You are lucky because mine owes me thousands of dollars and isn't part of their kids life so you should feel so glad he wants to be around. Oh Mrs Lea is your kids stepmother? That must be so fun she's so great with the kids. Oh I watch Mrs Lea on Periscope and I watch her on YouTube and I follow her on Instagram, she seems like so much fun. Oh, I saw Mrs Lea at sing and I saw Mrs Lea on the field trip and I saw Mrs Lea with her face all painted at soccer. Oh you're the mom? I've only ever seen Mrs Lea during student conferences so I didn't know. You're so lucky Mrs Lea is so good with the kids, my kids stepmother is just awful. Well my husbands new wife doesn't invite me to help plan parties for the kids so I don't know why you don't take them up on it. What do you mean they suggested doing Easter together and you said no, are you crazy?

 

You know it's not so great.im glad she does the dumb school things I don't want to do but the rest of it is just a waste of my time. Even after I say they had an affair and tell them what happened I have people look me in the face and say well that's not an affair and you're still lucky because it's so much worse for everybody else. I don't have my husband. That isn't living the high life.

 

What really inspires this man is love, and you're not inspiring that with how you think of him and are behaving.

[truncated]

If he dies I still get child support. We had to refile wills as part of the divorce. It was required by the courts. I'd have to take her to court because she is the designated person in charge of the money though. I get less than I deserve because of his kids with her and the law prevents excluding your current wife from a will. But I can sue to collect his social security benefits in addition to still collecting child support. Just because he dies doesn't mean I don't get my money. He has to still pay. All of his assets go toward paying so really I can make her sell the house and cars to get my money for the kids I think. He has to settle debt with me like a creditor. I have no problem taking her to court to end her visitation and get money. I'm not going to be ruined because he dies and she can rely on her job instead of my husband.

 

She wasn't a successful person when they met. She was going to college. Old for going to college even. She worked dozens of little jobs for pennies to scrape by. By dumb luck she turned one of her meaningless jobs into a bigger job. To be self important with something that isn't even a real job. She got successful after he left for her.

 

I believe it was just a kiss. He never went or did anything I didn't know about. His iPhone location was always on and he was where he said he was. He never lied about anything. Then he kissed her on impulse he said and came home and said we were done. Threw old things that didn't matter in my face. Said he didn't trust me and that meant he couldn't love me. He wasn't happy and hadn't been in awhile. When we divorced I said it was an affair and he and she had to go before the court. The court said it wasn't an affair. Nothing physical but a kiss happened. After it happened she quit the job and gave no notice. He told me right after and she sent an email the day after and told. The court said that I was notified by both parties of a minor indiscretion and took him back after the fact. So I couldn't say it was an affair that broke is up. I knew it had happened because they told me he had kissed her. The court believed it was a surprise because she left and quit her job the next day. They didn't talk again until after he left the last time. They went into detail about the start of their relationship and it was all after he had left. Our finances checked out. Every penny from his paycheck a accounted for. No extra unexplained dinners. No stray charges. Not even more spent on gas than he spent every week. The court said no affair and that was it.

 

Nobody I know. Even my friends. Co workers. Think this was anything before that kiss. He's not that good a liar or that good at being sneaky. Half of my friends even say it wasn't an affair, like the courts. My own dad tried to say it wasn't an affair. He talked to my husband the day after it happened. He says he didn't have it in him. He's honest. Clearly a kiss is an affair though.

 

So he decided to play havok in his kids lives by splitting up their two parent home over a kiss?

He's either mentally ill or an absolute jackass.

Personally, I think there was a whole lot going on you don't know about, but to admit that would know down your house of cards because you'd have to face the fact that he's not the wonderful guy you think he is.

 

You don't have to feel sorry for his wife, you don't have to cater to her and you don't have to pretend that you like her or that you feel like she is getting what you think she deserves by being ill ( I don't think she deserves that) but what you do have to do, for your kid's sake, is to try and make their ( your kids) situation as "drama free" as possible.

 

If you love them, that's what you will do. If you need to blow of steam about their father and his wife, find some better way of doing it that the tack you are currently taking.You're only hurting yourself.

[clam]

Blue... If you no longer receive alimony and you only work 10 hours per week, how are you supporting yourself?

 

I can't imagine making ends meet on 40 hours per MONTH.

 

Surely you aren't using the child support to pay for your living expenses?

[MidwestUSA]

Blue... If you no longer receive alimony and you only work 10 hours per week, how are you supporting yourself?

 

I can't imagine making ends meet on 40 hours per MONTH.

 

Surely you aren't using the child support to pay for your living expenses?

 

She pays her phone bill with it, she admits. Who knows what else.

[sandylee1]

I guess it depends what you call an affair. Even if they never slept together ....there must have been an emotional affair going on. You don't need money for an EA...that's why you didn't find any money missing.

 

Betrayed spouses very often say that they know where their spouse is all the time. I don't buy that at all...what about if they are where you think they ...but someone is with them there too?

 

Unless you spent every waking moment watching his location via iPhone.....he could easily have been cheating. He could have had a second phone and left the iPhone at work while he went elsewhere. She could have bought him the second phone and you'd be none the wiser.

 

Cheaters never want people to know they cheated...as it makes them look bad. They'll have rehearsed a story knowing it was going to court.

 

He was so keen for a quick divorce that he gave you a lot....not over one kiss...I don't believe that for a moment.

 

Anyway...back to the present Bluedress - you need to get a grip on things. Surely all your mutual friends realise she isn't a great person to have got with your husband? How do you think you can get back a man who doesn't love you? Or have you realised he's not coming back, so you'll settle for giving him hell? You wouldn't be the first if you did?

 

But ask yourself this.....why would he come back to you?

What has changed since you divorced that would entice him back?

 

Be realistic and be honest. Most of all, don't live in false hope.

 

I know some women who have been successful at getting their ex back even after marrying another woman ........but they had a much better strategy than you. Some used manipulation , but others made themselves ever so desirable in so many ways and the new wife was dumped. They played it so well and had the Ex begging to come back.

 

 

Did you both date for a while before marriage?

Did he ever tell you he wasn't happy?

Did you have a good emotional and physical relationship? I'm just trying to figure if any of these things were so great from his perspective.

 

BTW - you still have access to IC on his insurance? If so maybe you can use it before it comes to an end.

[anika99]

I'm just tired of hearing how great I'm supposed to think he is. I've purged so many fake friends because of this. Oh he's so great, he pays on time. He pays more. He sees the kids every day, every holiday, calls and texts all the time. Oh how neat he got the kids phones so they can FaceTime him when they want. Oh he actually answers the phone for your kids? Oh mine my ex won't and you should be happy he cares so much. Oh he pays for more and he is at their things? You are lucky because mine owes me thousands of dollars and isn't part of their kids life so you should feel so glad he wants to be around. Oh Mrs Lea is your kids stepmother? That must be so fun she's so great with the kids. Oh I watch Mrs Lea on Periscope and I watch her on YouTube and I follow her on Instagram, she seems like so much fun. Oh, I saw Mrs Lea at sing and I saw Mrs Lea on the field trip and I saw Mrs Lea with her face all painted at soccer. Oh you're the mom? I've only ever seen Mrs Lea during student conferences so I didn't know. You're so lucky Mrs Lea is so good with the kids, my kids stepmother is just awful. Well my husbands new wife doesn't invite me to help plan parties for the kids so I don't know why you don't take them up on it. What do you mean they suggested doing Easter together and you said no, are you crazy?

 

You know it's not so great.im glad she does the dumb school things I don't want to do but the rest of it is just a waste of my time. Even after I say they had an affair and tell them what happened I have people look me in the face and say well that's not an affair and you're still lucky because it's so much worse for everybody else. I don't have my husband. That isn't living the high life.

 

Sounding more and more like a caricature someone is making up. The OW turned wife who is perfect and everyone adores her including the ex wife's own children, while the ex wife is just a miserable crazy shrew, a pathetic creature who just can't give up and move on. Yes I've read this story before. Very entertaining.

[hotgurl]

So he decided to play havok in his kids lives by splitting up their two parent home over a kiss?

He's either mentally ill or an absolute jackass.

Personally, I think there was a whole lot going on you don't know about, but to admit that would know down your house of cards because you'd have to face the fact that he's not the wonderful guy you think he is.

 

You don't have to feel sorry for his wife, you don't have to cater to her and you don't have to pretend that you like her or that you feel like she is getting what you think she deserves by being ill ( I don't think she deserves that) but what you do have to do, for your kid's sake, is to try and make their ( your kids) situation as "drama free" as possible.

 

If you love them, that's what you will do. If you need to blow of steam about their father and his wife, find some better way of doing it that the tack you are currently taking.You're only hurting yourself.

 

I don't know I think there is more to the story. Blue said he said he couldn't trust her and brought up stuff from the past.

 

Blue did you have an indiscretion prior to his kiss?

[hotgurl]

OP How do you plan to support yourselves after the kids turn 18 and child support stops?

[S2B]

There's no way to play games if you stop participating.

 

He would only be manipulating himself.

[BlueDress]

Stop saying everything is fake. It's annoying and insulting. What do you want? Names? Addresses? She's not wonderful and perfect. First she stole my husband. Second she acts like a child. She is embarrassing to be around. Her social media is obnoxious. Nobody can do anything in the school without her being there. She wants to be involved in everything. She guilts me for missing some things the kids do. I can't stand being around her. Honestly I don't like the kids either. Her kids. They just rub me the wrong way. I want to do things with my husband that doesn't mean he's coming with her or with her kids. She'a lazy and selfish and makes everything she does seem like it's some big accomplishment. It's not. She doesn't take care of herself. She was fat when he got with her. She got thin. Fat again. Now thin again. She's sloppy. She's not perfect.

 

Most of my friends understand what I want and support me with doing it. Our marital friends most of them I lost. They were on his side. His family and the friends he grew up with didn't side with me at all. His family sided with him. His mother won't see her though and she won't see his mother. His friends won't give me the time of day. They I friended me and blocked me.

 

If he is unhappy with her like you guys have said there's no reason to not fight for him. Why not make him too uncomfortable to stay? If he doesn't like her he could be headed out the door and if it's too hard to go anywhere else. I don't want to deal with him and somebody else again. He says he doesn't love me. Fine. So he doesn't. Next step is to make him come back to save money and stress.

 

I make ends meet. It's tight but I do it. I don't need to work more and I don't want to. I shouldn't have to. Child support goes to some expenses but it should. They cost money. I could have a smaller place except for the kids. I'd use less utilities. Buy less food. Kids cost money and that's what child support is for. When the support stops. I don't know. I haven't thought about it.

 

Before he left things weren't perfect but we were happy. We had problems but they weren't major. We worked past them. He just said he couldn't trust me and felt trapped. He wanted out. Said he had for awhile.

 

No he didn't cheat before that. There's no way. Not with her or anyone. We shared a car and I got him before and after work every day except the day he left and he rode with a friend. We went everywhere together. When I was at work he was too. We were always together. Two kids. One car. There was no way.

[anika99]

Who said he's not happy with her? It sounds to me like he loves her and is happy with her. You can't make him come back and if you knew anything about how people feel and react you would know that all of this dragging him to court and hounding him for more money is only going to make him hate you and drive him away. If someone made it their mission to make my life miserable there is no way in hell I would go back to them, I would loathe them with every bone in my body.

[anika99]

Also if he left you after one kiss with her then it's likely he wanted to leave you anyways. I doubt he was happy in the marriage

[BlueDress]

Somebody just sad he doesn't seem to love her.

[lana-banana]

If he is unhappy with her like you guys have said there's no reason to not fight for him. Why not make him too uncomfortable to stay? If he doesn't like her he could be headed out the door and if it's too hard to go anywhere else. I don't want to deal with him and somebody else again. He says he doesn't love me. Fine. So he doesn't. Next step is to make him come back to save money and stress.

 

"That's not how it works! That's not how any of this works!"