Author BlueDress Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 My kids are only a paycheck? What because I miss some school events? I don't show up to their Halloween show in a vulgar and crass outfit? I'm sorry I don't roll in shaving cream with them or let them paint with squirt guns. Sorry I need help with money to raise them and can't do it on nothing. My kids are more than a paycheck. They're not even a paycheck. They're the most important thing in my life. They are my life! Being a parent is making the hard choices and acting like an adult. It's not telling the kids they're growing pizza in a garden and making a stuffed toy. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Being a parent is making the hard choices and acting like an adult. Oh dear me...the irony. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl19 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 My kids are only a paycheck? What because I miss some school events? I don't show up to their Halloween show in a vulgar and crass outfit? I'm sorry I don't roll in shaving cream with them or let them paint with squirt guns. Sorry I need help with money to raise them and can't do it on nothing. My kids are more than a paycheck. They're not even a paycheck. They're the most important thing in my life. They are my life! Being a parent is making the hard choices and acting like an adult. It's not telling the kids they're growing pizza in a garden and making a stuffed toy. It's certainly seems as though you view them as a paycheck. But what is even worse is using them as a means to manipulate and browbeat their father into coming back to you. By your own admission, you don't show up to school events if they don't interest you. What else are you doing with your time, other than finding ways to steal their father from his wife? You may not agree with her choices when it comes to dealing with the kids, but rolling around in shaving cream and painting with squirt guns certainly doesn't sound damaging to me. You are entitled to financial support to help raise the kids, no question about it. But when are you going to do your fair share and contribute financially? Your refusal to do so makes it seem as though they are a paycheck for you. It's been six years, and you haven't thought about what you're going to do when the well runs dry. Being a parent IS absolutely about making hard choices and acting like an adult. Please try it sometime. You, and your kids, will benefit from it immensely. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 What because I miss some school events? I don't show up to their Halloween show in a vulgar and crass outfit? I'm sorry I don't roll in shaving cream with them or let them paint with squirt guns. telling the kids they're growing pizza in a garden and making a stuffed toy. The things you say you don't do are the best parts of being a child. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 He isn't hurting. She makes as much as he does. More even. Probably more than ever now. They have a nice house. Two cars. Vacations. Clothes. He got her some ring after surgery that looks tacky. He can afford his obligations. He still has more than when we were married.! ?? That is what happens when you marry someone as ambitious as you are. You benefit financially from both people working hard towards a common goal, rather than being married to someone you need to carry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 My kids are only a paycheck? What because I miss some school events? I don't show up to their Halloween show in a vulgar and crass outfit? I'm sorry I don't roll in shaving cream with them or let them paint with squirt guns. Sorry I need help with money to raise them and can't do it on nothing. My kids are more than a paycheck. They're not even a paycheck. They're the most important thing in my life. They are my life! Being a parent is making the hard choices and acting like an adult. It's not telling the kids they're growing pizza in a garden and making a stuffed toy. If your kids really mattered at all to you, you'd want the best for them. You don't. You want the best for you. You want some man to pay your way so you can laze about, not work, do only what you want when you want to, and pretend it's all about your kids when it's clearly all about you. Anyone can see that - even your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Bluedress , I agree with you.....she's not a good person..... she went for your man... and she was a friend.... it's devastating......BUT .....he went willingly....So you need to start seeing him for what he is or was. It takes two to tango. According to you...it was one kiss and he left you.....Right..... How did she MAKE him leave with ONE kiss? Has she got diamond encrusted lips or something? Did she breathe some 'leave your wife ' drug into his mouth? She couldn't have shown him a good time with sex.....because...well it was just one kiss. So unless she has other very strong powers of persuasion........ you need to hold him just as accountable. You can hate her all you like..... I wouldn't expect you to like her...... but ....you need to be respect yourself.... or nobody else will. If your personality has changed such as a result of infidelity ..... Then I'm truly sad for you. Honestly I am. If you were of sound mind before all this........ then it's a terrible shame. Infidelity has turned some BWs into a person they don't recognise...... I will use your story as an example.. to serve as a deterent .... because if a husband knew his betrayal would lead to this... I'm sure he'd think twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueDress Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 I do want the best for my kids. What are you people talking about? I'm there for them whenever they need me. I stay home with them. I give them a home. We do things together. I love them more than anything. I refused to be called a bad parent just because I need child support to take care of them. Or because she acts like an idiot with them and I won't. I worked to make sure they weren't exposed to her problems. That they were taken care of in both houses. She's better than me? More stable? The woman who ruined their home by having an affair with my husband? Unbelievable! I put in an order for full custody through my lawyer today. I'm not going to sit here and hear she's better at raising my kids than I am. That they're better off. They aren't. They're better off with me and not some mistress who has no concept of the real world we live in. I'm not standing for this anymore. The kids need me not her. If people who don't even know them say this I can only imagine how damaged the kids are. Being turned away from their mother by a woman who is accountable for nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueDress Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 (edited) She is at fault. When he left me she could have shut her door and kept it closed. When he left he came back because he thought she didn't want him. He left again because he said he didn't care he just wanted out. She should have kept saying no. She could have not fallen in bed with him when we were separated and got pregnant. She could have not gotten pregnant again. She could have at any point after he left sent him home. Reminded him what his obligations were to his family. This didn't change me. It changed him. He went from wanting to make it work no matter what to walking out the door for somebody he barely knew. Things he hadn't said to me in years were just thrown in my face. He promised he'd stay, promised. Not promised to stay for a few more years then leave. She turned him into somebody who didn't care about his family. Who broke his promise and left when he swore he wouldn't. He went from having no choice to make it work, his words, to gone. I'm how I've always been. He changed for her. Edited November 5, 2015 by BlueDress Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I do want the best for my kids. What are you people talking about? I'm there for them whenever they need me. I stay home with them. I give them a home. We do things together. I love them more than anything. I refused to be called a bad parent just because I need child support to take care of them. Or because she acts like an idiot with them and I won't. I worked to make sure they weren't exposed to her problems. That they were taken care of in both houses. She's better than me? More stable? The woman who ruined their home by having an affair with my husband? Unbelievable! I put in an order for full custody through my lawyer today. I'm not going to sit here and hear she's better at raising my kids than I am. That they're better off. They aren't. They're better off with me and not some mistress who has no concept of the real world we live in. I'm not standing for this anymore. The kids need me not her. If people who don't even know them say this I can only imagine how damaged the kids are. Being turned away from their mother by a woman who is accountable for nothing. Yea, good luck with that. All of your frivolous actions may very well wind you losing custody of your kids. Courts/judges don't look favorably on any parent wasting their time. Your husband is a good father, has taken care of your kids. You're just mad because his WIFE is ill and he wants to take FMLA which reduces your child support. So yes, it's all about the money for you. You've said it over and over again. And please, go into court and tell a judge that his wife is a bad stepmom because she plays with the kids, they like her, etc. Youre headed down a slippery slope. Of course, this will fall on deaf ears, because you know better, and all the people (on every thread) who've responded to you, know nothing. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueDress Posted November 5, 2015 Author Share Posted November 5, 2015 Actually he ended his FMLA last Monday. Three months early. For the kids. Because he owes me. He said he couldn't afford to pay for his kids bills unless he went back. So I guess she's not that sick after all. He knows he has to pay. She's not an excuse not to. If he's going to work I may as well have them. She can't and her sister can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Actually he ended his FMLA last Monday. Three months early. He said he couldn't afford to pay for his kids bills unless he went back. So I guess she's not that sick after all. He knows he has to pay. Well, good for her. I hope she has a full recovery and a long and happy life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueDress Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 Who knows what's going on with her. He says he needs to stay home for her. Today she picked up the kids by herself. She's only in a wheelchair sometimes. Her social media is back to normal. I don't know what's in her head. Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl19 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) She is at fault. When he left me she could have shut her door and kept it closed. When he left he came back because he thought she didn't want him. He left again because he said he didn't care he just wanted out. She should have kept saying no. She could have not fallen in bed with him when we were separated and got pregnant. She could have not gotten pregnant again. She could have at any point after he left sent him home. Reminded him what his obligations were to his family. This didn't change me. It changed him. He went from wanting to make it work no matter what to walking out the door for somebody he barely knew. Things he hadn't said to me in years were just thrown in my face. He promised he'd stay, promised. Not promised to stay for a few more years then leave. She turned him into somebody who didn't care about his family. Who broke his promise and left when he swore he wouldn't. He went from having no choice to make it work, his words, to gone. I'm how I've always been. He changed for her. That didn't change you?? That level of betrayal, another woman "stealing" your husband, and his heart, to the point where he DIVORVED you, MARRIED her, had children with her, remains married to her, longer than he stayed married to you - that didn't change you?? You really are delusional. That would change anyone, sane or not. I don't discount your hurt, or how betrayed you feel. That was a ****ty hand you were dealt. But for the love of God, move on. You have ZERO chance of winning him back. And SHE is not solely to blame. He married you, he made promises to you, HE betrayed you. She played a part, for sure. But sweet Jesus on a unicorn, pull yourself together. Edited November 6, 2015 by daisygirl19 Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl19 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Who knows what's going on with her. He says he needs to stay home for her. Today she picked up the kids by herself. She's only in a wheelchair sometimes. Her social media is back to normal. I don't know what's in her head. She's only in a wheelchair SOMETIMES?? Good lord...there really is no hope for you. You are severely damaged. Please get help. Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl19 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Actually he ended his FMLA last Monday. Three months early. For the kids. Because he owes me. He said he couldn't afford to pay for his kids bills unless he went back. So I guess she's not that sick after all. He knows he has to pay. She's not an excuse not to. If he's going to work I may as well have them. She can't and her sister can't. No, not because he owes YOU. Once again, it's all about YOU. He went back to work, because you are making his life a living hell. He has, according to you, a terminally ill wife. You are wishing her dead. You have his kids 50% of the time. He's choosing his poison, because you are giving him no choice. I hope you sleep well, knowing all of the lives you are destroying, your kids' most especially. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 She is at fault. When he left me she could have shut her door and kept it closed. When he left he came back because he thought she didn't want him. He left again because he said he didn't care he just wanted out. She should have kept saying no. She could have not fallen in bed with him when we were separated and got pregnant. She could have not gotten pregnant again. She could have at any point after he left sent him home. Reminded him what his obligations were to his family. This didn't change me. It changed him. He went from wanting to make it work no matter what to walking out the door for somebody he barely knew. Things he hadn't said to me in years were just thrown in my face. He promised he'd stay, promised. Not promised to stay for a few more years then leave. She turned him into somebody who didn't care about his family. Who broke his promise and left when he swore he wouldn't. He went from having no choice to make it work, his words, to gone. I'm how I've always been. He changed for her. There is a huge amount of grief in your words. grief that you haven't let out yet because you've been waiting and hoping he'd come back to you and you could just put it away and pretend it was never there. If you begin to face your grief and even embrace it, you will heal and you will be able to let go. How did it feel when he left you? What did you do? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueDress Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 Yes she's only in a wheelchair sometimes. Sometimes she drops them off and walks fine with a cane. Sometimes a wheelchair. How is that bad to point out? If he's choosing to go back to work, picking his poison, that means he is choosing us right? He had to choose between her and us. He picked us. That means something. A big something. We are looking at a matter of time like I said. That's the only thing it could mean. Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl19 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Yes she's only in a wheelchair sometimes. Sometimes she drops them off and walks fine with a cane. Sometimes a wheelchair. How is that bad to point out? If he's choosing to go back to work, picking his poison, that means he is choosing us right? He had to choose between her and us. He picked us. That means something. A big something. We are looking at a matter of time like I said. That's the only thing it could mean. No, no, no!! He's not choosing YOU. He already made his choice there. He chose HER. I'm sorry, I know how painful that is - but he is choosing his kids, as any good man will do. That's not the same as choosing you. Bluedress, as gently as I can possibly say it, he didn't choose you, and isn't going to choose you. It's not about you. If you keep this up, if you continue on this road, you risk making this man choose his sanity over his kids, simply because at some point, he will resent you to the point of no return. He will no longer be able to deal with your insanity. Your kids may pay the price. Please, make a better choice for yourself, and your kids. His betrayal does not, and should not, define you. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Your obsession is harmful to your children. Create a positive life for yourself by yourself, accept life as it comes and be compassionate toward your ex-husband and his wife, and your children will learn those traits instead. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueDress Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 He didn't choose her though. He was supposed to be out of work until January to care for he. That is what he declared in court. He could choose between staying with her and helping her or getting away from her to work. To help us. He had to pick and he picked us. Not her. She's alone with her sister most days now. He's back to working 12 hour days. He could have stayed. He didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
daisygirl19 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 He didn't choose her though. He was supposed to be out of work until January to care for he. That is what he declared in court. He could choose between staying with her and helping her or getting away from her to work. To help us. He had to pick and he picked us. Not her. She's alone with her sister most days now. He's back to working 12 hour days. He could have stayed. He didn't. You gave him no choice. Problem is, he didn't do it for the reasons you want. He didn't do it for you. He didn't do it because he wants you, or wants to be with you. He didn't pick you. He will resent you forever for your behavior, and your kids may too. I can't understand your way of thinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 If he's choosing to go back to work, picking his poison, that means he is choosing us right? He's choosing not going to prison for failing to pay child support, even though he'd rather be at home with his dying wife. And you want to use forcing him to go back to work under threat of prison as an excuse to get full custody and take his children away for good. Congratulations, you are a wonderful human being. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
clam Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 This can't be real. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
m4p Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 You know those movies scenarios.. Where a man is held hostage.. And he has to drink poison to sacrifice himself or else his wife and children will be killed.......... I feel very sorry for your ex-husband right now. Disregarding that we don't know him personally, what kind of person he is, whether he cheated on you or not. Simply by the fact that he's being forced and backed up against a wall and making tough decisions so that he won't lose his children or the simple right to see them. He, unlike you, is thinking logically and doing his best to react to your agressive demands. Poor man. By the way he is "picking" the children. Not you. Not "we". Just for the kids who you are using as pawns. Also, you can't really call this choice and gloat over it. In this case, he had zero choice but to accede for the time being. But you might have to be prepared for a day when he finally flips and go all out against you. He and his wife has more resources than you and if they decided to put a stop to this nonsense I strongly believe you will come out far worse than you first started. So there, doubt you'll listen but I place the tiniest hope that you'll take in all that has been said by everyone. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts