Update: [Ex-husband] Playing Games

[m4p]

I'm perplexed. Am I not only living in another country but on another planet instead?

 

How and where on earth is an ex wife entitled to estate of a woman she has zero legal and blood connection to? I find it extremely incredulous that you're trying to get HER money from HER husband that would most likely goes to HER children anyway. If your ex inherits her assets it's gonna be 100% his or he's probably just a trustee for the kids until they come of age.

 

Any legal entitlement you have stays at what was negotiated when you divorced. In my country, alimony and child support is based entirely on matrimonial assets.

 

Are you being fleeced with this dubious legal advice that you're getting?

 

Or are you just hearing what you want to hear? (Its not hard to see a pattern)

 

No wonder they took so long to get married... barely a year and your claws are out.

 

For your sake and your children's sake, please get the help you need to turn your mindset and life around. It is not too late.

[MJJean]

When Blue's ex husband inherits from the death of his wife, he will have more money and assets in his name so that they can ask for an increase in child support.

 

Still doesn't solve the problem of what she's going to do when the kids grow up and move out, the CS stops,and she has no way to support herself at all.

[Mrs. John Adams]

If the ex husband has any clue at all of blues intentions..lets prayer that he is smart enough to place everything out of her reach. It would be a shame for his present wife to have one single dollar go to blue.

 

I can't believe I just said that...that I have sympathy for a cheating man and his other woman instead of the poor betrayed wife....but sadly...I almost understand why the infidelity happened.

 

Communicating with blue is frustrating at best....I feel like we all run in circles trying to understand her mindset and reasoning.

 

It's not that I don't want blue to be happy....but we have to make our own happiness and I dont think she knows how.

 

Blue....please get yourself into therapy.....

[Steen719]

Trying to profit from her XH's terminally ill wife is just sad. This entire thread is sad and mostly for the children on both sides; caught between a very misguided mother and a dying mother/stepmother.

Edited November 12, 2015 by Steen719

[MeAgain]

Of course laws differ by country and jurisidiction, but I know of no jurisdiction (I'm Canadian) that will make inheritance (not transformed into an asset such as a marital home, etc) available for an ex to claim. Blue, you are not entitled to it and rightfully so.

[sandylee1]

The new wife can leave her money to whoever she wants..However, if she doesn't leave any to her husband...I suspect that will affect the quality of life for the twins, as he would have to support 4 children and himself and maintain a home....All that on one salary.

 

If she is clever...She'll leave an amount in trust and could leave a large amount to her sister...who could pass it on to the husband. That's as long as she trusts her sister enough.....money causes all sorts of problems and can be the root of all evil.

 

OP - Sometimes you set about a journey and find your destination has been destroyed .......you then have to come up with an alternative.

 

If you don't get a place in Yale...you try Harvard or somewhere else....you can't just wallow in the fact that Yale didn't work out.

 

Our lives don't always go according to plan..... a sensible thing would be showing your kids that you are not dependant on a man and that if one path fails...They can succeed in life by being smart and doing something else.

 

Why do you give your ex the satisfaction of knowing you'll never have the love of a man in your life since he left you? Knowing that you don't have a man to love and comfort you and enjoy romance?

A confident person would never do this......your self esteem is way down low.

 

IF his wife should pass away and in some few years he starts seeing another woman.......will you eventually realise he's never coming back to you? Will you then try and move on and find love elsewhere? Or just resign to grow old all alone ?

[underpants]

Our lives don't always go according to plan..... a sensible thing would be showing your kids that you are not dependant on a man and that if one path fails...They can succeed in life by being smart and doing something else.

 

 

Quit making sense.

 

Obviously this inconvenient woman will die and ex will return to Blue and they will enjoy the windfall of her inheritance. Blue can then quit her grueling 10 hour a week job and stream more netflix.

 

Perhaps even the sister will take those 'reminder' children away.

 

...and they all lived happily ever after.

[No Limit]

Blue, no one at your church/in your community would think you a failure just because your marriage didn't work out. And you also don't need to compete against your ex's new wife. Your course of action right now isn't healthy for you, you need to let all this anger go. His new wife isn't the reason he left, he was just too weak to do it on his own so he took the first opportunity that presented itself - and that also doesn't mean that you're bad to be around with, you two just didn't match even if you were content with how things were, he wasn't.

 

Why do you want him back so badly? You've written that you would prefer to be purely a mother and housewife, but I'm afraid these days that is very hard to do for any woman who isn't married to a well-established partner.

[cocorico]

Quit making sense.

 

Obviously this inconvenient woman will die and ex will return to Blue and they will enjoy the windfall of her inheritance. Blue can then quit her grueling 10 hour a week job and stream more netflix.

 

Perhaps even the sister will take those 'reminder' children away.

 

...and they all lived happily ever after.

 

"And the past six years were just a bad dream, after all..."

[BlueDress]

They are leaving tomorrow for an extended vacation out of the country and bringing the kids. I've tried everything I can think of to stop it. Nothing is working. They won't cancel or bring me or change the dates. Nothing. I can't think of what to do. I've begged her. I begged him. I tried to get their house sitter to cancel. All they told me is if I could afford to pay my own way and find my own flights that I could go. I can't afford this! They know that! He says that he can't add me because it's a paid for vacation and they both refuse to pay for me even though I found out he got a raise worth $25,000 last year.

 

I know how these vacations go. People come back with these delusions of how great their relationships are. I feel like he will forget I exist while he's gone. Set chances of reconciliation back months. I don't know what to do. I didn't think they'd ever go on this trip.

[ASG]

They are leaving tomorrow for an extended vacation out of the country and bringing the kids. I've tried everything I can think of to stop it. Nothing is working. They won't cancel or bring me or change the dates. Nothing. I can't think of what to do. I've begged her. I begged him. I tried to get their house sitter to cancel. All they told me is if I could afford to pay my own way and find my own flights that I could go. I can't afford this! They know that! He says that he can't add me because it's a paid for vacation and they both refuse to pay for me even though I found out he got a raise worth $25,000 last year.

 

I know how these vacations go. People come back with these delusions of how great their relationships are. I feel like he will forget I exist while he's gone. Set chances of reconciliation back months. I don't know what to do. I didn't think they'd ever go on this trip.

 

You are truly delusional...

 

Of course they're not gonna pay for you. Why would they?? And of course they won't cancel. Again, why would they?!?!?

 

What do you do? You do nothing. You let them go and enjoy they vacation. Maybe get some therapy to get over your EX husband.

 

There is no chance of reconciliation. Not now, not if they never went on vacation.

 

They're are gonna go and enjoy themselves and have a great time without you trying to sabotage their happiness with your petty demands.

[dreamingoftigers]

They are leaving tomorrow for an extended vacation out of the country and bringing the kids. I've tried everything I can think of to stop it. Nothing is working. They won't cancel or bring me or change the dates. Nothing. I can't think of what to do. I've begged her. I begged him. I tried to get their house sitter to cancel. All they told me is if I could afford to pay my own way and find my own flights that I could go. I can't afford this! They know that! He says that he can't add me because it's a paid for vacation and they both refuse to pay for me even though I found out he got a raise worth $25,000 last year.

 

I know how these vacations go. People come back with these delusions of how great their relationships are. I feel like he will forget I exist while he's gone. Set chances of reconciliation back months. I don't know what to do. I didn't think they'd ever go on this trip.

 

Seriously......

 

I know you think that you're Spiritually Married and all, but its time to set that thinking aside for the afterlife.

 

You tried to get their house sitter to cancel?

 

I would file a TRO and look at criminal harassment charges.

 

Honestly, you aren't stable, you're obsessed and I don't think you are safe to have children as long as you keep this interfering garbage up.

 

You are sick, honestly, you are actually Ill. Maybe just traumatized, maybe not. But you need to seek out a professional who deal with obsession before you end up causing serious harm to yourself or someone else.

[ASG]

Yes I'm suspicious about why it took so long to marry her. We didn't wait to get married. The love of his life he won't marry?

 

I think she is milking whatever is wrong with her. I confronted him today about this and the other things. He told me she is in and out because it has to do with how tired or sore she is. I said that couldn't be true. Either you need it or you don't. He had more excuses. It's hard to pack. The car and 4 kids and their bags and the chair won't all fit. She doesn't like it. It doesn't fit in the house. That isn't how it works though. You need it. You don't. Not sometimes. Right?

 

When my husband has the kids I go grocery shopping. Regular shopping. Watch movies. Hulu. Netflix. Catch up on sleep. I don't know. The same things everybody does.

 

 

Actually, regarding the bold re wheelchair, no, that is not right. My dad has 2 wheelchairs. One in the car, one in the house. The one in the house is only used if he's really ill. The one in the car only gets used to go to shopping centres. Otherwise my dad walks, with the help of crutches. A few years ago he walked even without the crutches and he's had the chair in the car for almost 20 years.

[Mr. Lucky]

All they told me is if I could afford to pay my own way and find my own flights that I could go.

 

Probably not what you want to hear, but a very gracious accommodation on their part that most people wouldn't make. Though they may actually just be afraid of what you might do if left behind...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ms. Faust]

... they both refuse to pay for me even though I found out he got a raise worth $25,000 last year.

 

 

You are very sick if you expect them to pay for you to come on their vacation.

[Tread Carefully]

I'm really glad you came back Blue. I've been wondering how the custody hearing went, how things were going over the holidays and most of all, if the health situation of the wife has improved. Since they're all going on a trip I can only assume that she is making a great recovery.

 

How are you holding up? Did you increase your work hours? How are all of the children doing? I'm sure they are very excited about this vacation. I'm sure they'll have lots of fun and I hope that it won't be too hard for them to catch up on any missed school work.

[BlueDress]

I should go where the kids go and if that means a vacation them they should include me. They can afford it. They aren't even paying for the vacation except for the kids to go. It's the only fair thing to do. I can't afford to go and they know that.

 

She is doing better I guess. Making a big damn deal out of everything even though she looks gross. He can't be happy with that. She has an ugly set of wigs in stupid colors. One of them is this stupid shade of I think it's supposed to be purple but it looks like bad hair dye over gray hair. And a blue purple one. She looks like an idiot when she wears them. She is still a giant child. She showed up to a fair the school does to raise money with her blue hair and stuff painted on her face. I pointed out she shouldn't be doing the bake sale because she has a colostomy bag. Not many people cared which was annoying. She made a fool of herself and it was embarrassing. She's working her job again and after being gone so long I can't believe they took her back. My husband is back at work too.

 

The kids are fine. Since they were stolen I don't see them as much. They rub their relationship in my face by telling me to meet them and the kids for dinner or to spend Christmas with them. I missed them waking up for Christmas this year. My husband said that was my fault. I don't see the kids as much anymore but when I complain he always says it's my fault. The things they're exposed to is disgusting. I hate it. I said the school thing is an issue but they are getting homework to do and doing skype for some things. Their teachers said the trip was a good idea. How do they know? I think it's not their place to even say things like that. They can't think it's too great if they gave them work to do. I didn't do more for work. I can't right now.

[ASG]

I should go where the kids go and if that means a vacation them they should include me. They can afford it. They aren't even paying for the vacation except for the kids to go. It's the only fair thing to do. I can't afford to go and they know that.

 

 

No you shouldn't.

I went on holidays with my mom and step dad all the time and my dad never came or was invited or even suggested to tag along.

 

And who cares if they can afford it? I have rich friends who don't pay for me to go on trips with them... because it's THEIR MONEY. Not mine. It's not different just because you have kids in common. You are NOT entitled to anything!

 

And what do you mean, your kids were stolen? Do you mean to say your ex husband has full custody now? That's hardly "stolen". And it makes sense. you can't afford to support them. He can. It makes no sense for him to be paying you child support when he can take care of the kids himself and they get to spend more time with their other siblings. It's win win.

[SoulCat]

I should go where the kids go and if that means a vacation them they should include me.

 

No it does not, nor should it, include you. You may be their mother but you are not part of their family unit, therefore you have no business demanding to be taken on holiday with them.

 

 

They can afford it.

 

 

None of your business.

 

 

They aren't even paying for the vacation except for the kids to go.

 

Again, none of your business.

 

 

It's the only fair thing to do.

 

 

Nope. The 'fair thing to do' is for you to let your kids go on holiday with their dad, stepmom and siblings and allow them to have an amazing time.

 

 

I can't afford to go and they know that.

 

That, BlueDress, is your problem.

 

Easily remedied - in part at least - by changing your attitude to this:

 

I didn't do more for work. I can't right now.

 

Sure you can. You just choose not to.

[cocorico]

 

The kids are fine. Since they were stolen I don't see them as much.

 

 

This is why the kids are doing well - they've been removed from a toxic environment and placed into a loving family. You should be grateful you have a great exhusband and his real wife to take care of your kids properly, since you so clearly can't.

[cocorico]

 

Sure you can. You just choose not to.

 

Who knows - the long absence from these boards may have been occasioned by a protracted stay in a secure facility, with no internet privileges?

[cocorico]

 

She is still a giant child.

 

 

Oh? She doesn't strike me as being the one with the huge entitlement issues, who is still squalling over some other kid having stolen "her" toy and throwing massive tantrums when everything doesn't go her way. She strikes me as someone who's been dealt a difficult hand, with health problems and a very trying xW attached to her husband, and a clutch of traumatised step kids, who's making he best of a very challenging situation and providing stability and a loving home for her husband, their kids and her step kids. Pity there aren't more people like her around, and fewer entitled brats, IMO.

[ChickiePops]

They are leaving tomorrow for an extended vacation out of the country and bringing the kids. I've tried everything I can think of to stop it. Nothing is working. They won't cancel or bring me or change the dates. Nothing. I can't think of what to do. I've begged her. I begged him. I tried to get their house sitter to cancel. All they told me is if I could afford to pay my own way and find my own flights that I could go. I can't afford this! They know that! He says that he can't add me because it's a paid for vacation and they both refuse to pay for me even though I found out he got a raise worth $25,000 last year.

 

I know how these vacations go. People come back with these delusions of how great their relationships are. I feel like he will forget I exist while he's gone. Set chances of reconciliation back months. I don't know what to do. I didn't think they'd ever go on this trip.

 

Gently, there is no chance of reconciliation. Your concern right now should be getting yourself some help as you appear to be having some sort of nervous breakdown. I bet you could get your kids back though, if you truly work on yourself, and that should matter far more to you than your ex does.

 

For the sake of your children, please leave your ex and his lovely wife alone and focus on fixing yourself. Therapy would be an excellent start.

 

It sounds like your kids are being well cared for but I'm sure they miss their mom. Please try..for them.

[Lurkeraspect]

I should go where the kids go and if that means a vacation them they should include me. They can afford it. They aren't even paying for the vacation except for the kids to go. It's the only fair thing to do. I can't afford to go and they know that.

 

She is doing better I guess. Making a big damn deal out of everything even though she looks gross. He can't be happy with that. She has an ugly set of wigs in stupid colors. One of them is this stupid shade of I think it's supposed to be purple but it looks like bad hair dye over gray hair. And a blue purple one. She looks like an idiot when she wears them. She is still a giant child. She showed up to a fair the school does to raise money with her blue hair and stuff painted on her face. I pointed out she shouldn't be doing the bake sale because she has a colostomy bag. Not many people cared which was annoying. She made a fool of herself and it was embarrassing. She's working her job again and after being gone so long I can't believe they took her back. My husband is back at work too.

 

The kids are fine. Since they were stolen I don't see them as much. They rub their relationship in my face by telling me to meet them and the kids for dinner or to spend Christmas with them. I missed them waking up for Christmas this year. My husband said that was my fault. I don't see the kids as much anymore but when I complain he always says it's my fault. The things they're exposed to is disgusting. I hate it. I said the school thing is an issue but they are getting homework to do and doing skype for some things. Their teachers said the trip was a good idea. How do they know? I think it's not their place to even say things like that. They can't think it's too great if they gave them work to do. I didn't do more for work. I can't right now.

 

Im not going to address the ridiculous notion that you're somehow entitled to go on vacation with your ex and his new wife, much less have them foot the bill for the pleasure of your company, because that's just delusional.

 

But your kids appear to be thriving (away from you) in their new permanent home. I'm guessing that you lost your bid for full custody, that the judge saw through your blatant lies and flippancy about the step mom. We tried to tell you that judges don't look favorably on either parent trying to alienate or bad mouthing the other parent. Yet sadly, you didn't get it, knew better, and look what you're left with.

 

Maybe, just maybe you can wake up and realize that your thinking is skewed. Your ex is not coming back. Your marriage is over and dead. You've lost custody of your kids. The step mom isn't the devil. They are not paying for you to tag along and potentially ruin their vacation. They owe you nothing. You need to support yourself. I hope you wake up before you lose your children forever. Kids don't want to be raised in crazy.

[BlueDress]

I'm not raising them in crazy. Right now they're with a woman who wears purple Halloween hair out in public. She has a colostomy bag and pretends to be sick or is really sick which isn't normal. So they have money. That isn't everything. Shes crazy and he must be shell shocked to put up with it or some pity thing. She's not lovely. There doesn't need to be more of her. She's unbalanced and a home wrecker. Why do we live in a time where people don't even care about that? Nobody seems to care at all when i say it.