Update: [Ex-husband] Playing Games

[Tread Carefully]

Why did the judge give them custody? Did that take away your child support? Are you still getting alimony?

 

What is the prognosis for the wife? Did she beat the cancer?

[daisygirl19]

I'm not raising them in crazy. Right now they're with a woman who wears purple Halloween hair out in public. She has a colostomy bag and pretends to be sick or is really sick which isn't normal. So they have money. That isn't everything. Shes crazy and he must be shell shocked to put up with it or some pity thing. She's not lovely. There doesn't need to be more of her. She's unbalanced and a home wrecker. Why do we live in a time where people don't even care about that? Nobody seems to care at all when i say it.

 

If she has a colostomy bag, and has to wear wigs, I find it hard to believe she's pretending to be sick.

 

She's crazy? She's unbalanced? Hi pot, meet kettle.

 

Please, please get some help. You have some very serious issues.

[ASG]

I'm not raising them in crazy. Right now they're with a woman who wears purple Halloween hair out in public. She has a colostomy bag and pretends to be sick or is really sick which isn't normal. So they have money. That isn't everything. Shes crazy and he must be shell shocked to put up with it or some pity thing. She's not lovely. There doesn't need to be more of her. She's unbalanced and a home wrecker. Why do we live in a time where people don't even care about that? Nobody seems to care at all when i say it.

 

I have purple hair more often than not. And blue. And pink. And green. If my hair were shorter, I'd have it fully dyed, but as it is, it's just dip dyed.

 

I fail to see what exactly is the issue there.

 

As for her being sick... it's not normal??? Well... no... it's not. It's sad, but other than that I fail to see what the issue is.

 

How is she crazy? What has she done that screams crazy to you? (apart from wearing crazy coloured wigs, which, I think we've established, is not crazy of childish, but trendy and stylish!)

[SoulCat]

I'm not raising them in crazy. Right now they're with a woman who wears purple Halloween hair out in public. She has a colostomy bag and pretends to be sick or is really sick which isn't normal. So they have money. That isn't everything. Shes crazy and he must be shell shocked to put up with it or some pity thing. She's not lovely. There doesn't need to be more of her. She's unbalanced and a home wrecker. Why do we live in a time where people don't even care about that? Nobody seems to care at all when i say it.

 

I imagine she wears the funny coloured wigs to make the whole cancer thing, and losing her hair due to the cancer treatment, a bit less scary and intimidating for the kids. It makes sense to me.

 

I'm also pretty sure she isn't all that thrilled about the need for a colostomy bag herself, but people who have one can lead pretty normal lives.

She isn't likely to contaminate anything or anyone because of it, so no need to treat her as a leper or pariah.

 

 

Come on Blue, leave them be, concentrate on getting yourself in a better place where you're focussed on you, not on them.

Time to stop flogging this long-dead horse.

[ChickiePops]

I'm not raising them in crazy. Right now they're with a woman who wears purple Halloween hair out in public. She has a colostomy bag and pretends to be sick or is really sick which isn't normal. So they have money. That isn't everything. Shes crazy and he must be shell shocked to put up with it or some pity thing. She's not lovely. There doesn't need to be more of her. She's unbalanced and a home wrecker. Why do we live in a time where people don't even care about that? Nobody seems to care at all when i say it.

 

I think people are struggling to see her crazy side because nothing you've posted about her so far makes her sound even remotely unbalanced or crazy. She actually sounds like a strong, wonderful, brave, caring, fun, loving woman from the way you describe her. Can you maybe try to describe what you mean when you say she's crazy?

 

If she has a colostomy bag and she's in and out of a wheelchair, she's definitely sick. That's not her fault and it doesn't detract from her good qualities, or, clearly, from her ability to parent 4 children - a fact which you seem to be determined to ignore. I'm not going to say you should feel grateful because I understand that you are still in a lot of pain from your divorce (though after 6 years of being apart you should be further along with your healing, which only serves to prove my earlier point that you appear to be in some sort of nervous breakdown crisis mode), but I hope you can at least appreciate how happy she seems to make your children.

 

To be honest, it sounds like your ex was unhappy in your marriage well before she came along and that she was just a catalyst for him to leave. I truly believe he would have ended up leaving ayway..it was just a matter of time. He made the decision to divorce you, not her. You are justified in feeling upset by this but perhaps, had you chosen to move on too, you yourself would be in a your own happy relationship right now.

 

Please get yourself some help. You are clearly not having a healthy reaction to your divorce and you're going to end up doing permanent damage to your kids if you don't. You are NOT setting a good example for them with this behavior. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're traumatized from being left for another woman, but it's your responsibility to fix yourself..nobody is going to do it for you. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them.

 

Please Bluedress..if nothing else penetrates, please just talk to a therapist about all this. I'm sorry you're in pain. Most people need help dealing with things at some point in their lives..it's nothing to be ashamed of. Please get help.

[cocorico]

I'm not raising them in crazy.

 

You're not raising them, full stop. You're acting like the child, the one who needs to be taken care of. No wonder the judge took them away and gave them to adults to raise. If you cannot be a parent, better that they are with others who can.

 

Did your parents love you as a child? Did they pay attention to you? Did you have to invent crazy stories to get other kids to notice you? Did anyone ever make you feel that you were good enough?

 

I get the feeling that the only person who has ever treated you with kindness was your exhusband, and that is why you cannot accept that he dumped you. Perhaps that is why you need to behave as you do, crying out desperately for attention. Please seek help - perhaps a good therapist can teach you to love yourself, and develop a healthy psyche so that other people are not scared off by your neediness, and you can learn to find love again. But, a healthy kind of love this time. One that doesn't make people run for their lives.

[sandylee1]

How do you know she has a colostomy bag?

It's not something people divulge to anyone.

 

Why do you want to go on their holiday?. Do you want to see your ex smooching his new wife? I can't think of anything more unappealing TBH?

 

Did you seek therapy for yourself?

 

Have you thought making a life for yourself, rather than worry about them? Sounds like she is having chemo. Just let them get on with it. ..could be her last vacation.

 

From everything you write here......this situation has mentally affected you to the point that you don't think straight and have lost the power of reasoning. Have you ever considered a psych evaluation just to be sure it's nothing more than the trauma of betrayal?

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm not raising them in crazy. Right now they're with a woman who wears purple Halloween hair out in public. She has a colostomy bag and pretends to be sick or is really sick which isn't normal. So they have money. That isn't everything. Shes crazy and he must be shell shocked to put up with it or some pity thing. She's not lovely. There doesn't need to be more of her. She's unbalanced and a home wrecker. Why do we live in a time where people don't even care about that? Nobody seems to care at all when i say it.

 

What's your FOO like?

[BlueDress]

They are back now and the whole thing is irritating. She still has her job and they make such a big deal about her. Her Instagram is filled with these fakey filtered pictures. You can actually see her colostomy bag in her swimsuit pictures on Facebook and one on Instagram with a stupid attempt to say she is trying to make it not a stigma to show it. She posted some weepy whatever about missing running and exercising. That her life isn't as like as it was and she feels scared she's wasting her life. From some beach on a paid for vacation. Who does that?

 

She wrote another depressing rant in the paper for some town hall thing about dairy free stuff and she's a big whatever at our community center gym for some stupid cancer thing. This poor me stuff about feeling too run down to do what she normally does and it makes her depressed so she makes phone calls to do things to pass the time. I didn't even understand it. Half her Facebook is pictures she took years ago she says she had time to work on now or books she is reading.

 

What does she have to cope with that is so damn hard? She went on vacation.

 

My husband has been telling people she is having a hard time and is depressed a lot. I don't see it. She has nothing to be upset over.

 

I did do one thing I regret to her but it really is nothing like what she does every day. My husband said I need to just leave her alone. Why should I? She flaunts everything in my face like a sicko. She can't deal with people not liking her. Even this vacation they rubbed in my face with the kids. My husband said they bought things for me but I know they didn't. I thought maybe he picked them out and paid for it but no. The kids said she took them to get stuff and paid for it. It was garbage anyway.but still. Why set up the kids to rub it in my face? It's always about her.

[BlueIris]

I think you need to go No Contact with your ex's wife. Stop watching, monitoring, and judging. Build an independent life of your own. Obsessing about someone you are so jealous of and who has a stepparent role in your family is so damaging to you and your children.

[BlueDress]

I can't go no contact she is everywhere

[MuddyFootprints]

You could quit creeping her social media, for starters.

[BlueDress]

It's there for everybody to see. If she don't want me to see it should be private

[MuddyFootprints]

Consider it a positive step toward your own mental health and healing.

[BlueIris]

I can't go no contact she is everywhere

 

Stop looking. she is not knocking on your door and walking into your house- or head.

[BlueDress]

I'm not going to stop looking at her social media. I need to know what she's doing to my kids. It's my right

[Tread Carefully]

What is the one thing you did to her that you now regret?

[BlueDress]

This is what I'm talking about

 

:I knew this time of year was going to be very difficult for me, but it is turning out to be way harder than even I was ready for. I see all my teammates race photos, the gorgeous running costumes, the smiles of people getting ready to cross that start line, and my heart swells with excitement for them, but selfishly it also hurts knowing I'm not there too. I've tried to be active and live life to the maximum, but treatment has made even basic things so hard. It's rough to feel like life is passing me by. Am I making waves, a big splash, when I don't get further than my couch? A year ago I was in the cusp of running a half marathon and a 10k within hours of each other, and this year, I leave my perfect race record behind. It hurts to be held back by something you can't control. Fate is a tricky, tricky little devil, huh? ?

I keep thinking of balance, thinking maybe my slot this year is taken by somebody who missed last year because they felt broken and defeated, and now they're full circle on the edge of a fantastic personal achievement and redemption. I'm in love with that idea and I've sent this mythical runner I've invented to cope with my shortcomings so much mystical space luck juju that they should be able to break the sound barrier. ?

I want to wish everybody who's running so much love, luck, and magic. Enjoy every second of your race experience, from the excitement of starting to the thrill of finishing, and even that moment where you question life choices that lead you to thinking that spending $400 to run 19 miles in 2 days was a good idea (usually mile 8 or 9 for me). If, by chance, you are that victory runner taking my slot this year, then run like the wind and kick so much butt that I'll wonder why I'm sore when I sit down. ?

Running is a gift, life is a blessing, and you all are heroes to people you've never met (like me) who are in awe of what you accomplish in the name of fun and personal achievement. Can we pretend that my plans to marathon chips, dip, and Netflix while weeping with pride and regret at your social media counts for something? ?:

 

She is narcissistic. Her her her and she seems suicudal. Bipolar even. She just had a vacation and she complains about things she isn't doing. Selfish princess who is preachy about what she deserves. She doesn't deserve anything. This is the stuff I have to deal with. My kids have to deal with.

[BlueDress]

The school gave her a special place to park to get the kids. She's there so much and they felt bad for her. She parks right next to the gate. Nobody else can. The PTA and school did it because the handicapped spots are far away and she gets cold. They voted and did it for her. When she parked the car she went inside and I left a note on the car windshield. I felt bad because I saw her and crying at pickup after in the car. I didn't think she'd get that upset. I didn't say anything mean or wasn't true. She doesn't know anything about me doing it.

 

I still thinks it's not fair she parks in a no parking spot to get the kids. Everybody else parks far away. She could use her wheelchair or whatever and sit there. She shouldn't be treated better while we freeze for some fake reason. I don't like being cold either.

[Tread Carefully]

Ok, come on now, what did you say in the note? And what was your motivation or reason for leaving the note?

[BlueDress]

I didn't say anything worth crying about. I said something like if you are really sick you should use the handicapped space or have somebody else get the kids because you're too sick to get them. Her being treated special was unfair to the other parents who have their own problems and she isn't special. It isn't wrong. What did she do to earn a parking spot. She is to handicapped to use a handicapped spot or what. She should park with the rest of us.

[ASG]

BlueDress, you need to get a grip.

 

Going on vacation (paid for or not) does not take away from the fact that she has cancer, has to have a colostomy bag and is too weak to walk long distances without the use of a wheelchair.

She used to be a runner. She had pride in it. And now she can't do it.

 

Imagine that losing running, for her, is like you losing your husband. You're still bitter about it 6 years later. So I'm sure you can related as to how it might be difficult for her.

 

The school did something NICE for her. Just that. Why do you have to piss on it with your horrible note?? You say that it is nothing to cry about, but I would disagree.

I'm 100% sure she'd rather be able to park far away and walk to pick the kids up than have that space. But she can't, as the school was nice enough to give her the option to not have to do it. And then in you come, spewing your venom. I'd cry too, if I was in her place.

 

 

Lastly... what's wrong with the kids buying you gifts from their vacation??? I did that for my parents. I certainly didn't think I was "rubbing it in"... just doing something NICE for them, showing them I thought about them while I was away. Why is that so horrible??

[Ms. Faust]

This all sounds too ridiculously outlandish.

Edited February 14, 2016 by Ms. Faust

[BlueDress]

The kids didn't get me to a nothing. She parades them into a store where they picked garbage she paid for. No supervision. No guidance. More of her being a child. A adult buys another adult a kids book. Pretends it's a big deal because the nobody who wrote it signed it. I think the whole thing is a attack. It's about a girl who is sad and who finds God in the ocean who gives her a blue rock and suddenly life is great. Then she dies and her ghost watches over blue rocks and gives them to people who need them or something. It's beyond. It's about rubbing it in my face with roadside garbage she got the kids to buy.

 

Not running isn't like having your husband stolen and kids. Not even close. So she can't run. If she tries she can. I can't go to a gym to get my husband back with her around. She is even more deluded then I thought. She had the affair so she has no right to think doing that is just like not running. If she wants to walk to get the kids she can. Nothing is stopping her. She can make the effort. It's not my fault she feels guilty. She should.

[ASG]

What??? You're making no sense.

 

So, did your kids get you something or not? Who did you expect to PAY for the present?? Do they even have money?? And why is it that that kids' story is rubbing it in your face? How do you figure that? What kind of meaning are you taking from it?!?!?!?!

 

She CAN'T run. Not even if she wants to. Same as you with your EX husband. Just because she can walk it doesn't mean she can run. My dad can walk. He can't run. He can barely walk more than a few feet, really and getting much worse with age.

 

Just because you have no empathy to her problems, it doesn't mean they aren't real. And it's still you who's in the wrong and you won't have the support of anyone if you continue being so hateful.

 

And once again, nothing waa stolen from you. Your ex husband wanted out of your relationship and she was the motive he found to finally do it. She didn't steal him. Then your ex got custody of your kids because he has the means to take care of them, while you don't, not without being dependant on him. Again, not stolen.

 

And they didn't have an affair. Your lawyer has told you this.