Update: [Ex-husband] Playing Games

[SoulCat]

That's not how it goes for us.

 

Oh it is. It's exactly how it goes for you.

You just refuse to see or acknowledge it.

 

Fact is, your EX husband wants as little to do with you as possible.

He does not want you, heck he can't stand even being in the same vicinity as you.

 

Yet you are convinced he wants you back, if only it wasn't for his sick wife and their kids.

 

 

You really are delusional. You need professional help. Now.

[Jeff1690]

Bluedress, I have just read your threads. This one has been on going for almost a year. I am no expert on divorce since my wife cheated on me and I am just now going through with mine.

 

However, I am going to say this. You should not want a spouse back that has cheated on you. He betrayed you. I was married for almost 23 years and unconditionally trusted my wife. She broke that trust. Wanted a new life and another man.

 

You need to find peace and raise your children. Find a man who will not betray you and help raise your children. Quit obsessing over this cheater. He destroyed your marriage for another woman. Don't give him the time of day.

 

Walk away and find true happiness. You are just driving yourself crazy and living in a fantasy. We all wish our spouses had not betrayed us. We all wanted to grow old with them. They chose otherwise. Find someone more deserving of you. If you don't do that you will wind up a bitter old woman.

[BlueDress]

I am dating somebody now. It isn't the same. I don't love him like I do my husband. My husband isn't like he was when he cheated and left. It was unlike him to do it. It was the only time he ever did it. If you don't think I should want him back that's your opinion. He is a good man and a good husband. He tries to be a good husband for her too. He does things with her we never did but it isn't the same. She keeps him busy and does these things I could never do but she couldn't either if it wasn't for her work. I can't keep up with that. It's hard to get him to see past that lifestyle to come home.

 

He doesn't want nothing to do with me. I could text or call him right now and he's answer. I talk to him every day. I visit him at work a lot now. He needs to know im right here and I'll always be right here. There is still something there and he doesn't even hide it. It's just her stopping it all from coming back to what it was.

[SoulCat]

You have vilified his wife and their children.

You have left her nasty notes and text messages.

You dragged both of them through the courts.

You demanded him to pay your bills and insurance.

You have hunted him down in public.

You have stalked his wife, in person and on social media.

 

All the above, by your own admission. Why on earth would he ever get back with you when all you have caused him for the past 6+ years is tonnes and tonnes of grief, financial hardship and misery?

 

Never mind the toll its taken in your poor, poor children.

Edited August 19, 2016 by SoulCat

[ChickiePops]

That's not how it goes for us.

 

Of course it is, you're just delusional.

 

For him, it goes his kids (ALL of them), his lovely wonderful wife, himself, his family, his friends, his pets, the guy who makes his coffee at Dunkin Donuts, the mailman, his mechanic, the bagger at the supermarket, a whole bunch of other people..and then his stalker ex-wife.

 

Does your boyfriend know that you stalk and harass your ex and his wife? Does he know you don't care about him? That is vile. You truly are a monster.

Edited August 19, 2016 by ChickiePops

[BlueDress]

That isn't how it works with us. He said from the beginning that the kids will always be his concern. No matter what he does to me that isn't right and I don't care what the court says it wasn't he's never left out the kids. He is a good father. He sees everything they do. He sees them almost every day. He doesn't miss anything except last Halloween when be almost did. If he's putting them first that means I'm first with them. He has to call me to talk to them. Make plans with them. It goes through me. Im the priority or he can't see the kids. Divorce doesn't change that. He had to ask me to go on their vacation. When he asked to take them to Disneyworld next year I said no and that's it. They don't go. He has a relationship with them because he has a relationship with me. Every time we do this I just see how we were supposed to be together and he does too.

 

My boyfriend knows I am hoping my husband will come back. He doesn't want a serious relationship anyway. We used to work together and we just went out a few times and it made my husband so jealous. He knows he provoked a reaction out of my husband. He does stand up to me against him. He understands but he doesn't like my husband. There was a big incident this spring and he got involved and he tried to speak up for me but it got all twisted and confused. Then she got involved and now I'm not allowed at their house and we have to meet at the park to get the kids when school isn't going. He hates my husband and he hasn't fallen for her antics either. He sees through her need for attention and stood up to her and she got nasty. So he sees what I see. He shared the emails she sent with his friends and family and showed them to other people. I like he at least sees what I see and wants to stop it too. It's complicated but neither of us want marriage. Nobody is leading anybody on.

[ChickiePops]

He loves his kids. He tolerates you because you gave birth to some of them. When they're 18 you'll never hear from him again.

[GorillaTheater]

Never stop posting, Blue Dress.

[BlueDress]

That's not true. Weddings. Graduation. Birthdays. We will always be together in some way.

[standtall]

Wow....Bluedress...you need to seek some professional help...sorry.

[ChickiePops]

That's not true. Weddings. Graduation. Birthdays. We will always be together in some way.

 

So to you, together = being in the same room?

[BlueDress]

Together means together. He comes home. The kids will always be why he has to come to me. That's what I mean.

[TunaCat]

I feel sorry for your kids and your ex husband. Your kids didn't ask for a mother who is SO obsessed with her ex's life to the detriment of her OWN life. Your ex didn't ask for an ex wife who is obsessive and mean and bitter. I also feel awful for your ex's wife. She has to deal with a serious illness in addition to her husband's crazy ex. She doesn't deserve that.

 

If he really wanted to be with you, he would be. He chose his wife a LONG time ago. For your kids' sakes, find some peace within yourself.

 

I do know that most if not all of what I say will be ignored because you are so focused on your ex, but I do think your relationship with your kids will suffer if this continues.

[BlueDress]

She should have known you can't steal somebodys husband and it's ok. She should have known I wouldn't disappear. I'm not ruining my kids life. I'm trying to fix it. Fix this mess. She doesn't need pity. She's the problem. I don't expect people to get it I just hoped people would listen. People get back together even years later. I think my chances are good. People see she's not good for him. They see it. It can't last. He will get up the guts to leave or things will happen and he will come back. It's just waiting it pour. Letting him know I'm here. He has feelings still.

[S2B]

That isn't how it works with us. He said from the beginning that the kids will always be his concern. No matter what he does to me that isn't right and I don't care what the court says it wasn't he's never left out the kids. He is a good father. He sees everything they do. He sees them almost every day. He doesn't miss anything except last Halloween when be almost did. If he's putting them first that means I'm first with them. He has to call me to talk to them. Make plans with them. It goes through me. Im the priority or he can't see the kids. Divorce doesn't change that. He had to ask me to go on their vacation. When he asked to take them to Disneyworld next year I said no and that's it. They don't go. He has a relationship with them because he has a relationship with me. Every time we do this I just see how we were supposed to be together and he does too.

 

My boyfriend knows I am hoping my husband will come back. He doesn't want a serious relationship anyway. We used to work together and we just went out a few times and it made my husband so jealous. He knows he provoked a reaction out of my husband. He does stand up to me against him. He understands but he doesn't like my husband. There was a big incident this spring and he got involved and he tried to speak up for me but it got all twisted and confused. Then she got involved and now I'm not allowed at their house and we have to meet at the park to get the kids when school isn't going. He hates my husband and he hasn't fallen for her antics either. He sees through her need for attention and stood up to her and she got nasty. So he sees what I see. He shared the emails she sent with his friends and family and showed them to other people. I like he at least sees what I see and wants to stop it too. It's complicated but neither of us want marriage. Nobody is leading anybody on.

 

He may have to go through you now- when your kids are young...but trust me, when they get older you will no longer be the go between person.

 

As kids get older and adults - they don't need your input or permission to see or talk to their Dad.

[Mystery2Me]

If you still consider yourself "spiritually" married then why are you cheating on the spiritual marriage? Vulnerable you are Bluedress....don't need to worry about your ex-husband's wife....you need to be praying about how safe you are with a boyfriend who accepts your way of life. I think you have met your match in this boyfriend and soon you will get a taste of your own drama.

 

Any self-respecting boyfriend would allow himself or you be involved in such a mess being your side-kick to wishing bad things for this ill woman and HER HUSBAND.

 

Blue dress you have taught this boy not boyfriend that you are worthless, unwilling to accept reality, and honestly are addicted to emotional rejection. Quite honestly I think if her husband (ex-husband) did reconcile with you, I think you would not be happy....because the acute pain of rejection would be gone.

 

Many of us have been thru your situation....myself a betrayed former wife of 16 yrs. But life goes on and it is a choice of how one wishes to spend the rest of their life.

 

Your only identify is the scorned wife....who are you without being the BS? Are you afraid to step out and developed a life for yourself?

[Mystery2Me]

Why is the relationship with the boyfriend complicated? Is your "boyfriend" married, still in love with his ex?

[BlueDress]

It's a complicated situation. That's all. He's not interested in a marriage or a relationship like that. I'm not either. That's ok. How he gets along with them is complicated. He doesn't like my husband or her and isn't afraid to tell them. He gets tired of hearing me complain or seeing me upset over stuff. He deals with it because he doesn't want to be bothered by it.

 

My husband is my husband. I'm not replacing him. I met my boyfriend at work and we went out a few times just because. I thought it would show my husband what it'd be like if I wasn't around. My husband is very jealous of him. They don't get along. He doesn't get along with her. There was a big argument and they all just fell out.

 

I don't identify as a scorned wife. I just want my family back. Like it was.

[SoulCat]

My husband is my husband.

 

He's not. He's your EX husband.

 

 

I'm not replacing him.

 

But he replaced you. A long time ago.

 

 

My husband is very jealous of him.

 

I highly doubt that.

 

 

I don't identify as a scorned wife.

 

You may not identify yourself as a scorned ex wife but the rest of the world does. Because you are.

[sandylee1]

She should have known you can't steal somebodys husband and it's ok. She should have known I wouldn't disappear.

 

Bluedress ... nice to see you back here. Glad to hear you have a boyfriend as well. I hope you guys are having fun anyway.

 

I won't repeat the things I've previously said to you about moving on, forgetting your Ex and not giving him the satisfaction... but I think if more OW had to deal with a BW like you, there'd be less affairs.

 

Because really, no man on the planet earth is worth all this hassle. That's what I'd be thinking if I was the OW. I couldn't be in a relationship with a man and be dealing with this kind of stress from his Ex wife. I'm sure she regrets the whole thing now.

 

They won't split up and even if they did, he would NOT be coming back to you. He doesn't love you any more. I would have thought divorcing you made that clear.

[BlueDress]

I hope she does regret it. She should. I don't feel bad for if she feels guilty or has regrets. She had a lot to regret.

[S2B]

Do you even realize you are the EX wife?

[Mystery2Me]

Simple question is the boyfriend married, divorced, or in love with ex? This is a "yes" or "no". Not asking about the back story.

[Formerfiveo]

I went back and read BD's original threads from last fall, and there is an obvious (to me, at least) spiraling down of the thought processes between then and now.

 

A poster asked several pages ago if a psychiatric eval had been ordered by the court. Blue, you answered assuming the question was in reference to your ex-husband's wife.

 

I think the poster was referring to you, Blue Dress.

 

Is there a family history of mental illness in your family? There is in mine and it scares the s*** out of me, so much so, that I go see a counselor a few times a year for "check ups".

 

As we get older, we become a caricature of ourselves, meaning, we slowly lose our filters with age, and stuff that has been buried and seemingly non-existent for decades makes an appearance.

 

The fact that you come here to "vent" and don't listen to or even acknowledge pages and pages of wisdom, experience, and advice, raises huge red flags.

 

Assuming this story is even true.

[BlueDress]

I have said he doesn't want to get married or be married. I didn't say he loved an ex. I don't know why you'd say he does or why you're being rude about it. You asked why it was complicated and I said why. If you don't want to know the story then why would you ask?