Emotions are difficult

[Sempath]

I Play in a band, with a very beautiful singer - lets call her J. J is about 7 years younger than me and has a bf, and their relationship is really rocky. My feelings for J are in turmoil. I am single, and am enjoying being so at the moment. When J and I go out, we tend to have a great time and really enjoy each others company. This translates well to the band, because we connect on stage. It is not very often that J and I go out and her boyfriend comes along, even though I do extend the offer. Many times has J ended up at my place in the wee hours of the morning, but we have never done anything.

 

The last time we went out this changed. It was a big night out, with too much alcohol (way too much) and too much adventure, and we ended up at my place once again in the wee hours of the morning. In the end, we ended up in my bedroom, as I was making the bed for J to stay, so as she would not drink and drive. We were talking, and I moved to kiss J. (Maybe the worst, or best thing I was stupid enough to do).

 

Though we were both drunk, the move to kiss J shocked her. This meant that she left in a flurry, and me with a totally stunned look on my face. Once my logical part of my brain kicked, I tried to talk her out of driving home, apologized for a obviously stupid move and offered to call her a cab.....to no avail. She ended up driving home (dumb).

 

Well, the next day I felt awful (not only from the effects of the alcohol). I screwed up the messages being sent, and made a move on a friend that obviously was not interested in me. When I spoke to J a few days later I apologized for the kiss and that fact that it had made her uncomfortable, and she accepted my apologie and admitted that she had been surprised. That is as far as we have discussed it.

 

I need help on this one, because I feel totally awful. Not only have I alienated a great partying friend, but I feel that I may have jepordised our working relationship. Something which I truly value. Also I think I am attracted to J, and probably have been for a while, yet not giving in to these feelings and talking about it to her. Once again for possible fear of working relationship bust up. I also wonder if I may be being played in this one.

 

Really confused and I really do not know how to handle it.

[mental_traveller]

Don't get drunk around female friends - you will start thinking with your dick and make a move on them. Stop drinking as soon as you get a bit tipsy, and move onto water or fruit juice or something.

 

Apart from that, I recommend you just blame your move on the drink and laugh it off. Maybe try to get a date with some other girl so she doesn't feel you are seriously into her, or talk about some woman you fancy etc.

[haywood]

best thing to do is forget about her. hard as it is, it's your only answer. sorry bud, but if she was the least bit interested in you, something would've went down.

 

the only advice i can give you if you still want her is to show her that you are this man that she wants to be with. just be the fun and lively when she's in your presence. make her wonder what's up with you. don't ever be wussy in front of her. she has to be reminded that she doesn't have you.

 

considering she has a bf, this will take a long time. best bet is to really try and meet other girls. maybe you can get this girl to help you out. who knows, she may take interest sometime down the road. good luck.

[Sempath]

Thanks for the responses. Sometimes the smartest things to do are the hardest. I agree with what you are saying, but needed to here it from others so as I did not beat myself up anymore. Thanks.