Why would a MM want to remain friends with a lady he had an EA with?

[MsHopeful0208201689]

I never unstood the whole thing of remaining friends after lots of flirting/an emotional affair? If the MM says sex was never his intention. Is he secretly hoping for something physical?

 

Saying he still wanted to talk everyday but cut back on the flirting..

 

Wouldn't it just be tempting to end up down the same road?

 

HAVE ANY OF YOU HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR, ENDED IT, but REMAINED "FRIENDS"?

[Lois_Griffin]

Married men like this mostly do things that serve THEM.

 

If he wants to remain 'friends,' that usually means he wants to keep you as a possible option for the future.

 

Another possibility is that he might be afraid that you could turn into a nutter and rat him out to his wife or cause him some kind of trouble, so the easiest way to circumvent that is to stay friendly with you. Not saying you ARE a nutter, just saying some MM fear having their dirty deeds 'outed' so they tend to do whatever they can to keep the situation smooth and easygoing, is all.

 

He's got enough 'friends' and it's not like he wants to be your buddy and go fishing or hunting with you. There's a reason for it and it's most likely one or the other listed above.

[Poppy47]

You might serve a purpose for him in the future.

 

Poppy

[MsHopeful0208201689]

Married men like this mostly do things that serve THEM.

 

If he wants to remain 'friends,' that usually means he wants to keep you as a possible option for the future.

 

Another possibility is that he might be afraid that you could turn into a nutter and rat him out to his wife or cause him some kind of trouble, so the easiest way to circumvent that is to stay friendly with you. Not saying you ARE a nutter, just saying some MM fear having their dirty deeds 'outed' so they tend to do whatever they can to keep the situation smooth and easygoing, is all.

 

He's got enough 'friends' and it's not like he wants to be your buddy and go fishing or hunting with you. There's a reason for it and it's most likely one or the other listed above.

 

I think both you & Poppy are right. I mean even after he call himself "ending" the flirting & I came to the realization I didn't care for us talking everyday because no matter what way you slice it's wrong and classified as an emotional affair he continued to pursue the "friendship" & there was even flirting... A year or so late (like a month or 2 ago) he says "do you want to sleep with me, that's the vibe I'm getting from you but I could very well be wrong".... He calls me nicknames like "mama", "sweetheart", and "Love".... To me this is clearly someone who is trying to pursue more than friendship.

 

BTW, it's been almost a week since I heard from him.

[Tayla]

lol!! most of my friends and myself serve a purpose. We exist, we live , we share.

 

i have guy friends who are married and we share many views and personal banter. And get this..... (drum roll) ... We get emotional sometimes!!! i am 99% sure neither of us are in any EA, but then maybe thats because I adore ppl and have the utmost respect for marital vows. My guy friends and I have already vested good memories so I welcome friendships , and value the spouses who sometimes love them enough to trust that some ppl are genuinely above board.

When they got married, I was an adopted sister in law to them both! pretty cool

[MsHopeful0208201689]

It almost seems like this individual wants to play with my head and see how far I'll go... No thank you. I've realized the error of my ways & I'm better than that.. This older MM is a waste of my time even just for "friendship".

[MsHopeful0208201689]

lol!! most of my friends and myself serve a purpose. We exist, we live , we share.

 

i have guy friends who are married and we share many views and personal banter. And get this..... (drum roll) ... We get emotional sometimes!!! i am 99% sure neither of us are in any EA, but then maybe thats because I adore ppl and have the utmost respect for marital vows. My guy friends and I have already vested good memories so I welcome friendships , and value the spouses who sometimes love them enough to trust that some ppl are genuinely above board.

When they got married, I was an adopted sister in law to them both! pretty cool

 

That's awesome. But the difference is I never met his wife after a couple years of "friendship". I have married friends and I cool with both the wife and husband.

[MsHopeful0208201689]

lol!! most of my friends and myself serve a purpose. We exist, we live , we share.

 

i have guy friends who are married and we share many views and personal banter. And get this..... (drum roll) ... We get emotional sometimes!!! i am 99% sure neither of us are in any EA, but then maybe thats because I adore ppl and have the utmost respect for marital vows. My guy friends and I have already vested good memories so I welcome friendships , and value the spouses who sometimes love them enough to trust that some ppl are genuinely above board.

When they got married, I was an adopted sister in law to them both! pretty cool

 

I am also sure they didn't flirt with you, even subtly. Thats the difference between a genuine friendship and someone that has ulterior motives.

[norudder]

Once a mm suggests friendship I think that's a clear sign he is not looking to do any soul searching or changing of his ways. He realizes the cake eating gig is up and as previously said wants out but without looking like a bad guy and without any fallout from you or wants the potential future opportunity to screw. If he wanted the future opportunity to be with you he would either get that plan in place or end it gracefully so he could come back honorably.

 

What I wonder is if they think it through like this with intention, thinking 'if I say this shell be ok' or if they lack awareness and just do it subconsciously for ego preservation. In other words are they intentionally manipulative or just unevolved and emotionally immature?

[Friskyone4u]

Sorry but married men who develop deep flirty relationships with women who their wives are clueless about are not thinking about any platonic long term friendships.

 

The overwhelming percentage of the literature written on affairs state that men enter extramarital relationships for SEX, whereas women often enter these relationships for emotional needs that lead to SEX later.

 

So I would stop trying to figure it out and tell you MM that you'll be glad to be friends as soon as you meet his wife and she knows who you are and tellls you she is fine with your flirting with her husband.

[privategal]

I was 'that' girl forever. The once friend, turned EA, back to friendzoned after intense enotional affair (no Physical affair) and what happens is you are insecure and vulnerable and miss it after guilt sets in on their end and they decide to focus on their marriage/family.

What happens is you go into withdrawal and moss the connection/attention/ego strokes/"friendship"...sooo you settle for less thinking they still secretly love you but are secretly confused or need just a break...

You start to bargain and they train you to accept less and less but your STARVED at this point so even bread crumbs feel good and your in a constant battle now of low self esteem and holding onto the old and the analyzing and "maybe someday" while he decides to make his marriage stronger and allieve his guilt by cutting you out...but not totally "just in case" so your on the backburner but his crumbs keep you wishing, hoping, pining....

Trust me...its how it goes and its the saddest most pathetic state to exist.

Best to cut ALL ties and decline friendship.

[Dylon]

What some of you said might be true. Though it never works, some men, or women, do care and love the person. It's forbidden to have an affair; the next best thing is to have a friendship. Still, it's like half cheating? I don't know. It won't work anyway. There will be jealousy, resentment, and other feelings that prevent a good friendship.