Older women, younger men

[edgygirl]

Ugh. I promised myself never to go for younger men ever again (I was briefly married to one, loved him, but well, I do not think it's a good idea overall, learned my lessons).

 

Or maybe I didn't learn. I met this new guy online. He was up to recently in a band that is amongst the 50 most played in my scrobbles list, which includes 3500 bands. I heard their last record a thousand times. I am REALLY into music, and we initially connected over our love of music. Only later I realized who he is.

 

We are planning to meet... he lives a few hours away and said he'd come meet me for a few days. Deep down I know it's stupid, he's almost a decade younger. But I can't stop thinking about him. He's so sweet and it doesn't hurt that he looks like an angel. I'm also talking with someone my age, also long distance, who is in theory much more adequate, who's looking for a long-term partner, yet I can't stop thinking about the younger guy. What's wrong with me?

 

Any experiences from women in their late 30s/early 40s here? Is it even worth it to go for a younger guy? I am not even sure why I am agreeing to meet him. Brain fail? Or is it because the 40-50 yo men I've been meeting lately seem so boring and bland? Maybe that's what I need right now and it can end up being a good thing?

[Tayla]

take your past wisdom with you and keep an open mind.

 

Most i go in either direction is 5 years... So I sadly cannot relate to having an interest in anyone a decade younger... or older for that matter.

 

Sorta envy you that you can experience such variations .

[preraph]

At that age, music was my life, and it nearly always led younger men to me because I was out on the street seeing bands all the time, etc. Overall, I don't advise against it, but it comes with various possible issues. If you fall for one, there's a good chance he won't marry you because of having kids and you're old. Or sometimes it's not even so much you're old as you're all into music and living the life and when he thinks of marriage, he thinks of someone younger and milder who he can control who will stay home and be domestic.

 

I had a long romance of sorts being the side dish with one such musician. We always adored each other and that never changed. But it didn't stop him from looking for the girl closer to his age to marry and have kids with. I have absolutely no regrets. Love him to death. Had so much fun with him. If I saw him today, we would fly into each other's arms decades later.

 

The other thing that can happen, as you already know, is if they're very young, they are often little beer drinking pizza eating slobs with no budget and no domestic skills and they will pull stunts and make drama.

 

And also, if they're not at least mid-twenties, you might date one who's gay and not ready to face it yet. That happened to me.

 

I loved having the young guys around and I had a few who were just casual (nonhookup) guys who loved hanging out and were good to go to a concert with or whatever, and were just friends who probably had a little mutual crush but didn't take it anywhere.

 

So if you're marriage minded, probably not your most promising prospects. But if you just love being around them and have fun together and understand that's probably about as far as it will go, just have fun.

 

I had better luck with guys who were only, say 5 years younger. In fact, those I mostly consider my peers or age group from back in the day and they stuck as long-term at least friends. Remember, their brains aren't even fully formed until mid-twenties, so that 25 age and up does have some significance.

[edgygirl]

@ Tayla, I try to avoid going for large age differences, but I do have an easy time thinking about possibilities... Which is good and bad, because I usually stay in bad relationships longer than I should... imagining all the possibilities and how to fix them

 

@ preraph, I tried to argue today when planning to meet, that he'd eventually break my heart when he looks for the appropriate 30 yo girl I froze my eggs a while ago, but still, I know it's not the "usual" way of doing things for most people.

 

Honestly I don't even understand why a guy who traveled the world with a famous band, has been in all TV shows, would bother to come to another city to see an older woman lol. He is good looking too, and I'd imagine could get most women.

 

While I know it's not the best bet to find a long-term partner, I am lately unexcited by men I meet around my age. Most have been bland... boring... have emotional issues or too much baggage. Maybe I need something light for a while, just to go back to the trenches later, maybe that's why I'm excited about this guy. Dozens of 20-30 yo write me but I never respond. With this guy I felt an immediate connection. I agree though that only 5 years younger makes much more sense.

[jen1447]

Honestly I don't even understand why a guy who traveled the world with a famous band, has been in all TV shows, would bother to come to another city to see an older woman lol. He is good looking too, and I'd imagine could get most women.

 

Is this guy for real edgy? Usually when sth seems too good to be true or too incongruous to make sense, it isn't and it doesn't. Plenty of A-game con men out there on the internets.

[aprilisi]

I am 38 and have found younger men always seem more interested, more open to dating older women. I have dated up 10 years younger. But the oldest I've dated was 45. The 27 year old was more mature than the 45 year old.

 

Have even been hit on my teenagers. They all say one thing. Age is just a number. But it can be hard to ignore. People change. I know I'm a lot different person now than when I was 28

[Methodical]

We are planning to meet... he lives a few hours away and said he'd come meet me for a few days. Deep down I know it's stupid, he's almost a decade younger. But I can't stop thinking about him. He's so sweet and it doesn't hurt that he looks like an angel. What's wrong with me?

 

Any experiences from women in their late 30s/early 40s here? Is it even worth it to go for a younger guy? I am not even sure why I am agreeing to meet him. Brain fail? Or is it because the 40-50 yo men I've been meeting lately seem so boring and bland? Maybe that's what I need right now and it can end up being a good thing?

 

Honestly I don't even understand why a guy who traveled the world with a famous band, has been in all TV shows, would bother to come to another city to see an older woman lol. He is good looking too, and I'd imagine could get most women.

 

While I know it's not the best bet to find a long-term partner, I am lately unexcited by men I meet around my age. Most have been bland... boring... have emotional issues or too much baggage. Maybe I need something light for a while, just to go back to the trenches later, maybe that's why I'm excited about this guy. Dozens of 20-30 yo write me but I never respond. With this guy I felt an immediate connection. I agree though that only 5 years younger makes much more sense.

 

 

Proceed with caution and have ZERO expectation. I see red flags, especially when you say he is famous, looks like an angel and could prob. get most any woman he wants, yet he is OLD. Let's say for instance this younger guy is for real and he's tired of meetly flaky women who are interested bc of the fame, then why has he disclosed that info.?

 

He obviously talks a good game, otherwise, you wouldn't feel this giddy excitement. You see the carefree, light-hearted, no/less baggage, angel face who you have, at the very least, music in common with.

 

I have seen ppl talk a good game, but when the rubber meets the road they slam on the brakes with both feet. Don't get your hopes too high or believe too much until something more substantial comes of this so that you aren't terribly disappointed if/when this doesn't come to fruition. Be careful about putting yourself in an unexpected one-night stand situation if you are looking for more. To me, this guy sounds shady.

[anika99]

I have an aunt who married a man 15 years younger than her and they are still happily married today, 20 yrs later. I don't think a difference of ten years matters in terms of a relationship works or not. I think the key is to keep your head about you and stay rational and objective.

 

My aunt was a mature, intelligent, independent attractive woman when she started dating her husband. She dated him for 5 yrs before they married and lived together. She had already had her children and didn't want anymore. Her husband was only 30 and didn't have children. She didn't want to impose a stepfather on her children so when she was raising them she never let any man move in with her. She took her relatonship with her now husband super slow. She got to know him inside and out and she knew he was the real deal and his love for her was mature and sincere. She wasn't one to throw caution to the wind over a girly crush or for lust. If he had given her any indication at any time in the relationship that he was playing her or just using her to pass some time she would have cut him loose on the spot, no matter how much it hurt. A very strong honest no nonsense woman who expected the same strength and honesty from her partner no matter what his age.

 

I see too many women pursuing relationships with men who are not good for them just because they are horny or in love or lonely or etc. Thats always a recipe for disaster. They are willing to overlook glaring problems and come off desperate. I say date whatever age you want but come at it from a place of reason and strength. Don't give your heart away to anyone who hasn't earned it and you will be fine.

[Teraskas]

Why should younger guys be looked down upon ?

Personally, I am drawn to slightly older women in the 18-30 bracket because they (usually) know what they want from life and are past the ridiculous bad boys phase.

 

Conversely, I am never given the time of day by them because "I'm too young".

But honestly, who are they to judge me ?

Just because a person is "young" because of age doesn't mean that they are immature, childish and so on.

I know PLENTY of men at age 30 and beyond who have the emotional maturity of a rock, yet women swoon over them because of their age, lol.

Countless friends have told me that I am mature beyond my years, and WELL on par of someone at age 30.

But of course, that seems to go out the window once they see my age.

[Targetlock]

Why should younger guys be looked down upon ?

Personally, I am drawn to slightly older women in the 18-30 bracket because they (usually) know what they want from life and are past the ridiculous bad boys phase.

 

Conversely, I am never given the time of day by them because "I'm too young".

But honestly, who are they to judge me ?

Just because a person is "young" because of age doesn't mean that they are immature, childish and so on.

I know PLENTY of men at age 30 and beyond who have the emotional maturity of a rock, yet women swoon over them because of their age, lol.

Countless friends have told me that I am mature beyond my years, and WELL on par of someone at age 30.

But of course, that seems to go out the window once they see my age.

 

Appearance wise, most women think i look younger than i am lol

[edgygirl]

jen1447: He is real... he's not all that actually. He left the band, has a regular job and is currently rethinking his life and what to study etc. He's actually quite a normal guy.

 

Methodical: not expecting anything... although I do get carried by imagination when I cherish someone. He didn't tell me who he is. I am just too good of a googler and put 2 and 2 together and found out against all odds. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, neither do I.

He knows I'm looking for a real relationship and said he's not really what can be considered good husband material right now. So we both know we like each other, but no expectations. I am actually just wondering if it's worth my emotional effort to go for something like this at this point... hence why I posted.

I haven't met him on OLD but in an interests site. He doesn't really have "good game", he's kind of shy. But I like shy guys.

Also, I've met a famous guy a few years back - he had just done a documentary with Spielberg, has his own TV show, and well... that was on OLD. Famous people also have trouble meeting people apparently I think you are being a little judgmental about OLD.

 

aprilisi: agree, many younger guys seem more mature than a lot of men in their 40s and 50s!

 

anika99: I think it helps when a woman is done having children and the guy is okay with it. I still dream about having a child, and most younger guys are not in the right phase for it, understandably.

 

Teraskas: I'll be honest, I usually do not go for younger guys either. It's hard to make it work, I've been there so I know... Most people prefer to go for relationships that are less prone to conflict I guess. I'm only considering this guy because I felt an emotional connection with him and we share interests.

 

All in all... I am just trying to understand if I should waste my emotional energy with someone that can be fun but is not really what I'm looking for.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Everyone's experience is different and depends on so many variables. As a forty-something woman having been in a serious relationship with a man 13 years younger for 3 years, it was hands down one of the happiest and the most fulfilling relationships I've ever had thus far.

 

How much did age play a part in that? Not much I don' think. It was the man himself and it just so happened he was younger. I hadn't met any many my age or older that even came close to what this man had in terms of character and depth and integrity and so on.

 

At the same time, you need to get straight what it is you want because dating younger, especially an age gap greater than 5 years can pose some serious challenges if you're not prepared for them. Otherwise enjoy yourself!

[S_A]

As a forty-something woman...

 

Wow, you look a lot more youthful than forty-something.