Jame22 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 *I'll change my mother's name to "Sarah"* My dad is always referring to my mother as "Dear Sweet beautiful Sarah" on social media. For example, last week he posted a picture album with a title "A very nice FALL day with sweet beautiful wonderful [sarah]" He'll also say stuff like "those blue eyes are to die for" and make comments about her hair and stuff. It's embarrassing. My dad was verbally abusive towards my mother when I was growing up and it just doesn't sit right with me. I know they love each other and everything but deep down I feel like my mom should of divorced him a long time ago. He wasn't a terrible dad for the most part and I think he's lightened up a bit, but I still find it unsettling. I think it would be strange even in a great relationship. I'm in my mid twenties and my parents are in there mid 50's Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I don't think it's strange. I think it's great! Is he still verbally abusive? Maybe he's mellowed with age and learned to fully appreciate your mom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 I don't think it's strange. I think it's great! Is he still verbally abusive? Maybe he's mellowed with age and learned to fully appreciate your mom. Not sure if he's still abusive as I've been out of the house for a few years now. I'm pretty sure he has mellowed out quite a bit though Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 If he is no longer abusive then he is probably very grateful to your mom for putting up with his sh@t for all those years. He is expressing his love and appreciation to her and what's wrong with that? Do you think people in their 50s can't be romantic and in love? Your dad isn't writing these things to you so it's not his problem if it embarrasses you. If your mom likes it then that's all that matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 If he is no longer abusive then he is probably very grateful to your mom for putting up with his sh@t for all those years. He is expressing his love and appreciation to her and what's wrong with that? Do you think people in their 50s can't be romantic and in love? Your dad isn't writing these things to you so it's not his problem if it embarrasses you. If your mom likes it then that's all that matters. Yeah but who knows if she actually likes it. Plus, I don't think that's the kind of stuff that should be barfed all over social media 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Yeah but who knows if she actually likes it. Plus, I don't think that's the kind of stuff that should be barfed all over social media Most women would love it, at any age! And that's some of the best use of social media I've seen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Yeah but who knows if she actually likes it. Plus, I don't think that's the kind of stuff that should be barfed all over social media well then, you may want to be mindful as some of the threads and comments here run to extremes... Yes I think from your perspective and with that past history... It would be hypocritical of your Dad. It does sound icky. Cut some slack though... perhaps your Dad is trying to improve ... only time will reveal that. I tend to be skeptical in a reasonable way when someone does a 180 and miraculously changes into this saintly being. ... its a red flag... most changes are in small steps ... And if it means anything... they did raise you ... so lets get the man credit for providing... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 There is nothing wrong with you feeling that way. You can restrict what messages show up in your newsfeed. If I were you I would just stop subscribing to his updates. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Those comments he makes about your mum seem too contrived to be genuine, like he's covering up his abusive treatment of her by putting on a facade for his audience. It's a red flag alright. I'm familiar with the behaviour of seasoned abusers, as I also grew up in an abusive household. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 Cut some slack though... perhaps your Dad is trying to improve ... only time will reveal that. I tend to be skeptical in a reasonable way when someone does a 180 and miraculously changes into this saintly being. ... its a red flag... most changes are in small steps ... And if it means anything... they did raise you ... so lets get the man credit for providing... It wasn't a 180. He was always very chivalrous (not sure If i'm using the right word here) even when he was abusive. So there's really no way to tell. This kind of behavior among men seems to be dying fast, and for a good reason. Some older folks are supportive of it but it creeps the younger generation out, myself included. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 It wasn't a 180. He was always very chivalrous (not sure If i'm using the right word here) even when he was abusive. . That sounds narcissistic. My grandfather was a narc, very destructive personality. It might be worth your while looking it up. If you are not familiar with clinical narcissism, it's actually a personality disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
truthtripper Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 And if it means anything... they did raise you ... so lets get the man credit for providing... He did raise you-with abuse. Nothing can excuse him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 Abusers never change so I'm sure he's just posting those things to put up a fake front, like a lot of people do. The thing is, most people see through that. He may think he's fooling people but I doubt that he is. His abuse toward your mother has caused you to distrust and not respect him. It's understandable and deserved. As far as your mom is concerned, a lot of people find it very hard to walk away from abuse so I'm sure she had her reasons. Just stay close to her and be a good son to her. That's most likely all she wants from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 He did raise you-with abuse. Nothing can excuse him. The so called verbal abuse was towards the spouse. He may have witnessed it. And without solid examples , I cannot assume he was also "abused". Can you recite where that was specified by the Op? and yes, the father most likely did provide for the family, and there is no reason to excuse that fact . The Op is not comfortable with his Dad making endearing comments... that doesn't equate to abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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