Ting157 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years and we plan to get married very soon. My family on the other hand hates him. They've only met him once during our first year of dating and he wasn't in the best shape. He was the usual problematic teenager (i had a thing for bad boys). But now he has grown up, we're both 24 and he's changed dramatically for me. He has made some mistakes in the past, but everybody grows up. My family knows what he does for me and how well he treats me, but they still wont accept him because he is not of the UPPER CLASS status. They want me to find a boyfriend who's rich and handsome, but that's not what I want. I value love more than money. I've moved in with my boyfriend and we've been living together for almost a year. I go back home to visit during the weekends and that's been going well...until now. They have started to exclude me in family events. My dad's been quite the jackass to me lately as well. He's been making comments about my weight, saying I'm getting fatter...which he has never done in the past and moreover he's been criticizing me..his own daughter behind my back. I'd expect this kind of behavior from friends..even my mother, but not my own dad. It hurts. He has always been the one who loved me the most, but just because of me choosing my boyfriend...he decides to treat me like ****. The straw that broke the camel's back is today. My grandad has a performance coming up tomorrow. His hospital organized an event for all stroke patients. I love my grandad to death. But for my dad to throw me to the back, ALONE while everybody else sits in front, is too much to handle. That was so uncalled for. When they gave me that ONE ticket to his performance, I was devastated to hear that my dad agreed to let me sit at the back alone with the maids. I feel as if...they've lost all sort of respect for me. They aren't treating me as if I'm their daughter. I feel hurt by the fact that he would do that to me..exclude me from family events like that. Why could everybody else, including my little cousins sit in front while I sit all the way to the back alone like an idiot. They didn't even bother to give me 2 tickets for me to atleast bring my boyfriend or a friend along. I dont know how to deal with this. I would sit down and talk to them, but it will never be their fault. They're the type of people who would never admit to their faults. I need advice...I'm so close to just closing myself off from this family. I feel like just saying ok, have a great life, bye. Should I be doing that? Should I leave my family behind? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 If you have tried everything else the yes, perhaps you should walk away for a while. Family relationships should feel comforting and like a safe haven. If all you are getting is pain and hurt then maybe you need to put some distance between you and your family for now. Your father is punishing you for not doing as he says, as if you are a little child. Maybe that parent/child dynamic needs to end. Some time away might make your father realize that you are an adult woman who is capable of making her own decisions and that you will live your live as you see fit, with or without his approval. All that being said, before you marry your BF be sure that you really do accept him fully for who he is and that you really want to spend your whole life with him for better or worse. I think that it's not all that uncommon for a young girl to rebel against her wealthy family by marrying a man they don't approve of. At first it's all so romantic but then after years of marriage, when there are children and bills and normal marital stress, the girl starts longing for her old lifestyle and resents her husband for not being the person to provide that. Sometimes people can marry outside of their social class with success but often it's a big failure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 What explanation would your father give for this latest drama? That helps me look at things from both sides. My parents are self made. I went through some boyfriend nonsense before I met my husband. From a distance I can now understand some of it. They see my H as a son now. I keep many secrets from them. You've got a lot of life ahead of you. Pick the parent most likely to open-up to you as an adult (not necessarily favorites - I've always been Daddy's girl) & be calm & honest. Start with 1 event. This is a perfect one! Get the reasons. Perception changes everything. I'd like to hear this from both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted November 2, 2015 Share Posted November 2, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years and we plan to get married very soon. I know this thread isn't really about your relationship but, to me I'd already have red flags going off if I had a family member I loved in a relationship like this. 9 years is a long time, and "plan to get married very soon" sounds like, probably never. If you're using the term boyfriend, then you aren't even engaged. And clearly it sounds like some of your issues with family have nothing to do with your bf, it sounds like they don't like the direction your life is going. I'm not saying that is fair to you, but it sounds like there is a lot going on there. That being said, this stuff is relatively minor, families have issues and fights, that is what they do. I don't know what leaving your family behind, but I think life is too short for that, over little things like the seating at the event. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesFaden Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) not to be offensive. but if i hate shallow girls, and i see one of my family members dating that same shallow person. I would ignore them also. and that is what is happening right now. I dont stop there, If anyone is friends with the person i am ignoring i cut off ties with that person as well. Edited November 14, 2015 by JamesFaden Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 I know one thing for sure. You family is making a huge mistake. Now I don't know what your boyfriend did in his past, if he was in jail or a trouble maker but when the family put's that kind of pressure on their kid, all their doing is pushing the kid farther into the BF/GF corner and nothing good comes of it. I'm saying this because my parents did the same to me with a girl they didn't like. The more they pushed the more i defended her and the funny thing is the end result was.................they were right all along and I paid for the mistake. Lucky for me my family rallied around me when I needed the help. It was a hell of a lesson to learn so maybe you should take a look at you boyfriend without the rose colored glasses and make sure that he's the one. Sooner or later ones past comes back to haunt you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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