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He says he loves me but hasn't fallen in love yet.. It's been 1.5 years!

MsHopeful0208201689

By MsHopeful0208201689
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MsHopeful0208201689 Established Member

MsHopeful0208201689

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So I have been with my guy for a year and a half. In the beginning I was super infatuated and maybe even in love with him but some things have transpired and I feel my feelings ANYWAYS...

 

He said he loves me but hasn't fallen in love yet.. It doesn't make sense to me and I almost feel as if I am wasting my time.. He says he's so guarded that's why he hasn't fallen in love yet.. But I am curious to if it will ever happen.. I want someone that not only loves me but who is IN love as well...

 

If this matters, the first time we were intimate he said he loved me & it kinda startled me due to we have only been dating 2 weeks to a month at that point... I was kinda caught off guard so he kinda held me down and was like "say it back!"... I just find it weird for him to say he love me and initiate it but to tell me he hasn't fallen in love... What do you all think? He's 27 and I am 26.

itsallamystery Member

itsallamystery

Posted
Posted
In the beginning I was super infatuated

 

and maybe even in love with him

 

 

these two should never be confused.

 

He said he loves me but hasn't fallen in love yet

 

sounds like he might be bad at expressing the way he's feeling. not everybody is good at that. IMHO I would look at his actions more than what he is telling you.

  • Like 1
Siquijor Established Member

Siquijor

Posted
Posted
He says he's so guarded that's why he hasn't fallen in love yet.

 

 

He may have the barriers up because he fell in love someone previously and was hurt because of it. Have you asked him about this? If this is the case, it's a natural reaction and it can take time to recover and build up trust with someone new, so don't be too hard on him.

Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
Posted

Is this the same cretin who claimed he wasn't going to 'sponsor' you when you changed birth control methods to the pill? The one who had NO problem letting you pay for half the cost of condoms when that was your chosen birth control method but once you switched to one that you have to take, you were suddenly on your own?

 

Is this also the cretin who at 27 STILL lives at home but stays at your place a few nights a week yet NEVER contributes a dammed thing to the household? The one who'll go shopping with you and let YOU pay for everything you BOTH use and eat at your place?

 

That's more than enough reason to dump his worthless ass on the curb and never look back.

 

But just when you thought this guy couldn't be any MORE of a loser, he sets the bar even LOWER just a few months ago - and used your apartment for one of his hook-ups while you were away. He wasn't staying at your place while you were gone, but he has a key to it. You came home to find he'd let himself in and had taken the sheets off your bed and was washing them - and of course, the cheap ass couldn't take them to a nearby laundromat and pay the measly $5 to have them washed. No, he'd driven them 25 minutes away to mommy's house and she was probably washing them for him.

 

And he gave you some lame excuse for it, claiming that the sex you'd had with him DAYS before you went away had left a 'scent' on your sheets so he was being a nice guy and washing them for you. The garbage was magically emptied due to a supposed offensive 'banana peel' stinking up the place, AND there was a nice supply of wine coolers in the fridge - you know, because he's SO damned generous and loves to contribute to the household and wanted them to be there for you when you got back from your trip. He can't bring himself to contribute a DIME towards soap or shampoo or toilet paper or any of the food and drinks he always consumes at your expense, but by God, he's suddenly Santa Claus with the wine coolers.

 

I have a sneaking suspicion his hook-up partner probably brought the wine coolers WITH her to your place.

 

This guy has sunk to a new low, using his girlfriend's apartment to have sex with some skank, then 'gifting' you with the leftover wine coolers from their little tryst. In fact, he's now dug a crawlspace UNDER his lowest point in life.

 

And if you think she's the ONLY one he's ever cheated with since you started seeing him, that would be extremely naïve.

 

Is this cheating, lying, disgusting opportunist the one you're actually asking this question about?

  • Like 11
Empyrea Established Member

Empyrea

Posted
Posted

I read your other threads, you should really really dump this loser. And I don't normally say that lightly!

 

He "loves" you, because it's convenient for him, but there's no real feelings there. He's just taking advantage of the regular sex and being able to use your apartment while he still lives with his parents... It sounds like one of those relationships where the woman is in her golden years and is the sugarmama for some young handsome toy boy and then turns a blind eye on his schenanigans, because he's so young and handsome and she feels like she's still getting something out of it. But giiiiirl, you're 26, you're an educated, self suffient young woman, you deserve a loooot more than this. For one thing, you deserve someone that's in love with you! He's not going to fall in love after 1,5 years, because he already feels too safe and comfortable in his relationship with you, seeing as it's very likely he's cheating on you AND putting very little effort into covering it up. Eugh. Drop him!

  • Like 6
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

There is no holding back feelings or having your guards up. Falling in love happens whether you want it or not. I wish I could control who I fall in love with. That being said he is not in love with you and at this point will never be. He doesn't love you either. You don't treat like trash those you love. He's telling you he loves you to keep you around and keep on using you.

  • Like 2
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MsHopeful0208201689 Established Member

MsHopeful0208201689

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Is this the same cretin who claimed he wasn't going to 'sponsor' you when you changed birth control methods to the pill? The one who had NO problem letting you pay for half the cost of condoms when that was your chosen birth control method but once you switched to one that you have to take, you were suddenly on your own?

 

Is this also the cretin who at 27 STILL lives at home but stays at your place a few nights a week yet NEVER contributes a dammed thing to the household? The one who'll go shopping with you and let YOU pay for everything you BOTH use and eat at your place?

 

That's more than enough reason to dump his worthless ass on the curb and never look back.

 

But just when you thought this guy couldn't be any MORE of a loser, he sets the bar even LOWER just a few months ago - and used your apartment for one of his hook-ups while you were away. He wasn't staying at your place while you were gone, but he has a key to it. You came home to find he'd let himself in and had taken the sheets off your bed and was washing them - and of course, the cheap ass couldn't take them to a nearby laundromat and pay the measly $5 to have them washed. No, he'd driven them 25 minutes away to mommy's house and she was probably washing them for him.

 

And he gave you some lame excuse for it, claiming that the sex you'd had with him DAYS before you went away had left a 'scent' on your sheets so he was being a nice guy and washing them for you. The garbage was magically emptied due to a supposed offensive 'banana peel' stinking up the place, AND there was a nice supply of wine coolers in the fridge - you know, because he's SO damned generous and loves to contribute to the household and wanted them to be there for you when you got back from your trip. He can't bring himself to contribute a DIME towards soap or shampoo or toilet paper or any of the food and drinks he always consumes at your expense, but by God, he's suddenly Santa Claus with the wine coolers.

 

I have a sneaking suspicion his hook-up partner probably brought the wine coolers WITH her to your place.

 

This guy has sunk to a new low, using his girlfriend's apartment to have sex with some skank, then 'gifting' you with the leftover wine coolers from their little tryst. In fact, he's now dug a crawlspace UNDER his lowest point in life.

 

And if you think she's the ONLY one he's ever cheated with since you started seeing him, that would be extremely naïve.

 

Is this cheating, lying, disgusting opportunist the one you're actually asking this question about?

 

It is. Now that you put it like this it makes me even emotionally distant. Lately I've been distant and even meeting new people... I'm just looking for the courage to let him know how I feel. He has contributed to certain things in my household (some bowls, a few cups, a shower mat).. I even mentioned is possibly taking a step back from the relationship & just being friends, he looked he saw a ghost & was like he didn't know what it would help if we did that. My feelings have changed just trying to find the right words to say.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
It is. Now that you put it like this it makes me even emotionally distant. Lately I've been distant and even meeting new people... I'm just looking for the courage to let him know how I feel. He has contributed to certain things in my household (some bowls, a few cups, a shower mat).. I even mentioned is possibly taking a step back from the relationship & just being friends, he looked he saw a ghost & was like he didn't know what it would help if we did that. My feelings have changed just trying to find the right words to say.

 

You don't need to let him know anything. You don't need him as a friend. He's a sorry excuse for a boyfriend. Who cares he looked like a ghost when you told him you wanted to step back, he's just a good actor.

 

As for the mugs and shower mat he left at your place, big deal! he probably bought those because he felt yours were not good enough for the girls he brought in your apartment.

  • Like 2
hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted
You don't need to let him know anything. You don't need him as a friend. He's a sorry excuse for a boyfriend. Who cares he looked like a ghost when you told him you wanted to step back, he's just a good actor.

 

As for the mugs and shower mat he left at your place, big deal! he probably bought those because he felt yours were not good enough for the girls he brought in your apartment.

 

Exactly. It does NOT matter how he feels or what he thinks. You are an adult and you make the decision how people treat you. I wouldn't give him the time of day ever again.

  • Like 1
wonderbug111 Member

wonderbug111

Posted
Posted
So I have been with my guy for a year and a half. In the beginning I was super infatuated and maybe even in love with him but some things have transpired and I feel my feelings ANYWAYS...

 

He said he loves me but hasn't fallen in love yet.. It doesn't make sense to me and I almost feel as if I am wasting my time.. He says he's so guarded that's why he hasn't fallen in love yet.. But I am curious to if it will ever happen.. I want someone that not only loves me but who is IN love as well...

 

If this matters, the first time we were intimate he said he loved me & it kinda startled me due to we have only been dating 2 weeks to a month at that point... I was kinda caught off guard so he kinda held me down and was like "say it back!"... I just find it weird for him to say he love me and initiate it but to tell me he hasn't fallen in love... What do you all think? He's 27 and I am 26.

 

That is just plain creepy.

 

And no, it's not going to happen after 1.5 years. Move on...

  • Like 2
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MsHopeful0208201689 Established Member

MsHopeful0208201689

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That is just plain creepy.

 

And no, it's not going to happen after 1.5 years. Move on...

 

Yea, it definitely sent my antennas up! But then I chalked up to maybe he meant nothing by it & just wanted some sort of validation.

meeji Established Member

meeji

Posted
Posted
There is no holding back feelings or having your guards up. Falling in love happens whether you want it or not. I wish I could control who I fall in love with. That being said he is not in love with you and at this point will never be. He doesn't love you either. You don't treat like trash those you love. He's telling you he loves you to keep you around and keep on using you.

 

OH man! I wouldnt be able to contain my rage! Who puts up with this! $#&????

wonderbug111 Member

wonderbug111

Posted
Posted
Yea, it definitely sent my antennas up! But then I chalked up to maybe he meant nothing by it & just wanted some sort of validation.

 

Honey, your "antenna" that went up would also be called a woman's intuition, a gut reaction, a red flag. Those are things you don't want to dismiss. God gave you that ability to sense when something is not right. Don't ignore it.

 

THERE IS SOMEONE MUCH BETTER OUT THERE FOR YOU!

  • Like 1
dragonfire13 Established Member

dragonfire13

Posted
Posted (edited)

I dated someone similar recently, a guy who would act like a clingy boyfriend but then randomly told me he "wasn't looking for a relationship right now".

 

What?

 

I think men like this just like to have their cake and eat it too: all the benefits of the relationship, but no responsibility. They may like you and enjoy your company, but they don't feel for you on a deep level which at best, means you're dealing with an emotionally unavailable guy.

 

Luckily, we only dated for a few months so it was easy to walk away but regardless, I think you're best off doing the same: you deserve someone who is in it just as much as you, otherwise you're just wasting your time.

Edited by dragonfire13
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
It is. Now that you put it like this it makes me even emotionally distant. Lately I've been distant and even meeting new people... I'm just looking for the courage to let him know how I feel. He has contributed to certain things in my household (some bowls, a few cups, a shower mat).. I even mentioned is possibly taking a step back from the relationship & just being friends, he looked he saw a ghost & was like he didn't know what it would help if we did that. My feelings have changed just trying to find the right words to say.

 

Girl, you need to get a grip. Why are you even pondering this question? Ok, I get that you are evaluating the relationship and it's hard to break free. I think you've been given every sign though that it's time.

 

Secondly, and I think quite importantly, you need to work on your cheapness. Honestly, something's not emotionally right with you. You are evaluating the relationship--how he treats you, how happy you are in the relationship. Many times you have come back to small financial contributions (pills, and small items bolded above) that should not be considered AT ALL in the same breath. You sound like the ultimate tightwad. That you are considering these factors on the same level as your overall happiness with this guy speaks to YOUR issues. You hold petty money stuff at high unnatural priority in your mind. How the bolded even made it into this post above is telling!! Get a grip on these issues of yours otherwise they will just follow you around from relationship to relationship. As for the bf, that's a no brainer, break up already.

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