Women have more FWB's????

[Male]

Throughout my online dating experience I have talked with many women about relationships and a lot of other things. I dont know why, but it seems as long as I dont try to ask women out, they enjoy talking and being pretty open about many things.

 

Now I dont know of course how honest all these women are, but almost all of them have admitted to having a current FWB on the side while they are currently looking for a steady relationship on the dating site. I realize this is 2015, and I'm all for the whole independent woman thing, and not being held back by the past, but I am still very surprised at this.

 

And many of the women always stated that the FWB is usually an old BF, or some other guy they feel safe with. It also seems that many of these guys either have their own FWB, or are even in a steady relationship with a woman of their own.

 

Has anyone else come across this as well? I am curious if theres a lot more singe women that have a FWB vs how many single men have a FWB. And no I dont believe that the numbers equal out 1 man for every woman that has a FWB because it seems a lot of women are sleeping with another womans man.

 

In other words, it seems there are a lot of guys that arent single, and they seem to be sleeping with multiple women, instead of single guys sleeping with single women. Obviously this would ring true because usually if a guy is attractive enough to be wanted by a woman, and go steady with her, then theres plenty of other women that would want him as well. Whereas theres probably way more single guys that most women dont want.

[oldshirt]

It's just so easy for women to get FWBs it's almost impossible for them not to. It's like most people that live in the desert have a bucket of sand sitting around somewhere.

 

 

And yes, about 10% of the men have sex with about 90% of the women (completely made up statistic of course, but it's probably pretty accurate) As a man it really pays huge dividends to be well above average.

[SammySammy]

It's just so easy for women to get FWBs it's almost impossible for them not to. It's like most people that live in the desert have a bucket of sand sitting around somewhere.

 

 

And yes, about 10% of the men have sex with about 90% of the women (completely made up statistic of course, but it's probably pretty accurate) As a man it really pays huge dividends to be well above average.

 

I think you're probably pretty close to being right.

 

What's interesting is the reason a guy may be in that well above average category is often not always obvious to other men. It's not always a pretty face or a body builder's body.

[PrettyEmily77]

39 yo woman here, never had one or got tempted. I know quite a few women like me and only know of 2 cases of FWBs IRL in a fairly large social circle; neither ended very well for either one or both parties... Don't even get why ppl would want that but whatever floats your boat, I suppose...

 

Those 10 / 90 randoms stats are good for a chuckle and confirmation bias but nothing else. It sure pays to be above average - depends on what your definition of average is tho, and what your criteria are.

[phineas]

Lol at women who say "my female friends don't do that".

Got news for ya, I've been more than few women's dirty little secret.

Women don't tell their friends about the guy they go see, sleep with then leave.

 

They keep it to themselves.

 

Now I'm not saying all your female friends are secretly banging someone, but more than you think are.

[loveflower]

Holy...I must be the oddest person in a western society...I was told that I have all the assets...but I don't sleep with anybody.

 

what can I do? I find few guys attractive. If a guy sleep around, or married or taken...I instantly lost interest. maybe I have high standard and am extremely puritanical mentally?

[loveflower]

39 yo woman here, never had one or got tempted. I know quite a few women like me and only know of 2 cases of FWBs IRL in a fairly large social circle; neither ended very well for either one or both parties... Don't even get why ppl would want that but whatever floats your boat, I suppose...

 

Those 10 / 90 randoms stats are good for a chuckle and confirmation bias but nothing else. It sure pays to be above average - depends on what your definition of average is tho, and what your criteria are.

 

I will take an 'average guy' over an 'above average' guy who sleeps around any time!

[RecentChange]

I always had a FWB while I was single and dating. But those guys were also single, usually dating as well, but none were in a relationship or married (maybe its an age thing too...I am talking about when I was in my 20's).

 

My "main" FWB (that lasted around 2 years) wasn't sleeping with anyone else - he actually didn't like to "sleep around" that's why a steady FWB situation was ideal while he looked for a wifey.

 

As to what men become the "chosen ones" - hum, some were conventionally hot, but gotta be good / click in bed for repeats....

 

Main guy? Nothing special to look at (tall /skinny!) - but hung like a porn star and could go all night that's the kinda guy you keep around.

 

Oh and I agree, women don't really talk about this. My best friend knew I had a FWB, but didn't know who he was or how often I saw him etc (and no one knew about the other guys - except my main FWB - I would tell him!)

 

Always hoped no one would see my car parked at his house over night

Edited October 31, 2015 by RecentChange

[RedRobin]

I am over 30 and never had one and never will. Most of my friends are married or in committed relationships.

 

There are plenty of guys who tried to turn me into one. That reason alone is why I will never knowingly date a guy who has FWB. Those types of guys are always looking for a new mare for the stable... Pass. Plenty of married guys seem to keep one or more extra women on the side.

 

There were some meetup groups I participated in a few times that seemed like everyone had slept with everyone. It grossed me out.

 

Anyway, it is all about the circles you run in. I don't run in those circles, and I avoid those who do. I moved across the country, in fact, to find a better dating environment and away from what seemed like a skeevy pool of men... We will see...

[thefooloftheyear]

I think many people might be surprised that what they thought was a relationship was nothing more than an undeclared FWB...

 

TFY

[Male]

Lol at women who say "my female friends don't do that".

Got news for ya, I've been more than few women's dirty little secret.

Women don't tell their friends about the guy they go see, sleep with then leave.

 

They keep it to themselves.

 

Now I'm not saying all your female friends are secretly banging someone, but more than you think are.

 

110% TRUE!

 

I also have been privy to behind the scenes info. There are A TON of women that "think" they know everything about their friend. And think their friend doesnt do this or does do this.

 

There are many women that are total b*tches towards guys within the dating world, but her friends and family think she is the most wonderful, nicest, caring woman in the world. Vice versa for men as well. People in general do not usually know everything about their friend. You always hear women say "Shes nice, she wouldnt do something like that" when talking about or defending their friend.

 

I know for a fact through alternante sources some of the things my friends have done, but the friend never confided in me, and thinks I dont know. I just leave it be. Thats their choice.

 

 

I think many people might be surprised that what they thought was a relationship was nothing more than an undeclared FWB...

 

TFY

 

 

So true. Especially with women, since many of them dont want to feel "used". So they lie to themselves and put a different label on it to feel better about what they are doing. Or sometimes people really are that clueless.

[RedRobin]

I think many people might be surprised that what they thought was a relationship was nothing more than an undeclared FWB...

 

TFY

 

Absolutely true. But that would be called cheating. I have come across more than one guy who called a relationship a FWB, to avoid the cheater label. I am talking about a situation where the woman thought she was in a relationship... But he conveniently changed the definition after the fact to conceal the obvious overlap in future 'relationships'. I don't know if women do this, but who knows. I don't date women.

[PrettyEmily77]

Lol at women who say "my female friends don't do that".

Got news for ya, I've been more than few women's dirty little secret.

Women don't tell their friends about the guy they go see, sleep with then leave.

 

They keep it to themselves.

 

Now I'm not saying all your female friends are secretly banging someone, but more than you think are.

 

Not wanting to downplay your exploits or anything, but 'dirty little secret' screams cheating to me, like a bit on the side, which isn't what I understand a FWB situation to be.

 

FWB are very uncommon (IRL anyway.. ) essentially bc it very rarely works.

[Male]

I don't know if women do this, but who knows. I don't date women.

 

And you are so lucky for that

[Male]

Not wanting to downplay your exploits or anything, but 'dirty little secret' screams cheating to me, like a bit on the side, which isn't what I understand a FWB situation to be.

 

Guy A has a girlfriend girl B

 

Guy A is also sleeping with girl C

 

Girl C sees Guy A as her FWB, but Guy A is cheating on girl B

 

I know what you mean, but its kind of both depending on whos point of view.

 

 

FWB are very uncommon (IRL anyway.. ) essentially bc it very rarely works.

 

I would disagree with that. Even if it doesnt really work, people still continue to f**k each other.

Edited October 31, 2015 by Male

[PrettyEmily77]

Lol at women who say "my female friends don't do that".

Got news for ya, I've been more than few women's dirty little secret.

Women don't tell their friends about the guy they go see, sleep with then leave.

 

They keep it to themselves.

 

Now I'm not saying all your female friends are secretly banging someone, but more than you think are.

 

Guy A has a girlfriend girl B

 

Guy A is also sleeping with girl C

 

Girl C sees Guy A as her FWB, but Guy A is cheating on girl B

 

I know what you mean, but its kind of both depending on whos point of view.

 

Well, no. For a true FWB to work (and they don't usually, unless one party us strung along), both have to agree on the terms of the relationship. If cheating is involved, it's not FWB situation.

[No Limit]

I avoid FWBs like the plague. But I don't really like games or uncertain stuff in general.

[Male]

Well, no. For a true FWB to work (and they don't usually, unless one party us strung along), both have to agree on the terms of the relationship. If cheating is involved, it's not FWB situation.

 

It still happens...if people have a different label for it then so be it.

 

Theres a woman on this forum that supposedly has 4 partners in rotation.

 

I'll say it again....people do not know what goes on behind the doors of others. Just because someone thinks this or that couldnt happen because "it wouldnt work out" doesnt mean it doesnt happen. Like I said in my original post, even I am surprised at what women have told me, and how many of them supposedly have secrets on the side.

[RedRobin]

 

So true. Especially with women, since many of them dont want to feel "used". So they lie to themselves and put a different label on it to feel better about what they are doing. Or sometimes people really are that clueless.

 

Some do lie to themselves... But my experience is that the men are the ones who are lying trying to get something they can't get otherwise. Ie sex with multiple women simultaneously.

[loveflower]

I think many people might be surprised that what they thought was a relationship was nothing more than an undeclared FWB...

 

TFY

 

 

Sounds like my friend. she is in a exclusive relationship. but she even pay for her own coffee!

 

she kept mentioned to me she really want to visit some cities in the usa, which are around 6 hours drive. but seems she has to go on her own, because I already done. I mean for god sake, the guy is not going with her? What's a guy use for? what is a relationship means when the guy can't even do that kind of 'sacrifice'?

 

no idea what kind of relationship it is! just 2 people sleeping together?

[Shining One]

'dirty little secret' screams cheating to me, like a bit on the side

The woman can have many reasons for wanting to keep it a secret that don't involve cheating. I've been the "dirty little secret" to two women. They both lived at home and their parents wouldn't have approved of them sleeping with a brown man. Both were single at the time and so was I.

[PrettyEmily77]

It still happens...if people have a different label for it then so be it.

 

Theres a woman on this forum that supposedly has 4 partners in rotation.

 

I'll say it again....people do not know what goes on behind the doors of others. Just because someone thinks this or that couldnt happen because "it wouldnt work out" doesnt mean it doesnt happen. Like I said in my original post, even I am surprised at what women have told me, and how many of them supposedly have secrets on the side.

 

Cheating is unsurprisingly common. Women and men do it equally, I'm sure. Having multiple partners is polyamory, not FWB x 4 btw.

 

Sure it still happens but from observation, one party invariably ends up developing romantic feelings, which puts and end to both the friendship and the venifit sides of things.

[Male]

Sounds like my friend. she is in a exclusive relationship. but she even pay for her own coffee!

 

she kept mentioned to me she really want to visit some cities in the usa, which are around 6 hours drive. but seems she has to go on her own, because I already done. I mean for god sake, the guy is not going with her? What's a guy use for? what is a relationship means when the guy can't even do that kind of 'sacrifice'?

 

no idea what kind of relationship it is! just 2 people sleeping together?

 

Thats exactly why I dont want to get tangled up in a LDR again. My work schedule is very busy now. And any LDR would end up just being sex with very little time spent for relationship. But I've learned through OLD that many people purposely look for LDR because they get to have sex, but are technically single most of the time.

[loveflower]

Thats exactly why I dont want to get tangled up in a LDR again. My work schedule is very busy now. And any LDR would end up just being sex with very little time spent for relationship. But I've learned through OLD that many people purposely look for LDR because they get to have sex, but are technically single most of the time.

 

NO...they live in the same city. she just want to visit other cities as tourist, but why can't she just get her bf to go with her? too inconvenient for him?

 

as a girl, can't she even demand that from her guy? that's not possible in the culture I came from. Guys generally treat girls like a queen. the opposite seem to be true here in N.A. for god's sake the guy is divorced and has a kid and not even handsome. while she has a pretty smile and quite decent looking and has this beautiful blond hair and has no kid.

 

I don't get it! when everything is dutch, I don't think there is a relationship. It's merely FWB.

Edited October 31, 2015 by loveflower

[Woggle]

Nothing wrong with a FWB as long as both sides are being honest about it. Truthfully if god forbid I should get divorced from my current marriage I would just stick to casual arrangements.