SoleMate Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Even if it doesnt really work, people still continue to f**k each other. Aahh you made me laugh. You're absolutely right! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Back in the day we called it 'casual sex' and IME it was pretty equal opportunity. Perhaps there's some confusion about roles in the milieu equaling 'more', in that you're perceiving a woman has 'more' because she's a receiver and the man is the penetrator. One man can have casual sex with many women just as equally as one woman can have casual sex with many men and, further, 'sex' covers a whole spectrum of activities besides PIV intercourse. All it takes is focus and desire and choice. Try it and see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Male Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 NO...they live in the same city. she just want to visit other cities as tourist, but why can't she just get her bf to go with her? too inconvenient for him? as a girl, can't she even demand that from her guy? that's not possible in the culture I came from. Guys generally treat girls like a queen. the opposite seem to be true here in N.A. for god's sake the guy is divorced and has a kid and not even handsome. while she has a pretty smile and quite decent looking and has this beautiful blond hair and has no kid. I don't get it! when everything is dutch, I don't think there is a relationship. It's merely FWB. Thats usually how it goes. A beautiful woman with a man that is unattractive not only on the outside but inside as well. Then you have a plethora of men like me, just regular average looking, that treat a woman the way she should be treated, and we cant find a woman to give us the time of day. A woman with no kids is a rare catch and sought after higly by men. A man with no kids is shunned by women because they assume theres something wrong with him. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 A woman with no kids is a rare catch and sought after higly by men. A man with no kids is shunned by women because they assume theres something wrong with him. Not true... Maybe among 20 somethings, but after..like 35 or so I think many guys would find a woman that never had kids(unless she was biologically incapable) as "somehow lesser"...whether its true or not... I know some guys see women like that as selfish, too vain or unable to give of themselves... Don't slam the messenger here...I'm not saying its fair...but its not as you say...A 40 year old woman that never had kids is probably not going to be seen as the "Holy Grail".... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Not true... Maybe among 20 somethings, but after..like 35 or so I think many guys would find a woman that never had kids(unless she was biologically incapable) as "somehow lesser"...whether its true or not... I know some guys see women like that as selfish, too vain or unable to give of themselves... Don't slam the messenger here...I'm not saying its fair...but its not as you say...A 40 year old woman that never had kids is probably not going to be seen as the "Holy Grail".... TFY Then these guys are dumb. What you describe is much more attractive than somebody who has three fathers for her kids. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I don't do the FWB thing. If I'm single, I'm single... and if I'm single, then I'm celibate. I will admit that I don't personally know of many women who are different from me. I can only think of 2 women I know right now who are into the FWB thing... and sadly, both of them were in relationships the entire time they were doing this casual thing... so they are definitely not the best examples. My best friend in college had 2 casual flings.... one of which ended up turning into a relationship that is now entering it's 6th year. I think that yes, probably a fair amount of women will happily engage in a casual setup on a regular basis. I'm all for people being happy. But I also think that a fair amount of women DON'T do that, and I also think that even for those that do, they don't necessarily advertise that fact. That may be why I can't think of many women I know personally who do that. For all I know, my coworker friend might be seeing someone! I just wouldn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 It's just so easy for women to get FWBs it's almost impossible for them not to. It's like most people that live in the desert have a bucket of sand sitting around somewhere. Funny enough, I once posted a thread asking how people end up in casual situations, because I seriously just didn't understand how it happens. Do people just come out and ask? How do people come to this agreement? People don't try to set up casual relationships with me, so I found the concept strange, and especially must chuckle at the idea that women get them so easily and it's just impossible for a single woman not to be ****ing someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Not true... Maybe among 20 somethings, but after..like 35 or so I think many guys would find a woman that never had kids(unless she was biologically incapable) as "somehow lesser"...whether its true or not... I know some guys see women like that as selfish, too vain or unable to give of themselves... Don't slam the messenger here...I'm not saying its fair...but its not as you say...A 40 year old woman that never had kids is probably not going to be seen as the "Holy Grail".... TFY Even in the 20's I've found it doesn't mean anything. I'm 26 and childless. No one ever cared either way. The single mothers I know have a lovely time in the dating world, having children never prevented that. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 (edited) Not wanting to downplay your exploits or anything, but 'dirty little secret' screams cheating to me, like a bit on the side, which isn't what I understand a FWB situation to be. FWB are very uncommon (IRL anyway.. ) essentially bc it very rarely works. Nope. Not at all. Every woman I know acts like they haven't had sex since their last bf Truth is some of them have a guy nobody knows about that they just keep around for sex. It's a dirty little secret. No cheating is involved. Online dating is full of women that sleep with a guy on the first date then move onto the next. All they want is no strings attached sex. That's what fwb is and why so many divorced women with children partake in these arrangements. They have needs to be met while looking for Mr right or they are just to busy with kids for a real relationship. Edited November 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Even in the 20's I've found it doesn't mean anything. I'm 26 and childless. No one ever cared either way. The single mothers I know have a lovely time in the dating world, having children never prevented that. OK...But if you are still single and childless at 40, then you will likely find many guys who are going to frown on it or think "somethings wrong with that"... Not saying its right, or that all guys do it, but a lot do.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Finding a 40 year old childless woman would be like winning the lottery to me. That would be ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Then these guys are dumb. What you describe is much more attractive than somebody who has three fathers for her kids. No argument.... I think though, most guys see women who have had children as more capable as nurturers, more giving of themselves, or even "motherly"....those traits are appealing for even ithe guys who are progressive, strong and self sufficient... Come to think of it, the two women I personally know over 40 and no kids, one is stone cold and self centered, the other one has a nutty and, IMO unhealthy obsession with animals.... Doesn't sound appealing.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Finding a 40 year old childless woman would be like winning the lottery to me. That would be ideal. Good, Ill set you up... She isnt bad looking, but I sure hope you like cats, dogs, horses, rabbits, goats, pigs......and a Partridge in a Pear tree.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I know a woman with six children who is cold and self-centered. Mean and doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body. Doesn't love her husband or her kids. I'm not sure there is a correlation between having kids and being loving or nurturing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I know a woman with six children who is cold and self-centered. Mean and doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body. Doesn't love her husband or her kids. I'm not sure there is a correlation between having kids and being loving or nurturing. No argument....I know of some people like you describe as well.. When we make statements, though, they are often "generalizations"....There will always be people that don't fit that mold or characterization... And that's why its risky to rule people out based on these beliefs...But that's what people do...I know first hand what its like to be a parent and also know what most mothers have sacrificed and accomplished to raise children..It puts them in a different category as women and IMO and the opinion of most other men, makes them more attractive as people.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I know a woman with six children who is cold and self-centered. Mean and doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body. Doesn't love her husband or her kids. I'm not sure there is a correlation between having kids and being loving or nurturing. Agreed, especially for those women who are unable to have children. Doesn't change her ability to love. But, of course, then there's gonna be those who say that women that cannot bear children have "something wrong with them". There's always something, right? Oh well! Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) Nope. Not at all. Every woman I know acts like they haven't had sex since their last bf Truth is some of them have a guy nobody knows about that they just keep around for sex. It's a dirty little secret. No cheating is involved. Online dating is full of women that sleep with a guy on the first date then move onto the next. All they want is no strings attached sex. That's what fwb is and why so many divorced women with children partake in these arrangements. They have needs to be met while looking for Mr right or they are just to busy with kids for a real relationship. Depends on the circles you move in, I guess... Not disbelieving you but I know I'm not like that, never have been and it's true for many of my friends. I know that for a fact. Also, I'm 39, never married, no kids, no stigma, no holy grail either, very stable career, close-knit family, kept myself in shape, not unattractive, a couple of very unsettling relationships, and I didn't think twice about getting involved with a divorced father of 2 (not really my priority before I met him, to be truthful). I guess when you truly like someone, all your preconceptions go out of the window. Edited November 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
aprilisi Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I'm 38 in my second fwb situation. First didn't end well. I had feelings for him. Thought I could overlook them. I couldn't. Thought I'd try it again. My current one. I like him. He makes me feel good. We have a nice arrangement and I feel comfortable with him. We've been meeting for almost a year. I date but I don't like to sleep around. It's perfect for me. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) The question I have for people who do FWBs is when do you cut off sex with your FWB when you meet someone you like? It all just seems so complicated. For me, if the guy was having sex with someone else while he is trying to date me, I dump him. That guy isn't single in my book, and unless he wants to introduce me to his so called FWB to confirm, I am not necessarily buying it... It's one of the biggest reasons I do my best to avoid men who have FWB. I don't want any possibility of overlap... And because I am not a hypocrite, I don't have FWB either. It's ok if some guys think all women are having FWB. I assume most men are having them too. But I don't want most men, so that's cool with me. What I really don't get is women who think they got some kind of prize when a guy has some girl on the side and then he decides to date you. To me, I would see no difference between me and side girl(s) and I am part of no man's harem. Period.... I'd rather be celibate...And if he'd make her his side girl, then he'd make me one too. No thanks. It's all or nothing for me. Edited November 1, 2015 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 The question I have for people who do FWBs is when do you cut off sex with your FWB when you meet someone you like? It all just seems so complicated.I stop sleeping with my FWB the moment I sleep with the woman I'm dating.I don't want any possibility of overlap.There is no overlap with me. I've never had a case of FWB -> New Woman -> FWB, except when I reconnect with the FWB after the relationship doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) I stop sleeping with my FWB the moment I sleep with the woman I'm dating.There is no overlap with me. I've never had a case of FWB -> New Woman -> FWB, except when I reconnect with the FWB after the relationship doesn't work out. Thanks for your response... The times when a guy was sleeping with someone else but trying to date me, didn't make me feel closer to him... Didn't make me want to open up to him... Didn't make me want to sleep with him. I refuse to compete for a man or fight over one. I always know when a guy has something on the side, no matter how clever he thinks he is. If he is even trying to be intimate with me while sleeping with someone else, then it feels skeevy. I have no reason to believe that I (and who knows how many others) am not the one he's trying to make his backup plan. There are a couple of guys who tried reeeeellly hard to convince me that they wanted a relationship with me, but I knew damn well they had their side women... And that was their pattern. I dunno. I couldn't be convinced that wasn't the same BS they told every woman... And in retrospect, I was right. Even when in a relationship or even married now for crissakes, the two guys I am thinking of still have women on the side. So yea, I don't blame men who don't want to date a woman who has FWB, because I don't want to date men who have them either. As I say to people... Stick to your own kind and life would be a lot simpler. It always bugged me that guys who had FWB would still try so hard to date me. Even when I told them our values didn't line up. Edited November 1, 2015 by RedRobin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 A small pool of men have lots of F buddies while most single men just have their hands. IMO most women would be shocked to know the number of men who have never had sex outside of the context of a committed relationship. One of the funniest discussions of my college experience was when 3 girls found out in front of everyone that they all had the Same FWB Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I always had a FWB while I was single and dating. But those guys were also single, usually dating as well, but none were in a relationship or married (maybe its an age thing too...I am talking about when I was in my 20's). My "main" FWB (that lasted around 2 years) wasn't sleeping with anyone else - he actually didn't like to "sleep around" that's why a steady FWB situation was ideal while he looked for a wifey. As to what men become the "chosen ones" - hum, some were conventionally hot, but gotta be good / click in bed for repeats.... Main guy? Nothing special to look at (tall /skinny!) - but hung like a porn star and could go all night that's the kinda guy you keep around. Oh and I agree, women don't really talk about this. My best friend knew I had a FWB, but didn't know who he was or how often I saw him etc (and no one knew about the other guys - except my main FWB - I would tell him!) Always hoped no one would see my car parked at his house over night After having a FB hung like a porn star and go all night how do you/did you marry a husband hung with an average sized tool and is done after 5 minutes? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 IMO most women would be shocked to know the number of men who have never had sex outside of the context of a committed relationship. You talk like that's a bad thing. That's the kind of guy I have to screen very hard for these days... most men I meet doing OLD are lying about their FWB status. IRL I have a better idea because I know them in some other context. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 (edited) Throughout my online dating experience I have talked with many women about relationships and a lot of other things. I dont know why, but it seems as long as I dont try to ask women out, they enjoy talking and being pretty open about many things. Now I dont know of course how honest all these women are, but almost all of them have admitted to having a current FWB on the side while they are currently looking for a steady relationship on the dating site. I realize this is 2015, and I'm all for the whole independent woman thing, and not being held back by the past, but I am still very surprised at this. Yes, they are [having sex with] Chad, while looking for a nice, secure beta to drain of their resources............while they still continue to [have sex with] Chad when they find the beta. [Promiscuous] women [] will most likely not [h]ave successful marriages. Welcome to the modern world. Glad you're all for it lol. And many of the women always stated that the FWB is usually an old BF, or some other guy they feel safe with. It also seems that many of these guys either have their own FWB, or are even in a steady relationship with a woman of their own.aka, sexual anarchy. Has anyone else come across this as well? I am curious if theres a lot more singe women that have a FWB vs how many single men have a FWB. And no I dont believe that the numbers equal out 1 man for every woman that has a FWB because it seems a lot of women are sleeping with another womans man. In other words, it seems there are a lot of guys that arent single, and they seem to be sleeping with multiple women, instead of single guys sleeping with single women. Obviously this would ring true because usually if a guy is attractive enough to be wanted by a woman, and go steady with her, then theres plenty of other women that would want him as well. Whereas theres probably way more single guys that most women dont want.80/20 rule aka Pareto effect. 20 percent of men get 80 percent of the women. Women have an infinite amount of sexual partners, while a man will be lucky to get beyond a handful. Red Pill up, son. Edited November 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
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